A Marriage Lesson I Learned From A Lawnmower Incident

Spring is in the air (at least in my neck of the woods). Yesterday it was in the low 70’s so it was the perfect day to take care of some outdoor tasks. The lawn was one of them.

I seized the opportunity to crank up the mower and give our lawn a nice haircut.

It’s funny how you learn all the dips, bumps, roots and stuff in your yard. I know how to navigate our property pretty well.

But…

Yesterday I did something I normally avoid. I ran over our sceptic clean out valve.

In case you don’t know, this is a removable cap on the pipe that runs from the house to the sceptic tank. It’s used if there are problems and you need to access the pipe lines.

I hit it pretty good. In fact, it snapped so hard I heard over the mower engine. It sailed across the yard like Hank Aaron home run (Yep. Braves fan from way back).

So…

Today I have the task of replacing the clean out.

I got everything I needed from the local plumbing shop. I put the broken piece back on and strapped it down until I could get everything I needed and had enough daylight to get the job done.

Now comes the dirty work. Pun intended.

There is a moral to this story. Several in fact. But I keep it short today.

Accidents happen. Stuff gets out of whack and broken. Things go sideways.

There are a thousands ways to say it. Sometimes things happen we didn’t plan on or expect. I certainly didn’t plan on running over my clean-out valve.

When that happens, you have choices to make.

You can ignore it. In my case, this would be disastrous; stuff would clog the pipe and then all sinks, showers, and toilets would not back up into the house. This is not acceptable.

Or…

You can fix it.

That’s what I’ve chosen to do. ASAP.

Sometimes the fix is simple. That’s my hope in this situation.

Sometimes it’s a little more complex. But that’s ok. I truly believe all (at least most) marriage problems are ‘fixable.

The fact that you are reading this article indicates to me you care about your relationship and seek out advice, insights, and help to make your marriage everything it can be.

With that said, indulge me for a minute and allow me to walk through my process for repairing my mistake yesterday.

First, I had take a step back and get a good look at the damage so I could assess the problem and survey the damage.

We need to do the same at times in our marriage. Clear stuff out and move things around so we can see the real issue.

By the way, the real issue is typically not what we think it is. It’s deeper and more personal (meaning my stuff, not my spouses). Click here to get help figuring that out.

Second, I had to dig around the pipe to clean things up. I couldn’t repair the damage until I cleaned the pipe and gave myself room to work.

This one should be obvious, but I’ll say it anyway. You can’t make progress until you clean up the mess you made.

If you need to apologize, do it.

Need to have a heart-to-heart conversation about what happened, do it.

Whatever you need to do to make amends, get that done first, Nothing works until things are cleaned up.

Third, I had to get the supplies I needed to fix what I broke.

Supplies, tools, and resources are your friend.

I’m amazed at how many people try to wing it when there are resources available to equip you to do the job with excellence.

Listen, when I want to achieve something in my life and I need new skills, I get help. I hire a coach (done it many times). I buy a book. Watch a Youtube video. Take a course.

Bottom line, I get the help I need so I can do the job right.

Same with marriage. Get the right tools.

Forth, once I had everything I needed to do the job, I had to cut out the broken piece so I could attach the new one.

I cut, sawed, and banged away until I removed what was damaged.

This is the tough part when it comes to relationships. Sometimes we have to remove things that are damaging our connection.

I have a friend who stopped playing golf because his wife (who had been married before), had a bad experience in her previous life with a husband who neglected her and the children over golf.

She didn’t ask my friend to stop. He just did. Because he didn’t want to send a signal that something took her place in his heart.

It wasn’t until recently that he thought about picking up the sport again. He is confident his wife is secure in his love, so he’s now comfortable with golf.

That may not make sense to some people. But I admire him for his willingness to let go of something to make his wife feel secure.

It certainly wasn’t demanded. But it was thoughtful.

Fifth, now that the broken piece was removed, I had to assemble the new pipe section. Put it together and glue in place.

The tricky part was making sure things fit back together. No gaps that would cause a leak or clog in the future. Nice and snug.

Again, same with marriage. New habits, skills, communication style. These things are necessary to have a strong, healthy marriage.

It’s not easy building new habits in your life. Especially when we are so steeped in past behavior.

I think awareness is the first step in getting this right. Unfortunately, many couples study their relationship enough to see what habits are hurting their connection.

Putting things back together has to be done with excellence. It needs to be better (stronger, cleaner) than it was before. That’s the challenge.

Finally…(I almost didn’t mention this but I think it’s important)…

Once the new piece was in place, I had to bury the pipe…again. I had to cover it back up.

I could write an entire lesson on this. Here’s two for now.

I buried the new line so it wouldn’t be a constant source of frustration in the future.

Couples who don’t let go of past hurts and disappointments keep a perpetual source of pain alive in their life. We need to learn the art of letting go and moving forward.

I also did one other thing…

I put a little flag where the clean out is so I wouldn’t keep hitting it in the future.

This almost sounds opposite of what I just said. It’s not.

We need little reminders so we don’t keep creating the same problem over and over. We need a marker that says, ‘This is a problem area, so proceed with caution.’

I’m not suggesting we live a life of perpetual ‘walking on eggshells.’ That is unhealthy for all parties.

What I am suggesting is we maintain an awareness of behavior and attitudes that trigger problems in our marriage.

This isn’t walking in fear, or walking on eggshells; it is walking with wisdom and understanding of our partner.