Good Communication In Marriage Starts With Respect

When you’re in a relationship, you probably think that your partner should automatically know what you want. The truth is, however, that good communication in marriage starts with respect. If you don’t respect your spouse’s thoughts and feelings, how can you ever have a real discussion? If you don’t respect your spouse’s communication skills or the time he or she needs to process information, you will never be able to work together to solve problems.

Siriporn Naimrin was walking the shore near her condo in southern Thailand when an object caught her attention.

It looked like a rock but the texture was ‘weird.’ And it smelled fishy, which wasn’t that surprising because it was on the beach.

It was about two feet long and a foot wide.

The object was odd enough – and she was curious enough – that it prompted her to pick it up and carry it home.

She asked neighbors what they thought it was. No one seemed to know. Her curiosity finally got the best of her and she called local authorities to come and identify the ‘blob.’

When a marine expert arrived he quickly identified it as ambergris.

Don’t know what ambergris is? Brace yourself. She had picked up a 15-pound blob of whale puke.

At first she was dismayed. Until she was informed that whale puke is actually a delicacy. It is used in making perfume.

And it’s worth a pretty penny. It fact, it’s often called, floating gold, because it is so valuable.

This particular blob of whale puke was valued at $250,000. Not a bad find for a walk on the beach.

You can read the story here. Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons.

First, many times we fail to see the value in things. On the surface, they don’t like much. But underneath there is real value.

Second, when something has value you treasure it. It has worth. It matters to you.

Which leads to the question, how do you treat something that you value?

You treat it with respect. In essence, respect is the result of how you value something.

Why should the number one component of a happy marriage be respect?

I believe respect for others is the basis of good communication. Think back to a period when you talked to someone deeply and meaningfully. 

Ask yourself how much I respect this person during this important time of connection? Odds are you had respect for that person.

Can you really have a deep connection with someone you do not respect? Of course not. You can hear them, but it’s hard to connect with someone you do not trust, like, or value.

Communication is the foundation of any successful marriage. It is two-way communication with each person listening and understanding the other. Communication requires empathy, respect, and kindness.

Quiet moments in everyday life are opportunities for people in relationships to communicate with one another respectfully and lovingly.

Quiet moments in everyday life are opportunities for people in relationships to communicate with one another respectfully and lovingly. Share on X

Talking about whatever bothers you or makes you happy can help you connect more deeply to each other.

What Is Respect In Marriage?

Respect is when you show your spouse that you value him or her as a person. When you respect your spouse, you treat him or her as if he or she matters to everyone. You see his or her worth, not just in your marriage but to the world.

Respect is not the same as obedience. Respect does not mean that you have to agree with everything your spouse says. Marriage is a chance for two people to share their thoughts and feelings about everything that happened during their day.

Marriage is a chance for two people to share their thoughts and feelings about everything that happened during their day. Share on X

It’s easy to have respect towards someone when they are doing something great, like being a good parent, helping out at work, or contributing in some other way. These are normal signs of respect. We talk about the common signs of disrespect here.

Why Is Respect Important In Communication?

The key ingredient in good communication is respect. Without respect, it’s difficult to have good communication. This means to value, admire, and cherish the other person.

This is also true in marriage. Effective communication in marriage is a two-way street. If both spouses respect each other, it will be easier for them to talk to and understand each other. 

When people respect each other, they communicate more effectively. More often, when you use respect in your marriage, you serve as a role model for your kids.

Effective communication in marriage is a two-way street. If both spouses respect each other, it will be easier for them to talk to and understand each other.  Share on X

Respect can help you lead a happy and fulfilling life, with friends and coworkers who want to be around you.

How Does Respect Influence My Marriage?

When people understand that their spouse has the right to make his or her own decisions, it increases the chances that they will agree on those decisions. Mutual respect helps marriages to grow stronger over time. When marriage grows stronger over time, it becomes more important than ever for couples to depend on each other and share one another’s feelings.

When you respect your spouse, you are less likely to become angry. At least the kind of anger that ruins relationships.

There is a difference between respecting your spouse and agreeing with his or her words or actions. You can respect someone without agreeing with everything they say or do. Differences in opinion are normal in any marriage, but if a wife feels too disrespected, it could lead to trouble.

How To Build Respect in Marriage

We discuss seven ways to create respect here. Here are four practical steps to help you build respect in your marriage communication that you may not have considered.

Step One: Treat Each Other The Way You Want To Be Treated

This is the golden rule we learned as children. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

As a couple, you must treat each other like you would like to be treated. 

For example, if your spouse doesn’t like it when you check your cell phone while you are with him or her, then don’t do it.

Make sure that your actions match your words. Take the time to listen to what your spouse is saying and try to internalize what he or she is trying to communicate with you. Do not interrupt him or her, so that you can truly understand what he/she is saying.

Step Two: Let Your Spouse Know You Value Their Opinions and Feelings

When a couple communicates effectively, each person appreciates the other person’s perspective.

One way to practice this is if your spouse has just had a hard day at work and wants to talk about it with you, don’t tell him or her to wait until later. Listen attentively and let them know that you care about what they are saying.

When a couple communicates effectively, each person appreciates the other person's perspective. Share on X

Emotions are another way you can show your spouse that you respect them. If your spouse is sad, try to avoid saying something like, “Stop being so emotional.”

When your spouse is upset, it’s hard to reason and think clearly. Delve a little deeper into his/her feelings and try to find out what’s bothering them.

Sometimes people say things in anger and do not mean it. Calmly ask for clarification about what he/she said or what he/she meant by what they said in order to better understand each other.

These are practical ways to let your spouse know you respect and honor how they feel.

Step Three: Understand and Value Your Differences

In a study done by Michigan State University, teaching children respect helps build character.

One aspect of teaching children about respect is to help them understand differences in people.

Teach your children about differences. You can discuss how your family members are different and unique from each other by pointing out eye color, hair color, height, and skin tone. Talk about how each of you is “special” in your own way.

Report from Michigan State

Understanding our differences is essential for a strong marriage. Even if you feel you don’t have much in common with your spouse, you can create a healthy relationship.

The Japanese culture is well-known for respect. The video below discusses five reasons respect is of high value in their culture.

This applies to all relationships regardless of age. It is especially helpful in marriage.

It’s no secret we are all unique. We have different likes, tastes, desires, opinions, etc. Learning to respect these differences can mean the difference in success and failure in a relationship.

A great place to start with couples is to understand the love language of your spouse. We recommend reading this classic book together as a couple and discussing it with your spouse. (Check Amazon for Price | Affiliate Link)

If we lose love and self-respect for each other, this is how we finally die.

Maya Angelou

 Step Four: Share Openly And Widely

In an article from Penn State on the role and importance of building trust they note that trust shouldn’t be undervalued or underestimated for effective communication.

The key is to communicate widely and opening. It really is as simple as having a conversation with your spouse that is meaningful and caring.

The bottom line is happy couples have meaningful conversations on a regular basis.

Effective engagement and trust require that everyone involved is working from a common understanding of the issue and each other’s perspectives as possible. If participants or residents feel that information is only shared with some members or does not do justice to all perspectives on an issue, you are very unlikely to be able to create the trust you need for effective or sustainable engagement.

Your entire communication effort should be clear, concise, and thought-out. There should be no manipulation or hidden agendas if you desire to create trust.

Final Thoughts On Why Respect Is The Key To Good Communication In Marriage

Good communication always starts with respect. It boils down to an issue of credibility. Do you trust yourself and are you a person your spouse can trust?

When we operate with credibility and respect for our spouse, we build bridges of communication and not barriers. Share on X

When we operate with credibility and respect for our spouse, we build bridges of communication and not barriers.

Where there is a lack of communication, there is usually a lack of respect. It is a two-edged sword. It takes respect to communicate well. And without respect couples often fail to communicate at all.

Summary

A recap of the main points we covered:

• What Is Respect In Marriage?
• Why Is Respect Important In Communication?
• How Does Respect Influence My Marriage?
• How To Build Respect in Marriage
  • Step One: Treat Each Other The Way You Want To Be Treated
  • Step Two: Let Your Spouse Know You Value Their Opinions and Feelings
  • Step Three: Understand and Value Your Differences
  •  Step Four: Share Openly And Widely

What’s Next?

Where To Find Help