8 Things You Can Do For Your Marriage (Every Single Day)

In this article we discuss eight simple things you can do for your marriage to make it better and keep it healthy.

It’s not the big things that make a marriage great. It’s the small things we do on a daily basis.

Couples often commit two sins against their marriage:

1) They wait for inspiration to hit before they really decide to work on their marriage.

This can be detrimental to your relationship for several reasons. I discuss those in ‘Why You Should Not Be Inspired To Make Your Marriage Better.’
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2) They think big, extravagant gestures create a great marriage.

They don’t. Plain and simple.

You can never make up through grand gestures what you neglected in daily activity.

It’s the small things that make a marriage great.

Bill and Martha

Years ago I met a couple who were in their late 60’s or early 70’s at the time.

Their relationship was a great example of what marriage can look like. I spent hours with them on several occasions and soon discovered one of their secrets to success.

They did things on a daily basis that kept them connected.

It wasn’t big, bold gestures. Extravagant gifts or exotic trips. it was how they treated each other on a daily basis that made their marriage sweet.

Here Are Eight Things I’ve Noticed In Couples Who Have Great Marriages

When we put these eight keys into the lock, it will release a depth of love and respect that will keep your marriage a priority.

#1 Say ‘I Love You’

They verbalized their love on a regular basis.

I remember a joke a buddy told me once:

I told my wife I loved her when we got married. If I change my mind, I’ll let her know.

We might laugh at this but ironically some men live this out as if it is a good philosophy of life.

It is not.

Saying how we feel can deepen our love.

There are several reasons for this:

1) The more we verbalize something, the more it is solidified in our life.

One of the reasons my wife and I have such depth in our relationship is we talk about our love for each other. We don’t keep it a secret.

2) It gives assurance to our spouse that they still matter to us.

3) It establishes a priority in your relationship.

4) It makes our spouse feel good.

Everyone wants to know they are loved. When we say the words ‘I love you’ we are reminding them they matter to us.

#2 Give a Compliment

Negativity will destroy a relationship faster than almost anything else. Including an affair.

I’m not suggesting infidelity is not a serious violation of marriage; it is.

Infidelity is (usually) rare. By that, I mean most couples do not face that situation.

However, negativity is common in many households.

It has devastating effects.

One way to offset this is to give compliments.

It’s easy to find fault. It’s not so common to find points of admiration and encouragement.

Strong marriages speak more positive words than negative.

They make it a point of focus to recognize good things in each other and avoid constantly pointing out the bad.

I often recommend couples keep a ‘Compliment Journal’ or gratitude journal so they can replace negative thoughts and ideas with positive ones.

ALSO READ: 16 Negative Habits That Will Wreck Your Marriage

#3 Talk About Your Day

Great relationships are the ones where couples connect and communicate.

If you ask most couples who struggle in their marriage, ‘What is the biggest issue you face?’ Most will say communication (or some variation of that topic).

I believe there are deeper issues that keep couples from communicating, but the fact is when we fail to talk and share with our spouse, we drift apart.

Make it a habit to spend time each day sharing the highlights of your day.

Because I can often be stoic, my wife often jokes: “Tell me when you are happy, because I can’t always tell.’

Most men have to work on opening up and sharing life. But it’s important.

We bond over shared experiences.

For example, guys will often bond because they share a love of golf (or some other sport).

I enjoy fishing. The other day I met a guy and we began to talk about great fishing spots in our area. I immediately felt a connection. We shared a fondness for something in common and it connected us. At least on a small level.

This is why it’s important to share our day with our spouse.

They aren’t with us during the day (unless you work together like Michelle and me), so we have to be intentional about bringing them into our world.

Most affairs happen, not because of lust, but because of some connection, they feel with the other person.

Sometimes they feel affirmed, understood, or simply connected because they share work together.

This is a strong reason to make sure we bring our spouse into our world each day. Even if it is only for a few minutes over talking about what happened in our world.

#4 Share Your Needs and Desires

There is probably nothing worse (hyperbole) than being in a relationship where you don’t feel free to let your needs, wants, and desires known.

There is also nothing greater (hyperbole again) than knowing you can let your spouse know what you need and know they will hear and respond to those needs.

There are several reasons it’s important to share our needs:

1) Our spouse is not a mind reader.

It’s unfair to think our spouse can know what we want, need, and desire if we are not willing to communicate those things.

They may love us deeply, but they can never know everything on our minds or in our hearts. That’s why it is important to share with them what we want.

2) It opens the door for more discussion.

When we talk about our needs and expectations, it allows us to talk about those things in a deeper way.

We get the opportunity to communicate and connect.

When Michelle and I got married, we both came from previous relationships that were less than transparent. She particularly felt betrayed over financial decisions in her past.

It was important for her to communicate that to me and for me to really understand how important financial security and honesty were to her.

That conversation allowed us to talk about other issues and connected topics that helped us understand each other better.

3) It allows our spouse an opportunity to choose us.

Knowing we are chosen over others and over other things is vital for a great marriage.

Quick Question: Do you feel free to discuss your wants, desires, and needs with your spouse?

If you haven’t, this is a very important step if you want the marriage you desire and deserve.

NOTE: Before you share deep needs with your spouse, make sure the ‘climate’ is right. That means, don’t approach this with an attitude that says, ‘You haven’t been meeting my needs, so it’s time to put it all on the table.’

That will backfire.

This exercise is about creating the kind of relationship where there is the freedom to discuss those things.

It may take time to get there. But start where you are.

ALSO READ: 4 Secrets to Meeting Your Spouses Needs

#5 Hold Hands

There is something powerful about physical touch.

Great marriages make sure they are connecting physically on a regular basis.

When we watch television at night, Michelle and I usually hold hands or she will lay her legs over my lap and will rub her legs.

We both know how important it is to touch.

A study was done where169 couples were evaluated over 13 years of marriage. They found the happiest couples never stopped being affectionate toward each other. They ‘maintained the same levels of affection they had during their first two years of marriage.
https://thehealthymarriage.org/physical-touch-in-marriage-how-holding-hands-could-change-your-relationship/#More_Research_on_Physical_Touch

Psychologia.co states:

“[Holding hands] can break the other person’s defenses and force them to open up to you…”

J R Thorpe writes:

It turns out that touch and hand-holding can send huge amounts of emotional information between partners, whether they’re aware of it or not.

In one study, blindfolded volunteers were asked to communicate specific, pre-determined emotions to strangers simply by touching them. Interestingly, the group got the message correct 75% of the time. (Source)

Physical touch releases the chemical oxytocin which is considered the bonding hormone. When we hold hands, we are increasing the output of oxytocin which causes us to connect deeply.

ALSO READ: Physical Touch in Marriage: How Holding Hands Could Change Your Relationship

#6 Kiss

Sex may not be daily, but kissing should be.

Happy couples kiss often.

There are many forms and ways to kiss.

1. Deep passionate (make out) kisses
2. Slow and tender affectionate kisses
3. Gentle kisses that remind our partner they are special.

Kissing extends the full gamut of affection.

Andréa Demirjian says:

“Kissing is intimate: You’re right there in the space of your soul. It gets to the core of your heart and spirit because it’s such a lovely way to express and receive love and affection. A kiss a day really can keep the doctor away.”

Valerie Reiss gives 7 reasons kissing is so good for us:

1. It reduces blood pressure
2. It alleviates headaches and cramps
3. It makes for great dental hygiene (believe it or not)
4. It releases feel-good hormones (like oxytocin)
5. It fights fat by burning calories
6. It increases our sense of self-worth and self-esteem
7. It tightens your facial muscles. Not saying it will give you a facelift, but does help.

One fact I found interesting: Most men find kissing more sensual, romantic, and personal than the act of sex itself.

Kissing is in fact an intimate act.

Creating intimacy is great for your marriage.

ALSO READ: How Important is Kissing In A Marriage?

#7 Take a Walk

There are a lot of benefits of walking touted in the news and health sites.

They include things like:

• Reduced risk of heart attack
• Ease of joint pain
• Boost immune functioning
• Lower risk of breast cancer and other diseases
• Reduced appetite and managed weight loss
• Improved creativity
• Better focus and productivity
• Boots your energy
• Gives better sleep

The list goes on. One thing most reports fail to mention is the relationship benefits.

A daily walk with your spouse can add value to your relationship.

According to the Mayo Clinic, it helps your sex life. Regular exercise and activity makes you feel better and improves your general physical health. This can have a positive impact on your sex life.

But that’s not all. They report that regular physical exercise enhances arousal in women. And men who ‘move’ have fewer problems with erectile problems.

Three Reasons to Take A Daily Walk Together

1. It Reduce stress.

We like to take walks in the afternoon. Although the summer heat can be brutal at times in the South, it helps us shake off the emotional dust of the day and reconnect.

2. It gives us the opportunity to talk.

Think back to point #3. Sharing our day is important to building bridges of emotional connection with our spouse.

3. It provides you with alone time.

Most households are far too busy for their own good. We all have responsibilities that pull us in a thousand directions.

It’s important to set aside time to be alone with your spouse. You need it for bonding and connection.

A daily walk helps guard this time.

When added to the other benefits, it’s easy to see how it can enhance your relationship.

ALSO READ: 11 Ways Exercise Will Get Your Marriage In Shape

# 8 Pray for Each Other

I have rarely found people who do not pray. I’m sure there are those who simply find no place for religion in their life.

I’m not one of those.

I value my faith. It’s a core value in my marriage. Michelle and I love to attend church together and share our faith with one another.

It’s a big part of what we feel our mission involves.

One way we can connect in our spiritual values is by praying for and with one another.

4 Practical Tips For Praying For Your Spouse

1. Keep a journal of prayer needs and things you are praying for and about (together).

2. Use scripture cards to pray over each other.

A resource I’ve used in the past is ‘Prayers That Avail Much‘ by Germaine Copeland. This is an amazon affiliate link. You can read our disclosure here.

3. Read a devotional or spiritual book together.

4. Just do it!

It’s easy to let things crowd out the most sacred parts of our life. As a couple, we must protect and guard against those encroachments.

I saw a church slogan that read:

The family that prays together, stays together.

While it may sound cheesy. There is truth in that statement.

We are spiritual beings. Not biological balls of energy. I believe that since we were created in the image of God, we are never more alive than when we are connecting to God through prayer, and connecting with our spouse on a spiritual level.

Since we were created in the image of God, we are never more alive than when we are connecting to God through prayer, and connecting with our spouse on a spiritual level through prayer. Share on X

Wrapping It Up

It’s not the big things we do that make our marriage great; it’s the little things during the daily grind.

It’s great to plan ‘super vacations’ occasionally, but it’s dangerous to think those events will be the defining moments of your marriage.

Trust me, they will not.

What you do every day carries more weight than any of those events.

Summary

In this article, we listed eight things you can do each day that will help you connect and keep your marriage strong.

Here is a brief overview of what we covered:

• #1 Say ‘I Love You’
  • 1) The more we verbalize something, the more it is solidified in our life.
  • 2) It gives assurance to our spouse that they still matter to us.
  • 3) It establishes a priority in your relationship.
  • 4) It makes our spouse feel good.
• #2 Give a Compliment
• #3 Talk About Your Day
• #4 Share Your Needs and Desires
  • 1) Our spouse is not a mind reader.
  • 2) It opens the door for more discussion.
  • 3) It allows our spouse an opportunity to choose us.
• #5 Hold Hands
• #6 Kiss
• #7 Take a Walk
  • Three Reasons to Take A Daily Walk Together
• # 8 Pray for Each Other
  • 4 Practical Tips For Praying For Your Spouse

Resources for this Article

For more help, ideas, and tools on this topic. Check out these resources:

1000 Questions

300 Creative Dates

Praying God’s Word by Beth Moore

Sexual Communication

Text Chemistry

The Healthy Marriage Quiz
If you want specific help for your marriage, or you want to know your healthy marriage score, take the marriage quiz. You’ll get immediate access with suggestions on how to improve your relationship.

If you are having serious marriage struggles, we recommend starting with ‘Save the Marriage System’ by Lee Baucom.