Should I Stay With My Husband For Financial Reasons: Good Decision or Bad Advice?

It can be difficult to decide whether to stay in a marriage for financial reasons. On one hand, it may be practical to stay in the marriage in order to maintain a certain lifestyle.

On the other hand, financial stability may not be worth sacrificing happiness and emotional well-being. Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay in a marriage for financial reasons is a personal one that depends on the individual circumstances.

In this article, we will discuss some of the pro’s and con’s of staying merely for financial reasons, plus offer some practical advice on what to do if you choose to stay.

NOTE: In no way do we recommend divorce simply because you aren’t happy. Happiness can be fickle. More times than not, happiness is an internal product of our own making, and not the result of how someone else treats us for feels about us. While there is balance to this argument, the point we want to drive home is we believe in the sanctity of marriage. Divorce is a last option, not first.

Though love is often thought of as the only reason to stay in a marriage, there are other reasons that couples choose to remain together. For some, the financial stability that comes with being married is a top priority. 

The question is: Should I stay with my husband for financial reasons?

In difficult economic times, couples may feel that they cannot afford to divorce and start over. They may also believe that their financial situation will improve if they stay together. Whatever the reasons, couples who stay married for financial reasons often face unique challenges.

There are many pros and cons to staying in a marriage for financial reasons. On the one hand, financial stability can be a very important factor in a happy and healthy marriage. On the other hand, financial problems can be a major source of stress and conflict in a marriage. 

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to stay in a loveless marriage for financial reasons is a personal one. What is most important is that you take the time to carefully consider all of the pros and cons before making a decision. After all, love can grow over time. With the right investment of time and attention, it is possible to turn things around.

Top 5 Reasons Couples Stay In An Unhappy Marriage

As we discuss this topic, I want to make it clear that divorce is rarely a first option when we work with couples. The only time it is put on the table quickly is in the case of domestic violence and abuse.

Other than that, we always recommend moving slowly when it comes to considering divorce. It is painful and most people fail to take into consideration all the implications of dissolving a bad marriage.

Divorce attorney James Sexton says this:

The first thing I try to do is educate people about their rights and obligations when it comes to marriage. Marriage is the most legally significant thing you will do, other than dying. It changes your property ownership rights. It changes your obligations when it comes to support. It changes all kinds of legal rights and you don’t even get a pamphlet when you get married that explains that to you.

Then, as a divorce lawyer who sincerely tries to be ethical, I talk to people about steps they might take to avoid the worst-case scenario.

According to Lindsay Weisner, the top five reasons couples stay in an unhappy marriage are the following:

1. Financial Strain

The average cost of a divorce is $12,900, and if you are dealing with child support or custody issues, that cost doubles.

Money issues in marriage lead to tension and struggle in marriage. There are a number of reasons why money issues can affect marriages.

One reason is that money can be a source of stress in a relationship. If one partner is constantly worrying about money, it can put a strain on the relationship.

Another reason is that money can be a source of conflict in a marriage. If one partner is spending money recklessly, it can cause arguments and tension.

Finally, money can be a source of resentment in a marriage. If one partner feels like they are always the one who is responsible for the finances, it can lead to feelings of resentment.

2. Uncertainty of the Future

When you think about divorce, it brings a lot of questions. There are thousands of unknowns. For this reason, many couples continue in a relationship that is unfulfilling out of fear of the future.

It’s easier to make decisions when you know the exact outcome of your choice. Divorce doesn’t offer that very often. The unknown often forces couples to stay instead of leave.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. It can work in your favor because you slow down enough to make sure your decisions are what you really want and need.

As mentioned above, divorce is mostly not an option. So taking it off the table (at first) can help you find other ways of dealing with the tough issues in marriage.

3. Children

Stay for the children. That sounds like good advice. However, it can often backfire.

This is one of the most controversial aspects of divorce. It is not my intention to weigh in and give a detailed response. The only thing I want to point out is that divorcing when the children are older is often harder for them (and both parents) than leaving when they are young.

Children are always impacted by the breakup of the family. If handled as adults (and properly) it doesn’t have to be devastating. Parents working together can ease the pain of divorce for children.

4. Embarrassment and Guilt

Many couples stay together because they are embarrassed for others to think they failed at marriage.

Whether it’s pride, fear of rejection from family, or religious reasons, some individuals shrink back from separation and divorce because of the perception they imagine.

5. Hope That Things Will Get Better

Many times the argument of staying because of money is a cover for other factors. In other words, people use the excuse of financial hardship when the real reason they don’t leave is because they hope things will change.

One marriage counselor (anonymous) made this observation:

You checked out of your marriage emotionally a long time ago, but you never filed for a divorce legally. If it’s clear that you’re in a “loveless” marriage with no hope for change, why stay? Your financial excuse is only an excuse that’s keeping you tied to your husband. Rather than dealing with the real issue of getting a divorce, you’re dealing with excuses that keep you together. Yes, most divorces result in needing to adjust financially and give up some of the material things. This can create financial hardship, but when you’re sick and tired of being in a marriage or any relationship, this only becomes a temporary inconvenience.

This is why it is important to take your time and truly assess your marriage to discover what you want, what is wrong, and what can be done to repair it.

Pros Of Staying In Marriage For Financial Reasons

Let’s look at a few positive reasons for staying in a marriage for financial reasons:

1. It’s (often) better for children.

A cohesive family unit provides a healthier structure for children compared to a broken home.

A study in 2010 showed that children experienced greater negative impact when couples had high levels of conflict before and after divorce.

Couples who have both high conflict relations before and after divorce tend to have the greatest negative impact on children (Fincham& Stanley 2002). Amato (2005) went on to find that interparental conflict is a direct stressor for children, affecting attachment and emotional insecurity. Children who are in these conflict environments tend to show more emotional issues later in life.

2. It eliminates the cost of divorce, lawyers, and other related expenses.

This is something most couples do not consider. When divorce is eminent, the only thoughts are getting out and ending the relationship. Very little thought is given to cost of separation and divorce.

it should be a factor to consider. Especially if you are in a situation that is not violent, toxic, or abusive.

The results of a study of more than 150 divorced women were very powerful. The most important message these women had for other women who are getting divorced is to get smart about money so you know your choices. Not knowing about money can be expensive. In the study, 64% of the women said that a financial advisor would have been helpful to them during their divorce.

3. It allows you to maintain your lifestyle.

While this may sound superficial, many couples would rather stay in a relationship than risk losing the benefits that relationship offers.

This doesn’t just affect lifestyle; it has a direct impact on family assets. When these are divided, sometimes heirs lose out.

Many attorneys recommend staying together for these financial reasons if at all possible. It is a factor that should at least be considered.

4 It provides an opportunity to reconnect.

This is the best (and biggest) reason to stay in a marriage.

I’ve already mentioned how hard separation and divorce are; staying together gives you an opportunity to try and make it work.

At worst, it gives you time to process what is really happening in your relationship. At best, you have the time to work on the things that are not working to make them better.

Practical Advice If You Stay In A Marriage For Financial Reasons

There are key steps you can take and principles you can follow to make your marriage better even if you stay for financial reasons.

1. Make the most of your time

Use the time to try and rebuild your relationship. 

At The Healthy Marriage, our mission is to help couples build the marriage they desire and deserve. Divorce is not the path to that goal. We want to help couples avoid terminating their marriage if possible.

This means couples have to fight for their relationship. Even if you are staying for financial reasons, use this as an opportunity to reconnect and rebuild.

Do not resign yourself to merely living separate lives. Find ways to connect.

Below, we offer a few ideas on how to start this process.

2. Be honest with your partner about your feelings and why you are staying in the marriage.

I’ve found that honesty opens the lines of communication where both parties can begin dealing with the real issues.

As mentioned above, many times financial reasons for staying mask the real issues in a marriage. 

The only way to break through those walls is raw honesty and transparency. It’s give and take until you discover the real problems in your relationship.

3. Establish and maintain consistent communication with your spouse.

Many couples pull back and withdraw when they make the decision to stay only because of financial reasons. This is a mistake. 

Regardless of where your marriage goes, it’s best to keep lines of communication open so no secrets are kept from one another. Secrets only erode trust and make it difficult to deal with problems.

You may also want to read, The 7 C’s Of Communication.

4. Keep your promises and follow through on your commitments.

Your word should be your bond. Set boundaries and keep your promises at all costs.

This creates an atmosphere of trust, respect, and cohesion in the relationship.

The strength of any relationship depends on the ability of each person to keep their promises and follow through on their commitments. If you want to build a strong relationship with someone, you need to be a person of your word. You need to set boundaries and stick to them, no matter what. This will create an atmosphere of trust and respect, and will help to keep the relationship strong and cohesive.

Honesty is the foundation of any good relationship. If you are not honest with each other, the relationship will eventually crumble. So, always be honest with your words and actions, and make sure to follow through on your commitments. This is the only way to build a strong and lasting relationship.

5. Show appreciation for your spouse and make an effort to do things that make them happy.

It’s easy when you make a decision to stay in an unhappy situation to stop all effort at communicating and connecting. In my opinion, this is a huge mistake.

Even though your relationship isn’t where you want it to be, and even though you feel like you are merely going through the motions, this is not the time to slow down. It is an opportunity to start slow and reclaim the things that have fallen and died in your marriage.

Remember, it’s the little things added up over time that make AND break a marriage.

In Tom Wolfe’s classic novel, Bonfire of Vanities, a character is bankrupt. A friend asks him how he went bankrupt. He replies, ““Well, I went bankrupt the way that everyone does, very slowly and then all at once.“

I love that line. It is a picture of how life works. Things start small. Slowly. Then they expand quickly.

This is true of the negative things that happen in our relationships; but it is also true in reverse. You can begin doing good things small and slow at first. Eventually, they grow and begin to move quickly.

In other words, the same principle of expansion that brought about bankruptcy in your love life, can be used to turn things around and recreate the marriage you dsire.

Showing appreciation is one of those tiny steps you can take to reclaim your marriage.

One way to do this is by understanding the principles of giving found in the story of men with no elbows.

6. Continue to grow and learn how to create the marriage you desire.

This means don’t give up. Instead, invest in your relationship.

Many relationships stall after years of being together because they stop investing in each other and their marriage. 

I call this the ABC’s of strong relationships: Always Be Creating!

We create the marriage we have whether we realize it or accept it as fact. The painful truth is, you are where you are because of the decisions you made. I don’t say this to ‘blame the victim.’ But if we are honest, we paved the way for our relationship to take its current shape. 

Perhaps it was because things were left unsaid, and other things left undone. Either way, we contribute to the current state of our marriage. The key that turns things around is taking responsibility for what we can change.

We can’t change everything; but we can change some things. By doing those things we improve the quality of our life and marriage.

The good news is, because this is true, you can turn things around. Instead of blaming our spouse, in-laws, or bad events, seize the opportunity to create the kind of marriage you truly desire.

There are hundreds of programs available that will help you accomplish this.

Our top recommendations are:

Save the Marriage Systemfor those in a marriage crisis.

Mend the Marriage for those who want to fine tune their relationship.

1000 Questions for Couples for those who want to reconnect.

Relationship Rewrite for winning your partners heart back

The Devotion Systemfor couples who want more intimacy and connection

You can also check out our Healthy Marriage toolkit for more resources.

Final Thoughts

Divorce is never easy. Rarely does it turn out the way we think. It involves pain, anguish, and shame.

Choosing to stay together for financial reasons (this could also be said of other reasons as well), may be healthy for your relationship in the long run. 

Summary

• Top 5 Reasons Couples Stay In An Unhappy Marriage
  • 1. Financial Strain
  • 2. Uncertainty of the Future
  • 3. Children
  • 4. Embarrassment and Guilt
  • 5. Hope That Things Will Get Better
• Pros Of Staying In Marriage For Financial Reasons
  • 1. It’s (often) better for children.
  • 2. It eliminates the cost of divorce, lawyers, and other related expenses.
  • 3. It allows you to maintain your lifestyle.
  • 4 It provides an opportunity to reconnect.
• Practical Advice If You Stay In A Marriage For Financial Reasons
  • 1. Make the most of your time
  • 2. Be honest with your partner about your feelings and why you are staying in the marriage.
  • 3. Establish and maintain consistent communication with your spouse.
  • 4. Keep your promises and follow through on your commitments.
  • 5. Show appreciation for your spouse and make an effort to do things that make them happy.
  • 6. Continue to grow and learn how to create the marriage you desire.

What’s Next?

Where To Find Help