Is my husband having a midlife crisis? If so, what are the signs? And what can I do? Here are 10 indicators of a midlife crisis plus a simple action plan to help.

Many people experience the midlife crisis as they enter middle age. Symptoms can range from changes in appearance and behavior to changes in career, relationships, values, and leisure pursuits.

Understanding the causes and symptoms of a midlife crisis can help you deal with it more effectively.

What Causes a Midlife Crisis?

There is no simple (or single) answer to this question. A midlife crisis can be triggered by a number of events, factors, and situations. In fact, sometimes there is no apparent trigger. It happens because of an internal crisis in a person’s life.

That said, most midlife crisises occur when the person experiences feelings of dissatisfaction or emptiness due to a lack of purpose or direction in life.

A person may experience this because of physical changes associated with aging, such as gray hair or wrinkles, or emotional changes associated with middle age, such as feeling stuck or disconnected.

Financial difficulties, relationship problems, career stagnation, and death of a close friend or family member are also contributing factors.

Not sure if you marriage (husband) is in crisis? Take this quick quiz to find out.

What Are the Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis?

The symptoms of a midlife crisis vary depending on the individual experiencing it; however, there are some common signs that indicate one may be going through this transition period.

Here are ten common signs of a midlife crisis:

1) Change in Appearance

One of the most noticeable signs of a midlife crisis in men is a sudden change in appearance. This may include a renewed interest in fashion, a new hairstyle or a drastic change in weight.

Some men may even go so far as to undergo plastic surgery in an attempt to turn back the clock and regain a more youthful appearance. While a change in appearance can be a normal part of the aging process, a sudden and dramatic change may indicate a deeper struggle.

Dave’s Story

Years ago I met with a man in his mid-fifties who was undergoing a radical transformation in his life. He had been a financial advisor (a pretty conservative industry) who was as ‘straight laced’ as they come.

When he hit his fifties, everything changed. He grew his hair out, tattoed his arms and neck, left his career and became a musician. He abandoned most of his earlier values (unfortunately including his wife and family) and walked away from all of his former friends.

I mention this because the first signs of his crisis were his change in physical appearance. While it didn’t stop there, this was the first outward signs of his inner conflict.

By the way, his story doesn’t end there. It was years later when he realized his decisions were based on his own inner conflict and disappointments. He sought professional help and was reconciled to his wife.

2) Change in Behavior

A husband experiencing a midlife crisis may exhibit a change in behavior, such as becoming more reckless or irresponsible.

This could include engaging in risky behaviors like reckless driving or extreme sports, or making impulsive decisions that go against his usual character.

Mood swings and emotional outbursts may also be a sign of a midlife crisis.

Back to the Dave’s story. Not only did he alter his physical appearance, but his decisions became more and more wreckless.

As I mentioned, he left his career (which had been very successful) to pursue becoming a musician. I’m all for people pursuing their life dreams, but this was a wreckless decision that ultimately impacted his family.

This naturally leads to the next key indicator…

3) Changes in Career

For many men, their career is a central part of their identity.

A person experiencing a midlife crisis may suddenly express dissatisfaction in their career. This was certainly the case with Dave. Even though he was successful, he became more and more dissatisfied, which eventually led him to make a series of rash decisions.

Not every person in midlife changes jobs. But it is not uncommon for people (especially men ) to become increasing dissatisified with their status in life.

Some of the indicators of this dissatisifaction are:

First, they may express a desire to change careers or start a new business.

Second, they might become more preoccupied with work in an attempt to distract from other issues.

Finally, they may lose motivation and become disengaged from work altogether.

Any (or all) of these signs could be caused by a mid-life struggle, but it is important to note that they could also be related to other issues.

For instance, a person experiencing marital problems may also become preoccupied with work as a way to avoid dealing with their spouse’s issues.

4) Changes in Relationships

A husband experiencing a midlife crisis may become more distant or detached from his family and friends, or may seek out new relationships.

This can be particularly concerning if he starts to neglect his responsibilities as a husband and father.

This is especially concerning if he begins to engage in infidelity. Dissatisfaction in marriage is also a common cause of a midlife crisis. While divorce is never an easy decision to make, many men going through this transitional period consider this option in an effort to find a new beginning.

This was the case with Dave and his wife. The deeper his internal struggle, the more he pulled away from his wife and family. This eventually led him to walk away.

In contrast, some men become more needy and dependent on his loved ones for support and validation.

5) Increased Risk Taking

This goes along with point #2, but it is worth mentioning again.

As men age, they may feel a sense of urgency to live life to the fullest and make up for any perceived missed opportunities. Some of this is normal. It becomes a problem when it is THE driving force in our life.

This can manifest as an increased desire to take risks, such as skydiving or bungee jumping. While engaging in thrilling activities can be a normal and healthy part of life, an excessive focus on risk-taking may be a sign of a midlife crisis.

Excessive risk-taking can manifest itself in other ways as well. A husband experiencing this transitional period may become more reckless with his finances by taking on credit card debt to finance risky business ventures.

Of course, over spending is the most obvious sign. Some could argue that this is simply a money problem rather than a symptom of a deeper struggle. However, this doesn’t rule out that overspending might be a result of depression or another emotional issue stemming from the mid- life transition.

I bring this up because money issues are deeply connected to those experiencing midlife transitions.

6) Changes in Leisure Activities

A husband experiencing a midlife crisis may start participating in activities that are out of character for him, such as joining a gym or taking up a new hobby.

This may be an attempt to find meaning or purpose in life, or to distract from other issues.

For Dave, not only did his circle of friends change, but his habits and hobbies did as well.

This is pretty common in a midlife transition. Because it is usually driven by a deep sense of dissatisfaction in life, it leads to a radical change in behavior. This shows up in the activities the person is involved in.

For example, Dave no longer played golf and racketball with his collegues. He traded his golf clubs for a motorcycle. There is nothing wrong with riding Harley’s. I have one myself. But in Dave’s case, this was something totally out of left field.

It wasn’t merely a pursuit of something he had always wanted to do. It was a complete change in desire. He no longer wanted to be known as the corporate guy. He wanted a new persona. So his activities followed his new desire.

7) Loss of Motivation

As a sign of depression or other mental health issues, a husband experiencing a midlife crisis may become less motivated or enthusiastic about his daily activities.

A decline in motivation can be as subtle as not being as energetic as he once was, to a complete loss of interest in daily activities.

When considering anything psychological, it is important to consider the bigger picture. For instance, is your husband depressed because he feels unappreciated at work?

Understanding the trigger gives you insight into how to deal with the problem.

Loss of motivation can be an indicator that a man is struggling with identity issues and facing a midlife transition.

8) Changes in Sleep Patterns

A midlife crisis isn’t just about psychological changes. There are biological and chemical factors that altar as we age.

This can cause disruptions in our normal daily activities. Sleep is one of the first indicators most people notice.

Stress, anxiety, or other emotional issues may cause a husband to experience insomnia during a midlife crisis.

Unfortunately, some men tend to bottle up their emotions instead of talking about them; this can lead to overwhelming emotional stress, anxiety, depression, or anger. These emotions can lead men to experience insomnia and even depression.

9) Changes in Sexual Behavior

Libido changes in men as they age. This can trigger some men to seek ways to ‘hang on’ to their youthfulness.

A husband may become more interested in sex in an effort to recapture his youthfulness and vitality. For some men, this might mean becoming more promiscuous or more ‘open’ with their spouses about having sex outside of marriage.

The desire to ‘feel good’ may cause them to act out sexually in ways that contradict their character and lifestyle. This is part of the deep struggle that many men in midlife experience.

In this case, a man who was faithful to his wife for years may start having an affair as a way to recapture the pleasure and freedom he no longer felt in his marriage.

The more I talked with Dave, the more I realized his break from his wife was not about ‘no longer loving her.’ It was about reclaiming something he felt was missing. This doesn’t justify bad behavior. In fact, he damaged his marriage and hurt his wife deeply.

They eventually recovered (as I mentioned), but it took years to untangle the mess he made.

Although affairs are never the answer, they can also be a symptom of a deeper struggle many husbands are experiencing, namely, the desire for pleasure and success at all costs.

There are many factors that affect the level of intimacy in marriage. For a deeper dive into this issue, read this.

10) Changes in Values

I intentionally save this one for last. Not because it is least important, but because it is the one I want to leave impressed on your mind.

Most of the changes that take place when someone goes through a midlife transition are psychological and emotional in nature. But sometimes these changes can show up in our thinking patterns and our attitudes about life and relationships.

When this happens, a man can shift from valuing things like loyalty, respect, and honor to valuing selfishness and self-focused goals instead.

This doesn’t happen with every person. But it is on characteristic of a crisis.

In other words, when a man experiences a midlife crisis, he may question whether his current lifestyle aligns with his personal values and begin to question his values and beliefs.

Dave’s story is a classic example of this transition and shift in values. Think about his decisions and actions:

• He changed careers in spite of having a successful business
• He left his wife in pursuit of new sexual experiences
• He altered his appearance (new look, tattoos, etc)
• His habits changed
• On and on…

These things didn’t just happen. They happened because he experienced a shift in what he valued.

All major life changes are usually connected to a transformation of values. It was no different with Dave. When his values changed, so did his life.

This is perhaps the biggest indicator of a midlife crisis. When you notice changes in values (big values), it is a sign that the person is facing an internal crisis that could lead to major life changes.

You may also want to read our ‘Can A Marriage Survive’ series.

Does Every Man (Person) Go Through A Midlife Crisis?

No. Not in the sense of the characteristics listed above.

It’s important to know that not all men experiencing a midlife crisis will exhibit all of these signs, and that these signs can also be indicative of other underlying issues.

If you are concerned about your husband’s well-being, have an open and honest conversation with him about your concerns.

It may also be helpful to seek the support of a counselor or therapist, as they can provide a safe and neutral space for you and your husband to work through any challenges you may be facing.

Navigating a midlife crisis can be a difficult and emotional time for both the husband experiencing the crisis and their loved ones. However, with open communication, understanding, and support, it is possible to work through this challenging time and come out stronger on the other side.

How Can I Cope With the Midlife Crisis?

The best way to cope with the midlife crisis is to acknowledge it and make an effort to understand what is causing it. Knowledge is power. The more you understand the dynamics behind a midlife crisis, the more equipped you are to deal with it.

Once you have a good understanding, there are a few things you can do to help your spouse (and protect your heart).

1) Communicate openly and honestly

It’s important to have open and honest communication with your husband about your concerns and feelings. This can help him feel supported and understood, and can also provide an opportunity for both of you to work through any challenges you may be facing.

2) Seek support

Caring for a husband experiencing a midlife crisis can be emotionally and mentally draining. It’s important to take care of your own well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

3) Encourage healthy habits

Encourage your husband to engage in healthy habits such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep. These habits can help alleviate stress and improve overall well-being.

4) Encourage professional help

If your husband’s midlife crisis is causing significant distress or affecting his daily functioning, it may be helpful for him to seek the advice of a healthcare professional or counselor.

5) Practice patience and understanding

A midlife crisis can be a challenging time for both you and your husband. IT requires a lot of patience and understanding to navigate this difficult period together.

This may mean you can’t take things personal. Of course, there are some issues (infidelity, abuse, extreme neglect, etc) that force you to make difficult decisions; but in general, realizing his issues are not YOUR issues will help you maintain a healthy outlook.

How To Care For Yourself When Your Spouse Is In Midlife Crisis

I’ll close with a few suggestions on how to take care of yourself when your spouse is in a crisis.

1) Don’t shrink your world

It’s common to want to withdraw when you feel your spouse pulling away. It can be rejecting, which makes us want to close up.

In order to maintain your own emotional health, expand your world. Don’t allow it to shrink.

This can be done by talking to trusted friends and family members who can provide insight and support. It is also important to take care of your physical and mental health by engaging in regular exercise and relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation.

2) Get plenty of exercise

I realize this sounds almost cliche, but it is a vital part of emotional and mental health.

Exercise helps us release toxins in the body, as well as stress.

3) Have a little ‘Me Time’ on your calendar

You should take time for yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to undertand, fix, and keep the balance in your family. It can be exhausting.

So, make sure you have time set aside where you detox your brain and spend time doing something you enjoy. This actually helps you recenter and focus your life.

4) Get whatever help you need

If you feel overwhelmed by their symptoms, you should seek professional help. A therapist can provide valuable insight and help you explore your feelings and help you understand what you (and your spouse) are experiencing.

A midlife crisis doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. For many men, it is actually a redefining point in their life that results in a greater awareness and appreciation of their family, marriage, and life.

If you desire to talk with a professional counselor, this is our top recommendation.

Where To Find Help