Having a good marriage is hard work, but it can be rewarding work if you know how to meet your wife’s needs and how to make your marriage a priority. Here are 5 things about what every husband should know about their wives deepest needs and how to meet them.
Men often wonder how to meet their spouse’s needs.
Marriage is a wonderful mix of intimate connection and relationship challenges.
One of Sigmund Freud’s most quoted lines (in reference to marriage) is:
Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question: “What does a woman want?”(Source)
In This Article
- 5 Things Every Husband Should Know About His Wife
- FAQ on What Men Need To Know
- Final Thoughts on What Every Man Should Know About His Wife
5 Things Every Husband Should Know About His Wife
This is not about knowing her favorite color. Or what kind of flowers she likes. Those are important. Knowing them (and a few other things makes it easier to serve her), but deeper knowledge is necessary if you want a thriving, healthy relationship.
Although I don’t agree with everything Freud taught about relationships, his observation on women in this quote deserves attention.
Let’s explore the three things he considers ‘basic needs’ then I’ll add a few of my own.
1. Your Wife Desires to Be Valued
Every wife desires to be valued for who she is. Unfortunately, many wives are often overlooked. When they are not properly recognized as individuals, it can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.
A real question is how do husbands ensure they meet the needs of their wives? What does a husband need to know about his wife in order to build trust?
In order for a wife to fulfill her primary role, a husband must recognize her worth and contribute to her happiness, so that they are able to have a one-on-one relationship.
Five Ways To Let Her Know She Is Valued
- Give your wife the recognition she deserves on a one-on-one level.
- Provide encouragement and affirmation to make her feel loved.
- Make your wife feel safe to share her thoughts with you, acknowledge what she shares.
- Appreciate her uniqueness and let her know you appreciate her differences in perspective on life.
- Encourage your wife and let her know how amazing she is.
Every wife desires to know that she is seen as a whole person. She knows that no man sees her fully as she has flaws, but every husband should see his wife as an amazing woman, not just a beautiful (exteriors), but a woman with an inner beauty.
2. Your Wife Needs to be Known
What do we mean by ‘being known‘?
It doesn’t mean knowing every last detail of your wife’s day. It doesn’t necessarily mean knowing what makes her happy. What makes her angry. What she dreams of when she sleeps at night. What she loves to do in her free time. And what she cares about most in life.
It’s not about accumulating information ABOUT her. It’s about knowing HER.Your wife craves to be known by you, but it has to be genuine knowledge, not just details you collect for your own knowledge or curiosity sake. Click To Tweet
Your wife craves to be known by you, but it has to be genuine knowledge, not just details you collect for your own knowledge or curiosity sake.
It’s about listening and observing. It’s about asking her questions…then really listening to the answers.
When you listen, not only do you give her the gift of your attention, but you also let her know YOU ARE LISTENING. and that is a powerful message to a wife whose husband thinks he knows everything or who doesn’t have time for anything else.
Five Ways To Discover Your Wife and Get To Know Her
- Ask Questions
- Ask Her Why She Loves You
- Know Her Most Important Life Values
Bottom line: Your Wife Desires Connection Through Intimacy
3. Your Wife Must Feel Respected
A healthy marriage is one where the partners care for each other, feel valued, communicate effectively and work together to control changing situations. Respect is vital in any relationship because it shows your desire to meet your partner’s needs and can help you feel more valued by your spouse.
5 Ways To Show Respect To Your Wife
- Abstain from criticism and sarcasm
- Show consideration for your partner’s opinions and needs
- Allow him to make his own decisions.
- Don’t blame your spouse for your anger or problems.
- Treat her like an amazing, valuable person.
Bottom line: Practice the golden rule of life; do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Those are Freud’s top three basic needs women have. I have two more to add:
4. Your Wife Wants to Be Chosen
I’m old enough to remember when kids played outside (mild jab at this generation intended). One of the things that happened almost every afternoon was a ballgame. Any kind of game.
Sometimes it was basketball. Other times baseball. Even football. Whatever the game it was most often a team sport. Which meant captains were selected and teams were chosen.
If you’ve ever been the last one picked for a team you know how humiliating it was. It was the ultimate ‘I’m not good enough to be chosen first.’ It stings.
There is only one thing worse (well, many things but you get what I’m saying), it’s not feeling chosen in your own marriage.One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is the knowledge they are chosen above all others. All other people. And all other things. Click To Tweet
One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is the knowledge they are chosen above all others. All other people. And all other things.
This means making them a priority.
It’s not enough to say it. You must demonstrate the fact that you choose them by making decisions about your time, energy, and efforts that validate your words.
5 Ways To Make Her Feel Chosen
- Demonstrate the fact that she is chosen by making decisions about your time, effort, and energy that validate your words.
- Continually affirm your affection for her.
- Spend plenty of time just being together.
- Give her a verbal and non-verbal reminder that she is a priority.
- Tell her how much you’ve chosen her.
Bottom line: You cannot make her feel chosen without showing the commitment to spending time with her.
5. Your Wife Needs to Feel Unconditional Love
Love is the most important word in the human vocabulary. It doesn’t matter what language you speak, or where you are from–everyone understands that word.
Ultimately, this is one of the most powerful things we have to offer our spouse.
Can a man love his wife unconditionally? Well, it can be challenging at times to really give ourselves away in this way (that’s what it boils down to), but when we do give our spouse unconditional love–our children see it and imitate it and reciprocate with us. Our families live healthier lives.
Unconditional love is the type of love that does not change, does not disappear or alter in any way. It is love that is based on more than just emotional highs and lows. It is rooted in an undying commitment to one another that is born out of genunine and authentic desire.
It doesn’t mean feelings will not change. Many things affect how we feel on a daily basis. Love that is based on emotions will fluctuate and shift. Love that is unconditional weathers the storms of life and is bigger than an emotional feeling.
It is founded on a deep commitment.
We often think of commitment as something you have to do even if you don’t want to do it. Authentic commitment is something you WANT to do. Not something you have to do.
In psychology, the term is also used to describe a person who is open and trusting with those close to them.We often think of commitment as something you have to do even if you don't want to do it. Authentic commitment is something you WANT to do. Not something you have to do. Click To Tweet
Unconditional love is a feeling of deep and all-encompassing affection for another person without any specific emotional conditions. This type of love includes acceptance, supportiveness, generosity and affection.
The question isn’t “can you love your wife unconditionally?” It’s “will you?”
Loving unconditionally doesn’t mean we have to be perfect. It simply means we must be present.
5 Practical Ways To Love Unconditionally
- Put Her Needs First
- Allow Yourself To Be Seen And Heard; This Includes All Parts Of You
- Get Away From The Kids Sometimes (Away From Home)
- Praise, Appreciate, And Celebrate Her
- Be Present And In The Moment (Focus On How Her Words And Actions Make You Feel)
Bottom line: Be fully invested in your spouse.
FAQ on What Men Need To Know
Here are a few related questions on things men should know about their wives.
How Do I Know What My Wife Wants?
It’s important to distinguish between wants and needs. Needs are inherant pyschological desires that answer the deep questions of the soul.
Wants are different.
In this article we talked about five things every wife needs. These are internal in every person (not just women).
Wants are unique and individual for every person.
For example, my wife enjoys going to the lake on our boat. She enjoys hiking and kayaking. There are times when she wants me to take her to eat at our favorite Italian restaurant. These are not needs and she is okay if we can’t do these things.
She wants them, but doesn’t need them to make our marriage work.
With that understanding, the best way to find out what your spouse (wife) wants is to ask her.
Open, transparent, heart-to-heart conversations are what makes marriage beautiful. So ask. Get the conversation going and talk about things you love and enjoy.
How Can I Meet My Wife’s Needs?
We’ve already addressed this in each section, but the most important thing you can do is to live in the now with your spouse. Be present.
We tend to either live in the past and wonder what we should have (could have) done different in our life, or we live in the future and wonder about what things will be like down the road.
In both of these scenarios we forfeit the life we have now. It’s not worth it.Set your life priorities (one of which should be your marriage), get focused, and live in the present. Don't let opportunities to connect pass you by. Click To Tweet
Set your life priorities (one of which should be your marriage), get focused, and live in the present. Don’t let opportunities to connect pass you by.
One of the most meaningful things you can do for your spouse is simply show up. Just like you show up for work, show up for your marriage. This will make all the difference in the world.
Final Thoughts on What Every Man Should Know About His Wife
In this article we discussed five major needs every woman has and how we (as husbands) can meet those needs.
We also looked at the difference in needs and wants, and how to make our marriage a priority.
Here is a summary of what we uncovered.
- 5 Things Every Husband Should Know About His Wife
- FAQ on What Men Need To Know
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