In 1996 psychologist Arthur Aron conducted a study to see if he could get to strangers to fall in love by having them discuss 36 specific questions. He succeeded.
His study is now legendary in the world of relationship psychology.
The study doesn’t stop there though. Recently TEDxSydney repeated that famous study. They too were amazed at the results.
The video below tells the story of one couple that participated in the experiment.
Fascinating. And moving.
Why It Works
There are several psychological triggers at work in these questions:
First, it forces us to focus on what you truly desire, want and need in your own life.
It’s difficult to build a lasting relationship when aren’t sure what you want, need or desire. These questions are designed, not just to get the ‘other person’ to open up, but to help us peer into our own psyche and discover what makes us tick.
Second, it allows walls to drop.
This is important because the experiment is set up to be non-threatening and non-judgmental. When defenses go down, so do inhibitions. This fosters openness and transparency which all great relationships are based upon.
ALSO READ: 6 Characteristics of Emotionally Safe Relationships
Third, shared experiences help us bond on a deep level.
This is why people who share similar traumatic events (or even happy events) connect.
Why do you think people who ride Harley’s connect? It’s a shared experience. You belong to the club.
These questions are designed to dig deep and uncover and create a shared experience.
ALSO READ: The Value of Sharing a Meal
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Fourth, it exposes the heart.
It’s no secret that physical beauty and attractiveness play a role in attraction. But that role is not nearly as significant as you’d think.
Real connection – deep , lasting connection – comes from discovering someone’s heart.
This reveals who they are on a deeper level. It exposes a true beauty that doesn’t fade. Each of these questions uncovers the inner person. Which leads to a more profound sense of bonding.
Finally, it allows the relationship to be built on trust, truth and acceptance.
These open-ended questions allow the relationship to steer away from superficial things (latest movies, social media, musical tastes, etc) and focus on more meaningful things.
When we answer these questions we are ‘putting ourselves out there’ by being vulnerable and transparent. Our answers come from the heart, therefore the relationship begins on the right foot. It’s forged on trust, truth, and acceptance.
I hope you see the value in ‘self discovery’ and ‘partner discovery.’ There is something magical about communicating on a deep level.
You can find out more about Dr. Aron’s experiment and get access to his 36 questions along with bonus questions by reading about it at 1000 Questions for Couples.
>>> 1000 Questions for Couples <<<
NOTE: This is a product I promote because I believe in it. I do get a commission if you purchase from this link. You can read our sales disclosure here.
Here’s a Sample of Some of the Questions:
These are 9 of the questions. They are not in sequence or order. I share this so you can get a feel for what the program is like.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
The 1000 Questions for Couples contain the 36 questions Dr. Aron asked, but also 964 others. Click here to find out more.