What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Menopause

My husband just doesn’t understand! He thinks it’s all in my head. I wish he understood what is happening in my body as I go through menopause!

What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Menopause

We all recognize the differences in men and women. Some of those differences are psychological – the way we process information and deal with problems. Many differences are biological.

One of the biggest differences is menopause.

There are likely still many things that men don’t fully comprehend about menopause and its effects on their wives or partners. To many men, menopause is just an emotional time, but there are plenty of physical symptoms of menopause as well.

Women, on the other hand, can see a huge change in the way they feel during perimenopause and into postmenopause.

Hormone levels plummet for many women. This can manifest in many ways such as irregular periods, insomnia, depression and more.

Perimenopause is the time in which a woman experiences her first signs of the end of her reproductive years; this is usually marked by irregular periods and hot flashes (which

In this article, we will explore some of the things that wives wish their husbands knew about menopause, to help improve understanding and support during this challenging time.

What is menopause?

Menopause is the end of a woman’s menstrual cycle and reproductive years. It is typically diagnosed when a woman has not had a menstrual period for 12 consecutive months and is no longer able to become pregnant.

Menopause is a natural process that typically occurs between the ages of 45 and 55, but can happen earlier or later in some women.

It is estimated that around 80% of women in the United States go through menopause by the age of 60. The age at which menopause occurs can vary greatly among individuals and can be influenced by factors such as genetics, lifestyle, and health conditions.

So, what exactly happens during menopause?

According to Dr. Karen Adams:

As we get older, our ovaries become less responsive to the brain’s signals to release hormones and so they slowly stop making estrogen. During menopause, a woman’s body adjusts to this lower overall level of estrogen. This decrease in estrogen interacts with all of the body’s systems and can cause a variety of symptoms.

How does this affect women? For many women, the decrease of estrogen in the body can have a variety of physical side effects. Hormonal changes also effect emotions.

Physical symptoms of menopause

One of the most common and well-known symptoms of menopause is hot flashes, which are sudden, brief sensations of heat that can cause sweating, rapid heartbeat, and flushing of the face and neck.

One reader put it this way:

When we first got married we didn’t have any children yet and I was pretty active and did a lot of exercise. Once I hit my 40s I started noticing some strange changes in my body. I was getting really tired after exercising and the sweating was out of control! It got to the point where I didn’t want to leave my home for fear that I would have hot flashes in public!

Other physical symptoms of menopause can include night sweats, weight gain, sleep disturbances, and vaginal dryness. These symptoms can be uncomfortable and disruptive, and can affect a woman’s ability to carry out her daily activities.

Some women may experience significant weight gain, acne breakouts, irregular or painful periods, fatigue, mood swings anddepressionduring perimenopause and postmenopause. For some women these symptoms can be severe enough to interfere with their daily life.

Emotional effects of menopause

In addition to physical symptoms, menopause can also have significant emotional effects. Many women experience mood swings, irritability, and anxiety during menopause. They may also feel sad, overwhelmed, or have a decreased interest in sex.

These emotional symptoms can be difficult for both the woman experiencing them and her partner, and can strain the relationship if not properly addressed.

Mental effects of menopause

The hormonal shifts that occur with menopause can increase the risk of brain changes associated with Alzheimer’s disease, according to new research from Weill Cornell Medicine investigators.

Dr. Lisa Mosconi has researched neurologial problems for years. She discoverd that women had 22 percent lower brain glucose metabolism, meaning lower energy levels in the brain, and about 11 percent more shrinkage of the brain.

Very few people associate menopause with the brain, yet about 80 percent of women going through menopause experience some neurological symptoms, such as insomnia, depression, anxiety, or memory loss.

When we consider these changes in women during menopause (emotional, physical, and mental), it’s important to communicate with your partner about how you feel.

It is common for wives to feel their husbands don’t understand! They think it’s all in their heads. 

In the next section, we discuss nine practical things husbands can do to support their wives.

6 Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Menopause

We asked readers this question (and dug around a few forums, tc). Here are the top things women reported:

1) Don’t try to fix me (I’m not broken)

Most women we heard from said they feel more like a broken project than a wife when they have menopause symptoms. Their husband approaches them like a mechanic instead of a partner.

Fixing is never the answer. It is especically damaging during this natural process of physcial change in a woman’s body. It is a normal process, not something that has to be stopped or fixed.

2) Don’t give me advice (you are not my doctor)

This ranked right up there with the first. Many husbands offered advice that was, not only wrong, but insensitive.

Most wives just want their husbands to be sensitive and understanding. They don’t want them to play the role of doctor and tell them how to handle the biological changes happening in them.

We’ll talk more about how to be supportive in the next section.

3) Get educated (learn so you can undertand)

We hear it all the time, but it is true. Knowledge is power. The more you understand something, the better equipped you are to handle it.

Understanding menopause helps husbands become more sensitive.

There are many great resources, but the one we recommend is this guide by Blue Heron Health News.

4) I need support (not a ‘leaving alone’)

Many women indicated their husbands response was ‘just leave her alone.’ This isn’t helpful (for most women). While there may be times they need solitude, leaving your wife alone to is rejecting, not helpful.

Support may include understanding when they need time to themselves. But the best to know is to ask. Don’t under-estimate the power of asking what your spouse needs.

5) Stop getting mad at me over something I can’t control

Several women indicated their husbands got irritated when they had a hot flash or were too tired to do normal activities.

They want their husbands to know it’s not personal. It’s chemical. When the biology changes, everything changes.

This is important because hormone changes can effect moods as well. Most wives want their husbands to know this so they don’t feel judged or criticized.

6) It’s not you, it’s me (My body is changing and I don’t like it)

This was one of the biggest issues we encountered. The hormonal changes effect weight shape of your body.

A large study by the International Menopause Society found that hormones re-distribute fat directly to your waistline, resulting in insulin resistance and cardiovascular disease. This results in an average of 10 pounds of weight gain.

It’s not hard to imagine how these changes affect how a woman sees herself. This, in turn, impacts relationship dynamics.

How husbands can support their wives during menopause

There are many ways that husbands can support their wives during menopause, including the following:

1) Listen and validate her feelings

There is no doubt that menopause can be a challenging and emotional time for many women. Validating her feelings rather than judging them is usually the key to understanding how she feels.

Try to listen to your wife non-judgmentally when she discusses her symptoms, so that she can feel comfortable discussing these issues with you.

Talking about her feelings can often help to alleviate some of the stress and anxiety associated with the symptoms of perimenopause and postmenopause.

Remember that as men we may not understand all the physiological changes that occur during perimenopause and postmenopause; however, if we truly listen and try to empathize with our wives it can make a world of difference.

2) Provide emotional support

In addition to listening and validating their wives, husbands can comfort and encourage them by being there for them.

Never underestimate the power of simply ‘being there.’

One wife wrote:

‘When my husband hears me having hot flashes, he comforts me by rubbing my back.’ She also described a time when her husband massaged her shoulders in the middle of the night to ease her discomfort.

Although it may not be practical to be massaging your partner all the time, this demonstrates a real caring attitude that will help to make things better for both partners.

Don’t belittle your wife by minimizing how she feels; instead, be there for her emotionally as well as physically. 

3) Encourage healthy habits

Eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep can help alleviate some of the physical and emotional symptoms of menopause.

Dr. Adams says:

Women who exercise, eat healthy foods, don’t smoke and are close to their ideal body weight tend to have fewer health problems overall and fewer symptoms during menopause. The healthier you are, the easier your transition will be.

It is easy to help each other maintain a healthy lifestyle by exercising and eating right together. Husbands can offer their wives support and encouragement along the way.

4) Be understanding and patient

While menopause can cause a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms, it is important for husbands to be understanding and patient with their wives as they undergo these changes.

When women are not comfortable discussing their symptoms with friends, family members, doctor and, most importantly, their husbands, it’s difficult for them to understand (let alone manage) them.

Wives should talk to their husbands about their symptoms and the support they need. A woman should not rely on her husband to manage her emotions or physical needs; however, he should trust her enough to know when she needs assistance.

Supporting each other in this way helps to keep the lines of communication open and improve communicationand intimacy in the relationship.

When you are going through tough times, there is no greater support than someone who is there for you.

5) Educate yourself

To better understand what your wife is going through, take the time to educate yourself about menopause and its effects. This will enable you to provide informed support and advice to your wife.

To understand the symptoms and solutions, check out this ultimate guide.

6) Be respectful

Menopause can cause changes to a woman’s body and physical drive. It is important for husbands to be respectful of these changes and to communicate openly with their wives about their desires and boundaries.

Empathy and respect are the two cornerstones of effective communication in marriage. Respect means being genuine with your wife about how you feel about things and listening to her when she is sharing her feelings with you.

Demonstrating respect requires more than just words; it requires action as well.

7) Seek help when needed

It may be necessary for your wife to seek professional help if she is experiencing severe or persistent symptoms of menopause. Encourage her to talk to her doctor or therapist for support.

Dr. Daniel Morgan offers this advice:

Women over 50 who experience menopause symptoms or other health concerns that interfere with sexual activity should absolutely speak up to their health care providers and find out what their options might be.

Dr. Morgan is addressing physical intimacy, but this advice reaches across the board. If menopause has a erious negative impact on your life, seek the help of your physician.

Many women and their partners do not understand how physical and mental health and physical intimacy are intertwined, and how menopause-related symptoms can affect normal activity. Knowing your treatment options and which ones might be appropriate for your needs and goals is important.

8) Show your appreciation

When you don’t feel ‘on’ – or your best – it’s easy to feel unappreciated and alone. By showing appreciation, husbands can express how grateful they are for what they have and how special their wives are to them.

This should be a ‘no-brainer’ but many men overlook the obvious. Simple acts of appreciation and kindness go a long way in making your spouse feel loved.

So, show your appreciation for her by expressing your love and gratitude, and by doing thoughtful gestures to show her how much she means to you.

9) Maintain a positive outlook

Let’s be honest, stress affects the way we see and do life. When tension is high and stress levels are off the charts, it’s hard to think clearly or focus on what is most important in life – like supporting your loved ones through difficult times.

Stress can wreak havoc on our health and mental well-being, so be sure to keep your stress levels in check!

It’s important to keep your perspective when going through the challenges of perimenopause and postmenopause. Maintaining a positive outlook helps ease the stress of change and encourages you as a couple to face challenges together, stay strong, and face the future with confidence and courage.

Do your best to see the bigger picture so that you can move through the changes with grace and dignity.

These nine tips are just a starting place. They can serve as a guide to help you and your spouse during the difficulties of menopause.

Treatments For Menopausal Symptoms

According to research at Baylor College of Medicine, if you have abnormal perimenopausal symptoms that include bleeding, there are three options to consider.

Option #1: Nutritional Supplements for Menopause

Increasing your intake of iron-rich foods, such as beef, beans, and nuts, will help if you are feeling more tired or experiencing headaches more frequently.

Grape seed capsules may help with excessive menstrual flow caused by capillary fragility.

Here is the hormone supplement we recommend: Over 30 Hormone Solution

Option #2: Hormonal Medication

There is some evidence that some perimenopausal women have benefited from applying a natural progesterone cream to their skin during the two weeks prior to menstruation, but some gynecologists disapprove of this practice because it is unknown how much progesterone is actually absorbed.

For heavy, long menstrual periods, your healthcare provider may prescribe a low-dose birth control pill or progestin.

Option #3: Surgery

Several surgical procedures can be used to remove fibroids or destroy the uterine lining.

Getting a second opinion is important if your health care provider recommends a D&C or hysterectomy before trying other options. Unless the ovaries and uterus are removed during a hysterectomy, a woman will not go through menopause.

Menopause is a natural process that all women go through, but it can be a challenging and emotional time for both the woman experiencing it and her partner.

By understanding what wives wish their husbands knew about menopause, husbands can provide the support and understanding that their wives need during this time.