Tighten The Knot: 10 Secrets To A Happy Marriage

This is a guest post by Carla Adams. Follow her on Twitter @CaCarlaadams. See full bio below.

Discover the secrets to a happy marriage. From long-married couples to New York Times experts, learn how to create a successful and fulfilling partnership.

Anyone who’s been married for a while knows it’s not always a smooth journey. 

Did you know that in Canada, there were only 98,355 marriages registered in 2020, the lowest since 1938?

But don’t worry; there are some tried-and-true secrets to keeping your relationship tight and your love alive.

We will share ten secrets that happily married couples have used to weather the ups and downs and make it to their golden anniversaries and beyond.

So get ready to tighten the knot and make your marriage one for the ages. These secrets aren’t complicated, but they do take commitment and effort. So, let’s dive in and make your love story last a lifetime.

1. Have fun together

A happy marriage takes work, but one of the most important things you can do is make time for fun with your spouse. Set aside time each week for shared activities and adventures together.

Do things together that you found fun when you were first dating. Play games, go to amusement parks, act silly, laugh together. Laughter releases endorphins that improve your mood and bring you closer.

Go on regular dates. Try new restaurants, see movies, go dancing, or participate in a hobby you both enjoy. Making the time to reconnect through experiences you share will strengthen your bond. Especially in a place like Calgary, there are so many outdoor adventures you can embark on during the summers and winters. If you’ve always been an adventurous couple, go for ziplining or mountain biking in the summers or go skiing in the winters.

Strengthening your marriage is about revisiting beautiful memories and creating new ones. Why don’t you throw an anniversary party where the two of you can repeat your vows?! Use keywords such as wedding limo service Calgary, and book a luxurious ride online for a special date, and perhaps invite a few close friends later to take your vows again!

2. Communication Is Key: Talk Openly and Listen Actively

To keep your marriage strong, make chatting with your partner a priority. Talk about your day, your hopes, your struggles — the big and little things. Listen when they open up, make eye contact, and avoid distractions.

Discuss issues before they become more significant problems. Be honest yet kind, focus on one topic at a time, and look for compromise. Apologize when you’re wrong. Say “please,” “thank you,” and “I love you” every day.

Give your spouse your full attention. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and listen to understand their perspective. Validate their feelings. Ask open-ended questions to make sure you grasp what they’re saying.

Make time each week for deeper conversations, too. Discuss your relationship, finances, family issues, all of it. Express how you truly feel and find solutions together. With open, honest, and frequent communication, you’ll find yourselves closer than ever.

3. Stay Emotionally and Physically Connected

To keep your marriage strong, make emotional and physical intimacy a priority.

Stay emotionally vulnerable

Open up to your partner about your hopes, fears, and dreams. Laugh together. Cry together. Share details of your day and listen when they share about theirs. Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

Be affectionate

Hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle. Touch releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” strengthening your bond. Make physical intimacy a habit, not just something that happens spontaneously.

Flirt

Tease, compliment, make eye contact, smile. Playful flirtation keeps the spark alive. Send a flirty text during the day to make them smile and build anticipation for when you’re together again.

4. Fight Fairly and Forgive Easily

To have a happy marriage, learn to manage conflicts constructively. Fighting fairly means avoiding personal attacks, listening to understand the other perspective, and compromising when possible.

When arguments happen, focus on one issue at a time. Take a timeout if emotions escalate. Forgiving easily is vital – don’t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes. Say you’re sorry sincerely when needed.

Makeup quickly after a disagreement. Reconnect physically and emotionally – give a hug, hold hands, kiss. Let go of resentment and choose to move on from the conflict. Make a fresh start.

5. Share responsibilities

One of the secrets to strengthening your marriage is sharing responsibilities.

Divide and conquer household chores

Split up chores like cooking, cleaning, yard work, and bills. Make a schedule if needed. When both partners share the load, it prevents resentment and ensures things get done.

Give each other space to pursue interests

Encourage your partner to engage in hobbies, socialize with friends, and pursue personal interests. Having your interests and independence strengthens your sense of self, which, in turn, boosts your marriage. At the same time, make sure to set aside time for meaningful interaction with each other.

Make big decisions together

Discuss essential life choices and find a compromise. Whether moving to a new city, having a baby, or any decision that impacts you both, make sure you see eye to eye. Listen to understand each other’s perspectives before convincing the other of your position.

Check-in regularly

Sit down often to talk about the state of your relationship and your needs, desires, and goals as a couple. Speaking openly about the good and bad aspects of your partnership helps ensure small issues don’t become bigger problems.

With work, compromise, and commitment to meeting each other’s needs, your marriage can thrive for years.

6. Support each other’s goals

A happy, lifelong marriage takes work. One of the secrets to tightening your knot is supporting each other’s goals and dreams.

Make compromises

Be willing to meet in the middle. Maybe you want to return to school while your spouse wants to start a business. Find a way to make both work, even if it means adjusting timelines or responsibilities. Compromise shows you care about each other’s happiness and success.

Cheer each other on

Whether it’s a work project, hobby, or personal goal, be each other’s biggest fans. Ask questions, offer encouragement, and celebrate wins, big and small. Having a solid support system will make achieving goals that much sweeter.

Help however you can

If your spouse has much on their plate, pitch in however you can. Help with chores and tasks, make meals, run errands, or pick up the kids. Don’t wait to be asked; look for ways to lighten the load.

Supporting each other through life’s pursuits is key. Make an effort to cheer each other on, help, compromise when you can, and share the journey.

7. Appreciate each other’s strengths and accept each other’s weaknesses

A healthy marriage is built on mutual understanding and respect. Focus on the qualities you admire in your spouse, like their kindness, humor, or optimism. Express your appreciation for these strengths openly and often.

At the same time, accept that we all have weaknesses and imperfections. Overlook minor annoyances and learn to live with your differences. Compromise when you can, and when you can’t, agree to disagree and move on.

Try to listen to your partner and be empathetic towards their experiences and perspectives. Say, “I understand why you feel that way,” and mean it. Give each other space to share hopes, fears, triumphs, and failures without judgment.

Make your marriage a soft place to land at the end of the day.

A marriage takes work, but focusing on your strengths, accepting each other’s faults, and maintaining an attitude of partnership and goodwill can help make the hard times easier and the good times even better.

8. Bring emotional stability to your relationship

Bringing emotional stability into your relationship is key. Arguments and disagreements are normal, but how you handle them matters most.

Stay calm and composed

When tensions rise, take a few deep breaths to avoid escalating the situation. Respond in a composed, respectful manner. Do not attack or become defensive. This will help diffuse the problem rather than add fuel to the fire.

Listen to understand

Make eye contact, give your full attention, and listen to understand their perspective. Do not just wait for your turn to respond. Ask questions to clarify and confirm you comprehend their viewpoint. Validating their experience will make them more receptive to understanding yours.

Find common ground

Look for areas of agreement and shared interests. Compromise when you can. Be willing to meet each other halfway. Focus on one issue at a time rather than rehashing old grievances. Come together in the spirit of partnership and goodwill.

Take space if needed

If tensions continue to mount, take a timeout to allow emotions to settle and gain a more balanced perspective. Come together once you’ve both cooled off and are ready for a constructive conversation. Make the health of your relationship the priority rather than “winning” the argument.

9. Develop a genuine interest in your partner’s life

Develop a genuine interest in your partner’s life. Try to stay up-to-date with the details of their day, their passions, their work, and their relationships. Ask open-ended questions to start a meaningful conversation and actively listen when they share. Pay attention to the little things that shape their daily experiences. Your spouse should feel heard, supported, and cared for.

10. Avoid bringing negativity

Avoid bringing negativity into your relationship. Focus on the positive. It’s easy to complain about little annoyances, but that breeds resentment over time.

Try to express appreciation for the big and little things your partner does. Say “please” and “thank you.” Give compliments and praise. Laugh together. Make time to do enjoyable activities together, like dinner, seeing a movie, hiking, or just talking.

Before You Go

So, there are ten simple secrets to help tighten the knot in your marriage and keep the spark alive.

A happy, healthy relationship takes work, but focusing on intimacy, communication, shared experiences, compromise, and making each other a priority can help strengthen your bond over the long haul.

It’s about choosing each other again and again. So turn off the TV, put down your phone, look your partner in the eyes, and reconnect.

Do small things with great love. Tighten that knot, strengthen that bond, and make new memories each day.

Where To Find Help