Why Is Effort Important In A Relationship? 5 Surprising Reasons That Are Game Changers

“Why is effort important in a relationship?” We discuss 5 surprising reasons that are sure to be game changers in your marriage.

Effort is crucial in a relationship because it shows commitment, dedication, and a willingness to work through challenges and improve the relationship.

In any relationship, effort is key. It’s what keeps the spark alive, what makes the other person feel valued and appreciated. But why is effort so important? Is it really necessary to put in the extra work?

The answer is a resounding yes. In this article, we’ll explore the reasons why effort is crucial in a relationship and how it can make all the difference in keeping your love strong and thriving.

So, grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we delve into the importance of effort in relationships.

What Do We Mean By The Word Effort?

Usually, when we think of the word effort, we conjure up images of toiling over something. It brings to mind ideas of sweat, hardship, and turmoil leading to defeat.

This is NOT what we mean by effort.

To put it the idea in a neat little package, putting effort into a relationship means investing time, energy, and resources to make it better.

Effort (at least in this case) is simply investing in your marriage.

Too often, couples fall into the notion that making marriage work is borderline impossible. This is not true. While it does take work, it is not an impossible feat.

In fact, I believe that you can create a great marriage by doing a few things right. Some may think this is polyana thinking, but I disagree. I’ve seen it happen over and over.

My own marriage (which I consider to be great…by the way, my wife will tell you she feels the same way – and she reads this stuff so I’d better tell the truth) is based on a handful of principles that guide my beliefs and actions. These have helped us create a marriage that others often want to emulate.

Putting effort into a relationship means investing time, energy, and resources to make it better. Share on X

My point: It’s not as hard as you think.

That is not to say it doesn’t demand work. It does. But the work should ultimately be fun and exciting. Not laborous and resentful.

What Are The Benefits Of Working On Your Marriage?

There are many potential benefits of making your marriage a priority and really putting the energy into making it bet the best it can be. Too many benefits to mention.

Sharing your life with another person can be a challenge, especially if you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. Marriages take work, commitment, and love, but they also need respect to be truly happy and successful.

(University of Rochester Medical Center)

But, if you’re willing to put in the effort, here are seven big payoffs:

1. Improved Communication

When you work on your marriage, you learn how to communicate effectively with your partner. This leads to fewer misunderstandings and a stronger connection.

2. Increased Intimacy

Working on your marriage means making time for each other and prioritizing your relationship. This leads to increased physical intimacy and a deeper emotional intimacy and connection.

3. Better Conflict Resolution

Every couple has disagreements, but when you work on your marriage, you learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy and productive way.

4. Stronger Trust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When you work on your marriage, you build trust by being honest, reliable, and consistent.

5. Improved Mental Health

A happy marriage can have a positive impact on your mental health. When you feel loved and supported, you’re less likely to experience anxiety or depression.

6. Increased Resilience

Life is full of ups and downs, but when you work on your marriage, you build resilience. You learn how to weather the storms together and come out stronger on the other side.

7. Happier Family Life

When your marriage is strong, your family life is happier. Your children benefit from seeing their parents in a loving, supportive, and happy relationship, and you create a positive family dynamic that will last a lifetime.

One reason you end up with these results is because everything in life boils down to reciprocity (some call it sowing and reaping, karma, you get what you give, etc). This is a spiritual (and natural) law. You get out of something what you put into it.

Your children benefit from seeing their parents in a loving, supportive, and happy relationship, and you create a positive family dynamic that will last a lifetime. Share on X

Here’s one way this works. When your spouse sees the effort (energy, time, and resources) into your relationship, they realize they (and your marriage) is a priority, so they respond in the same way. When mutual effort in a relationship is combined, your marriage begins operatingh at a higher level.

When we work to make our marriage better, it sends the message that our marriage (and spouse) is important; and everyone desires to feel valued and important. We naturally respond favorably when this happens.

Why Is Effort Important In A Relationship?

Now that we have an understanding of what kind of effort we need to invest in our marrriage, and what will happen when we put forth that effort, let’s delve into why this important and necessary.

I’ve mentioned before, marriage shouldn’t be hard. But it does require work.

The question then is: Why do we need to put effort into our relationship? Why is it tough at times?

There are as many answers to this questions as there are couples; every relationship is unique with different challenges and needs. That said, there are a few basic ‘realities of life’ that shed light on why we need to put in effort to make marriage everything we want it to be.

Here are five (5) reasons we need to put energy and effort into our marriage.

1) We Are All In Process

In other words, nobody is perfect. 

Since we are all in process, we have to discipline ourselves to grow.

Think of it this way: We are all born babies. Right? Infants are 100% human, but they are still babies. They are complete, yet immature. This means they have to grow up and learn to care for themselves.

At first, they are completely dependent on us. We have to feed them, clothe them, and change them. They cannot do this for themselves.

They have to grow up in order to learn to provided for themselves. This is the growth process.

It applies to almost every area of life. Especially relationships.

Because we are in process, we have to learn how to do life together. We have to LEARN how to do relationships in a way that mutually beneficial.

Bottom line: None of us have it down perfect. This means we have to work on areas where improvements are necessary.

Suggested: 15 Ways To Grow Together

2) We Are All Selfish

I realize some will balk at this, but the reality is, we all have strong wills and want our own way. We act on this in varying ways, but the truth is, everyone has the potential to be selfish.

This doesn’t mean everyone is self-centered (the world revolves around you), or self-serving (you ONLY do things that benefit you), but it does mean we all want our own way. 

Because this is human nature, we have to work to make sure we do not become the ugly side of selfish. We need to make sure that even though we have a will and want our own way, we are willing to compromise and give to make marriage work.

Again, I’m not using the word selfish to indicate we ONLY want to serve ourself, but in a way that paints an accurate picture of reality. Namely, we have desires, needs, and wants which sometime conflict with what our partner needs, desires, and wants. What we do at this point often demands some sort of compromise.

This is why we have to work and put effort into keeping our relationship healthy. If we only responded in selfish ways, it would eventually damage our marriage beyond repair.

3) Marriage Is A Transition

 Normally, we move from single-ness to marriage. This is a huge transition. It’s a big adjustment.

No matter how much you love someone, no matter how strong your romantic relationship, it takes time to get use to living with them. This is one reason many people think the first year of marriage is the hardest. It’s the year of biggest transition.

Tansitions always take time and energy to navigate. Work is involved. 

When we work to make our marriage better, it sends the message that our marriage (and spouse) is important; Share on X

This segues into the next point…

4) The Baggage Of The Past

We all bring our luggage from the past into our present. We shouldn’t. But we do.

Our past effects how we see our present. If we understand this, we can work on recognizing triggers that make us uncomfortable, and deal with them appropriately.

It’s when we are blind to our past (even though we know its there we don’t see how it controls us), we will respond in ways that damage our relationship.

The Puzzle Pieces

Our past experiences in life are like a jigsaw puzzle. Every experience you have adds another piece to the puzzle. Over time your puzzle starts to become more complete.

As we add more pieces to the puzzle our perspective on life changes. We begin to see the bigger picture and how all the pieces fit together.

So when we look at our lives today, we can take all the pieces of the puzzle that we have collected over time and use them to help us make decisions and better understand our lives.

Sometimes those pieces are good and give us a beautiful picture of life.

But what happens if those pieces are negative? Bad? Hurtful?

We tend to put those pieces into the framework of our lives which gives us a poor perspective. This can have a devastating impact on your relationships.

I’ve worked with both men and women who have been divorces. The heatlhy ones are those who realize they made mistakes, owned their failures, and refused to blame their spouse for everything. 

The unhealthy ones only focus on what was done to them. It colors everything in their life and they end up untrusting of the opposite sex. They put every person into a category of potential hurt. This is unfortunate. 

To a lesser degree, we all bring things of the past into our relationships. The more we recognize this, the better equipped we are to deal with it and not allow those negative hurts from the past affect our current relationship.

 Suggested: Letting Go Of The Baggage

5) The Law Of Thermodynamics

Forgive me for geeking out on you for a minute, but this natural law can give us great insight into marriage (any relationship for that matter).

Thermodynamics is the study of energy and how energy is changed from one form to another. As energy is converted from one form to another, some energy is lost, and this causes materials to degrade. 

Specifically, the 2nd law of thermodynamics says, entropy always increases. Entropy means lack of order. In other words, things move in the direction from order to disorer. As one person said, ‘this is why you can’t unscamble an egg.’

Why Food Spoils

For example, food spoils as the energy stored within it is converted to other forms of energy, such as heat, light, and sound.

Some refer to this as the law of diminishing returns.

Simply put, things left to themselves deteriorate over time. Nothing happens by itself. It takes action to get the ball rolling.

The Delapidated House

My wife and I were driving through the country one day and found an old farmhouse that was for sale. At one time, this was a magnificent place with a short picket fence around the front and a beautify red barn in the back. 

The owner had passed away four or five years earlier. His children lived out of state, so they just let the house sit. No work was done to maintain it. No one mowed the lawn, painted the house, or did any work on it.

You can image what we saw. It was completed run down. If you hadn’t seen it before, you wouldn’t even recognize it. It was broken down and delapidated. 

Because of this, it had lost most of it’s value. The price had been reduced over and over, yet it continued to sit and fall apart.

Why did this happen? The law of thermodynamics! Diminishing returns.

Because no one invested in the house, it fell apart.

Now, imagine this house is your relationship. To keep it looking good, liveable, and functioning, you must put effort into maintaining it.

Here’s the big takeaway: It would take an incredible amount of energy, money, and resources to return that house to its former glory. It’s possible. But it would take an enormous amount of work. Far less work than merely maintaining it through the years.

If someone had just mowed the lawn. Painted the house. Kept the lights on and run the water periodically. If they had just done a bare minimum to keep the house ‘up and running’ it would still be in good shape.

Things left to themselves deteriorate over time. So put energy and effort into your marriage and it will flourish over time. Share on X

The same applies to marriage. It takes more work to rebuild after neglect than it does to do regular relationship maintenance.

We will talk about how to maintain in the next section.

How Can We Put This Into Practice?

What can we do to make sure we are putting the right effort into our marriage to make it everything it can be?

I’m sure we’ve all heard the basics: spend quality time together, have date nights, open converstaion, etc.

I certainly don’t disagree with those things. They are fundamental to any strong relationship.

But let’s dig a little deeper and talk about a few things that are not often mentioned.

1. Shared Core Values

It’s not just about having similar interests, but also sharing the same overarching beliefs and values. This creates a strong foundation for a partnership that can withstand anything life throws at it.

2. A shared sense of purpose

It’s important for couples to have a common goal or purpose they are working towards together. This can be anything from starting a family to pursuing a career, but it’s essential to be on the same page about what you’re working towards.

Suggested: How To Build A Solid Foundation In Marriage

3. Laughter

A good sense of humor and the ability to make each other laugh is vital in keeping a marriage alive and thriving. It’s important to not take each other too seriously and to find joy in the little things.

4. Gratitude

It’s easy to take your partner for granted, but expressing your appreciation on a regular basis can be a game-changer. Thank them for the little things they do, and make them feel acknowledged and valued.

5. Self-awareness

It’s important to be aware of your own flaws and limitations, and to work on them actively. Nobody’s perfect, but being open and honest about your own shortcomings can help you avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Marriage is a complex relationship that requires effort and work to maintain. It involves a transition from single-ness to marriage, which can be a big adjustment. We’ve seen how our past experiences and baggage can affect how we see our present and respond to our partner. As mentioned earlier, It is important to recognize and deal with these triggers appropriately to avoid damaging the relationship.

We also discovered that things left to themselves deteriorate over time. To keep a relationship functioning and looking good, effort must be put into maintaining it. Neglecting a relationship can lead to it falling apart, and it takes more work to rebuild after neglect than it does to do regular relationship maintenance.

These five insights on why effort is necessary, along with the five tips on how to put it into practice will help you create a marriage worth living for.

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