Beyond Love’s Quick Fixes: Embracing Strategic Partnership for a Lasting Marriage

You’ve tried everything, but your relationship isn’t improving.

Every tactic, tip, and trick. Yet no change in your marriage.

It leaves you feeling frustrated, isolated, and neglected.

Article At A Glance

1. Creativity Over Prescribed Solutions: Tailor solutions creatively to your unique marital challenges instead of following standard advice.
2. Flexibility in Response: Adapt to changes and challenges in your marriage with flexible, thoughtful responses based on solid principles.
3. Proactive Engagement: Anticipate potential issues and address them proactively to prevent conflicts and enhance your relationship.
4. Emphasize Collaboration: Foster a partnership approach in your marriage, working together towards common goals and shared visions.

I get it. We deal with couples on a regular basis that are in the exact same place.

It leaves you wondering if there is any hope for things to turn around.

There is.

But…it takes more than tactics. It demands you approach your marriage in a strategic way.

What’s the difference? Robert Green sums it up well. In his book, 33 Strategies of War, he states:

“Strategy is not a question of learning a series of moves or ideas to follow like a recipe; victory has no magic formula.

Ideas are merely nutrients for the soil: they lie in your brain as possibilities, so that in the heat of the moment they can inspire a direction, an appropriate and creative response.

Let go of all fetishes—books, techniques, formulas, flashy weapons—and learn to become your own strategist.”

Robert Green, 33 Strategies Of War

What does this have to do with marriage? A lot actually.

Think about it.

We live in a culture of copy and paste solutions. Which do not work, by the way.

You simply can’t duplicate a method or tactic from a magazine or online article and expect your marriage to be all it can be. Strategy is is required.

I’m not talking about manipulation. That’s not strategy.

Strategy happens when you take the information you learn and use your intellect and intuition to figure out how to implement that knowledge. There is no copy and paste method when it comes to strategy.

6 Points About Strategy In Your Marriage

Here are six ways strategy can help you achieve your relationship goals and desires.

1. Strategy demands we get creative.

Just because someone says, ‘When your spouse says this, you say that’ doesn’t mean it will work every time.

Matt Giaro says, “Strategy requires deep thinking on how to use those ideas.”

This is where many couples fail. They aren’t willing to spend time thinking about how to apply key principles.

Instead, when they think about their marriage, they simply mull over everything that’s wrong. They wish things were different, but they only think about the negative.

Solutions do not come when all you think about is what is wrong. Sure, you need to identify the problem, but then you must learn skills, principles, and relationship truths that will lead you to a unique solution.

2. Strategy requires us to think on our feet.

Why? Things change. Situations evolve. Adjustments need to be made. We have to be willing to see the big picture and learn how to use marriage principles to find good solutions.

This is why learning solid marriage principles is better than solutions that simply say ‘do this.

Don’t get me wrong. There are definitely times when you need to simply act and say the right things. Problems happen when that’s all we do. We simply regurgitate clichés that do not mean anything.

Since situations change, solutions require us to think about what we should do and apply sound principles for that specific situation.

3. Strategy implies proactive thinking

We tend to live life in a reactionary mode. Something happens, we react.

Your spouse says something you don’t like, you respond in like manner. Tension escalates. Things spiral. All because of a reaction.

To approach communication (marriage in general) in a strategic way means you think about how your reactions will impact your marriage. You plan ahead because you are proactively thinking.

Being proactive means you predict potential problems before they happen and prepare to address them in a level headed manner.

It means you don’t sit back and wait for things to happen; you take initiative to create the marriage you desire. In other words, you don’t let life throw you around, you set a course and work to arrive at that destination.

4. Strategy requires collaboration

Great marriages are partnerships. As they old adage goes, ‘Teamwork makes the dream work!‘ It’s true.

To live strategically, we must work together make our dreams come true.

Tactics can be manipulative. We do things to grease the wheels in order to get what we want. While there is nothing about having desires and wants, it can become toxic to your marriage if you resort to selfish manipulation.

Tactics and tips often come across in this way. The other person feels used. It seems one-sided.

Strategy doesn’t allow for this. It is built on collaboration. Working together to achieve common goals.

5. Strategy implies personal growth

You can’t be strategic without growing individually.

Tactics and tips do not demand personal maturity and growth. They can be ‘performed’ without real investment.

For example, a tactic might suggest you bring your wife flowers if you want intimacy or have had an argument. There is certainly nothing wrong with offering an olive branch of sorts to help heal a breach.

The question is, does this demand maturity on your part to deal with the situation. Or is it an avoidance tactic so you don’t have to have the difficult discussion of what went wrong.

Strategy is always based on maturity and personal responsibility.

6. Strategy demands unified vision

Any good battle plan requires a common vision. Imagine what would happen to an army if there was no central vision or goal.

Proverbs 29:18 states:
Without a vision, the people perish.

One translation reads:
Without a vision, people cast off restraint.

This is a picture of people doing their own thing, working against each other because they have no common goal.

While one tactic may actually interfere with another tactic; strategy ensures we are all moving in the same direction.

Tactics, tips, and tricks can be helpful. But only if they are couched within a strategy is built around these six ideas.

Having a strategic approach to marriage doesn’t mean we do not use good tactics and tips to improve our relationship. It does imply we think beyond the immediate situation and focus on long term goals and solid relationship principles.

Tools, tricks, and tactics can only take you so far; a healthy marriage is one where both partners move in the same direction with unity, always considering each other and focusing on what is best for your marriage.

Here’s what you should do next…

I want to help you develop better communication skills so you can connect on a deeper level with your spouse.

That’s why we created the ‘Marriage Communication Bootcamp‘ where you will learn:

• The 4 types of communication; and why 3 of them will destroy your marriage if you do not practice the 4th.
• Why only 7% of communication is comprised of the words you speak; and how to identify the other 93%
• The 13 Skills (and how to develop them) every couple MUST have to make their marriage thrive.
• The 6 Pillars all effective communication is built on; and how to make sure they are a part of your marriage.
• A step-by-step process of moving a conversation to the point of intimacy and connection.

This course is designed to create connection, not just ‘talking skills.’ If you desire a deeper bond and stronger connection in your marriage, click the button below to go to the next page to get access to over 15 practical exercises that will help you communicate more effectively; AND feel more connected with your spouse.

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