My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me

A common misconception is that men only want sex and they have no emotional attachment to their partner. This is not the case with most men, which leads to a consequent lack of sexual intimacy.  When women say, ‘My husband won’t have sex with me!’ your first response should be to discover the reasons why.

In this article we will reveal the top eight reasons we hear the most, and offer six tips on how you should respond.

Sex is an integral part of any relationship because it strengthens the emotions between partners; without sex, there are no romantic moments or tender looks. When a partner continually rejects his other half’s sexual advances, then it can become depressing and frustrating, leading to anger or resentment which may lead to divorce eventually.

8 Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate

There are many reasons men may lose interest in sex. Here are the top seven reasons we hear from our readers.

Reasons #1: He doesn’t find you attractive

Your husband may not find you as attractive as he used to, which may lead to his lack of desire for sex. This can be due to many factors.. It doesn’t necessarily imply physical attraction.

There are a number of reasons men lose interest and attraction fails. Physical attraction is just one of those factors.

It can include:

• Weight gain 
• Grooming and hygiene 
• Personality traits
• Character flaws

These are just four issues we hear from men.

While physical attraction should not be the leading factor in a healthy relationship, based on the men we talk to, it is a factor. Whether it’s shallow or not, you be the judge. But the bottom line is some men lose attraction toward their spouse because, in their words, “She let herself go and doesn’t take care of her appearance.”

But don’t think this is the main reason. You would be wrong. More men lose interest because of character and personality issues than physical. When there is conflict in the relationship, intimacy is difficult to create.

Reasons #2: He is distracted mentally.

Your husband may be mentally or physically unprepared for sex because of certain commitments or activities he has taken on. This can lead to random sexual intercourse, which is a far cry from intimacy. 

Stress can have an adverse effect on your husband’s sex drive, so make sure you try to relieve his stress, such as taking a walk or going for a massage. 

Reason #3: Mood Swings

While it is possible that your husband simply isn’t interested in having sex right now, this can also be due to other factors such as his mood swings caused by hormonal issues and chemical imbalance.

Mood swings can have a negative impact on a couple’s intimacy level. Your husband may be going through a phase of life or coping with certain issues.

For example, your husband may be suffering from the pain of losing his parent or a loved one. He may also be dealing with the anxiety of losing his job. 

For example, a man may feel depressed, angry, or sad. These moods alter our sex drive.

Reasons #4: His needs are not being met in other areas of his life.

You may fulfill your husband’s physical needs, but if you do not fulfill his emotional and spiritual needs, he will have difficulty getting back on track with you. 

This can be addressed by working on yourself to improve your own relationship and self-esteem.

Our physical desire for intimacy is often connected to our emotional state of being. When a man is depressed, it is difficult to connect with his wife on an intimate level.

Or he may simply have gotten bored and needs something new to stimulate him again.

Reasons #5: He is tired.

It is possible that you have overloaded your husband with too much work, responsibilities, or family, etc. 

Some men become exhausted at the end of a long day, and this can make him feel a lack of desire for sex due to the fatigue he may experience. 

Reason #6: Low Testosterone

His testosterone levels could be low. This affects a man’s sex drive. When his ‘T levels’ are down, a man doesn’t feel as aroused.

Reasons #7: Pornography 

Studies show that pornography has a negative effect on sexual desire. This is because it affects the brain structure. 

Pornography is now readily accessible thanks to the internet. This may be one of the reasons why many men are losing interest in sex with their partner.

The same thing goes for excessive masturbation.

Download our free report on how pornography impacts your marriage.

Reason #8: There is someone else.

This should not be the first thought that comes to mind, but it is possible he is seeing someone else. 

If he is unfaithful, he will often lose interest in physical intimacy with you.

These are not the only reasons men lose interest in physical intimacy. There are a host of other factors that can contribute. These eight are the ones we hear the most.

6 Tips To Help Your Husband Desire Physical Intimacy

Now that we’ve looked at the reasons, what can you do to help your husband regain his desire for intimacy?

Tip #1: Let Him Know Your Needs

It’s important to be honest about your needs. Part of the magic of marriage is we get the opportunity to meet the needs of the person we love the most. This is the heart of love.

Let your husband know what you desire and need. This will help you regain your husband’s interest in being intimate with you.

You may need to tell him that you would like him to work on his emotional well-being, while also working on his fitness and nutrition. For example, if he starts putting on weight, perhaps this is a sign that he needs more sleep and exercise in his life. 

Tip #2: Discuss How He Feels And His Reasons For The Lack Of Intimacy

It’s not easy to have difficult discussions. Even veteran couples in strong marriages often find it hard to talk about delicate subjects. However, it is important to find out why your spouse has lost interest in sexual intimacy.

He may not even be aware of the reasons, so it’s good to discuss this with him.

Awareness is part of the cure. Being aware of what is happening will help you start to think about solutions.

Tip #3: Reconnect With Him

Great sex requires that both parties be fully there. It’s important that you take the time to reconnect with your husband and clarify what you want from him.

This will help you find a way to work towards resolving the issue and regain his interest in being intimate with you. You may think this sounds easy, but sometimes it isn’t.

Reconnecting is not just about spending time with each other. It’s about meeting the needs of your partner.

For example, if he has lost interest because of stress, fatigue, or distractions, do something to take care of him and relieve his stress. This can include doing things like massages, hobbies, or watching a movie together. 

The list is endless. The key is to discover what your spouse needs, then get creative and find ways to address those needs.

Tip #4: Take Good Care Of Your Health…Together

You no doubt know that healthy living is important for you. This is true for your husband as well. Aside from changing your diet and exercising, this includes making sure you are taking appropriate levels of vitamins and supplements to ensure that your body has the nutrients it needs to be healthy.

Physical fitness can help increase libido. So it’s important to make sure you are healthy.

Tip #5: Get A Physical

This goes along with the previous point. Make sure you get a regular checkup. This will help discover and diagnose any problems before they become a major issue.

Knowing what is happening in your body will help you and your doctor to determine the best course of action.

This step is often overlooked by many men, and you are not alone. Make sure you take the time to get a physical.

Tip #6: See A Counselor

If the above tips do not help your relationship improve, maybe it’s time to see a counselor who can help you work through your disappointment and pain.

We recommend both husband and wife seek help.

A professional therapist can help you both work through the issues that are affecting your sex life.

3 Things To Avoid

Sometimes the best thing you can do is avoid destructive behaviors that further irritate the problem.

Ever hear the term tripwire? A tripwire is a wire that activates an explosive (or some other device). The term is used to identify an event or circumstance that triggers something.

These three things are like a tripwire that sets in motion further problems. They will erode your relationship even further, so avoid them at all costs.

Tripwire #1: Fighting

It’s tempting to fight over issues that cause us pain. When our physical needs (intimacy) aren’t being met, we often respond with anger, resentment, and irritation. This leads to arguments and fighting.

As natural as it seems, this only leads to further rejection. And it amplifies the problem further.

When you express anger, it is often interpreted as rejection. When your spouse feels rejected, they withdraw more. So it is counter-productive to fight over issues.

The goal is to resolve the problem, not further exasperate it.

Tripwire #2: Pornography

Pornography has a negative impact on sexual desire. It is never (in our opinion) a positive solution to problems with intimacy.

While some counselors encourage it (one of the reasons we caution couples on selecting the right counselor), they are not the norm. The latest research verifies that pornography has an adverse effect on marriage and libido.

Watching porn to help your sex life is like drinking antifreeze because it tastes sweet. It will kill you.

Tripwire #3: Cheating

.Cheating is a way to meet legitimate needs in an illegitimate way. It is the path to marital destruction.

This should be common sense, but I’ve often met couples who seek physical intimacy with someone else when they feel rejected by their spouse.

Our advice: Don’t do it.

Final Thoughts On Why Your Husband Won’t Have Sex With You

Physical intimacy is normal in a healthy marriage. It is one of the signs of a good relationship. 

When this intimacy is missing in marriage, it can be a sign of trouble. A sexless marriage can be painful and lead to feeling disconnected from your spouse.

We listed eight reasons your husband may have lost interest in having sex. We also offered six things you should do and three things to avoid.

Summary

A brief recap of the things we covered:

• 8 Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate
  • Reasons #1: He doesn’t find you attractive
  • Reasons #2: He is distracted mentally.
  • Reason #3: Mood Swings
  • Reasons #4: His needs are not being met in other areas of his life.
  • Reasons #5: He is tired.
  • Reason #6: Low Testosterone
  • Reasons #7: Pornography 
  • Reason #8: There is someone else.
• 6 Tips To Help Your Husband Desire Physical Intimacy
  • Tip #1: Let Him Know Your Needs
  • Tip #2: Discuss How He Feels And His Reasons For The Lack Of Intimacy
  • Tip #3: Reconnect With Him
  • Tip #4: Take Good Care Of Your Health…Together
  • Tip #5: Get A Physical
  • Tip #6: See A Counselor
• 3 Things To Avoid
  • Tripwire #1: Fighting
  • Tripwire #2: Pornography
  • Tripwire #3: Cheating

What’s Next?

Where To Find Help