Is Marriage Supposed To Be This Hard? 4 Reason We Make It Difficult, And How To Turn It Around

Is Marriage Supposed To Be This Hard? This is a question that many couples ask themselves. If you are struggling in your marriage, don’t worry, you are not alone. There are steps that you can take to make your marriage stronger.

In this article, you will discover why marriage is often difficult, and practical ways to make your relationship easier.

Bill and Janice

In the beginning, it was easy to ignore the small things that bothered us. We were both so in love with each other and were so excited to start our lives together. But as the years went on, the small things started to add up. We stopped being so attentive to each other and started taking each other for granted. We stopped communicating and started arguing. We were on the brink of a divorce.

But then we decided to apply some relationship principles to our marriage. We started spending time together again, communicating and listening to each other. We started being more attentive and loving towards each other. We started to feel that love for each other again. And it’s been working!

We’re happier than we’ve been in years and we’re stronger than ever. We know that it’s not always going to be easy, but we’re committed to making our marriage work. We’ve learned that if we apply these principles, we can overcome anything. We’re a testimony that these principles work!

Why Marriage Is Hard?

There are many reasons why marriage can be rewarding. For one, it can be a great source of stability in one’s life. It can also provide a sense of companionship and support that can be very beneficial. In addition, marriage can bring about a sense of meaning and purpose in one’s life.

Finally, marriage can be a great way to create a family and build a lasting legacy. All of these reasons and more make marriage a very rewarding experience.

I’m not saying there are no storms in marriage. There are. However, if your relationship IS THE STORM, you are in trouble.

There is a difference between having problems (issues) in your relationship, and your relationship is the issue or problem.

Every couple faces challenges. Successful couples know how to deal with storms and navigate problems.

I'm not saying there are no storms in marriage. There are. However, if your relationship IS THE STORM, you are in trouble. Share on X

Unsuccessful couples resort to blame, resentment, and criticism. They create unsafe zones that push one another away.

Here are four things that make marriage hard.

Marriage Is Hard When You Don’t Know How To Fight Fair

Disagreements are a natural occurrence in any relationship, but it can be hard to fight fair when you don’t know-how.

In order to have a healthy and happy marriage, it’s important to know how to argue without damaging your relationship.

Here are a few tips for fighting fair:

1) Always make time to talk things out.

Don’t try to bottle up your feelings; they will only come out later in a more explosive way. Make time to talk to your spouse about what’s on your mind, and be prepared to listen to their thoughts and feelings, too.

2) Avoid name-calling and insults.

Name-calling and insults will only make the argument worse. Keep your comments constructive and respectful.

3) Stay calm and don’t raise your voice.

When you get angry, it’s easy to start yelling, but this will only aggravate the situation. Stay calm and try to keep your voice at a reasonable level.

4) Don’t bring up past arguments.

Past arguments are irrelevant to the present discussion. If you bring them up, it will only distract from the current issue and make things more complicated.

5) Don’t try to win.

When you’re fighting, it’s easy to start thinking about ways to “win” the argument. But this isn’t healthy or productive. Try to focus on resolving the issue, not on who is right or wrong.

6) Be willing to compromise.

In order to resolve an argument, you may need to compromise on certain things. Be willing to meet your spouse halfway, and don’t stubbornly cling to your own opinion.

7) Don’t use threats or violence.

Threats or violence is never an appropriate way to resolve an argument. If things get out of hand, walk away and take a break.

8) Seek outside help if needed.

If you’re having trouble resolving arguments on your own, it may be helpful to learn next-level Communication skills. 

I recommend ‘Magic Relationship Words’ by Otto and Susie Collins.

Marriage Is Difficult When You Fail To Understand Give And Take

When two people are in a relationship, it is important that they learn to give and receive. This means that they need to be able to share both good and bad times. 

If one person is always giving while the other is always taking, the relationship will not last long. It is also important that each person respects the other’s wishes and is willing to compromise. 

If both people are able to give and receive, the relationship will be much stronger. They will be able to rely on each other during tough times and will be able to enjoy the good times together.

When we fail to give and receive in our intimate relationships we are caught in a cycle of pain and resentment. We may find it difficult to trust and be intimate with our partner. We can get locked into the role of victim or persecutor. 

This can cause unrealistic expectations that make problems worse.

To break this pattern we need to learn to understand our own needs and to be assertive in asking for what we want and need from our partner. We also need to be able to listen to our partner with our hearts and not just our heads.

We need to be able to understand and accept our partner’s needs also. Only then can we truly give and receive from each other.

Marriage Has Problems When It Becomes A Transaction

Viewing your marriage as a transaction is a very negative way to look at your relationship. It suggests that you are only together for what you can get out of it, and that you are not really interested in your spouse’s happiness or well-being.

This type of thinking can lead to a lot of resentment and unhappiness in a marriage.

Here are a few examples of spouses who treat their marriage like a transaction:

1) One spouse expects the other to always do all the household chores, without ever pitching in themselves.

2) One spouse constantly argues with the other but never takes any ownership of their own wrong actions.

3) One spouse constantly takes advantage of the other’s good nature.

4) One spouse never seems to be happy, no matter what the other does to try and please them.

5) One spouse is always demanding more and more from the other, without ever giving anything back.

These are sure-fire aligns your partner views the relationship as more transactional than loving.

Marriage Is Complicated When You Are Conflicted About Your Desires

Quick story:

We had just finished a lengthy session with a couple experiencing marriage turmoil.

As we relaxed on our couch later, I said…

“It seems to me they want relief from their pain, but I’m not convinced they want a better marriage.”

At that moment, I realized there was a difference. Most people don’t. They assume wanting relief from their pain equals wanting to create a happy marriage, but it is not the same.

People who only want relief, are seeking to get rid of the pain. People who want a successful marriage, are seeking to add value to their relationship. Share on X

People who only want relief, are seeking to get rid of the pain.

People who want a successful marriage, are seeking to add value to their relationship.

I hope the difference is apparent.

How To Take The Difficulty Out Of Marriage

Marriage is one of the most important relationships in our lives. It can be a source of great happiness, love, and support, or it can be a difficult and frustrating experience.

Here are a few tips to help make your marriage less difficult.

Create Trust As The Foundation Of Your Relationship

Trust is more than fidelity. It is about knowing you are chosen. Knowing you are the priority. Knowing that your partner has YOUR best interest at heart, even if it cost them getting what they want. It is the opposite of selfishness.

Trust is the foundation for successful relationships because it is the belief that the other person will behave in a predictable manner and is honest. When there is trust in a relationship, it allows for a deeper connection and communication.

Willingness to trust another person is based on a number of factors, including past experiences, observations, and gut feelings. Trust can be built over time through positive experiences and interactions. When trust is violated, it can be difficult to rebuild.

Trust is essential for successful relationships because it allows for openness and vulnerability.

For more on building trust in your marriage, check out our Trust Archives.

Have Values You Share That Go Beyond Your Ups And Downs

Common values are important for successful relationships because they provide a shared foundation upon which the relationship can be built. When both parties share the same values, they have a common understanding of what is important to them and what they believe in. This can help to create a strong, lasting relationship.

Values are also important because they can help to guide decision-making in the relationship. When both parties share the same values, they are more likely to make decisions that are in line with those values, which can help to strengthen the bond between them.

When both parties share the same values, they can see themselves as part of a larger whole, which can help to strengthen the relationship. Share on X

Finally, common values can help to create a sense of identity for the relationship. When both parties share the same values, they can see themselves as part of a larger whole, which can help to strengthen the relationship.

Values are like a train track. It may rain on the train, but that doesn’t change or determine the direction of the train.

Communicate openly and honestly.

One of the most important things you can do to make your marriage less difficult is to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse. Talk about your feelings, your thoughts, and your concerns.

Don’t try to hide things from your spouse, and don’t be afraid to express your feelings, even if they might be negative.

Final Thoughts About Why Marriage Is Hard

Despite the difficulties that come with marriage, it is still a beautiful institution that should not be taken lightly. With commitment, hard work, and communication, any marriage can be successful.

By following the guides we presented in this article, you have a much better chance of having a long and happy marriage. Remember, marriage is a partnership – both parties need to work together to make it succeed.

Summary

• Why Marriage Is Hard?
  • Marriage Is Hard When You Don’t Know How To Fight Fair
  • Marriage Is Difficult When You Fail To Understand Give And Take
  • Marriage Has Problems When It Becomes A Transaction
  • Marriage Is Complicated When You Are Conflicted About Your Desires
• How To Take The Difficulty Out Of Marriage
  • Create Trust As The Foundation Of Your Relationship
  • Have Values You Share That Go Beyond Your Ups And Downs
  • Communicate openly and honestly.

What’s Next?