Unlock Intimacy: Making Physical Connection and Sex in Marriage Thrive

Have your marriage become closer than ever – learn how physical connection and sex can bring you and your partner closer. Check out our Ultimate Guide!

What Do We Mean By Physical Connection

We are not ONLY physical beings (we are spiritual in nature), yet we live in a physical world and connect to the world around us with our five senses (see, touch, hear, taste, and smell). Each one of these plays a role in our marriage.

In other words, I connect with my wife by using my five senses. She is attractive (visual/I see). Her scent awakens something in me; this is because we all produce phermones (smell). Her voice is comforting and inviting (hear). 

It’s easy to understand that our relationship is physical. It is not MERELY physical, but this part of our relationship is important (this side of heaven).

So, when we talk about physical conneciton, I want you to understand two things:

1. The physical is not the only part of marriage
2. The physcal is a big part of marriage

We need to keep these two things in balance in order to have a fulfilling, and meaningful relationship.

Reasons Why Physical Connection and Sex Matter in Marriage

Having a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship is important for maintaining a strong, intimate bond between two partners in marriage.

Sex is a way of expressing love, caring, and physical intimacy for married couples to keep their relationship strong.

Not only does sex create an emotional connection, but it also provides comfort and can lead to healthier forms of communication.

Intimacy Issues Need To Be Discussed

Many couples struggle to communicate their needs, wants and desires.

But this is an area that is of primary importance in marriage. So it needs to be discussed in a healthy manner.

Only by communicating with our spouse can we find ways to connect and gain a healthy perspective on physical intimacy and our needs as partners.

Sex is a gift from God. So it is important.

As a Christian, I understand sex is unique in the sense that it is designed for one man and one woman. It is something to be guarded and not shared with anyone else.

This makes it a high priority and value in the marriage relationship.

A little later we will discuss more of the benefits of a healthy sex life, but here are three ‘big picture’ ideas we should understand about physical contact.

1) Enhances communication and understanding

Touching is a powerful form of nonverbal communication that conveys a wide range of emotions ranging from love and affection to disapproval and anger. When it’s done with intent and understanding, it can profoundly strengthen the relationship by forging deeper emotional connection between partners.

Physical contact helps to foster unity bond in marriage by promoting feelings of intimacy that build mutual understanding.

It helps build emotional closeness between spouses which positively impacts the overall quality of their relationship. The language of touch can be what ultimately heals rifts caused by emotional detachment.

2)Increases intimacy

Nothing emphasizes closeness more than physical affection. Genuine, intimate contact between spouses can establish deep connections that no amount of conversation ever could.

Cuddling, holding hands and embracing create warmth, comfort and a sense of security. As physiological responses kick in, oxytocin is released from the brain releasing tension and calming both partners.

According to research for Psychology Today , physical contact releases dopamine which helps boost moods.

Dopamine is arguably responsible for many of the similarities between love and illicit drug use. The influential neurotransmitter can be activated by intimacy and cuddling. (Post University)

When there’s stress in the relationship these little touches can restore connection quickly without getting into drawn-out conversations or arguments while simultaneously conveying an important message: love is still there, it may just need a bit of nurturing right now.

3) Strengthens relationship

 An experiment conducted by researcher Dacher Keltner, demonstrated how emotions can be conveyed simply through touch without words.

He explains the experiment:

We built a barrier in our lab that separated two strangers from each other. One person stuck his or her arm through the barrier and waited. The other person was given a list of emotions, and he or she had to try to convey each emotion through a one-second touch to the stranger’s forearm. The person whose arm was being touched had to guess the emotion.

A wide range of emotions were used, ranging from compassion, anger, hurt, gratitiude, love, and fear (among others). Based on the statistics of probability, the participants should have guessed the correct emotion 8% of the time. 

What they found was, the participants guessed correctly between 50-60% of the time. 

Their conclusion was:

Touch provides its own language of compassion, a language that is essential to what it means to be human.

 The big takeaway is: physical touch in marriage has the ability to strengthen the bond between a couple.

Ways to Increase Physical Connection and Sex in Marriage

Physical connection is an essential part of any successful marriage. It’s not just about the physical pleasure, but it’s also a way to show your partner that you care.

1) Initiate physical contact

Life happens. Sometimes we get busy, stressed, or distracted with the ‘little things’ (and big things) of life.

This is all the more reason to initiate touch in your marriage.

Touch is known to release oxytocin – a hormone associated with feelings of happiness, connection and bond. Through regular physical contact between partners, couples strengthen trust and show care for each other in unique ways; essentially recharging their emotional batteries in order to foster a healthy relationship.

2) Talk about sex openly

Open communication should be a cornerstone of marriage. Being able to talk openly about needs, wants, and desires actually helps us connect on a deeper level.

Conversations about sex allow both partners to express their needs, enabling each other to become closer emotionally. Having such discussions can foster mutual respect and acceptance, boost trust and intimacy between the couple.

Besides providing a better understanding of sexual preferences, discussing sex in a safe and comfortable environment can also help open communication when it comes to matters related to consent, respect for boundaries and fidelity.

This helps reduce chances of sexual abuse or infidelity within the relationship. Moreover, recently studies have shown that couples who talk more openly about sex tend to experience greater satisfaction in the bedroom than those who don’t communicate as much.

3) Find ways to express physical affection

Physical Affection helps to keep the relationship fresh and encourages feelings of love.

Research has shown that couples who engage in physical affection on a regular basis are more likely to be satisfied with their relationship and report higher levels of sharing and trust.

4) Make time for physical intimacy

Let’s be honest. We make time for the things that are important to us. 

Recently Michelle and I wanted to take a trip to the beach. Our schedules had been quite hectic and we felt the need to get away for a few days.

For that reason, we bumped it up on our ‘list.’ Because it was a priority, we planned it. We picked a date for our trip. Booked a condo. Wrapped up business for that week. And made arrangements with our daughter to keep our dog.

In other words, it was important, so we planned it.

Since physical touch is so important for the health of your relationship, I believe it should be something that is 'bumped to the front of the line.'  Click To Tweet

Since physical touch is so important for the health of your relationship, I believe it should be something that is ‘bumped to the front of the line.’ 

It may not be necessary to write on the calendar, ‘hold hands with my wife for 30 minutes tonight.’ It IS important to make it a priority. How you do that is up to you.

Hugging, cuddling, holding hands or even exchanging a gentle kiss can express emotion without words.

When we make an effort to seek out closeness with our spouse, we show our appreciation for them and demonstrate how much they mean to us – this increases connection between the two partners and encourage them both to feel valued.

Suggested: How Important Is Kissing In Marriage

5 Benefits Of A Healthy Sex Life

Sex has many physical, mental, and even spiritual benefits for married couples.

Here are five benefits to consider:

1) Reduces Stress

Sex reduces stress levels by releasing endorphins in the brain that actually calm you down. It ‘takes the edge off.’

2) Keeps You Well

Studies have also shown that regular sexual activity strengthens the immune system by increasing antibodies which help fight off illnesses more quickly.

Recent reseach has shown that regular sexual activity may help reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease in men over 50 years old.

It also promotes better sleep due to the release of oxytocin during climax.

There are many other physical benefits from having regular sexual intimacy, inlcuding lowering blood pressure, increased energy, and pain reduction.

Lastly, female orgasims benefit women through vaginal lubrication which serves as protectant for against yeast infections.

3) Pleasure

We all know sex ‘feels good’ but this pleasure principle goes further than the immediate sensation of physical release.

Research indicates it produces extended feelings pleasure.

4) Marriage Satisfaction

Research has found that sexually active married couples have higher levels of satisfaction in their relationship and improved communication compared to couples who do not engage in sex at all or frequently.

5) Makes You Feel Safe and Close

Perhaps the most important benefit is it makes you feel secure and close with your partner.

Sex is known to trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone associated with feelings of trust, safety and closeness. Oxytocin is an essential factor in promoting strong, healthy relationships and its presence can help facilitate the physical and psychological connection between two people.

Oxytocin is an essential factor in promoting strong, healthy relationships and its presence can help facilitate the physical and psychological connection between two people. Click To Tweet

When it comes to sex, oxytocin acts as a bonding hormone that helps create an intimate connection between a couple. This bond has powerful implications for both partners in terms of loyalty and mutual understanding.

Challenges of Physical Connection and Sex in Marriage

The physical connection in marriage is a crucial factor for the success of any relationship. Unfortunately, many couples struggle to maintain this part of their marriage due to things like stress and lifestyle changes.

Maintaining physical connection in a relationship can be an ongoing challenge. Here are five of the most common issues couples face when it comes to keeping their physical connection strong:

1) Conflicting Expectations

When couples don’t align on their expectations for display and reception of physical affection, such as cuddling in bed and hugging, this can create a rift between them.

Frequently among couples there is a discrepancy in sexual tastes and needs. This makes it even more important to maintain open conversation. The better we understand our spouses needs, the easier it is to meet those needs.

Being able to accept this discrepancy while still finding ways to stay physically connected is essential otherwise the lack of desire could push them farther apart than ever before.

Suggested: A Tale of People With No Elbows

2) Work Stress

When both partners are working long hours, with conflicting schedules and high stress levels it takes away from quality time spent together. Maintaining a healthy physical connection in such circumstances is difficult at best, if not impossible when there’s exhaustion involved.

3) Communication Breakdowns

As life gets busy, couples can have difficulty effectively communicating their needs and expressing their emotions to one another. This can lead to misunderstandings and resentment, which can hurt the physical connection between them.

The better we understand our spouses needs, the easier it is to meet those needs. Click To Tweet

4) Technology’s Effects

Research has demonstrated that increased connectivity through technology during the day can hinder establishing and sustaining meaningful relationships, especially those that require physical contact.

Social media has developed its own culture around the idea of “attention deficit” disorder due to the shorter timespan we spend focused on one activity or person before distractions arrive in the form of technological alerts.

5) Exhaustion at the End of Day

Long days filled with responsibilities are draining for everyone but especially affect intimate connections because intimacy requires energy and enthusiasm that may not remain if exhaustion has already set in earlier during the day.

Making sure we ‘save something’ for our spouse at the end of the day will help keep your marriage fresh and satisfying.

Managing our marriage means managing our time and energy. We simply cannot afford to expend all our energy (everyday) on projects, others, work, or even hobbies. Marriage should be at the top of our list of priorities. 

We can’t always avoid being tired at the end of the day, but if exhaustion becomes the ‘normal’ in life, it could be time to rethink priorities and work schedule. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Strong relationships are built upon physical connection. Whether it’s holding hands, laughing together or simply being present in the moment, physical connection plays an essential role in happiness and security within a marriage.

Here are a few questions couples often ask about sex and physical connection.

How can couples maintain physical connection and intimacy even when they are busy?

Maintaining a strong physical and emotional connection while juggling work and other commitments can be difficult for couples. However, with a bit of creativity, unique solutions can be found to keep the spark alive.

One strategy is to set aside some dedicated time each day or week to share in close activities that foster intimacy such as cuddling on the couch, taking a romantic walk in nature or playing an interactive game together.

Focusing on small acts of service, like preparing meals or helping around the house can also help create connection while reducing stress along the way.

Establishing boundaries to ensure some moments of alone time can also provide much needed respite from day-to-day demands and allow more energy for closeness when reunited.

Even the smallest acts of love will show your significant other that they are still important in your life.

Even the smallest acts of love will show your significant other that they are still important in your life. Click To Tweet

Also, don’t forget to start off the day with a hug or an “I love you”. A few simple gestures can bring couples closer together and show that they care even when life gets in the way.

How can couples communicate effectively about their desires for physical connection and sex?

Communication between couples is the key to a successful physical and emotional connection.

Without effective communication, it can be difficult for couples to establish trust, intimacy and understanding which are all essential elements of a healthy relationship.

When discussing physical connection and sex with your partner, it’s important to be open and honest about your needs and desires while also being mindful of their feelings.

By placing each other’s needs first you could create an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts without fear of judgement or criticism.

Once you set clear intentions with one another, it should become easier for couples to compromise on an arrangement that really works for them both.

How often should couples be physically intimate?

As often as it takes! I say this ‘tongue in cheek’ but there is a ring of truth in my answer.

Every couple (and individual) has a unique rythm. Our goal as partners should be to work with our spouse to minister to their needs. This applies to needs on all levels; spiritual, emotional, and physical.

Sexual desire varies from couple to couple, so there is no way (or reason) to answer in terms of, ‘You should have sex X times a week.’

The best advice is to talk with your spouse and be honest. Odds are your needs differ. This doesn’t have to mean you are mismatched, or can’t serve one another. It simply means you have an opportunity to be selfless, and demonstrate authentic care for your spouse.

Remember, selfishness kills a relationship. Selflessness makes it thrive.

What if one partner is not interested in physical intimacy?

The answer above can be extended to this issue as well. If one partner is not interested in physical intimacy, then it’s vital to have a converstaion about it.

Love is based on respect. To show respect means we understand each others needs and desire to meet those needs. When this stops, deep trouble comes to the relationship.

It may be necessary to seek professional help. Our #1 recommendation for couples in a ‘one-sided’ marriage is Dr. Lee Baucom’s program, Save The Marriage System.

You can read our full review here.