This article we address the question: What is marriage all about?. We briefly discuss current statistics and offer 5 concepts that describe the purpose of marriage.
The purpose of marriage has been debated by couples, therapists, and experts for years. There are many different opinions on what the purpose of marriage is, but most agree that it is a commitment between two people. Marriage is a legal, social, and spiritual union that is intended to last a lifetime.
Find Your Purpose Advice | Canva Pro | Photo by marekuliasz
This post contains some affiliate links to products that I use and love. If you click through and make a purchase, I’ll earn a commission, at no additional cost to you. Read my full disclosure here.
Marriage has been defined as a social institution under which a man and woman establish a relationship as husband and wife. It is a legally recognized union between two people who intend to live together for the rest of their lives.
In most cases, marriage is a monogamous relationship, meaning that the couple is not married to anyone else. Marriage is a socially and legally recognized union between two people that entitles them to special rights and privileges.
That’s a mouthful.
A technical definition of marriage would sound something like this:
The purpose of marriage is a legal and social institution that supports the relationship between a man and a woman. It is designed to protect the rights and interests of both spouses and their children. Marriage is also an economic partnership, providing financial stability and security for both spouses and their children.
But is that really what marriage is all about? Is it merely a ‘legal’ contract that protects the rights of spouses and children? Does this answer the question: What is marriage all about? I don’t think so.
A healthy marriage understands there is more to your relationship than social contracts (although they are important) and economic partnerships. Marriage contains a spiritual element. Not spiritual only in the sense of religious; but spiritual because (as humans) we are spiritual by nature (as opposed to being only biological blobs of chemicals).
The human body is comprised of chemicals, enzymes, and elements. According to News Medical Life Sciences:
The human body is approximately 99% comprised of just six elements: Oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen, carbon, calcium, and phosphorus. Another five elements make up about 0.85% of the remaining mass: sulfur, potassium, sodium, chlorine, and magnesium. All of these 11 elements are essential elements.
But human life is more than the collection of elements. We have thoughts, feelings, desires, and needs. We are not merely animals; we are spiritual beings.
Since human beings are spiritual beings, marriage should be (is designed to be) more than a physical connection and more than merely a social contract. It has a bigger purpose.
Before we explore that purpose, let’s look at a few data points (statistics) on marriage and family.
There is a little known secret of connecting with your spouse on a deep, intimate level. This little known formula for bonding and creating a close relationship with your spouse is not complicated or confusing. >> Click here to learn how <<
Between 42-45% of first marriages end in divorce. (Source)
Almost 32% of children are raised without a father (US Census)
4-5% of couples in the US are in non-monogamous relationships (Medicinenet)
Does this mean (traditional) marriage is dead?
Is cultures view of marriage changing?
Perhaps the biggest question is: What is marriage really about?
What Is Marriage All About? Is There Any Real Purpose?
Marriage is such a good idea, only God could have thought of it.
Myles Munroe
Here are 5 concepts that define and describe the purpose of marriage.
#1 Shared Life
One of the major reasons people get married is to share life together. Sharing life allows us to foster a deeper level ofintimacyand connection between spouses.
By sharing our lives with one another, they are able to learn more about each other on a personal level and grow to understand each other in a way that is not possible when they keep their lives separate.
Additionally, sharing life experiences with your spouse can help to create a stronger bond between the two individuals.
Obviously, you do not have to be married to share life together. This is true on one level. But there is a difference. It is found in the distinction between a contract and a covenant.
An agreement between private parties creating mutual obligations enforceable by law.
A contract binds you together and holds you accountable. It is (in essence) a commit of exchange. You do this, and I will do that. If you keep your end of the deal, I will honor my end.
A covenant, on the other hand, is a vow of exchanging lives. Not deeds, actions, and goods.
I hope you see the difference.
Marriage is a covenant. Not a contract. At least in Biblical terms.
A covenant is much deeper than a contract. A contract is binding, but it is not based on the exchange of life (sharing life). It is based on trading needs. You need this, so I will provide your need IF you provide for my need.
Take the Marriage Quiz and discover your marriage score and get suggestions on how to improve your relationship. You will also be sent the results of your quiz along with suggestions on how to create the marriage of your dreams. >> Take The Quiz Now <<
Sharing life (at least how I’m using the term) is based on covenant. An exchange of life.
I often refer to marriage as the playground of life. It’s where we learn to do life.
Remember the playground at school? It was where we chose teams for games, traded lunches or snacks, learned to flirt with the opposite sex, and play with our friends. It’s where we learned how to make friends and get along with people.
We learned math, reading, and writing in the classroom, but it was the playground where we learned to do life.
These are things you can’t learn in the classroom. You may understand the theory behind those ideas, but you experience them when you engage others in real life.
This goes along with what we mentioned above. Marriage is (should be) our safe place. The place where we know we are loved, valued, and accepted.
Marriage is the playground of life. It’s where we learn to experience forgiveness when we’ve blown it. We discover acceptance when we feel ugly. Love when we aren’t sure we are lovely.
Marriage moves us from the classroom of theory, to the laboratory of experience.
It’s one thing to have a mental acceptance of the concept you are loved. It is quite another thing to experience that love in a real relationship.
There are little known keys and principles for communcating in a way that makes you feel bonded and close to your spouse. We cover them in our Communication Bootcamp. >> Click here to learn more <<
Marriage is where we get to experience these things and grow together.
This is one aspect of marriage we often overlook. Our psychological needs must be met. Marriage is the safe arena where we can be vulnerable enough to open our heart and allow our spouse to help meet those needs.
In my opinion, this is something only married couples can experience on a deep level. Intimate relationships are built onthe foundation of trust and security. When we feel safe, we open up. It’s that simple.
In his book, The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage (Shop Amazon), Myles Munroe refers to Genesis 2: 24
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2: 24
He explains it this way:
‘One flesh’ is not simply the gluing of two people together but rather the fusion of two distinct elements into one.
From the Book, The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage
You can glue two pieces of wood together but they are still separate pieces of wood.
However, when elements are fused together, they become one.
This doesn’t mean:
You are no longer an individual
You lose yourself in your marriage
You can’t do things apart from your spouse
You no longer have a life of your own
It does mean:
Something happens and you are joined with your spouse in a unique way that goes beyond explanation.
The union between a husband and wife is different than any other union. You may be glued to your career, your hobby, or (fill in the blank); but your are fused together with your spouse. You become ‘one flesh.’
In one sense (a positive and healthy way), you are not your own. Your life is with and in your mate. You truly live a shared life (see #1 above).
Married couples ‘get to’ share life. It is not a ‘have to.’ In fact, if your relationship is more defined by what you ‘have to do’ instead of what you ‘get to do’ it is doomed to failure. Or at best a mediocre outcome. Sharing life is a great benefit of marriage.
Want To Take Your Marriage To The Next Level With One-On-One Mentoring? We use Prepare/Enrich assessment to help couples create the marriage of their dreams.
Click here to learn more
Disclaimer: I realize there is heightened emotions around this issue in Christian circles. God’s idea of these things is always healthy, loving, and life-giving. If you experience the opposite, you are doing it wrong. It’s that simple. Many things are abused and misused in religious circles, but this doesn’t change the fact that God does all things well and intends these things to be for our good only. See Psalm 72:18
For a deeper dive into the subject of how to set right priorities in your marriage, read our article on the marriage wheel.
#5 Illustration
The more I think about this idea, the more I appreciate how God ‘set things up.’
According to the Apostle Paul, marriage is a picture of God’s relationship with us.
31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:31-32 NKJV
Think about that.
In point #2 and #3 above, we saw how marriage is the playground of life. It’s where we experience real love, forgiveness, acceptance, and value. We experience this from another real, living human being who is committed to us in covenant.
Scripture indicates marriage is also where we get a picture (based on the what I just said about love, acceptance and forgiveness) of how God cares for us.
When we receive forgiveness from our partner because we’ve blown it, we see how God offers us forgiveness and love.
When our husband or wife accepts us because we are valuable to them (and they love us for who we are), we see how God values us.
This is why marriage is so important. It is the one relationship God says He will manifest His presence, love, and power in a unique way. It is His chosen illustration of what He wants our life with Him to be like.
#5 Foundations of Society
Marriage is the foundation of a good society because it is the institution that provides the structure for raising children. It is also the institution that provides the structure for sexual fidelity and committed relationships. When marriages are strong, families are strong. When families are strong, society is strong.
Here are four reasons marriage is the structure society is built upon:
Is your marriage in a relationship crisis? Need to take action but not sure where to start? Our #1 Recommendation for couples in crisis is Save The Marriage System. >> Click Here To Learn More <<
First, marriage is the institution that provides the structure for raising children. Children need the stability and support that a strong marriage can provide.
Second, marriage is the institution that provides the structure for sexual fidelity and committed relationships. When marriages are strong, families are strong. When families are strong, society is strong.
Third, marriage provides financial stability for families. When couples are married, they are more likely to pool their resources and make joint financial decisions. This can help families stay afloat during tough economic times.
Fourth, marriage is linked to better health outcomes for both adults and children. Adults who are married tend to live longer and have lower rates of mental and physical health problems. Children who grow up in homes with married parents also tend to enjoy better health outcomes.
Overall, marriage is a key foundation of a good society. Strong marriages lead to strong families, which in turn leads to a strong society.
Final Thoughts on the Purpose of Marriage
Marriage is a covenant between two people who agree to be there for each other through thick and thin. They commit to being each other’s best friend, lover and confidante. It is about sharing your life with someone and being committed to them through good times and bad. It is a journey that is taken together and one that should be cherished.
Joseph is the Editor and Creator of The Healthy Marriage site. A graduate of Samford University in Birmingham, AL with a major in Counseling and Biblical Studies. He is a certified facilitator with Prepare & Enrich.
