Marriage isn’t always the blissful relationship we want it to be. Many times the reason is one partner is selfish. In this article, we discuss 5 warning signs a wife may be dealing with a self centered husband.
There is a huge difference between being me-centered rather than we-centered. Ask any wife who has struggled because she is in a self-centered marriage.
Do you always eat at the restaurants he likes? Do you feel like He dominates the remote and you always watch the programs He wants to watch? Does He always choose the vacation destination?
Do you often feel like you get leftovers and rarely choose where you want to go and the restaurant you like?
If so, you might be dealing with a self-centered husband. The thought of them putting you before themselves has never crossed their mind. A me-centered approach in marriage only begs the question: Why did you marry? Stay single since life revolves around you.
Marriage is about sharing a life with someone, wanting to satisfy and please them. Putting their needs before your own. Seeing your spouse get what they want should be every married couple’s goal but what if it isn’t?
Maybe, your husband was spoiled from the time he was a child. His parents catered to his every whim. He might have a history of leading a very ego-centered life and you didn’t detect it or you hoped it would change when you married.
Does your husband tend to be narcissistic? Does He consider your feelings only because they affect him?
It’s difficult to have a healthy marriage if someone wants the benefits of marriage but wants to live selfishly as if they were the only one to be considered.
Self-centered behavior has led to many broken marriages. The irony about narcissistic behavior is that the person can be clueless about it. Blinded by their selfishness.
They’re appalled when you mention something that bothers you. After all, they have become accustomed to the world revolving around them.
They might even act offended that you question them about self-centered decisions.
If you are the one always reading marriage books to see how to improve it or, if you’re the one who is always filling his love tank and He never considers you even have one. It’s a sign.
Not only that but, He doesn’t even notice or care that if your marital well is dry, you might be married to a self-centered man.
5 Warning Signs Your Husband Is Self-Centered
Here are 5 signs that are warning flags that change is needed:
He has no clue what your interests are because he is always focused on his own. He has no idea your relationship is headed for trouble because He doesn’t consider it.
He is in a world of three. Me, myself, and I.
Self-absorbed people are often takers. They take and take but they don’t pour back into the relationship. Thus, leaving it dangerously depleted.
If it doesn’t revolve around the center of how it affects him He is checked out and oblivious that the marriage is in trouble. More depletion happens.
He considers what He needs more than what, “ We need.” He might have no problem purchasing things and even allowing you to go without so He can buy hobby items He wants.
He frivolously spends money without considering you or what your financial responsibilities are as a couple.
Not only does this leave you feeling uncared for, but it also leaves you feeling insecure about your financial future.
Being married to someone who doesn’t put your needs as a couple before his own selfish wants is a big red flag.
2) He Doesn’t Care About Your Needs Or Desires
This can manifest in different ways. It might just be that your husband doesn’t consider what might make you feel special or loved.
Maybe He is so focused on himself he doesn’t consider the little things that would make you feel loved. He doesn’t think about getting flowers unless it’s a special occasion. He doesn’t think about planning a date or doing something you would enjoy if it doesn’t meet his needs or agenda.
Or it might be more of a deeper need like this quick story.
Tommy and Kelly hadn’t been married long when Kelly learned her husband had some selfish behavior.
She dismissed it thinking He would mature and outgrow it, after all she thought, “ We’re young.”
One day Tommy was across town working when Kelly called him because she had been sick. She became so ill she needed to go to the ER.
When she called her husband, his response was, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m all the way across town. Figure it out.
Needless to say, Kelly was in shock, on top of being very sick.
She drove herself to the ER where she was admitted for a poisonous spider bite and a spinal tap to determine if something else was wrong medically.
Kelly was distraught, scared, and completely alone in the sterile hospital room. With tears streaming down her face she was very hurt and felt abandoned.
She was rejected and didn’t feel cared about by the one person who took the vow to care for her.
With no apology or remorse about not going to his wife when she needed him, she sat in shock at how selfish his actions were.
Because it was hard for her to accept, she minimized his selfishness which only fueled the self-centered behavior. It continued to progress the longer they were married.Being selfish doesn't feed a marriage, it starves it. Marriage isn't self-sustaining, it’s designed to be nurtured. It has to be fed. Click To Tweet
After years of selfish behavior, they divorced. Being selfish doesn’t feed a marriage, it starves it. Marriage isn’t self-sustaining, it’s designed to be nurtured. It has to be fed.
A healthy marriage is prioritized over what each individual wants in order to serve their spouse and love them well.
3) He Doesn’t Help With Chores Or The Kids
When you’re gazing into each other’s eyes while you’re dating you usually don’t bring up who is gonna do what chores when you get married or how He feels about changing diapers.
It seems insignificant until it isn’t. You assumed sharing responsibilities would happen until you found yourself doing the majority of them.
Picture yourself walking into your house, grocery bags lined up and down your arm. Your fingers are turning blue from the bags squeezing the circulation out.
Your husband is stretched out on the couch, empty beer cans on the coffee table and He lifts his head up enough to ask, What’s for dinner?
You sling the bags on the counter and walk to the bedroom where the same basket of clean laundry that needs to be folded still sits there.
You assume He sees the same chores you see that need to be done, but He doesn’t. He just reminds you He needs his ball shirt clean for the guys’ Friday night softball game.
Arguments are frequent because of this selfish behavior and you are starting to resent not having any help and him assuming you will do it all.
He isn’t considerate enough to fold clothes or put the dishes in the dishwasher. It’s assumed that she will do it after working all day too.
These are shared responsibilities. When it starts feeling like it’s one-sided with all the responsibility falling on the wife something is wrong.
Another red flag sign is when you have to ask your children’s father to help with his own children. Unless He was a sperm donor you shouldn’t feel the need to ask your spouse to parent your children together with you.
Even worse if it begins to feel like a parent/child relationship because your husband is self-centered and has to be asked as a child would.
Adults take responsibility. Adolescents do not naturally. Ask yourself: Am I married to a man or a man-child? Children can tend towards self-centeredness.
Men that act like children are immature and immature people are always self-centered.
As parents, we train our children to grow out of that by growing up and thinking of others before themselves. It’s unfortunate when a wife is surprised to find out she is married to a man-child who hasn’t learned this concept.
The concept of thinking of others first eludes him. He can’t grasp it because he is always on his mind.
If it doesn’t benefit him He isn’t interested.
4) He’s Controlling
Maybe at first when you were dating you liked his take-charge personality but you soon discovered it was more of a controlling personality. Mix that with manipulation and you have a disaster.
Maybe you dismiss how close your husband wants to keep you to him. You see it as loving, but you soon discover it’s about some control, jealousy, and his own insecurity.
Healthy marriages don’t make a wife feel as if they are owned by her spouse. Jealousy isn’t rooted in love, it’s rooted in control and insecurity.
Chances are if you have a self-centered husband who is controlling, he is battling fear. Fear of losing you. Fear of not being good enough as his own insecurity surfaces.A healthy spouse encourages you to find your gifts and flourish in them. They never suffocate your dreams. They breath life into them. Click To Tweet
A healthy husband encourages you to find your gifts and flourish in them.
A controlling husband can’t do that because He is either afraid of losing you or He feels challenged in you finding success.
We all have our insecurities but pay attention if you have a self-centered husband who is dominating and controlling. These are red flags you don’t want to dismiss.
5) He’s Prideful And Can’t Admit When He’s Wrong
Admitting when you’re wrong is hard when you’re stubborn or prideful. Who hasn’t struggled with eating humble pie?
A person who can see their own wrong has a teachable, humble heart.
Rarely, do they blame others and pull the victim card. A prideful person can’t see past the lens of how everything is filtered through how it affects them.
They live life in a narcissistic way. Me-centered.
A self-centered person has difficulty being other-minded. Here’s what I mean: Completely taking themselves out of the equation.
Being other-minded means I am completely focused on your needs.
I have empathy for where you are and want to own any actions I have done that may have contributed to your hurt.
A self-centered person generally doesn’t want to be held accountable for the actions they took that hurt their spouse.
The self-centered husband isn’t the best at communication. Maybe, He checks out with the deer in the headlights look when it’s time to discuss how things are affecting you in your relationship.
Final Thoughts on How to Recognize a Self-Centered Husband
Evaluating these 5 warning signs might help you identify if you are dealing with a self-centered husband. For the husband who wants to acknowledge some change is necessary, there is hope for your marriage.
But, for the one who doesn’t there will be struggles and ultimately can lead to the deterioration of the marriage.
Here’s the good news for you as a wife, boundaries will help. You can’t control anyone better than you can control yourself. When boundaries are put in place we teach people how to treat us.
You know you are in a self-centered marriage if your spouse exemplifies the following traits:
- 1) Self-absorbed.
- 2) He Doesn’t Care About Your Needs Or Desires
- 3) He Doesn’t Help With Chores Or The Kids
- 4) He’s Controlling
- 5) He’s Prideful And Can’t Admit When He’s Wrong
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