Moving back in with parents (especially if you are married with a family) is challenging. In this article we explore the reasons couples move back in with parents, along with the benefits and downsides of making the move. At the end, we offer a basic survival guide if you find yourself living with your parents…again.

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The Changing Landscape In The American Family
The number of American adults who have returned to living at home is enormous. A recent analysis of government data by the real-estate website Zillow indicated that about 2.9 million adults moved in with a parent or grandparent in March, April, and May, if college students were included; most of them were 25 or younger. Their sudden dispersal into their parents’ homes is, for some, the result of the suspension of spring classes on college campuses and, for others, the result of miserable economic conditions.
(theatlantic.com)
People between the ages of 25 and 34 have increasingly been uprooted from family units as a consequence of the general trend toward greater individual independence.
The dissolution of the nuclear family in this country is a fact, one that manifests itself in a variety of ways—increasing geographic mobility, an increasingly migratory lifestyle, an increase in the number of young people who live with roommates, a significant increase in the proportion of 25- to 34-year-olds who remain in college past the age of 23.
In the days before college, the family structure was particularly solid. Young people were born into the family, stayed in it for a few years, and then typically moved out.
Many of them kept in touch with their parents, siblings, and grandparents throughout their lives. In recent years, the living arrangements of 25- to 34-year-olds have grown steadily more promiscuous.
The traditional household model of parents, children, and a wife has been replaced, in many families, by two to four roommates. But just as the family structure has been changing, so, too, has the composition of the work force.
Sometimes it’s inevitable and you need to move back in with parents. In this section we will talk about some positive motives (and reasons) for moving in with parents, and some negative ones.
Reasons for Moving Back In With Parents
It’s not my intention to list every reason couples wind up moving back in with parents. My goal is to acknowledge legitimate reasons, and warn about those that fall into a different cateogory.
To Care-Give
This can be temporary, or more permanent. But the goal is to help aging parents who can’t (or have difficulty) living alone.
Our Trek Back To Tennessee From Colorado
We came back to Tennessee in 2019. In fact, we left Colorado Springs on New Years Day during a snow storm (wasn’t a storm to native Coloradians, but it was to us Southerners).
We came back because my parents were aging and needed more hands-on help. Michelle’s mom was facing several surgeries in 2019 and was confined to a nursing facility for much of the year.
We decided it was time to get closer to both sets of parents so we could help manage their health needs.
We moved in with her dad while her mother was in the nursing facility. We were only there for around 43-4 months, so it wasn’t a permanent move. But it was necessary short-term.
Others have had to make more permanent moves to care-give parents.
It’s never easy to move back in, but in health crises it is sometimes necessary.
Economic Reasons
2020 was a tough year for many people. Not only did many companies have to downsize, thousands were put out of business because of COVID-19. My heart goes out to couples who face bankruptcy and economic failure.
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In spite of efforts by the government (and many companies) to help, many families lost their homes and were forced to move in with parents or close relatives until they could get back on their feet.
This is perhaps one of the most challenging reasons to move back in with parents. Partly because of the emotional stress and financial pinch that forces the decision.
These two reasons are what I call legitimate. They are made because of adverse circumstances.
Also Read: How To Manage Finances In Marriage
Career Change
This is similar to economic reasons. I mention it separately because many times it’s not merely a financial reason that triggers this decision. It is more out of convenience.
Sometimes couples find it easier (financially, emotionally, geographically) to move back in with their parents so they can save up for their future.
I recently talked to a couple who decided they would move back with her parents so they could save up for a house. I’ll elaborate more in a minute. So hang on.
This is a borderline reason. It may be positive, but often falls into the comfort category.
The couple I met with made their decision, not based on economic needs, but on comfort and ease. Instead of changing their lifestyle to save up for a house, they mooched off her parents (paying very little rent) and pocketed the difference.
They could have saved the same amount of money each month by altering their lifestyle, but the didn’t want to do that. It was easier for them to move in with her parents and save money. Even though it wasn’t easier on her parents.
In the end, it didn’t work out quite like they wanted. Their refusal to knuckle up (man up) and save money, rather than mooch off her folks, brought about conflict. They argued with her parents. They argued with each other.
Neither one wanted to give up anything to own a house, so their commitment level was minimal at best. Because they were unwilling to do what it takes to grow and stretch financially, they ended up not saving enough money to put down on a house anyway.
When we make the decision to move back in with parents based on comfort and ease, we behaving immature and irresponsible. There is value in sacrifice. You appreciate things more when they cost you something.
This couple did not value her parents (they were using them), and they didn’t value their dream of a new home because they were not sacrificing anything to get it.
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Am I saying everyone who moves in with their parents to save up money is a user? Of course not. But I am suggesting their is a better path. One that you will appreciate more once your dreams are fulfilled. That path is the road of maturity, self-sufficiency, and sacrifice.
Childish and Lazy Compromise
I’ve touched on this concept above, but I need to give more attention and space to it. This clearly falls in the ‘bad decision’ category.
If you decide to move back in with your parents because you are lazy, you are only hurting yourself. Life can be tough. Be tough back. Don’t remain a child because you do not want to put forth the effort to grow up.
My wife and I recently sat with a couple experiencing major marriage problems. He was an admitted alcoholic. She came from an abusive background in a previous marriage.
Her tendency was to rescue him. His tendency was to let her.
She bore most (if not all) the burden to make their family work (they have a child). He lost every job he applied for because he wouldn’t show up for work.
He is the poster child for ‘Men Who Never Grew Up.’
I realize alcoholism controls people’s lives. I’m not being insensitive to his struggle.
I am being honest about his inability to cope with life, his constant excuses, and his unwillingness to get help.
It would be different if he desired help. He doesn’t.
After talking with us (and seeing a psychologist to work through some of her past issues), she decided to separate. She didn’t want a divorce, but she needed time to work on herself.
It was also helpful to put him in a situation where he had to make some decisions about getting the help he needed. She realized if she continued to rescue him, things would never change. So separation was her chance to see if he would ‘do the right thing’ and get help so they could make their family work.
He didn’t.
He made the decision to go back home to his parents. Unfortunately, they were classic enablers, so he remained a boy. Never growing into manhood.
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His decision was based solely on convenience, comfort, and childishness. He simply did not want to grow up.
Their story is certainly not finished. But for now, they are still separated. She is making progress. Partly because she wants a better life.
He is not making progress because he is more interested in doing what is easy (mom taking care of him), than becoming the man he needs to be.
I certainly dont’ mean to sound uncaring. The opposite is true. I care about this couple. I want them to have the marriage (and life) I know is possible. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem that interested in creating that life.
It is ruining their relationship.
Fear of Failure and the Unknown
We have a friend who has two boys. They are close in age. If I remember right, they are just over a year apart in age. And they are extremely close.
Our friends confided in us that the boys have trouble leaving the nest. Although they are young men, they live as if they are still teenagers. Ironically, they want their freedom, but they are afraid of the responsibility that comes with freedom.
Jordan Peterson answers the question about why children (young adults) are fragile and fearful.
Cultural Multigenerational Living
Multigeneraltional living is a term for multiple generations living together under one roof.
Most of what we’ve discussed addresses an American audience. But we shouldn’t forget cultural issues. Many cultures value multigenerational living.
China, for example, places high value on parents (and lineage), and therefore values honor, respect, and caring for parents.
Asia communities are not the only ones who put this high value on lineage. So it’s important to acknowledge that many cultures desire to live together in large communal living. This is not something that happens by force, or consequence of negative circumstances. They actually want to live together.
Benefits of Moving Back In With Parents
What are the benefits of moving back in with your parents? If circumstances dictate that you need to move back in with your parents, what benefits can you expect? Here are a few to consider.
Financial Help (on both sides)
Moving back means children can help financially by sharing the mortgage burden. Not only can it be a benefit to the child moving back in, but it can also help parents financially.
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Not only have children been effected by Covid-19 and the aftermath of job loss, monetary hardship, and the emotional strain put on families, many senior parents have experienced financial setback.
Many have found a short-term solution by combining incomes to help each other get back on their feet.
The bottom line is moving back into your parents’ house is an affordable way to save money. The cost of living is much lower than when you are living on your own or in a dorm/apartment. Moving back in with parents allows you to save up for a larger goal. Additionally, it reduces the amount of time that you have to spend on transportation and other related expenses.
Also Read: Financial Advice For Young Couples
Emotional Support
Because most people move back in with parents because of a ‘life event’ that is challenging, the need for emotional support is important.
The fact that you are in an enviornment of love and acceptance, your psychological needs can be met.
This goes both ways. Many times parents need support. Being together creates an atmosphere where you both can recieve the emotional support you need.
You can focus your energy on becoming independent.
Sometimes parents need to focus on recovery, not on their adult children.
Sometimes moving back in with parents is the first step toward moving toward the greater goal of independence.
Moving back allows one to live independently without the financial obligations that would cripple your ability to move forward. Sharing finances relieves stress and helps both parents and children to reestablish independence.
Downsides To Moving Back In With Parents
We’ve looked at the upside, but what about the downside?
While moving back in with your parents can be a temporary solution to a variety of problems including financial, housing, and transportation, it’s not without its drawbacks. Here are some of the disadvantages you should be aware of before returning home after being married.
It is a decision that needs to be considered carefully and can be a difficult decision to make.
It can be uncomfortable to admit that you have not been able to live independently. It can also be embarrassing when people ask how you are doing and you reveal that the situation is difficult for your family’s safety as well as your own. There are multiple issues that come up when someone decides to move back home, both during and after the decision has been made.
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Here are 3 downsides to moving back in with your parents.
1. It can mean sacrificing your financial situation.
This is just one of the possible disadvantages to moving back in with your parents. You might be happy that you are able to stay there, but you should realize that if you were on your own before, it’s very likely that you will not be making as much money living with them.
2. You are subject to your parents rules.
In addition to the financial issues, it can mean that you will be subject to all of your parent’s rules.
Your parents may have a number of rules and limitations that they want you to do or not do. This is something important for you to keep in mind when making the decision, because many times the only problem with this type of arrangement is when parents try to tell their children what they should or shouldn’t do.
3. You will also have to start over again once you move back home.
Most people that move back home start from scratch again, which may require making some major life changes.
To make the transition easier, it’s best to have a plan. Start with a budget to help you be able to work toward your expenses. This way you can plan where your money will go, and have a way of knowing what money is available in the beginning, as well as being prepared for any unexpected expenses that may occur.
Next, make plans for the changes that will take place in your life after moving home. Try to figure out ahead of time if you will need to move rooms or if you will need a new place to live all together.
It may be helpful to talk with your parents and decide if they are ok with these changes or if they will object.
Basic Survival Guide When Moving Back Home With Parents
We’ll close with a few practical tips on how to survive a move back home with your parents.
1. Set A Timeline
There is something that happens when we put a timeline on our decisions. Psychologist call this ‘Parkinsons Law.’ It states that work expands to the fill the time you allot for it. In essence, if you fail to put a timeline in place for projects, they rarely get done in a reasonable amount of time.
We tend to push things out that do not have a deadline.
However, if you only allot 30 days to get something done, you tend to push yourself to finish the project in that timeframe.
This works for any decision.
When you make the move back home, set a deadline when you will be out on your own again.
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This will keep you from extending your stay, and will help motivate you to work toward your goals.
2. Create A Contract
Creating a ‘move back home’ contract will help set the ground rules of expectations. The biggest frustration couples experience when moving back in with parents is failed expectations. This usually happens becaue
Their job is to help you become a fully functional, self-reliant adult. Not someone who’s forever dependent upon them.
(thedollarstretcher.com)
3. Mind Your Manners
Remember, even though you have moved back in, you are a guest. If you keep that in mind, you will maintain realistic expectations AND be motivated to get back out on your own.
Don’t revert to your childhood ways and act like a child. You are an adult who is in a pinch (or there to help), so keep your mind fixed on your goal.
Make sure you become a contributor of the household chores. Do your own laundry. Help with meals. Do as much as you can to add value and not be a burden.
Ignoring issues doesn’t work with friends or colleagues, and it doesn’t work with parents either. Any tension you may have with your parents is only going to get exacerbated the longer you live together, so embrace the powers of communication and make sure you maturely address problems as they arise.
Moving.com
4. Give Respect
Let’s face it, moving back in is stressful. Stress can cause tension and arguments. When this happens, remember, respect their rules.
When we give respect, we usually get respect. It’s one of those laws of life we often fail to consider.
Ways to Respect Parents
Heren are nine ways to show respect to yoru parents during your time with them.
- Try to see things from their perspective and understand where they are coming from.
- Give Credit to Your Parents
- Be tolerant of your parents’ mood
- You don’t have to agree with your parents, but you do have to honor them.
- Focus and enjoy each conversation you have with your parents
- Ask for advice from your parents.
- Listening attentively and participating in the conversation
- Don’t forget the good things that your parents have done for you.
- Don’t forget what your parents gave you.
Final Thoughts
It can be challenging to return home to your parents (especially if you are married and have children). We explored the benefits and downsides of moving back in with parents in this article along with the reasons why couples do so.
Finally, if you find yourself living with your parents…again, we offered a simple survival guide.
Summary
Moving Back In With Parents: Benefits, Downsides, And A Basic Survival Guide
July 14, 2021 By Editorial Staff (Edit)
Moving back in with parents (especially if you are married with a family) is challenging. In this article we explore the reasons couples move back in with parents, along with the benefits and downsides of making the move. At the end, we offer a basic survival guide if you find yourself living with your parents…again.

This post contains some affiliate links to products that I use and love. If you click through and make a purchase, I’ll earn a commission, at no additional cost to you. Read my full disclosure here.
In This Article [hide]
- The Changing Landscape In The American Family
- Reasons for Moving Back In With Parents
- Benefits of Moving Back In With Parents
- Downsides To Moving Back In With Parents
- Basic Survival Guide When Moving Back Home With Parents
What’s Next?
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