Speak To The King Or Queen: The Transformative Power of Positive Words in Marriage

Our words of affirmation hold tremendous power in the life of our spouse. We are constantly either building them up, or tearing them down. In this article, we discuss how to call forth the best in your partner by offering them encouragement and support.

Article At A Glance

1. Speak Positively: Directing positive words towards your spouse can cultivate a supportive and loving relationship environment.
2. Negativity Breeds Negativity: Negative interactions tend to escalate, undermining relationships over time.
3. Influence Through Words: The way you communicate can break destructive cycles and foster deeper connection and understanding.
4. Self-Reflection Matters: Positive self-talk is crucial for personal growth and influences how you interact with your spouse.

I heard this quote (unsure where it originated):

Inside of each us is a king (or queen) and a fool. The one you speak to is the one who will emerge.

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Before we dig into how to help your spouse be the best they can be, we need to address the issue of reinforcement.

Positive and Negative Reinforcement

Both positive and negative reinforcement have a role in helping us change our behavior.

Positive reinforcement is best used to create new behavior.
Negative reinforcement is best used to stop bad behavior.

There are many nuances to this. We could address the issue of both positive and negative punishment. The bottom line, however, is that there are two basic ways to elicit change.

One is positive. The other is negative.

Example of positive reinforcement:

The best (classic) example is Pavlov’s dogs. He rewarded them with food when they heard the bell.

Example of negative reinforcement:

When you get in your car and forget to buckle your seatbelt, your car emits a continuous beep until you fasten the belt. This is done to reinforce and remind you to fasten up.

Positive reinforcement is considered to be the most effective way to modify behavior and bring about change.

5 Keys To Call Forth The King or Queen Inside Your Spouse

These five keys will help you encourage your spouse and call forth the royalty within them.

 1. If you speak negatively of and to your spouse, you will call forth that behavior in them.

Negativity only begets more negativity.

This is a principle and rule of life. Think about it, if someone approaches you attempts to physically push you, our automatic response is to resist. To lean back, or push back in resistance.

If they pull us, we lean away. We resist by pulling in the opposite direction. This is a natural response.

This doesn’t just apply to physical actions. We do the same thing emotionally. When someone is angry, we tend to respond in the same manner. This is why many couples have communication problems. They do not know how to counterbalance those negative emotions.

By understanding that ‘like produces like’ (we reap what we sow), we can change the culture and climate of our relationship by doing positive things, rather than negative things.

2. If you want more from (of) your partner, you must speak to them in a way that draws that out of them.

In our communication bootcamp we talk about how our thoughts, words, and beliefs create the culture of our home. How we communicate is as important as what we say when we communicate.

I’ve seen couples break a destructive cycle in their marriage simply by changing how they speak to each other.

3. This reminds us that we are more than our behavior.

This doesn’t give us a pass to do irresponsible and uncaring things. This is not acceptable and we should all seek to do best by others, especially our spouse.

It does remind us that our behavior is one fragment of our personality. If we are honest, we can admit that we all do things we wish we didn’t (or did) do. So, our personality is more than our behavior.

Deep within us is something powerful and beautiful. We need to call this forth in order to be all we can and should be.

4. It reminds us we have a responsibility in our relationships.

One of our highest callings (roles in life) is to help others become all they are meant to be.

This is not done with arrogance (as if we have arrived), but in humility realizing that the people we encounter are created in the image of God and have dignity and honor about them.

This is especially true in marriage.

5. We should also address ourselves in a way that brings forth the king (or queen) within us.

Our self talk influences how we see ourselves. It works like this:

The cycle of…

Notice: How we see ourselves —— determines what we say about ourselves ——- which influences how we see ourselves

This is a repeatable cycle. If negativity is the normal of our lives, we can interrupt the cycle by saying positive things about ourselves.

Warning: This should never encourage or facilitate narcissism in our life. Self love is okay as long as it is approached in humility and doesn’t resort in self serving egotism.

Final Thoughts

Communication requires we make a choice; the choice is to build up or tear down. There are certainly times when tough conversations need to take place. But our daily conversations should be laced with words that bring out the best in one another.

When we do this, even the tough conversations are more productive and result in problem solving rather than blame, shame, and destructive behaviors.

Related: The Royal Treatment: Use Positive Communication Skills To Speak Life Into Your Story

Here’s what you should do next…

I want to help you develop better communication skills so you can connect on a deeper level with your spouse.

That’s why we created the ‘Marriage Communication Bootcamp‘ where you will learn:

• The 4 types of communication; and why 3 of them will destroy your marriage if you do not practice the 4th.
• Why only 7% of communication is comprised of the words you speak; and how to identify the other 93%
• The 13 Skills (and how to develop them) every couple MUST have to make their marriage thrive.
• The 6 Pillars all effective communication is built on; and how to make sure they are a part of your marriage.
• A step-by-step process of moving a conversation to the point of intimacy and connection.

This course is designed to create connection, not just ‘talking skills.’ If you desire a deeper bond and stronger connection in your marriage, click the button below to go to the next page to get access to over 15 practical exercises that will help you communicate more effectively; AND feel more connected with your spouse.

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