The Evolution of Love: A Deeper Look into the 9 Stages in Marriage With This Ultimate Guide

Discover the 9 stages in marriage and explore how love evolves over time.

Join us as we take a look at the 9 major stages in marriage and how love evolves, grows, and changes over time.

Marriage is an incredible journey of love, growth, and change. As love evolves over time, couples experience a range of different stages throughout their relationship. This ultimate guide will explore the nine stages of marriage and how love has the capacity to grow and evolve over time.

3 Important Disclaimers To Understand About Marriage Stages

Before we delve into the 9 stages of marriage, I need to make a few disclaimers.

Disclaimer #1

It’s important to understand that each couple is different. Some couples hit all stages listed below. Others don’t. Some married couples skip certain phases, and a handful never experience the majority of them.

The big takeaway from this is, don’t put your relationship in a box.

Our goal is to help you identify various stages so you can assess how to navigate the changes that happen in most relationships. The end result should be to create a happy marriage based on mutual respect, love, and forgiveness.

Disclaimer #1

Another disclaimer I want to make is, I’m not a fan of words like stage, phase, and other similar terms. I realize they are necessary, but many times couples fixate on ‘being in’ a certain phase. It can help identify potential problems, but many times it becomes a distraction to finding real solutions.

Let’s be honest, none of us like to be put in a box. We don’t appreciate it because it feels like people are minimizing our experience and writing it off as ‘a phase’ we are going through.

This can be detrimental to your relationship. Again, our goal should be to connect with our spouse with empathy, undertanding, and encouragment.

Disclaimer #3

Final disclaimer: Although there are challenges in each of these stages, not all of them are negative. We tend to think in terms of positive and negative. Things are either good or bad. While this works most of the time, things don’t always fit neatly into our little packages.

The reality is, some things are neutral. They become good or bad based on our response and how we handle them.

I’ll try to point this out as we work through the stages.

The point I want to drive home is most of the stages are neutral; they become detrimental if we fail to adapt to the changes and challenges in our relationship.

Understanding The 9 Stages In Marriage And The Evolution Of Love

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s explore these nine major stages of marriage.

To keep it interesting, I’ve put these in an acrostic that spells ‘Marriages.’

Stage 1: Magnificent Honeymoon Moments

The first stage is the honeymoon phase where everything is new and exciting. Couples are deeply in love and enjoy spending time together. They are still learning about each other and are willing to overlook any flaws.

The honeymoon phase is often considered the most thrilling stage of marriage. In fact, many couples say this is the best part of married life. While I disagree, I certainly understand the attraction of the honeymoon phase.

During this period, couples are deeply in love and enjoy spending time together. They relish discovering new things about one another and are willing to overlook any flaws or imperfections.

This is usually characterized by a sense of excitement and anticipation, as couples embark on the journey of building a life together.

During the honeymoon phase, you and your partner spend a lot of time engaging in activities that promote intimacy and connection. You may go on romantic getaways or indulge in activities that you both enjoy.

You may also make an effort to surprise and delight each other, doing things that show how much you care. In this stage, you are both vulnerable, and you try to create a safe and nurturing space for one another.

 Despite the joy and love that are prevalent during this stage, the honeymoon phase can also be overwhelming. Couples are still adjusting to being together full-time and may experience some conflicts or disagreements.

Often, people get carried away by the romance and forget to communicate their needs and boundaries. As a result, misunderstandings can occur, leading to tension and stress.

The honeymoon phase, like everything else in life, must eventually transition into something more settled and mature. As couples settle into their newfound roles and routines, the excitement and novelty of the relationship begin to fade away.

This doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t find you exciting. It simply means you are getting used to each other.

As you become more comfortable with each other, you may begin to see each other’s flaws and quirks more easily. At this point, it’s essential for you to remain committed to one another, acknowledging that there will be challenges along the way.

While it may present its challenges, it is also an opportunity for couples to lay a foundation of trust and intimacy on which to build their future together. 

Suggested: 5 Things Newlyweds Should Do Their First Year Of Marriage

Stage 2: Awakening Realization Stage

The 2nd Stage of Marriage: Awakening Realization

Once the honeymoon phase of a marriage is over, couples enter the second stage of marriage- the awakening realization stage. This is the time when they begin to see each other’s flaws and differences, and the rose-tinted glasses come off. Suddenly, the world is not perfect, and there is no such thing as a fairytale ending. This is the reality of marriage, and it can be challenging to navigate.

As mentioned in the above ‘disclaimer,’ challenges are neutral. They happen. Change is a part of life.

If we process this change and adapt, this stage can be very rewarding. Love grows deeper as we learn to navigate through life together as a team.

Here are the challenges couple face in this stage:

During this phase, you and your partner may feel like you argue more often and are struggling to find common ground. You may be struggling to balance the responsibilities of daily life and the expectations of each other.

Communication can become difficult, and you may feel like you do not know each other as well as you thought.

According to Victor William Harris:

Distractions such as balancing school, work, finances, children, and extracurricular activities can decrease the time couples have to spend with each other to communicate and nurture their marital friendship.

But despite the challenges, the awakening realization stage is also an opportunity for growth and compromise.

You and your partner can learn to work together to overcome obstacles and find solutions to problems. You can appreciate each other’s strengths and work on your weaknesses.

Together, you can build a stronger foundation for your marriage based on mutual love and respect.

To navigate this phase successfully, you need to communicate effectively and honestly with each other.

Respect each other’s boundaries and learn to compromise on issues that are important to you both. Take the time to listen to each other’s concerns and support each other in your goals and aspirations.

The awakening realization stage is a natural part of the marriage journey. It may be challenging, but it is an opportunity for growth, compromise, and a deeper understanding of each other.

Working together and communicating effectively can help you navigate this phase with grace and emerge with a stronger, more fulfilling marriage.

Stage 3: Resistance Resurgence

The risistance resurgence typically occurs around years 5-7 of marriage, and it can be a time of intense change and growth for both partners.

During this stage, you may start to notice little quirks about your partner that never bothered you before. Maybe their messy habits or tardiness are starting to grate on your nerves. You might find yourself wanting to change them or wishing they were different in some way.

What you’re experiencing is completely normal. Experts agree that this stage is characterized by a desire for differentiation and the need to assert one’s individuality. It’s natural to want your partner to change or to feel frustrated with the status quo.

However, it’s important to remember that change is a two-way street. You can’t expect your partner to change without being willing to change yourself.

If you’re feeling stuck or trapped in your marriage, it’s important to seek help from a therapist or counselor. They can help you work through your issues and develop strategies for moving forward.

Remember, resistance is often a sign that change is needed.

Embrace the challenges of this stage and work together with your partner to create a stronger, more vibrant relationship. With patience, communication, and a willingness to grow, you can emerge from Resistance Resurgence stronger and more connected than ever before.

Stage 4: Reexamining Reflections

The 4th stage is a pivotal moment in a committed relationship. It’s when you begin to reflect on your life and your priorities. You may have been raising children up to this point, and now the focus shifts to your individual needs and wants.

During this phase, you and your partner will start asking some tough questions – about yourselves and each other.

You’ll be reevaluating your relationship, your goals, and your future. It’s a time of sincere reflection that requires honesty, openness, and vulnerability.

Perhaps you’ll start to wonder if you’re really happy with the life you’ve built, or if there are things you wish you had done differently. You may also begin to question whether you and your partner are on the same page in terms of your hopes and dreams.

But don’t worry – this phase isn’t meant to be scary or overwhelming.

If you approach it with an open heart and an open mind, it can be a time of great growth and transformation. You’ll be encouraged to communicate more openly and develop the skills needed to work through any issues that arise.

One of the great things about this stage is that it’s a chance to shift gears and focus on what really matters in life. You’ll have the opportunity to re-examine your priorities, let go of old resentments, and nurture your connection with your partner.

Ultimately, the 4th stage is a powerful moment in any long-term relationship. It’s the time when you can really dig deep and find out what truly matters to you, and how you can build a fulfilling life with your partner.

So don’t fear the tough questions – embrace them, and see where your journey takes you.

Stage 5: Intentional Adjustments

 By now, you’ve likely gone through the first four stages of the marital journey. Now, it’s time for you to take it to the next level and welcome the next stage with open arms.

Stage five is all about implementing intentional adjustments to your life and marriage.

You’ve grown as individuals and as a couple, and it’s time for you to align your actions with your growth. You’ll start making purposeful adjustments and changes that reflect your goals and values as a couple and family.

Whether it’s finding new hobbies to enjoy together, setting new goals, or redefining your roles within the relationship – you’re ready to take your connection to the next level.

Gone are the days of winging it and hoping for the best. At this point, you understand that a healthy marriage takes work, and you’re ready to put in the effort.

You start working towards maintaining your relationship and keeping it healthy. You prioritise date nights, communication, and finding ways to show appreciation to each other.

You also understand that no relationship is perfect, but you’re committed to learning from your challenges and growing together.

Living intentionally is key to having a successful and fulfilling marriage. During this stage, you develop a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner.

You both have a clear direction and sense of purpose for your lives, and you work to align your goals and values with your actions.

You become more mindful of your thoughts and emotions, and work towards creating a more positive outlook on life. With intentionality comes clarity, and that’s what makes this stage so transformative.

You understand that relationships take work, and you’re willing to put in the effort. By living intentionally and mindfully, you create a fulfilling and purpose-driven life with your partner. Welcome to the final stage of your marital journey – it’s time to step into your power and live your best life together.

Stave 6: Affectionate Recommitment

 According to most experts, this occurs after the first 15 years. You have been through the ups and downs of life and have learned to weather any storm together. You now know your partner on a deep level and are happy to work together towards your shared goals.

In this phase, you experience a sense of pleasant comfort in your marriage. You have settled into your roles and responsibilities and have developed a strong foundation built on your shared experiences.

While some may say this is a boring phase in your relationship, you know that it is far from that. In fact, you are enjoying each other more and more every day.

Your children are growing up and becoming more independent, which frees up more time for the two of you to spend together. Some refer to this phase as the partnership phase because you have developed a deeper connection than ever before.

Communication has become second nature between you both, and you understand your responsibilities towards each other.

You make time for each other a priority, and you relish in the moments when you can sit back and enjoy each other’s company.

This phase may not be as exciting as the honeymoon phase, but it is equally as important. You have found a sense of gratitude and contentment in your relationship that is hard to come by.

As you move forward together, you know that you will be able to face any challenge that comes your way with ease and grace.

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Stage 7: Genuine Growth Gains

In this phase of marriage, you will find that intimacy and romance have been rekindled. You have reached a point where you understand each other’s needs and desires, and your communication has improved.

This has led to a stronger emotional bond, which is the foundation of any successful relationship.

Another characteristic of the 7th stage is a more mature outlook on life. You have learned to let go of petty issues, and focus on what is truly important.

You value your partner’s opinions and are not threatened by their differences. The ability to compromise without feeling defensive or angry is a key component of this stage.

Here is a list of some characteristics that may help you identify that you are in the 7th stage:

• Rekindled intimacy and romance
• Mature outlook on life
• No ego battles
• The ability to compromise without feeling threatened
• Children are growing and creating their own lives

One of the most exciting aspects of the genuine growth gain stage is watching your children grow and create a life of their own. Seeing your children become independent and successful is a source of pride and joy.

You can relax knowing that you have raised them to be capable and confident adults.

Stage 8: Enduring Stability Stage

The stability stage usually comes around the 20 (plus) year mark.

At this stage, you know each other better than ever before. You’ve seen each other at your best and worst, and you’ve learned to appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

This produces a deeper sense of intimacy that you can’t find anywhere else. You feel safe and secure with your partner, and that’s a beautiful thing.

With children raised, you also have more time and freedom to focus on other aspects of your life. You can pursue your goals and dreams, and spend quality time with friends and family members.

You no longer have to worry about the daily grind of parenting, and you can relax a little bit more. This is the time to live the life you’ve always wanted to live.

And what’s better than creating new experiences and adventures with your partner? Many couples travel during this stage, exploring new places and discovering new cultures.

This is a great opportunity to learn new things, bond with your partner, and create memories that will last a lifetime.

Here are some ideas for things to do during this stage of marriage:

• Take a cooking class together and learn how to make new dishes
• Go on a road trip and explore the countryside
• Volunteer at a local charity or non-profit organization and give back to the community
• Take up a new hobby, such as painting, woodworking, or gardening
• Attend a concert or music festival and enjoy the music together

It’s a time to celebrate your accomplishments, your love, and your future together. Congratulations on reaching this milestone, and enjoy every moment of it!

Stage 9: Savoring Golden Years

Savoring the golden years is the final stage of marriage. This is a time of increased focus on companionship and emotional support.

You and your partner may have retired by this point and are adjusting to changes in health, finances, and lifestyle. You’ll find yourselves reflecting on your shared experiences and memories up to this point, cherishing old memories while making new ones.

With retirement comes a newfound freedom to pursue your passions and engage in meaningful activities together. You can travel, try new hobbies or even start a business.

It’s important, however, to ensure that these activities align with both of your interests and are accessible to you in terms of physical ability or financial constraints.

Family becomes even more important during this stage of marriage. You may find yourselves spending more time with your children and grandchildren now that you have more free time.

The relationships you’ve built with each other over the years serve as a strong foundation for nurturing these family bonds even further.

As you age, a solid support system of friends and family will become more valuable than ever. You and your partner may find yourselves relying on each other and your loved ones for emotional and physical support.

It’s important to surround yourselves with people who lift you up and whom you trust to be there for you through thick and thin.

Savoring the golden years of marriage is an important stage in your life. You’ll focus on strengthening your bond with your partner through companionship and emotional support while pursuing meaningful activities together.

You’ll enjoy cherished moments with your family while leaning on them for a support system when you need it the most. Hold onto the memories you’ve made and continue to create new ones together in this final stage of marriage.

What To Do At Each Stage Of The Marriage Journey

Recognizing the joys and challenges of each stage in a lifelong partnership is crucial in building a fulfilling relationship.

Remember, it’s not about the destination, but the journey you take together.

Here are a few helpful tips on what to do at each stage:

1. Focus on getting to know each other better
2. Watch out for the land mines of selfishness, unforgiveness, and neglect
3. Be aware that change is inevitable
4. Embrace each new phase of your relationship
5. Don’t believe the lies that say marriage always grows stale
6. Be prepared for the unexpected
7. Commit to grow during each stage
8. Realize as you grow and mature, so does your love if you let it

By understanding the experiences that come with each stage, you can navigate through them with ease, thereby strengthening your bond.

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