4 Myths About Marriage We Must Debunk

Uncover the truth behind common myths about marriage. Learn how to navigate misconceptions and improve your relationship.

Article At A Glance

• Communication is Key: Expecting your spouse to instinctively know your needs is unrealistic; open communication is essential for aligning expectations.
• Effort is Necessary: Believing that the good will only get better without effort is a myth; maintaining a healthy marriage requires continuous work and adaptation.
• Problems Persist: Marriage won’t magically solve all problems; personal and relational issues need proactive addressing.
• Self-Completion: Relying on a spouse to complete you is unrealistic; personal fulfillment and growth are crucial for a healthy relationship.

In this article, you will discover the truth behind common marriage myths! We will unpack why ‘being in tune’ isn’t enough, why the good won’t just get better, why the bad won’t disappear, and why your spouse won’t complete you.

Research is abundantly clear…expectations are deeply linked to marital satisfaction.

Helping Couples, Les & Leslie Parrott, Dr. David Olsen

This statement doesn’t mean you always get what you expect. On the contrary, it indicates that our expectations can cause us problems if they are not discussed and aligned with each other.

Because of this, we need to make sure our expectations are based on reality instead of myth.

4 Big Marriage Myths We Must Destroy

Here are four big myths that often derail couples…

Myth 1: We are so in tune that our expecations automatically align.

This is simply not true. And it puts incredible pressure on the marriage.

We cannot expect our spouse to read our minds.

Many couples believe that being deeply in love means they will naturally have the same expectations about marriage.

We cannot expect our spouse to read our minds. Share on X

However, this is rarely the case. Each partner brings their own set of unspoken rules and roles, often developed from their family of origin.

For example, if one partner grew up in a household where one parent always handled specific chores, they might expect the same in their marriage, leading to misunderstandings and conflict.

Effective communication and negotiation are essential to align expectations and create a shared vision for the marriage.

Myth 2: The Good Will Only Get Better

The belief that everything good about the marriage will continue to improve without effort is a common misconception.

While the initial stages of marriage might be filled with joy and excitement, challenges are inevitable. Couples must understand that maintaining a healthy relationship requires ongoing effort, adaptation, and resilience.

The notion that marriage will be a perpetual state of bliss can lead to frustration when reality sets in. Recognizing that growth and improvement come through facing and overcoming challenges together is crucial for long-term satisfaction.

Myth 3: The Bad Will All Disappear

Some couples enter marriage with the hope that all their problems will magically vanish.

This myth is particularly dangerous as it sets up unrealistic expectations.

Marriage does not solve personal or relational issues; instead, it often magnifies them. Problems such as unresolved personal challenges, emotional baggage, or differing values need to be addressed proactively.

Believing that marriage will eliminate these issues can lead to disappointment and resentment when they inevitably resurface. Couples should focus on continuous personal growth and mutual support to navigate and resolve conflicts.

Myth 4: My Spouse Will Complete Me!

This is borrowed from the famous line in the movie Jerry Maguire.

This is an incredibly romantic scene.

In many ways it’s true. The part about a cynical world…needing someone to share life with…it’s all true.

But.

It’s misleading. In one sense.

If ‘completing each other’ means we feel fulfilled in our relationship, then, yes. You complete me.

If, however, it implies that you will meet every need I have, then, no!

No one can fill that role. No one but God.

This myth suggests that individuals are incomplete on their own and need a partner to fulfill them.

However, relying on a spouse to meet all emotional and personal needs can lead to dependency and dissatisfaction.

Listen. I can’t imagine my life without my wife. We truly have a healthy relationship that is fulfilling.

But I know that happiness, fulfillment, and ‘completeness’ is something I must possess inside. When I experience it on the inside (for me that comes from my relationship with God), I can experience the same in my marriage.

True fulfillment comes from within, and a healthy marriage is built on two self-sufficient individuals who choose to share their lives together.

The belief that a spouse will complete you can create unrealistic expectations and place undue pressure on the relationship.

True fulfillment comes from within, and a healthy marriage is built on two self-sufficient individuals who choose to share their lives together. Share on X

Instead, couples should strive for interdependence, where both partners support each other’s growth and well-being.

Marriage takes work. Things are not automatic.

Here’s the big lesson…marriage takes work. It is not automatic.

Sure, sometimes it’s easy. Things flow. You feel in sync with each other.

Other times, it’s challenging. You feel out-of-sync.

That doesn’t mean the marriage is bad. It simply means you need to work together to reconnect.

The 2nd law of thermodynamics (allow me to nerd out a minute…it applies, I promise) states in simple terms:

Things naturally become more disorganized.

For example, if you mix cream into your coffee, it will spread out and mix completely, but it won’t separate back into cream and coffee on its own.

How does this apply to marriage?

Simple. Things left to themselves always deteriorate.

Think about your lawn.

If I don’t mow work on my lawn (mow, weed-eat, pull weeds, fertilize, etc.) it goes to pot.

It does not move into a beautifully manicured condition on it’s own. It takes work.

This should be a given. But many couples expect (and think) their marriage will become something amazing without work.

That’s the BIG MYTH…to sum up the four mentioned above.

Why We Should See Working On Marriage As A Positive

I believe we experience ‘issues’ for a reason. A purpose.

No, it’s not some kind of cosmic joke by God.

Issues happen in marriage because we are imperfect.

God’s method of polishing our lives is through relationships.

17 [As] iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

Pro 27:17 NKJV

And marriage is the perfect place for growth and maturity to take place.

At least, it should be.

If marriage is the safe place God intended, we feel free to grow. Part of that growth is acknowledging our own imperfections.

This is why the four myths above can be damaging.

If marriage is the safe place God intended, we feel free to grow. Part of that growth is acknowledging our own imperfections. Share on X

It’s also the reason we should commit to work on our relationship.

We can’t afford to let entropy (deterioration) take place in our lives and relationships. We must work to make marriage all it is meant to be.

Here’s what you should do next…

I want to help you create a better marriage. One way to do this is help you continue to grow as a couple.

This is why we put together our ‘Healthy Marriage Toolkit.‘  

It is a list of programs, books, courses, videos, and more. All designed to help you reach your marriage potential.

I’m sure you’ve heard the adage: Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers!

I agree. This is especially true in marriage success.

If you want to have the marriage of your dreams, and truly enjoy your relationship, you need tools.

Click the button below to go to the next page and explore the resources in our Healthy Marriage Toolkit.

We add to this each month, so check back often.

Where To Find Help

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