Discover the telltale signs your marriage is in trouble. Learn how to recognize and address these issues before it’s too late.
Here are 13 signs your marriage is in trouble and the 3 things you can do today to turn it around.
Article At A Glance
- Emotional disconnection and lack of intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness and uncertainty about the relationship’s future.
- A persistent lack of physical intimacy and sexual connection can be a warning sign of deeper relationship issues.
- Dishonesty, deception, and secrecy can erode the trust that forms the bedrock of a healthy marriage.
- Living separate lives and pursuing diverging interests can indicate a growing disconnect in the relationship.
Sometimes, the signs your marriage is in trouble can be subtle, like a gradual drift apart or a loss of intimacy.
Other times, they’re more overt, such as constant arguing or even infidelity.
It’s important to know and tune in to these warning signals, as they can indicate deeper problems within the relationship.
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Many married couples find themselves at a crossroads, wondering how they got there and what they can do to salvage their troubled marriage.
The key is to act early, communicate openly, and be willing to put in the work necessary to rebuild trust and strengthen the bond between partners.
In this article, we address the top 13 common signs of marital trouble and offer practical tips on how to address them.
If you’re noticing emotional distance, constant criticism, lack of intimacy, and poor communication in your marriage, it’s time to take a closer look. You may feel alone even when your spouse is present, or like you’re walking on eggshells.
Blaming, disrespect, and refusing to address issues are also warning signs. If you find yourself fantasizing about leaving or focusing more on your appearance, it could indicate dissatisfaction. Don’t ignore these red flags.
13 Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble
Acknowledging the problems is the first step towards healing your relationship. Keep exploring to discover how to reconnect and rebuild a stronger, more fulfilling marriage.
By identifying these issues early on, you can take steps to address them and work towards a healthier, happier relationship.
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Red Flag #1) Lack Of Emotional Intimacy And Connection
Seven telltale signs your marriage is losing its emotional intimacy and connection, leaving you feeling lonely, disconnected, and unsure about your relationship’s future.
When you’re not building emotional connection through quality time and open communication, you may find yourself drifting apart. The importance of vulnerability can’t be overstated; without it, fear and underlying tensions can create distance. Enhancing emotional safety is vital for nurturing emotional intimacy, as unresolved hurts and conflicts can make it difficult to open up.
If you’re noticing less affection, decreased physical intimacy, and a struggling sex life, it’s likely that your emotional needs aren’t being met.
You may find yourself arguing more frequently, using barbed jokes to communicate, or walking on eggshells around each other. Feeling unheard, misunderstood, or resentful towards your partner are all signs that your marriage is lacking the essential emotional connection it needs to thrive.
Red Flag #2) Constant Criticism And Contempt
One of the most corrosive forces in an unhappy marriage is the presence of constant criticism and contempt.
If you find that your interactions with your spouse are regularly laced with belittling remarks, a condescending tone, hurtful sarcasm, demeaning jokes, or insulting nicknames, your relationship is likely in serious trouble.
These negative communication patterns erode the foundation of love, respect, and trust that a healthy marriage is built upon.
When criticism and contempt become the norm, it creates an atmosphere of tension and resentment.
You may feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering another verbal attack.
This constant state of defensiveness makes it nearly impossible to have open, honest conversations and work through challenges together.
If you recognize these destructive behaviors in your marriage, it’s essential to address them head-on.
Consider seeking the help of a qualified therapist who can guide you in developing healthier communication skills and rebuilding the emotional connection between you and your partner.
Red Flag #3) Lack Of Physical Intimacy And Sex
Another warning sign that your marriage may be in trouble is a persistent lack of physical intimacy and sexual connection.
When you and your partner consistently avoid being physically affectionate with each other, it’s often a red flag signaling deeper relationship issues. Intimacy problems can stem from various factors, including stress, mismatched libidos, poor communication, and unresolved conflicts.
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If left unaddressed, this lack of physical closeness can erode your emotional bond and overall relationship satisfaction.
It’s essential to recognize that sexual desire fluctuates over time, and dry spells are normal.
However, if you find yourself in a sexless marriage, defined by experts as having little to no sexual activity for a year or more, it’s time to have an open, honest conversation with your partner.
Discussing your intimacy issues and working together to reignite the spark of physical affection can help you reconnect emotionally and strengthen your marriage.
Red Flag #4) Poor Communication And Listening
When your marriage lacks healthy, open communication and attentive listening, it’s a glaring red flag that your relationship is in trouble. Communication barriers can lead to a breakdown in understanding, causing an emotional disconnect between you and your partner. Without effective listening skills, it becomes challenging to express your needs and feelings, leading to unresolved relationship conflicts.
Aspect | Impact | Solution |
---|---|---|
Communication barriers | Misunderstandings and resentment | Practice open and honest communication |
Listening skills | Feeling unheard and invalidated | Actively listen and validate your partner’s feelings |
Relationship conflicts | Increased tension and arguments | Address issues calmly and work towards compromises |
Emotional disconnect | Lack of intimacy and trust | Spend quality time together and express affection |
Understanding needs | Unmet expectations and frustrations | Clearly communicate your needs and be receptive to your partner’s |
Recognizing these signs and taking action to improve your communication and listening skills is vital for the health of your marriage. By investing time and effort into understanding each other’s needs and perspectives, you can rebuild the connection and strengthen your bond, ensuring a more fulfilling and harmonious relationship.
Red Flag #5) Fantasizing About Leaving or Having an Affair
Fantasizing about leaving your unhappy marriage or having an affair is a troubling sign that you’re deeply unsatisfied with your current relationship.
If you find yourself frequently engaging in ‘grass is greener‘ thinking or indulging in restless daydreaming about a life without your spouse, it’s time to take a hard look at what’s missing in your marriage.
These mental escape plans, even if you don’t act on them, are a form of emotional cheating that can further erode your connection with your partner.
Consider why you’re having these wanderlust musings:
Are you feeling unappreciated, ignored, or taken for granted?
Have you grown apart from your spouse due to unresolved conflicts or differing life goals?
Do you crave more excitement, passion, or novelty in your relationship?
Are you struggling with personal issues that are causing you to withdraw from your partner?
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Acknowledging these fantasies is the first step in addressing the underlying problems in your marriage.
Talk openly with your spouse about your feelings and work together to reignite the love, trust, and intimacy you once shared.
Red Flag #6) Living Separate Lives
If these mental escape plans progress into living separate lives, your marriage is on shaky ground. When you and your spouse start pursuing diverging interests, engaging in independent hobbies, or taking solo vacations, it’s a red flag that you’re growing apart.
While maintaining individual identities is healthy, if you find yourself consistently choosing to spend time apart and cultivating separate friend groups, it may indicate a deeper disconnect in your relationship.
In a thriving marriage, partners often share common interests and enjoy spending quality time together. If you’ve reached a point where you rarely engage in shared activities or meaningful conversations, it’s essential to acknowledge the growing distance between you.
Living separate lives can gradually erode the foundation of your marriage, leaving you feeling more like roommates than intimate partners.
To bridge the gap, make a conscious effort to reconnect with your spouse. Plan date nights, explore new hobbies together, and prioritize open communication.
Red Flag #7) Keeping Secrets and Lying
Dishonesty and deception can chip away at the trust that forms the bedrock of a healthy marriage.
When you or your partner start keeping secrets or lying, it’s a clear sign that your relationship is in trouble. Some common forms of marital dishonesty include:
- Financial infidelity: hiding purchases, secret debts, or undisclosed accounts
- Hidden addictions: concealing substance abuse, gambling, or other compulsive behaviors
- Undisclosed relationships: engaging in emotional or physical affairs
- Covert activities: lying about whereabouts, actions, or intentions
If you find yourself or your spouse consistently being untruthful, it’s essential to address the issue head-on.
Lies, no matter how small, can erode the foundation of your marriage.
It’s vital to create a safe space for open, honest communication where both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and struggles without fear of judgment or reprisal.
Consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist who can help you navigate these challenging conversations and rebuild trust.
Red Flag #8) Uneven Division of Household Responsibilities
When one partner consistently shoulders the lion’s share of household chores and responsibilities, it can breed resentment and discord in your marriage.
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Chore inequity is a common issue that can slowly erode the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you find yourself constantly cleaning up after your spouse or taking on the majority of housework, it’s natural to feel unappreciated and frustrated.
Task imbalance often leads to cleaning disputes and responsibility disparity, causing tension and arguments between partners.
It’s essential to address this issue head-on and have an open, honest discussion about dividing household duties fairly.
Consider each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and schedules when creating a plan to tackle chores together.
Red Flag #9) Loss of Respect and Trust
One of the most devastating blows to a marriage is the erosion of respect and trust between partners. When you find yourself constantly questioning your spouse’s motives, honesty, or commitment, it’s a clear indicator that your relationship is on shaky ground.
Loss of respect and trust can manifest in various ways:
- Broken promises that leave you feeling let down and disillusioned
- Shattered expectations about your partner’s behavior or intentions
- Lost admiration for your spouse’s character or actions
- Diminished loyalty and a growing sense of emotional distance
As eroded faith in your partner takes hold, you may find yourself increasingly guarded, hesitant to be vulnerable, and less willing to invest in the relationship.
It’s essential to address these issues head-on, communicating openly and honestly about your concerns and feelings. Seeking the guidance of a skilled therapist can help you navigate this challenging terrain, providing tools to rebuild respect and trust.
Red Flag #10) Blaming and Disrespect
Constant criticism, belittling remarks, and a refusal to take responsibility for one’s actions can erode the very foundation of your marriage, leaving you feeling unvalued, disrespected, and alone.
When your partner resorts to hostile accusations, demeaning language, or sarcastic comments, it’s a clear sign that your relationship is in jeopardy. These behaviors not only undermine your self-esteem but also create an atmosphere of fear and resentment.
If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering another round of belittling remarks or public humiliation, it’s time to address the issue head-on.
A healthy marriage thrives on mutual respect, support, and open communication. It’s essential to express your feelings calmly and assertively, letting your partner know that their behavior is unacceptable and hurtful.
Seeking the guidance of a couples therapist can help you both develop better communication skills and work through the underlying issues that fuel the disrespect.
Red Flag #11) Emotional Disengagement
The icy silence and growing distance between you and your spouse signal a troubling emotional disengagement that threatens the very core of your marriage. When you find yourselves growing apart, it’s essential to recognize the signs and take action to bridge the gap.
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Emotional walls can build up over time, leaving you and your partner feeling like distant strangers rather than intimate companions. Some indications that you’re dealing with emotional disengagement include:
- Feeling alone and unsupported, even when your spouse is physically present
- Cold interactions devoid of warmth, affection, or genuine interest
- Lack of meaningful conversations and shared experiences
- Prioritizing individual pursuits over quality time together
If left unchecked, emotional disengagement can erode the foundation of your relationship. It’s vital to acknowledge these feelings and make a concerted effort to reconnect with your spouse.
Start by openly communicating your concerns and desires, and be willing to listen to their perspective. Together, you can work on breaking down the emotional barriers and rediscovering the love and intimacy that brought you together in the first place.
Red Flag #12) Increased Focus on Appearance
While emotional disengagement chips away at your bond, you may notice your spouse paying more attention to their physical appearance—a potential red flag in a struggling marriage.
A sudden interest in a new wardrobe, a fitness obsession, or excessive grooming could signal that they’re seeking validation outside the relationship.
If your partner starts displaying flirtatious behavior with others or frequently posts selfies on social media, it may indicate a desire for attention they feel is lacking in your marriage.
While self-care and looking one’s best are positive habits, a drastic change in appearance-related priorities can suggest deeper issues.
It’s essential to approach this topic with care and open communication.
Express your observations without accusations, and ask your spouse what’s motivating their newfound focus on appearance.
Their response may reveal underlying insecurities or discontent within the marriage that need addressing.
Red Flag #13) Refusing to Get Help
Refusing to seek professional guidance, whether through couples therapy or individual counseling, can be a major obstacle in resolving marital problems.
When you or your partner consistently resist the idea of getting help, it may stem from various factors.
- Therapy aversion: A deep-seated fear or skepticism about the effectiveness of counseling.
- Pride barrier: The belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness or failure.
- Vulnerability avoidance: Unwillingness to open up and confront emotional issues.
- Stubbornness prevails: Insistence on solving problems independently, even when it’s not working.
If you need professional help, start here.
Reviving a Struggling Marriage: 3 Essential Strategies for Couples
Here are three simple steps to help you begin the process of putting your marriage back together.
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1. Enhance Communication and Active Listening
– Prioritize open, honest conversations about feelings, needs, and marital issues on a regular basis.
– Practice active listening by giving your undivided attention, avoiding interruptions, and reflecting back what you hear to demonstrate understanding.
– Use “I” statements to express your emotions without assigning blame, such as “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always…”
Learning how to communication in a way that helps you feel connected is crucial for a strong, healthy marriage.
2. Invest in Quality Time Together to Reconnect
– Plan regular date nights engaging in mutually enjoyable activities. Explore new experiences together.
– Show physical affection through hugs, kisses, and holding hands. Non-sexual touch fosters intimacy.
– Express appreciation and gratitude for the small things your partner does. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
You simply can’t reconnect if you fail to connect. It’s a solid principle. You absolutely must spend time together in order to recreate the bond that was severed.
3. Collaborate as a Team to Tackle Underlying Problems
– Take ownership of your contribution to the issues. Offer sincere apologies for past hurts.
– Concentrate on restoring trust through consistency, dependability, and openness.
– Explore couples counseling to acquire new relationship skills and gain an unbiased perspective.
The essence of success lies in prioritizing your marriage and consistently putting in the necessary effort over time. With patience, dedication, and a willingness to grow from both partners, it is feasible to restore a troubled relationship.
Our #1 recommendation for couples in crisis is the ‘Save The Marriage System’ by Dr. Lee Baucom. The program helps you identify where you are in your relationship, and offers practical steps to move your relationship in the right direction. Read our full review here.
Wrapping It Up
If you’re experiencing these signs, your marriage may feel like a sinking ship.
But don’t lose hope – acknowledging the issues is the first step towards positive change. Strong marriages take work, energy, and commitment. But it doesn’t have to be difficult.
When you work as a team to dismantle these 13 warning signs, you can rebuild your marriage and turn a bad marriage into a happy marriage.
Approach your partner with empathy and a genuine desire to reconnect.
Consider couples therapy to gain fresh insights and tools to repair your bond.
With patience, understanding, and a shared commitment to your relationship, you can navigate these troubled waters and rediscover the love that brought you together.
Here’s what you should do next…
I want to help you develop better communication skills so you can connect on a deeper level with your spouse.
That’s why we created the ‘Marriage Communication Bootcamp‘ where you will learn:
- The 4 types of communication; and why 3 of them will destroy your marriage if you do not practice the 4th.
- Why only 7% of communication is comprised of the words you speak; and how to identify the other 93%
- The 13 Skills (and how to develop them) every couple MUST have to make their marriage thrive.
- The 6 Pillars all effective communication is built on; and how to make sure they are a part of your marriage.
- A step-by-step process of moving a conversation to the point of intimacy and connection.
This course is designed to create connection, not just ‘talking skills.’ If you desire a deeper bond and stronger connection in your marriage, click the button below to go to the next page to get access to over 15 practical exercises that will help you communicate more effectively; AND feel more connected with your spouse.

Where To Find Help
We have resources available to help you create the marriage you desire and deserve.
The Healthy Marriage Quiz
If you want specific help for your marriage, or you want to know your healthy marriage score, take the marriage quiz. You’ll get immediate access with suggestions on how to improve your relationship.
Five Simple Steps Marriage Course
Marriage doesn’t have to be complicated. In this 5 part mini-series, you’ll discover practical steps to redesign your marriage.
Marriage Communication Bootcamp
Communication issues do not have to wreck your relationship. Our communication bootcamp will equip you to connect on a deeper level and cultivate skills to help you relate more effectively.
The Healthy Marriage Toolkit
Books, Courses, Programs, and Tools designed to help you create the marriage of your dreams.
Healthy Marriage Academy
Our courses will help you build a strong marriage. Each course is designed to meet a specific relationship need.
If you are having serious marriage struggles, we recommend starting with ‘Save the Marriage System‘ by Lee Baucom.