Can a marriage survive? We hear from readers a lot about specific issues. They want to know if their marriage can survive the crisis they are in. In this series, we take topics that impact families and couples and offer practical solutions to the hard situations marriages experience.
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We all want to find the love of our life, get married, and live happily ever after. It’s our dream from childhood. To be in a relationship that is fulfilling and exciting.
The harsh reality is, things happen in life that trip us up. Life happens.
Life can be unpredictable and downright harsh at times.
Things happen out of our control.
Sometimes these events are self-inflicted. We do things to mess up our life. As I look at humanity, sometimes I think we are our own worst enemy.
Many times We are impacted by the decisions other people make. This especially causes deep wounds when it is our spouse that does things that hurt us.
On other occasions, events happen that are neither self-inflicted or brought about by our spouse. Things just happen.
It could be the death of a child. A failed business. Or a number of other events that cause our life to get off track.
Those hard times impact our relationships. Especially those closest to us. Specifically our marriage.
When these things happen we need answers .
In this article series, Can a marriage survive?, We address the big issues of life that impact our relationship the most. Issues that have a tendency to derail marriages.
How We Chose The Topics
We selected the topics for this series in a number of ways:
1. Asking our readers about their biggest struggles.
This is our favorite method of creating content. Knowing what you (our readers) want, need, and desire helps us focus our attention on the things that matter.
Sometimes we post questions and ask readers to respond. Many times we send emails asking for feedback.
What’s important is we want to know what our readers are experiencing. What are their biggest challenges, concerns, and struggles?
Our mission is to help couples create the marriage they always dreamed of, and give them practical tools to guide them on their journey.
2. Research forums for most asked questions.
I would not recommend getting marriage advice from most forums unless they are run by professional counselors and therapists.
Most of the advice you read on basic forums is from people still in their pain. So you get reactions instead of advice. Be very careful not to fall into the trap of listening to wounded people.
As the saying goes: Hurt people, hurt people.
For us, forums let us know what people are dealing with. We read their questions, hear their stories, and discover their biggest battles.
This helps us target content to meet a need.
3. Basic search engine queries.
We use a number of tricks to dig deep and find the most common searches people make about marriage issues. We can also see the most frequently asked questions people ask about specific issues.
Enough about our methods. Let’s talk about what it takes to make marriage work when bad things happen.
What It Takes To Survive A Marriage Crisis
Every marriage is different. Every crisis is unique. This means easy answers usually are superficial and don’t work.
That is not meant to discourage you, rather to let you know overcoming trauma and tragedy in your relationship takes work (your part) and skill (we will help teach you that part).
Because each situation is unique, there are things you need to do depending upon the crisis you are facing.
For example, dealing with a spouse who has addiction issues is different than working through financial issues.
There are principles that should be applied in each situation, but each circumstance also requires specific steps to address that situation. Each article is designed to give you both.
The Basic Principles For A Healthy Marriage
There are many principles involved in creating a healthy marriage. Here are the basics:
Regardless of what you or your spouse is dealing with, respect is necessary. All good communication is built on respect.
Since respect is so important, I recommend reading two articles:
These two articles will help lay a foundation of how to apply this to the situations you face in your relationship.
Lies and deceit break trust. Without trust your marriage will fail. Or at best, it will be reduced to a meaningless institution.
Trust is the basis of our marriage pyramid.
3. Shared Values
Many couples never stop to think about their values. Yet, we all have things that are important to us. Things that are ‘non-negotiable’ in life.
For example, one of the things my wife and I share is our belief that we are on this planet for a purpose. So we invest a lot of our time working on our non-profit organization, and serving in various capacities in our local area.
Because this is a value, we work together and it creates a stronger bond.
Another example. Some individuals value starting a family. Others do not want to have children. If this is a non-negotiable value, you would be wise to discuss this before marriage.
Take time to write down things you value in life. Especially focus on the ‘non-negotiable’ items on your list. Then discuss them with your spouse.
4. Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness
I like those three words. They depict a relationship that truly values the other person. To the point you are willing to overlook minor infractions and focus on the positive things about your partner.
I’m not talking about ignoring major character flaws. However, it is important to give each other grace to grow.
My wife and I often use the statement: It’s direction, not perfection.
As long as we are moving in the right direction, the occasional misstep is incidental.
Love, acceptance, and forgiveness also implies we are creating an environment that is safe. Emotional security is one of the leading factors in a happy, healthy relationship.
Even when dealing with trouble issues like an affair, it is necessary to offer forgiveness. We explain the reasons this is necessary in the articles where this is a vital step in healing.
For more information on forgiveness, read:
Let’s move on to the topics we cover.
Can A Marriage Survive Topics
Below, you will find a list of current articles. They are listed by title to make it easier for you to find what you’re looking for.
Beneath each title, there’s a brief description about what the article covers.
Our goal is to help you find the answers you need to make your marriage all that you desire it to be.
Take the Marriage Quiz and discover your marriage score and get suggestions on how to improve your relationship. You will also be sent the results of your quiz along with suggestions on how to create the marriage of your dreams. >> Take The Quiz Now <<
We also want you to know there are several programs that we recommend to help you overcome life’s big obstacles. These programs have proven track records.
Our #1 recommendation, especially if you’re in crisis mode and do not know what to do next, is a program called Save The Marriage System by Dr. Lee Baucom.
This program has helped over 82,000 couples. Get help to restore their marriage. You can read our review of the program here.
Many psychologist believe separating is the last step prior to divorce and once this step is taken it is hard to turn back. However, this is not always the case.
If you desire to reconcile and rebuild your marriage, it is possible. It takes a tremendous amount of work, and generally speaking both parties need to be on the same page. In this article, we reveal a six-step process that will get your marriage moving in the right direction.
The 6 steps are:
- Step 1: Commitment
- Step 2: Take Responsibility
- Step 3: Communicate Openly
- Step 4: Take Your Time
- Step 5: Keep Healthy Boundaries
- Step 6: Get Help
We lay out why these steps are necessary and how to put them into practice.
Can a marriage survive if someone keeps cheating? It can be hard to tell because there are a lot of different things that can affect the answer. But in this article, we will talk about a few of the big things to think about. Our answer is: maybe, it depends. We will explain the three big factors to think about.
- Factor #1: Your Temperament
- Factor #2: Your Willingness
- Factor #3: Your Ability To Heal
We also cover:
- 7 things you must do if your spouse is a repeat offender
- 7 things you need to know and do if YOU have had multiple affairs
Intimacy is an important part of marriage, but it’s possible for a marriage to survive without it. Both partners need to be committed to working on the relationship, though, as lack of intimacy can have a negative impact.
We cover the major causes of a lack of intimacy:
- Medical issues
- Psychological problems
We also offer practical solutions to reactivate physical intimacy in your marriage.
Can A Marriage Survive Domestic Violence? Hard Questions And A 7 Step Process To Help You Move Forward
Can a marriage survive if one partner is violent towards the other? In this article, we will discuss the effects of domestic violence on marriages and how to seek help if you are a victim of domestic violence.
We explain the steps you need to take if you have experienced violence in your marriage.
- How to take a stand and get out of harm’s way
- Why staying together could be a wrong choice
- Is reconciliation possible? If so, how and when?
- A practical path to making it work again
Our first recommendation is to get out of harm’s way; this may mean divorce but it certainly means separating. Only then should you attempt to move toward healing and reconciliation.
We asked our readers to answer the question, ‘Can a marriage survive and affair? Is so, what are the basic steps necessary to rebuild.’
We discovered three attitudes required to rebuild, and seven practical things that can help you move forward.
- The need for counseling
- Make sure the affair is over
- Get commitment and agreement
- Stay accountable
- Get to the root of the cause
- Communicate, communicate, communicate
- Rebuild by spending time together
- Let go and move forward
Thanks to our readers for their candor and transparency. Some offer their stories as hope to broken families.
If both partners are willing to work hard at rebuilding the marriage, it is possible to create a strong and lasting relationship despite the challenges of drug addiction.
It is not an easy road, and their are many pitfalls to be aware of. In this article, we address how addiction impacts families, and what both partners need to do to survive.
We close with three practical (necessary) steps:
- Get professional help (don’t go it alone)
- Join a support group (you are going to need it)
- Get good at establishing strong boundaries (they will be challenged)
With technology becoming more and more common in our everyday lives, sexting has become a factor that can lead to infidelity in relationships. In this article, we discuss how sexting can impact relationships and what to do if your spouse is sexting someone else.
We begin with a message to the partner who sexted someone else, and then discuss how to fix the marriage by offering an eight (8) step plan to rebuild.
A few takeaways:
- Don’t be afraid to ask your spouse questions
- It’s okay to be upset (they violated a sacred trust)
- Set boundaries and hold them accountable
- Get counseling to work through the hurt
- Forgive and let go
Trouble with in-laws is nothing new in married life. It becomes a problem when the offense and friction becomes so deep it leads to broken relationship and bitter feelings.
In this article, we discuss:
- How to deal with the challenges
- How to bridge the gap (if possible)
- What to do if they are truly toxic
- How to keep your marriage intact inspite of the the conflict
This is one of the most important articles in this series. If offers hope, help, and practical advice on how to work through this trouble area.
Marriage can be challenging in normal situations. It is especially challenging when one partner is incarcerated.
In this article, we address both parties and offer common sense, practical solutions to the problems that arise when one spouse is in prison.
While quality time is important (in fact, it is the main solution offered by many marriage coaches), don’t overlook the value of quantity time together.
In this article, we discuss:
- 5 Tips on How To Use Time Together To Make Your Marriage Better
- How To Handle Long Distance Relationships
- What To Do If Your Spouse Neglects Your Time Together
We even offer a few resources to help you make the most of your time as a couple. Simple, fun games and cards to help you connect on a deeper level.
Depression (according the World Health Organization) affects over 5% of the worlds population. It comes in many forms but it always plays out in two ways: it impacts the individual, plus those in close relationship to them. We see this most often in how it impacts the family and marriage.
In this article, we disuss:
- The causes of depression and how to identify it
- The warning signs for your marriage
- A 5 step plan to address it and keep your marriage from despair
We also recommend getting professional help so you don’t shoulder the burden alone. Start here to talk to a counselor.
Disagreements are part of life. Yet constant, agressive, debilitating arguing puts your marriage in jeaopardy.
In this article, we cover:
- 5 reasons arguing can ruin your relaitonship.
- A practical four step plan to stop constant arguing
- The two dangers conflict presents to your marriage dance
Conflict and incessant arguing doesn’t have to ruin your marriage. These basic steps will give you a starting place to turn your relationship around and connect rather than disconnect.
What To Do Next?
If your relationship is struggling and you are in crisis mode, it’s important to find out what to do next. It can be overwhelming knowing your next step because emotions are raw.
We recommend Dr. Lee Baucom’s practical program, ‘Save The Marriage System.’ Click here to watch a video where he explains the program and how it can help you know what to do, when to do it, and why it’s important. This is our #1 recommended marriage program for couples in crisis.