Rebuilding Trust After Emotional Infidelity

Rebuilding Trust After emotional infidelity is a long and difficult path. But it is possible to restore your marriage. Understanding the reasons behind an emotional entanglement is important. 

In this article, we discuss 12 major reasons for emotional affairs and three basic steps couples must take to recover.

Several years ago I received an email from a reader. She was devasted when she discovered her husband was involved in a texting affair with another woman. He promised her it was not sexual (meaning they had not had physical sex). But the damage was deep.

I recommended a few steps they could take and a program to help her know what to do next.

She later admitted that it would have been easier if he had cheated (physically). She could have written it off as pure lust. But the emotional attachment was what hurt her the most. And was the most difficult to overcome.

What Is An Emotional Affair?

An emotional affair can be defined as a relationship between two people who are not sexually involved with each other, but who share a close personal connection. This type of affair often occurs when one person is married or in a committed relationship with someone else.

It can be difficult to determine whether or not an emotional affair is happening, as there is often no physical evidence of the relationship. However, some signs that an emotional affair may be taking place include:

• Spending more time with the person than with your partner or spouse
• Talking about personal matters that you would not normally discuss with someone outside of your relationship
• Feeling more emotionally connected to the person than to your partner.

An emotional affair is often more deadly because it is harder to detect and can often go on for a long period of time without being discovered. They can also be harder to heal from because of the deep emotional bond that has been formed between the two people.

12 Reasons Why People Have Emotional Affairs

Most people believe that an affair is only physical; however, emotional affairs are much more common and can be just as damaging to a relationship. An emotional affair is when a person develops a close, intimate relationship with someone other than their spouse or partner.

This type of affair is often characterized by sharing secrets, confiding in one another, and spending a significant amount of time together.

While there are many reasons why people have emotional affairs, here are 12 of the most common:

1. Lack of Intimacy in the Relationship

One of the most common reasons why people have emotional affairs is because they feel a lack of intimacy in their current relationship. This can be due to a number of factors, such as busy schedules, different interests, or even a lack of physical affection. When one feels like they are not getting the intimacy they desire from their partner, they may seek it out elsewhere.

2. Unhappy with the Relationship

Another reason why people may have an emotional affair is that they are unhappy with their current relationship. This could be due to a number of reasons, such as feeling unappreciated, misunderstood, or even taken for granted. When someone is unhappy in their relationship, they may start to look for happiness elsewhere.

3. Seeking Attention

Sometimes, people have emotional affairs because they are simply seeking attention. This could be because they feel like their partner does not pay enough attention to them or because they feel neglected in the relationship. Whatever the reason, seeking attention outside of the relationship can be damaging to both parties involved.

4. Feeling Inadequate

Some people may turn to emotional affairs because they feel inadequate in their current relationship. This can be due to a number of reasons, such as feeling like they are not good enough for their partner or feeling like their partner does not find them attractive. When someone feels inadequate, they may start to look for validation from someone else.

5. Revenge

Lastly, some people may have an emotional affair as a way to get revenge on their partner. This could be because they feel like their partner has cheated on them or because they feel like their partner has been emotionally abusive. Whatever the reason, revenge is not a healthy reason to have an affair and can often lead to even more problems in the relationship.

6. They want to feel better about themselves

Sometimes people turn to emotional affairs because they simply want to feel better about themselves. This can be for a number of reasons, such as feeling like they are not good enough or feeling like they are not attractive. When someone is not happy with themselves, they may start to look for validation from someone else.

7. They are curious

Some people may be curious about having an affair and decide to try it out. This could be because they have heard about it from friends or because they have seen it in the media. Whatever the reason, curiosity can often lead to people having an affair, even if they are not necessarily unhappy in their current relationship.

8. They are bored

Sometimes people may have an affair because they are simply bored with their current relationship. This could be because they feel like they are not being challenged or because they feel like their partner is not providing them with enough excitement. When someone is bored in their relationship, they may start to look for excitement elsewhere.

9. They are looking for a way out.

Sometimes people may have an affair because they are looking for a way out of their current relationship. This could be because they are unhappy with their partner or because they feel like their relationship is not going anywhere. When someone is looking for a way out, they may start to look for someone else to provide them with the escape they desire.

10. They are under stress

Lastly, some people may have an affair because they are under a lot of stress. This could be because of work, family, or other personal problems. When someone is under a lot of stress, they may start to look for an escape, which can often lead to them having an affair.

11. They don’t know how to deal with their emotions

Some people may have an affair because they don’t know how to deal with their emotions. This could be because they are not used to being emotionally intimate with someone or because they are not used to sharing their feelings.

When someone is not used to dealing with their emotions, they may start to look for someone else to help them cope. This can often lead to them having an emotional affair.

12. They are serial cheaters

Some people may have an affair because they are simply serial cheaters. This means that they have a history of cheating on their partners and are not likely to change their ways. When someone is a serial cheater, they may start to look for someone else to cheat on their current partner with.

Serial cheaters are narcissists. This means that they are overly self-involved and only care about their own needs. When someone is a narcissist, they may start to look for someone else to provide them with the attention they crave.

Can A Relationship Be Fixed After An Emotional Affair

The short answer is, Yes. The long answer is, it depends. There are many factors that determine how well a couple recovers from betrayal.

We discuss this in detail here and here.

An emotional affair is defined as a relationship between two people where there is an emotional connection that is outside of the normal boundaries of a relationship. This type of affair can be just as damaging to a relationship as a physical affair, and in some cases, even more so. If you have been involved in an emotional affair, it is important to understand that it can be fixed, but it will take work from both parties.

The first step is to be honest with each other about what happened. This means being honest about the depth of the emotional connection, as well as the reasons why it happened. Once you have this understanding, you can start to work on rebuilding the trust that was broken.

This will not be an easy process, but it is important to remember that it is possible to have a healthy and happy relationship after an emotional affair. With time, patience, and effort, you can fix the damage that was done and move forward.

How To Rebuild Trust After An Emotional Affair

Rebuilding trust in a marriage after infidelity and restoring it after a betrayal is not easy. In fact, it is painful. There are two things to keep in mind as you work through the process of restoration:

1. Learning to trust again after betrayal takes time and effort.
2. Both parties must take action to restore trust.

Both partners must take responsibility for their part in the relationship before they can rebuild trust. They should communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully. They need to focus on what they did right, and not blame or criticize. They also need to avoid doing things that might trigger feelings of anger, fear, or insecurity. They should seek counseling if necessary.

3 Things A Couple Must do To Rebuild After An Affair

Here are three things couples must do to rebuild after an emotional entanglement.

1. Talk About Your Feelings

Both partners need to be able to talk about intense feelings without blame, judgment, criticisms, and contempt. These are the four biggest marriage killers that will keep you from rebuilding.

Mending the breach of trust takes place when emotions are not off the chart, and couples can talk about what happened. This is a crucial step in the healing process.

2. Find Ways To Connect

Reconnecting emotionally and physically is vital. I realize this sounds risky, but the quicker you can reconnect, the faster you will begin the recovery process.

This doesn’t mean you sweep the issue under the rug. Far from it. It must be dealt with. But, you must also reconnect as a couple so the healing can begin.

Physical intimacy is an important part of recovery. Because our sex life is a big part of marriage, it is one thing that must be healed. Sooner the better.

John Gottman puts it this way:

Without the presence of sexual intimacy, that is pleasurable to both, the relationship can’t begin again.

Marriage is all about connection. Re-establishing intimate connection is the most important part of the process.

3. Take Time To Tune-Up

Relationships are like great music. There is melody, harmony, and the blending of instruments to create a sound that is attractive and appealing. For instruments, musicians, and singers to work together, they have to be in tune with each other. 

For example, I play guitar. If I am not in tune with the piano, the music sounds off. It is muddy and dissonant. To sound good, it needs to be in tune with all other instruments.

This is a great analogy for marriage. Our hearts, minds, and souls need to be in tune with one another for marriage to be sweet. If we are out of tune, the sound is unpleasant.

One way to get in tune is to dedicate time together. 

It’s not enough to desire it; you have to orchestrate it.

If you’ve ever been to a symphony, you notice that before the concert begins, the musicians are all playing their instruments. It often sounds like a massive, jumbled mess. But they are actually tuning their instruments so that when the concert begins, they are all playing the same notes, in the same pitch.

It takes time to make this happen.

One way to get in tune is to dedicate time together. It's not enough to desire it; you have to orchestrate it. Click To Tweet

This means we must be more attentive and spend regular time together. It includes rituals of connection such as daily walks or eating without social media interference.

Final Thoughts On Rebuilding Trust After Emotional Infidelity

In any relationship, trust is essential. This is especially true after experiencing emotional infidelity. After someone has been unfaithful, it can be difficult to rebuild trust. However, it is possible to rebuild trust after emotional infidelity.

There are a few things that you can do to help rebuild trust. First, be honest with your partner about what happened. Next, be willing to work on rebuilding trust. This means being open and honest with your partner, being transparent, and being willing to communicate. Finally, be patient. Rebuilding trust takes time. If you are both willing to work at it, you can rebuild trust after emotional infidelity.

In this article, we not only covered the 12 major reasons for emotional infidelity, but we looked at three important keys to rebuilding after an emotional affair.

Summary

• What Is An Emotional Affair?
• 12 Reasons Why People Have Emotional Affairs
  • 1. Lack of Intimacy in the Relationship
  • 2. Unhappy with the Relationship
  • 3. Seeking Attention
  • 4. Feeling Inadequate
  • 5. Revenge
  • 6. They want to feel better about themselves
  • 7. They are curious
  • 8. They are bored
  • 9. They are looking for a way out.
  • 10. They are under stress
  • 11. They don’t know how to deal with their emotions
  • 12. They are serial cheaters
• Can A Relationship Be Fixed After An Emotional Affair
• How To Rebuild Trust After An Emotional Affair
  • 3 Things A Couple Must do To Rebuild After An Affair

What’s Next?