7 Signs You Need Help Communicating With Your Spouse

Communication in marriage is one of the most important factors of a successful and happy marriage. The following are 7 signs you need help communicating with your spouse.

Communication in marriage is vital to the success of a marriage. When there is a breakdown in communication, the marriage suffers. If you are experiencing any of these seven signs, it might be time to schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor.

Effective communication is key to a happy marriage, and if you’re not communicating then one of you might be suffering as a result. These are seven signs that you need to get help communicating with your spouse:

1. If you are always talking about money and financial issues

Do you always talk about money and financial issues? If you are always talking about money, your spouse may be starting to tune you out, and you need to do something to stop the negative conversations. The good news is, there are ways to improve communication and build more trust with your spouse.

This is a path fraught with difficulty and tension, especially when it comes to communication in the home.

The money relationship is one of the most important aspects of any marriage and is often neglected by those who are unhappy with their finances. Money is a top priority of the average married couple in America. Yet it seems that a lot of us are not very good at communicating our feelings about money and finances with our spouse.

Money is one of those topics which can cause some serious conflict, especially when it comes to discussing the financial habits of your spouse. Many couples fight about money, but for some, their disagreement about money is more serious and leads to divorce. 

This is why it is important to address the issues before they develop into bigger problems. When couples are married for a long time, they might be used to certain ways of communicating,

You can improve your communication (and marriage) by discovering your money personality and learning how to work together to achieve goals and keep peace in your relationship.

2. If you fight on the same topics over and over again

One of the main causes of marital strife is simply the two of you getting in the habit of arguing over the same topics over and over again. The trick to getting out of this rut is learning how to communicate effectively with your spouse. 

Communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship, yet it is one of the most challenging. Over time, people often get stuck in the same old arguments about money, sex, parenting, or other topics. If you constantly fight the same issues over and over again, chances are you are not communicating effectively.

At one point or another, most couples experience conflict. It can come out of the blue, or be the result of a logical mistake or miscommunication. No matter what the cause, one thing’s for sure: conflict is never fun.

You end up fighting and arguing over the same things every time you try to communicate with your partner. This can damage your relationship and make you feel angry and defeated. If you continue to do this, you need to take the time to improve your communication skills and learn how to communicate in a productive way.

Learn to listen. Don’t just answer with your own opinion. Before you say something, ask a question. Find out what the other person is thinking and feeling.

3. If you are not spending quality time together

How often do you communicate with your spouse or significant other? Do you speak up and tell them what you need or what’s on your mind, or do you simply let things ride?

Without good communication, you wouldn’t be able to get along or build your relationship.

However, one thing that is often overlooked is the amount of time you need to spend with each other. Many couples don’t realize how much time they don’t spend together and think they are just fine. But, the truth is that if you are not spending quality time together, your communication will suffer.

The truth is that no matter how busy we are, love and trust are the keys to a healthy relationship. It is only when we make time for each other that we feel loved, safe, and free to be ourselves. By taking the time to communicate, we can truly become a team and help each other grow.

We invest a lot of our time and energy in the people and activities that we depend on to help us cope with the stress of daily life, and they are all important. But how you decide to spend your time together is crucial. The right combination of activities and communication will help you maintain your health and happiness.

4. If you feel ignored

Another sign you need to work on your communication is when you feel ignored. This is a definite indicator you need to work on communicating with your spouse.

If you have ever been in a relationship and felt like your partner was neglectful or not as interested as you in your relationship, you are not alone. Communication breakdowns are some of the biggest causes of relationship strain, and when you are feeling ignored, it can really hurt. 

It’s hard to feel your partner’s attention when you feel like they are not listening. Avoid communication crises by learning how to communicate effectively and listening to each other.

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman suggests that when couples don’t communicate, they will not only have a hard time solving their problems, but they will also have a hard time feeling loved.

Communication has been called the most important gift of love. In the beginning of a relationship, it is usually assumed that you will have an open and honest conversation about everything. And to an extent, this is true; after all, you are choosing to date someone. But once the honeymoon of being newlyweds wears off, it is easy to become comfortable with each other, and communication stops being a priority.

For more on what to do if you feel unloved in your relationship, check out our series, ‘Unloved.’

5. If you feel like the other spouse doesn’t care about you

Some relationship experts suggest if you’re feeling like your spouse doesn’t care about you, there are only two reasons you’ll notice: 

1. They are actively choosing to ignore you. 
2. They are not being honest and open with you. 

Whether this is accurate or not, it is obvious there is a disconnect between what they say they feel, and what they actually feel. They may not be aware of this, or they may be aware of it and choose to ignore it. 

Others put it this way:

Some relationships break down because of communication breakdowns and some relationships break down because of lack of communication. 

Though both are problems, do you know the difference? 

Communication breakdowns tend to be the more obvious problem that feels like it needs help, but without proper communication, it is impossible to solve the problem.

Communication breakdowns happen when you are trying to connect, but you keep ‘missing each other.’ You are out of sync. You are not connecting on the issue you are trying to resolve.

Lack of communication is a different issue. This generally happens when one partner shuts down emotionally. You simply stop communicating.

Both are difficult and present their own set of problems; but lack of communication leaves you feeling alone, isolated, and often unloved.

The essence of love is connection. Communication is one of the best ways to connect. Without it, we are left feeling like our spouse doesn’t care.

If you find yourself consistently feeling alone, isolated, or like your spouse doesn’t care, it is a sure sign of a communication failure.

6. If you feel like the other spouse doesn’t understand you

How often do you feel like your spouse doesn’t understand you? Is it because you are unable to express yourself very well and this is making you feel like you are walking on eggshells? How about when your spouse doesn’t listen to you? When your relationship is missing that one another essential ingredient, do you feel like you are being left out by your spouse?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say that their spouse doesn’t ‘get them’ and that their marriage is drifting apart. Others simply don’t have the ability to express their emotions and hold everything inside until they explode into a frenzy.

A lack of good communication can often cause long-standing frustrations, arguments, and even divorce. The difficulty most couples have communicating can be traced back to how they were taught to communicate. Basically, we were taught to fill our words with nothing but information and then to be as indirect as possible. And this isn’t exactly how you should talk with your spouse.

Fact is, communication is not just about words. It’s not just about what you say. It’s about how you say it, and what you’re feeling when you do.

The words we choose, the way we express ourselves, and our tone of voice are all crucial parts of the communication we have with others. We have to listen to what is being said, understand it, and respond with words that are clear and concise, which we hope will encourage them to have a meaningful conversation with us.

7. If you feel like the other spouse is trying to control you

One of the most common and frustrating problems in any relationship is what I like to call “Feeling controlled by your spouse.”

This describes how it feels when they are being controlled or manipulated by the other person. It is most often caused by poor communication and a lack of understanding.

Many people end up in marriages where they feel controlled by their spouse. This means they rarely have the chance to voice their own thoughts and ideas and have to go along with what their partner wants. When people feel controlled by their spouse, they feel like little children and do not feel like adults. 

If you feel like a child with your spouse, there is probably something wrong in the relationship. Furthermore, if you are depressed or have low self-esteem, your spouse should be the first person to comfort you, not the one who makes you feel worse.

If the idea of spending time with your partner triggers a stress response in you, there’s a good chance you need help to resolve issues in your relationship. Being able to talk to your partner in a calm and open way is crucial to resolving problems in your marriage. If you never feel comfortable discussing important issues with your spouse, you probably know that it’s time to seek some help.

One common indicator of being controlled is not feeling understood. If you do not feel understood by your partner, your relationship will be less satisfying, and more controlling.

This can create a negative cycle where each person feels misunderstood, and they don’t understand the other person. A lack of understanding leads to a lack of respect. And a lack of understanding leads to a lack of empathy. Communication is key to the relationship; it is the glue that binds the bond. Without effective communication, the relationship will be hurt.

If the two of you are having issues understanding each other, it can cause conflict, but it can also create a unique relationship. If you don’t feel understood by your partner, they could be failing to read your non-verbal cues, or they could be assuming you mean something that you don’t.

Open communication is the key to unraveling the knot of bad feelings that your partner will have. Communication is probably the most important thing to have in a relationship (when it is based on trust and not disdain).

These 7 signs are indicators of poor communication in your relationship.

For more help on resolving communication problems, check out our ‘Communication Archives.’ We also recommend starting with, Good Communication Starts With Respect.

Final Thoughts

Communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. If you are having problems communicating, it is important to realize that you CAN improve your communication skills and do things differently.

The fact that you’re reading this article means you’ve recognized that some form of communication breakdown is taking place in your relationship. The bond that couples share deepens and strengthens over the years, sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. This sometimes happens because of communication problems.

In this article, we looked at 7 indicators of poor communication in marriage.

Summary

Here are the 7 indicators:

• 1. If you are always talking about money and financial issues
• 2. If you fight on the same topics over and over again
• 3. If you are not spending quality time together
• 4. If you feel ignored
• 5. If you feel like the other spouse doesn’t care about you
• 6. If you feel like the other spouse doesn’t understand you
• 7. If you feel like the other spouse is trying to control you

What’s Next?

Where To Find Help