My Husband Is Lazy And Selfish: 10 Things You Can Do Starting Today

Is your husband’s laziness and selfishness causing strain in your relationship? Discover effective strategies for dealing with these issues and improving your marriage.

Living with a selfish person can be challenging and draining, as their needs always come before anyone else’s. If this is the picture of your marriage, we offer hope, help, and practical advice to put you on the road to a healthier relationship.

Life with a selfish, lazy husband can be difficult. As a wife, you may find yourself constantly doing most of the work around the house and shouldering all the responsibilities. This can be draining and can lead to feelings of isolation. You may also feel like you’re not getting the support you need as a partner.

While it can be difficult to address these issues, it is possible to make changes. In this article, we will discuss the steps you can take to help you and your husband get on a better path.

First, it’s important to understand why your husband is being selfish and lazy. Is it because of his upbringing or is he feeling overwhelmed? Knowing the root cause of his behavior can help you determine the best approach to take.

We explore the reasons in one of the sections below. Don’t pass on this. Understanding WHY your spouse is selfish is key to addressing it successfully.

It’s also important to remember that it’s not your job to fix your husband. You can only do your part in making positive changes.

Once you’ve identified the root cause of your husband’s behavior, it’s time to start making changes. We will discuss nine steps you can start today to move your relationship (and your life) in the right direction.

Let’s start by identifying the real problem.

Identifying The Problem

It can be challenging to discern whether your spouse is simply unmotivated or displaying traits indicative of a more serious issue, such as entitlement, laziness, or selfishness. 

To make this determination, ask yourself the following questions:

• Does he frequently refuse to assist with household tasks?
• Does he shirk responsibility for his actions?
• Have there been instances where he neglected duties due to laziness or complacency?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, it may suggest that your partner has an unhealthy attitude towards work and life in general.

This attitude can lead to further problems, including a lack of trust and communication between partners. Therefore, it is crucial to understand the underlying causes of this behavior to move past it.

By identifying the root causes of your husband’s entitlement, laziness, or selfishness, you can take steps to address the issue. This may involve seeking professional help or having an open and honest conversation with your spouse about your concerns.

Ultimately, it is essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and take action to create a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Suggested: Do You Struggle With A Self Centered Husband

Understanding The Causes: Why He Acts The Way He Does

When it comes to a lazy and selfish husband, understanding the causes is key in identifying productive solutions.

Many experts refer to this as ‘lazy husband syndrome’ or a self-centered spouse. It can have detrimental effects on both individuals in the marriage and their relationship overall.

The good news? With effort from both parties, you can still have a healthy marriage.

3 Root Causes Of Selfishness In Marriage

Selfishness in marriage can be detrimental to the health of the relationship, but understanding the root causes can help couples work through it.

We’ve identified three major root causes of selfishness. By understanding what contributes to selfishness, couples can work to overcome it and strengthen their relationship.

#1: Underlying Psychological Reasons

Selfishness in marriage can be caused by various underlying psychological reasons, such as work stress, anxiety, depression, or unresolved childhood traumas. These issues can lead to laziness, which can be managed by finding healthier ways to manage workload and seeking professional support for mental health concerns.

#2: Childhood Dysfunction

Childhood dysfunction can also contribute to selfish behavior, as men are often socialized not to express emotions or talk openly about their feelings. This can lead to negative coping mechanisms like avoidance, which can be addressed by honest communication and support.

#3: Self-Centered Egotism

Finally, some individuals may simply be self-centered and egotistical. Setting boundaries and consequences for unacceptable behavior can lead to positive changes over time. Consistent application of verbal boundary setting and consequences can help improve attitudes and behavior in marriage.

10 Steps To Remain Sane When You Have A Lazy and Selfish Husband

If your husband is being selfish, it can be difficult to navigate your relationship. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to try to improve the situation.

Here are ten (10) steps to take to make sure you are moving in the right direction.

#1: Setting Boundaries

The importance of setting boundaries in a relationship cannot be overstated. When dealing with a lazy and selfish husband, setting boundaries can help you establish clear expectations and prevent resentment from building up over time.

By communicating your needs and desires in a clear and assertive manner, you can create a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.

One way to set boundaries is to establish clear expectations around household chores and responsibilities. This may involve creating a schedule or dividing up tasks in a way that feels fair and equitable to both parties.

By setting clear expectations and holding your husband accountable for his share of the work, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed or resentful.

Another important aspect of setting boundaries is learning to say no when necessary. If your husband is constantly asking you to do things for him or expecting you to take on more than your fair share of the workload, it’s important to be able to say no and prioritize your own needs. 

Ultimately, setting boundaries is about creating a healthier and more balanced relationship. While it may take time and effort to establish these boundaries, the end result will be a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship for both parties.

#2: Communicating Effectively

Effective communication is crucial when setting boundaries with your spouse, especially if they are lazy or selfish. It can be challenging to approach the conversation without causing defensiveness or anger.

However, assertive and respectful communication can build trust and create healthy relationship dynamics.

One approach is to use positive reinforcement instead of criticism, focusing on things you appreciate about your spouse. This can open up dialogue where both parties feel heard and understood.

It is also important to stay focused on the present moment and avoid bringing up past issues that may hinder progress.

Couples can improve communication by seeking out resources such as marriage counselors or books written by relationship experts (Amazon link). These resources can foster understanding and empathy within the relationship, leading to more effective problem-solving.

It is essential to take these steps together to ensure that both partners feel respected and appreciated in the relationship.

To make changes and compromises stick, it is necessary to periodically re-evaluate expectations. This ensures that both partners feel valued and respected in the relationship. 

#3: Re-Evaluating Expectations

The first step in regaining balance in your marriage is to communicate openly and honestly about your needs, desires, and wants. This will help set clear boundaries for both partners, ensuring that each person understands what is expected of them.

Talk about how his behavior makes you feel without being judgmental or accusatory. Let him know that there are certain behaviors that you won’t accept and create an environment where he can express his feelings too.

Remember that relationships take effort from both parties. If things remain imbalanced, consider seeking professional counseling or other resources available for assistance.

This could make all the difference in creating a healthier dynamic between the two of you going forward. With this foundation laid out, it’s important to take care of yourself during times of hardship like these.

One important caveat: Make sure your expectations are not unrealistic. 

#4: Taking Care Of Yourself

Prioritizing your own well-being is crucial, even if it means disrupting the status quo.

This is not meant to be a ‘I’ll get even by being selfish myself!’ response. 

Instead, I think of it like the flight instructions when flying. The steward(ess) informs you of what to do in an emergency; first, put on your oxygen mask, THEN help someone else. 

This makes sense. You can’t help anyone else if you can’t breath. When we talk about self-care, this is what we mean.

One way to cope with these emotions is to find an outlet for them. This could involve talking with friends or family, writing down your thoughts, or engaging in creative activities such as painting or drawing.

By doing so, you can ensure that your overall well-being and happiness are not affected by whatever happens between the two of you. 

#5: Seeking Professional Help

If your husband’s behavior is causing you distress and it feels like nothing you say or do will get through to him, it may be time to seek professional help. 

The good news is, there are options to help you process what is happening in your marriage.

1) Enroll in a course or program.

Two we recommend are ‘Save The Marriage System‘ by Dr. Lee Baucom. This program will help you undertsand the 8 stages of a marriage crisis and what to do no matter what stage you are in.

The other is Marriage Fitness by Morte Fertel. He offers a 7 step plan to get your relationship back on track.

Both programs are proven and we highly recommend them.

2) Seek professional counseling.

While I question the tactics of many marriage therapist, I do think it is helpful to seek individual counseling to help process and work through personal issues. A good place to start is here.

#6: Creating A Support System

Having a support system of other people can be helpful in managing the stress and frustration that comes from dealing with a dysfunctional marriage. 

Research has shown that social support can have a positive impact on mental health and well-being. By having a network of friends, family, or even a therapist, individuals can receive emotional support, practical advice, and validation of their feelings. This can help them cope with the negative emotions that come with having a spouse who is not fulfilling their responsibilities.

Not only that, but having a support system can provide a sense of community and belonging. It can help individuals feel less isolated and alone in their struggles. They can also gain perspective and insight from others who have gone through similar situations.

#7: Avoiding Enabling Behaviors

It is important to avoid enabling behaviors towards your partner and hold them accountable for their actions.

This can be achieved by setting clear boundaries and communicating expectations effectively. By doing so, both partners can work together towards a common goal and avoid resentment and frustration.

Confronting these issues head-on may seem daunting, but it is essential for a healthy relationship. Engaging in healthy conversations and conflict resolution techniques can lead to better solutions and a deeper connection between partners.

It is also important to understand this process requires patience and understanding.
Expressing appreciation for efforts made can help build momentum towards positive habits and a healthier relationship.

#8: Encouraging Positive Habits

Instead of criticizing or nagging, it is important to focus on the positive actions and behaviors that the spouse exhibits. 

Positive reinforcement involves rewarding good behavior with praise, affection, or other positive outcomes.

For example, if the spouse takes on a household chore without being asked, it is important to acknowledge and appreciate their effort. This can motivate them to continue to exhibit positive behavior in the future.

Encouraging good behavior also involves setting clear expectations and boundaries. It is important to communicate openly (as mentioned above). This can help to avoid misunderstandings and resentment. 

By focusing on the positive actions and behaviors of the spouse, setting clear expectations and boundaries, and leading by example, it is possible to create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

Suggested: How To Inspire Your Husband

#9: Handling Stressors In Healthy Ways

Stress is an inevitable part of any relationship. It can come from work, family, finances, and a host of other ‘items.’ It is especially damaging when stress is caused by a dysfunctional relationship.

How we handle stressors in our relationship can make all the difference. By facing challenges together and finding solutions, we can empower ourselves and our relationship.

There are many ways to manage stressors in your marriage. These five are a good place to start.

1. Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, yoga, or meditation.
2. Exercise regularly to help reduce stress hormones.
3. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings.
4. Get enough sleep.
5. Make time for leisure activities you enjoy.

#10: Create a plan

I’m sure you’ve heard the adage: Failing to plan is planning to fail.

I think it applies to relationships too. All the more with relationships that struggle.

Why is planning necessary? What does a plan like this even look like?

First, your plan doesn’t have to be a written document or blueprint. If you can do that, great. But it’s not necessary.

A plan simply means you are thinking through all the issues. You are asking yourself the ‘what if’ questions. Things like:

• What if he doesn’t change?
• What if I feel overwhelmed with all the responsibility?
• What happens if he never gets a job?
• Or never invests in our marriage?
• Or never _______________? (you fill in the blank)

It’s important to face these questions and think about your answers. That’s what I mean by ‘a plan.’

Second, when we fail to think through the issues, we put ourselves in a tough spot to make decisions in the spur of the moment. By planning (thinking strategically about our options and what we can do next) we give ourselves an advantage.

It allows us to make decisions based on facts, not emotions.

Creating a plan puts you in the drivers seat (so to speak). Not in the sense of controlling your spouse, but controlling your life and the direction it takes.

This doesn’t mean you plan your exit (necessarily), but you do plan your responses so you don’t lose your sense of identity, purpose, and significance.

This type planning keeps you from being manipulated, controlled, and used. It allows you to respond, instead of react.

Dealing With Resistance To Change

What happens when your husband doesn’t want to work with you to improve the situation?

There are steps that she can take to address the issue.

1) Assess The Situation

Don’t under-estimate this step. It’s easy to rush forward and start trying to fix things. Or to nag, argue, and fight about the situation. This rarely produces positive results, and often makes things worse.

Take a step back and assess the situation objectively. Try to understand the root cause of his behavior and whether it is a result of external factors or personal issues. This can help her to approach the situation with empathy and compassion, rather than anger or frustration.

2) Now It’s Time To Talk

Once you have gained a better understanding of the situation, you can then begin to communicate your concerns to your husband in a calm and respectful manner. It may be helpful to use “I” statements, such as “I feel hurt when you don’t listen to me,” rather than blaming or accusing language.

You should also be open to listening to your husband’s perspective and working together to find a solution that works for both of you.

3) If This Fails Talk To A Professional

If your husband continues to resist communication and efforts to improve the marriage, you may need to seek outside help from a therapist or counselor.

A professional can provide an objective perspective and offer tools and strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts.

Ultimately, it is important for both partners to be willing to put in the effort to make the marriage work and prioritize your relationship above your individual needs and desires.

Moving Forward With Hope

It can be difficult to move forward with hope when life throws us a curveball. Your husband’s behavior may have you feeling disappointed and discouraged, but it doesn’t mean that all is lost.

Sometimes recognizing the issues in our lives allows us to find solutions more quickly than if we just endure them without acknowledgement.

I know it can be hard to deal with a spouse who is lazy and selfish, but by taking the steps outlined in this article, you can work towards making positive changes.

No matter how hard it may seem right now, I want you to remember that there is hope for your marriage. It’s important to keep perspective on the challenges and focus on what makes your relationship unique and special.

With patience and understanding, you can move forward together towards creating a healthy balance between both of you. Don’t give up; instead, invest in yourself and make sure your needs are met too!

Where To Find Help