How to Build a Solid Foundation in Marriage (Forgotten Principles That Matter)

Discover how to build a solid foundation in marriage with helpful tips and strategies! Create a lasting bond and build the relationship you’ve always wanted.

The Importance Of A Strong Foundation

What happens when storms hit your marriage?

Is the foundation of your relationship strong enough to withstand?

Let’s be honest…

Storms happen.

Maybe it comes in the form of a…

• Job loss
• Death of a child
• Business failure
• Moral failure
• Or a number of any other events

Failure. Loss. Brokenness.

Life can sometimes throw a curve ball.

These are storms. The question is not WILL they come, but what to do WHEN they come.

I’m not being a Debbie Downer. This is just the reality of life.

Myles Munroe tells about growing up in the Bahama’s during hurricane season.

He makes a great observation I want to apply to marriage.

He writes:

The government building codes of our country were determined by our location in the hurricane and whether we obeyed the code, building our foundation and structure in accordance with it; if so, then the government guaranteed the houses would stand the test of any storm. In essence, the government codes build the nation for the inevitable tests. Our obedience to the codes brings us peace and confidence in the storms and minimizes fear.

Rediscovering Faith: Understanding The Nature Of Kingdom LIving | Myles Munroe (Check Amazon)

In a nutshell he is saying that the building codes of the Bahama’s is written so that all buildings will sustain a hurricane.

If you build according to the codes, you will be okay.

If you do not, you will suffer.

This relates well to marriage.

There are principles that determine the strength of your relationship. Let’s call them ‘marriage building codes.’

If we build our marriage on these principles, it can withstand the storms of life. However, if we fail to build on the right foundation, storms will reek havoc on our relationship.

The foundation of a good marriage

A strong foundation is essential for a good marriage, just like in building a structure. Without the right groundwork, a relationship can lack stability and may crumble – potentially causing more damage than benefits.

At the core of every healthy and vibrant marriage is a solid foundation built of key components. We must always remember that our principles are at the heart of building strong relationships. Allowing these values to guide our marriage can help us to maintain long lasting trust and intimacy, and to create a marriage that is strong and healthy.

Do a quick search and you will find dozens of tips on how to build a good marriage. Most of these tips are worth noting. In fact, I just did a quick search and found these tips:

1. Have open communication
2. Be thankful and appreciat your spouse
3. Spend time together
4. Create fun experiences
5. Understand that it’s OK to disagree
6. Be intimate
7. Learn to forgive

These are just the top seven I found. 

These are all good tips. But they are not foundational structures.

Think about it. 

A storm can suck the life out of a ‘fun event’ you’ve planned.

Or what about physical intimacy? Is that enough to really build your marriage on?

Talking is great, but I know couples who talk all the time, but they are miserable. Their talks are more like verbal warfare.

I hope you get the point. These are good. They should be a part of our daily marriage life. But foundations are different.

Foundations are the principles you build these things upon.

It’s the difference in building a house on sand or on rock. Jesus talked about this in the Gospel of Luke.

“He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. When the flood came, the river crashed against that house and couldn’t shake it, because it was well built. 

Luke 6:48 CSB

Here are four principles that are rock solid. If you build on these, your marriage can withstand any storm.

Prinicple #1: Trust

Trust is the number one principle for any marriage that wants to have a solid foundation. It creates an atmosphere of security and safety that encourages couples to express themselves without fear of judgement or criticism.

What do we mean when we say ‘trust’?

Here’s my explanation: Trust is the confidence that our spouse always has our best interest at heart. When they make decisions, we know they are not being selfish. We feel safe with them, because we know they always have our backs.

In other words, because we trust them we feel emotionally safe. We can be ourselves because we know we are loved, chosen, and accepted.

Think about those words for a moment. Do you feel that way in your marriage? 

In my opinion, this is the most important piece of the marriage puzzle. It’s why we put trust as the foundation (bottom) of our marriage pyrimid.

Without trust, communication suffers and leads to frustration, bitterness and insecurity. A strong commitment to trust provides a relationship with stability so it can handle all the challenges it may face.

The key to creating a trusting relationship lies in being honest with each other, no matter how difficult it feels. Sharing your thoughts, feelings and worries helps create an understanding between partners which makes them feel more connected and secure in their bond.

When faced with challenges couples must remain open to compromise and find solutions together if they want their partnership to remain intact.

Pinciple #2: Common Values

Common values are an essential part of the foundation for a healthy marriage. Values are beliefs or standards that guide our decisions and actions. They provide us with a sense of purpose and direction in life.

When two people come together in marriage, it is important that they share common values so that their relationship can be built on a solid foundation.

Values are the core beliefs that we hold dear and which shape our behavior and attitudes. They can include religious beliefs, political views, lifestyle choices, and even how we view money and finances. It is important to discuss these values before getting married so that both partners understand each other’s perspectives and can work together to create a shared vision for their future.

This is where many couples fall short. My wife calls this the ‘livin on love’ syndrome. It happens when couples meet, have incredible physical chemistry, get married and plan to live happily ever after. Then they realize, the honeymoon is an event. Life (including work, friends, eathing, etc) goes on.

They think they can ‘live on love’ only to find out they didn’t understand the nature of love, much less, have a foundation for a healthy relationship.

Having common values helps couples stay connected because it gives them something to bond over.We will discuss this in more detailin the next section on purpose.

Common values also provides you with an understanding of each other’s motivations and goals in life. This makes it easier to make decisions together as a couple.

For example, if both partners value financial security then they will likely prioritize saving money over spending it on luxuries or unnecessary items.

Common values also help couples build trust because they know that their partner has similar goals and aspirations as them.

Having similar values not only gives you guidance but allows couples to feel emotionally connected and supported by one another, creating strong bonds that will last throughout your romantic journey.

Prinicple #3: Shared Purpose

A shared purpose is something bigger than just the two of you. It’s different that a goal. It’s more of a mission that you both strive to achieve together. 

Goals are about tangible things. Purpose is about something bigger. Something intangible. It answers the ultimate question, WHY?

Why are we here? Why are we married? What is the bigger picture?

In my opinion, purpose should be connected to your relationship with God. In other words, purpose is more spiritual than material.

Michelle and I often talk about our purpose as a couple (not just as individuals, which is different but connected). We believe we are together for a reason. A ‘God purpose.’ 

This purpose has several components:

1. We want others to experience God’s love through us
2. We want to help couples create better marriages
3. We want to demonstrate God’s goodness by the way we treat each other

This is just a peak at a few of the aspects of our shared purpose.

Having a shared purpose gives us something to work towards. It provides direction in our lives. It helps us stay focused on what matters most and keeps us motivated when times get tough.

A shared purpose also helps you stay connected because they are working towards something together.

Having this kind of connection makes it easier for couples to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts in healthy ways, and experience real intimacy.

Principle #4: Deep Conneciton

Having a deep connection with your spouse is the final building block we will discuss today.

A deep connection is an emotional bond that goes beyond the physical and intellectual aspects of a relationship. It is about understanding each other on a deeper level. Being able to communicate openly and honestly, and feeling connected even when you are apart.

A great analogy is found in the Redwood trees. They are among the tallest trees (some growing over 350 feet high). You would think their root system would be deep, but that’s not the case. Their root system is often no deeper than 5 foot underground. In fact, you can see many of their roots above ground.

So, what keeps these gigantic trees from toppling over? Their roots are connected.

Their root system is designed to keep each other strong and supported. What a great picture of marriage.

We are individuals, but we need each other. We have unique and distinct callings, gifts, and abilities, but when we work together we can do giant things.

Deep connection in marriage implies that you are connected in a way that is bigger than just the two of you. 

Building a solid foundation in marriage requires couples to have common values, shared purpose, and deep connection. These four foundation principles will help you create a strong bond that will stand the storms of life.

How To Build These Into Your Marriage

Now that we understand the importance of a good foundation, let’s explore how to lay this foundation.

Realize It Takes Two

Building a strong foundation in marriage takes two people working together. It is not something that can be done alone. 

Think of it like a bridge. A bridge is only as strong as its weakest link and it takes two sides to make it complete. Each side of the bridge must be built with care and attention to detail in order for it to stand up against the elements.

The same goes for marriage; both partners must work together in order to create a solid foundation that will last through life’s storms.

Couples should strive to support each other, communicate openly, and compromise when needed. Working together as a team will help them build trust, respect, and understanding which are all essential components of any successful relationship.

By taking time to understand each other’s needs and wants, couples can create an environment where both partners feel safe and secure in their relationship. 

Don’t Rely On Feelings

Feelings are an important part of any relationship, but they should not be the only thing guiding it. A strong foundation in marriage requires couples to rely on principles rather than feelings.

Feelings can be deceptive because they are often fleeting and unreliable. Just like a roller coaster, feelings can take us on an emotional ride that can be thrilling one moment and terrifying the next. We may feel excited and happy at the top of the hill, but then suddenly plunge into fear and anxiety as we go down the other side.

The same is true in relationships; our feelings can change quickly and without warning. We may feel passionate one day, only to find ourselves feeling distant or disconnected the next.

Relying solely on our feelings to guide us in marriage can lead to disappointment and frustration when those feelings inevitably shift.

A strong foundation in marriage requires couples to rely on principles rather than feelings. This means understanding each other’s needs, communicating openly, compromising when needed, and supporting each other through thick and thin.

These are all essential components of any successful relationship that will stand the test of time no matter how our emotions may fluctuate.

Respect & Kindness

In one sense, marriage is like a garden. It takes care and attention to make the garden grow. In the same way, marriage needs to be tended to with care, respect and kindness in order for it to flourish.

When couples practice respect and kindness, they are essentially watering their relationship with love and understanding. This helps the relationship grow and blossom into something beautiful that can withstand any storm that life throws at it.

Respect means listening to each other without judgment, valuing each other’s opinions, and treating each other with dignity.

Kindness involves being supportive of one another, expressing gratitude for the little things, and showing compassion when needed.

These two qualities go hand in hand; when couples practice both respect and kindness, they create an environment where both partners feel safe and secure in their relationship. This helps them build trust which is essential for any successful marriage.

It’s also important to remember that these qualities should be practiced even during disagreements or difficult conversations. Couples should strive to remain calm and understanding while still expressing their feelings honestly in order to reach a resolution together.

Building a solid foundation in marriage takes work and dedication, but is completely achievable. It starts with understanding the four principles we discussed, then putting them into practice by using the three keys we mentioned.

Couples that remain dedicated to these foundational principles can create a strong bond and cultivate an enduring connection that lasts forever.

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