7 Biblical Marriage Principles Every Couple Should Understand

What does the Bible say about marriage? Are there biblical marriage principles I should know? Does God have a plan that will help me have a better relationship with my spouse?

The answer to all these questions is YES. In his article we will explore 7 biblical marriage principles every Christian couple should understand.in order to create a healthy marriage.

To start, let’s define principle. I like the way Brian Pennie puts it:

Principles are fundamental truths that are permanent, unchanging, and universal in nature. For example, Stephen Covey describes a principle as a “natural law like gravity. If you drop something, gravity controls. If I don’t tell you the truth, you won’t trust me; that’s a natural law.”

Our lives are defined by principles.

According to self-made billionaire investor Ray Dalio, they also serve as the foundations for behavior that gets you what you want out of life.

“We control our actions, but the consequences that flow from those actions are controlled by principles” – Stephen Covey

 – Brian Pennie

Here are 7 Biblical Principles Every Couple Should Understand.

The Principle Of Priority And Choice

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Several years ago, I met with a young couple who were struggling in their marriage. Let’s call them Ted and Julie.

The big issue that was sabotaging their relationship revolved around respect. She had lost respect for her husband.

She loved him very much. But she was troubled by his unhealthy connection to his parents.

While there is nothing wrong with being close to your parents, when we marry, our allegiance shifts to our spouse. This goes both ways.

In their case, he had trouble disconnecting and becoming independent.

He only wanted to work where his dad worked. They had dinner with his parents most nights during the week. They even spent weekends together playing golf and grilling out. It always seemed to be a family affair, never a one-on-one experience.

It came to a breaking point when his parents decided to move. Ted came home from work one afternoon and announced they were moving too. He wanted to be close to his parents, so the decision was final.

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with being close to your parents. It can be a sign of health.

However, in their case, it wasn’t healthy. It was obsessive. His desire to follow his parents (primarily his dad) wasn’t a sign of honor for his father. It was an indicator that he failed to grow up.

He was emotionally dependent on his father. Working with his dad gave him a sense of security. It was his comfort zone. A zone he never intended to leave.

As we tried to work through the issues related to his obsessive behavior (and feelings) toward his parents, it became obvious he was unwilling to change. Their marriage continued to erode because he refused to see his behavior as weak, dependent, and childish.

He (quite literally) chose his parents over his wife.

The demise of their relationship centered on the fact that he violated the principle of priority and choice.

Instead of choosing his wife (when she let her concerns and desire known), he dismissed it. This was a choice for his parents over his wife.

Instead of making his marriage a priority and working to make it everything it should be, he opted for the security his father provided him. He chose to stay in his comfort zone than serve his wife.

While this case is rare (and extreme), I’ve witnessed an increase in this behavior over the past decade. We can try to blame it on overbearing parents, social media, video games (virtual play over real play), or a host of other factors. My point is not to diagnose a cultural problem that seems to be on the rise, rather to point out the fact that Ted violated a key Biblical principle – The principle of priority and choice.

He chose other things over his wife.

He had a failure to launch. A failure to grow up from childhood (boy) to manhood (men). His desire for (immature) comfort and security caused him to put his marriage in the background.

How To Practice The Principle of Priority and Choice

The principle of priority and choice is designed to help us grow, mature, and become independent.

Anything that threatens that growth cycle becomes a threat to your relationship.

Strong marriages are the ones where couples learn to ‘make it on their own.’ They learn to work through issues, disagreements, and everyday battles to become strong and healthy. They learn to trust each other and depend on each other. Without this, their relationship weakens.

The principle of priority and choice in marriage is designed to help us grow, mature, and become independent. Anything that threatens that growth cycle becomes a threat to your relationship. Click To Tweet

Ask yourself these questions:

• Does your spouse feel chosen by you?
• Do they feel you value them above and over other people?
• How do you treat them around other people?
• Does your spouse know they are your top priority?

Making your marriage a top priority is not about ‘putting them number one.’ It’s about making them a centerpiece in your life.  We dig deeper into this concept here.

The Principle Of Service

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Genesis 2:18 (KJV) 

Most people view this as the wife’s role is to just give birth to the children. Adam couldn’t do that on his own so we needed someone to conceive his seed so they could bear children.

Well, I do think family is important in the eyes of God, this is not what the scripture is talking about. Adam didn’t hand his ‘helpmate’ a shovel and say, ‘Ok, it’s your turn to dig.’ His helpmate was a partnership to accomplish what God assigned for them.

This is how I see it.

When a couple gets married they enter into a special covenant with God.

God saw everything that he did was good except for Adam. There was something missing. He needed a helpmate. Partly because God wants to partner with us in accomplishing his purposes.

There’s actually a theology behind this. God has given the earth to man, so God will only do what man partners with him to do.

By creating Adam a helpmate, God was in essence saying…

I have something I want to do through them. And I want you to partner with me to bring that about.

For example, God created Eve so she could partner with God to fulfill the assignment He had for Adam.

By the way, this goes both ways. It is not about Eve serving Adam. It is about them serving each other to fulfill the mandate and assignment of God.

We are each supposed to help our spouse become everything that God intends, desires, and purposes for them to become.

We are each supposed to help our spouse become everything that God intends, desires, and purposes for them to become. Click To Tweet

How To Practice The Principle Of Service

When we see our role as a spouse in this way, we serve our spouse and minister to them.

This is where a lot of couples miss it. They live selfishly. Instead of seeing themselves as a servant to work with God in order to help their spouse become everything God wants, they only think of themselves.

Successful couples understand this principle of service. They have a deep desire to help their spouse succeed.

If you want to dig deeper into this issue, I recommend watching our video on ‘The Story Of People With No Elbows.’

The Principle Of Purpose

Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 1:28

Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.

Genesis 2:15

Everything God creates has a purpose attached to it. Nothing he made is void of assignment.

Plants were made for food. Water was made to hydrate us. Everything was made to benefit man.

Many couples fail to realize that God actually has a purpose for their union. To them, marriage is based on attraction , physical appearance, or financial security. All of these things have a place. But they are not the basis of a strong relationship. God uses attraction to draw us together, but his agenda is wrapped in purpose.

Anything without purpose wanders aimlessly.

How To Practice The Principle Of Purpose

Purpose is different than goals. Goals are things you want to accomplish. Purpose is the reason you want to accomplish those.

We talk about goals here and here.

Great questions to ask yourself about your marriage:

• Why did God bring us together?
• How can we best serve the purposes of God together?
• Do we feel a sense of destiny about our relationship?
• Is there a bigger picture we should be seeing about our relationship?

These are great questions that will start you on your journey of discovery.

Goals are things you want to accomplish. Purpose is the reason you want to accomplish those. Click To Tweet

The Principle Of Companionship

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Genesis 2:18 (KJV) 

God created us with certain needs. Physical needs for intimacy. Communication needs for connection. Emotional needs for support. Mental needs for stimulation. Spiritual needs for unity.

I think it’s interesting that of all God’s creation, the one thing he didn’t put his stamp of approval on immediately was the creation of man. I alluded to this earlier. It wasn’t until Eve was brought forth from Man that it was good.

This tells us a lot about how God designed us. We were made for community. God made us to connect and relate to one another. And the highest expression of this can be found in marriage. God’s first order of business for Adam was creating someone like him. Someone he could share and experience life with.

How To Practice The Principle Of Companionship

The obvious answer is to spend time together. But not just ‘punching the clock’ time. Invest in your relationship.

This can take many forms but the one common denominator is it has to include time together.

We bond deeper over time and shared experiences. This is the beauty of a long-term marriage. Too many young couples fear things will grow stale over time. They won’t if you invest in each other. Time deepens the connection if you are sowing the right seed into your relationship.

Related Articles:

The Importance of Quality Time

Habits for Relationship Success

What Are The Reasons Behind Long Lasting Marriages

The Principle Of Representation

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all[fn] the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

Genesis 1:26

There are two words in this passage that are worth noting. The word image and likeness.

Both of these words although unique present a similar concept, representation.

We are like God because we share similar qualities. These qualities give us the capacity to know God.

Quick example.

My wife and I bought a new puppy in February 2021. We’ve grown to love Maggie our little Beagle – Australian Shepherd mix. She’s part of the family. We’re teaching her to do tricks, And she entertains us with her antics. She’s pretty smart.

Beagles are known for being a bit stubborn. I can see it in her eyes when she knows what I want her to do but she wants to do something else. It becomes a battle of wills.

Although I can relate to Maggie on a certain level, we do not share human qualities although we treat her like our baby). She is not a human species, but a canine species. That makes us different.

I can give commands and she can understand my wishes to a degree, I do not relate to her the way I relate to my wife. I know Michele on a whole different level. I know her because she is like me. We share human qualities. We have mines, Wills, emotions, we are spirit. 

Because we are like each other, this gives us a capacity to know one another in a different way than I know Maggie.

We share likeness with God so we can know God in a special and unique way.

This is what likeness implies (at least in one sense).

Image, however, has to do with reflection. 

I see my image in the mirror. It is a representation of who I am and what I look like.

We share likeness with God so that we can be imagers of God. We are to be a reflection of him on planet earth.

What does this have to do with marriage?

A lot actually. It connects to purpose. God created marriage with a purpose. Part of that purpose is that we are to be image-bearers of God on earth.

Ephesians 5 talks about this. After discussing marriage roles and needs, the Apostle states:

32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:32

Paul tells us that marriage is to be a reflection of God’s relationship with the church.It’s easy to read that and feel pressure to perform. But that’s not God’s intent.

God wants us to know that he loves us and cares about us so much that he’s given us the role of partnership with him and letting his love be known to the world. What better way to show this than through a husband and wife living life together in unity and union.

God wants us to know that he loves us and cares about us so much that he's given us the role of partnership with him and letting his love be known to the world. What better way to show this than through a husband and wife living life… Click To Tweet

How To Practice The Principle Of Representation

When we practice the law of acceptance and forgiveness with our spouse we are good representatives of God.

Another way we can put this in the practice just to be aware that our marriage is designed with a higher purpose. This again goes back to the fact that God has a purpose for marriage. When we keep this in mind it raises the level of our life together.

The more aware I am of God’s purpose for my marriage, and his desire to use my marriage to show others how much he loves them, the more sensitive I am to my wife. I become more present with her. I become more aware of my actions and attitudes. 

The more aware I am of God's purpose for my marriage, and his desire to use my marriage to show others how much he loves them, the more sensitive I am to my wife. I become more present with her. I become more aware of my actions and… Click To Tweet

This awareness doesn’t suffocate or weigh me down. On the contrary, it elevates me because it connects me to a higher purpose.

A final thing we can do to put this into practice is to connect with our spouse on a spiritual level. 

• Pray together. 
• Read scripture.
• Discuss scripture together. 
• Worship together.

These things help top into the spiritual nature we possess.

The Principle Of Intimacy

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Notice the term, ‘one flesh.’

Physical connection is God’s idea. He designed marriage to fulfill the need for physical contact and sexual intimacy.

Certainly, the ‘physical’ part of marriage is not the most important. But it is a good barometer to measure the overall health of your relationship.

Physical connection is God’s idea. He designed marriage to fulfill the need for physical contact and sexual intimacy. Click To Tweet

The Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization released a report titled, ‘Does Increased Sexual Frequency Enhance Happiness?

Here’s what they documented.

• 16,000 adult Americans found that sexual frequency was a strong positive predictor of self-reported happiness.
• 3800 adults from China revealed increased frequency was associated with greater happiness.
• 1000 women who reported daily how they allocated time between activities and how much they enjoyed those activities stated sex was rated as the activity producing the greatest amount of happiness.
• A nationally representative survey of 3432 Americans found that individuals with no sexual partners in the past 12 months had the lowest levels of happiness.

I’m not suggesting that more physical intimacy equals a better marriage. Obviously, that is not always the case. 

However, the principle of intimacy suggests that our physical connection is a doorway for a closer union with our spouse. In other words, God is as interested in our ‘flesh’ union as He is our spiritual union.

God wants us to become one flesh. It is part of His big picture design for marriage.

The principle of intimacy suggests that our physical connection is a doorway for a closer union with our spouse. In other words, God is as interested in our ‘flesh’ union as He is our spiritual union. Click To Tweet

How To Practice The Principle Of Intimacy

One of the most important ways we can create and practice intimacy is by communicating and discussing our wants, needs, and desires with our spouse.

Related Articles:

9 Reasons Sex Is Important In Marriage

My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me

My Wife Makes Excuses Not To Sleep With Me

5 Factos Affecting Your Sex Life

The Principle Of Acceptance

Love, acceptance, and forgiveness are three things every relationship needs to express.

When we contemplate the fact that God said it was not good for man to be alone, we discover that God created us for connection. Fellowship. Partnership. For being together.

Yet, to experience the fullness of what this means, it requires we trust one another. We learn how to trust when know we are loved and accepted.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2:25

It is interesting that Adam and Eve were unashamed of their nakedness. Yet, most couples feel ashamed of their physical appearance and body image. They prefer to hide from their spouse.

But hiding is an indication you don’t feel accepted and valued. We run when we are afraid. We hide when we feel inadequate.

Adam and Eve didn’t hide until after the fall (sin entered the picture). In the most vulnerable way imaginable (being naked), they accepted one another without judgment, fear, or disapproval.

Hiding is an indication you don't feel accepted and valued. We run when we are afraid. We hide when we feel inadequate. Click To Tweet

We can practice the principle of acceptance by letting our spouse know we value them and withhold judgment about them.

Sure, letting them know we appreciate and love their body is one aspect. But it goes much deeper. Their physical nakedness (while quite literal) serves as a picture of our willingness to be vulnerable. It is our invitation to our spouse to enter into the mess of our world. All the while, doing so with absolute acceptance and love.

How To Practice The Principle Of Acceptance

We violate this principle when we…

• Withhold forgiveness
• Hold our spouse emotionally hostage
• Without affection
• Fail to validate their opinions and ideas
• Refuse to give them honor
• Disrespect them

Acceptance doesn’t mean tolerance. We shouldn’t simply tolerate our spouse. We should adore them. Honor them. Respect them. We should accept them for who they are, and value them for being a child of God.

“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”

― Alice Walker

One of the big ways we can apply acceptance is to make effort to let our spouse know we value them. Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated. The is the ultimate expression of acceptance.

Adam and Eve's physical nakedness (while quite literal) serves as a picture of our willingness to be vulnerable. It is our invitation to our spouse to enter into the mess of our world. All the while, doing so with absolute acceptance… Click To Tweet

Final Thoughts On These 7 Biblical Marriage Principles

I often have people ask me if there is a right way and a wrong way to do marriage. There is in one sense. Yeah because we are unique my marriage will look different than yours.

Sure, they have things in common. But every marriage is special and unique.

Rather than saying there’s a right way to do marriage, I like to say there is a God way to do marriage.

In this article, we covered seven practical biblical marriage to help you experience the marriage you were meant to have.

Summary

This is what we covered:

• The Principle Of Priority And Choice
• The Principle Of Service
• The Principle Of Purpose
• The Principle Of Companionship
• The Principle Of Representation
• The Principle Of Intimacy
• The Principle Of Acceptance

What’s Next?

Where To Find Help