Why Does My Husband Put His Mother Before Me? The Signs, Reasons, and Solution To This Complex Problem

Unhappy that your husband gives his mother priority over you? This article will answer the question, ‘Why does my husband put his mother before me?’ Understanding what’s behind this behaviour will hehlp you learn how to address your spouse so your marriage can move forward.

Understand why does your husband put his mother before you. Explore the psychological, social and historical factors that contribute to husbands prioritizing their mother over their wife. Learn how to address this delicate issue and preserve the harmony of your home.

Have you noticed that your husband prioritizes his mother over you? It’s a common problem for many married couples, and it’s one that can cause a lot of tension and heartache in a relationship.

In this article, we’ll explore why husbands often put their mother first, why it is a problem, and how you can work together to create a balanced relationship between you, your husband, and his mother.

We’ll look at the importance of communication, setting boundaries, and maintaining a strong connection with your own family.

Growing up, men are often taught to respect, value and honour their mothers above all else. But why does this come at the expense of their spouse – why does a husband often put his mother before his wife?

Let’s explore the signs, reasons, and solutions to this complex question.

6 Signs Your Husband Is Putting His Mother Before You

It can be a difficult challenge to maintain a healthy relationship when your life partner has strong family ties, particularly if their attention is divided between you and their parents.

Here are seven warning signs that your husband might be struggling to draw the balance in favor of his mother over you.

Note: These are only a few of the signs your husband is a momma’s boy. We have a list of xx indicators and warning signs here.

1. He Gets in Touch With Her Constantly

If your husband is constantly calling, messaging, or FaceTiming his mother while you are together, it’s a sign that he’s sure his mom knows what he is up to and at what time but not always with you.

It could be for trivial things like she asked him to call her as soon as he gets out of work or other important matters.

Instead of putting his own family as the #1 priority, he is stuck in his childhood and keeps his mom as the priority.

2. He Asks Her Opinion Before Making Decisions

This could be innocent enough if it is related to financial matters but if it is about more personal choices then this reveals the fact that your partner trusts his mother more than you when it comes to making decisions in life.

If major decisions in your married life should have gone through you first instead of getting their approval or advice first, it’s an indication that he puts her before you in importance level-wise.

3. He Compares You With Her In An Unfavorable Way

Any kind of comparison between two people rarely leads to a good result, even more so when they compare themselves to another person such as their significant other or their mother.

If your husband compares himself with his mom or yourself against her and finds himself and/or her superior then you know exactly where he stands when it comes to how important the two of you are in terms of priority level.

4. He Sides With His Mom More Often Than Not

When it comes to making decisions, your husband values his mother’s opinion over yours. He favors her advice more than yours, proving that he cares about keeping her happy before considering what will make you content.

If most issues with him and his mother end up resolved without opposing her this can mean that he respects her opinions above everything else.

When disagreements with his mom get settled without anyone having to disagree, it likely means he values and respects her thoughts above other people’s.

However, if there are issues between you and him that remain unresolved because he believes his mother’s suggestion is more important, it shows clear favoritism from him towards her.

5. He Doesn’t Respect Your Relationship Boundaries With Her

Setting boundaries and being respectful is important for strong relationships. Boundaries serve as ‘bumper guards’ to keep the relationship healthy and moving in the right direction. They help each person know what their spouses expects, needs, and desires from the relationship. This avoids relying on confusing signals or messages.

It is also important to set boundaries with his mother. Make sure that she understands that you are an important part of your husband’s life and that she should not interfere with your relationship. It may be difficult to do, but it is important that you both understand each other’s roles in the relationship.

If these boundaries are discussed in a reasonable way, then it will keep problems away and give everyone peace of mind knowing what they need to do as individuals and as a couple.

6. He Won’t Discuss Sensitive Topics Without His Mother Present

This is a huge red flag in a relationship. If your husband is more comfortable discussing sensitive or key issues with his mother rather than you, it is a strong indication his respect for her is priority over you.

It is especially alarming if he doesn’t want to discuss these issues with you unless his mother is present. Alarms should be going off in your head and heart if this happens.

Suggested: Mother In-Law Problems

2 Major Reasons Men Over Prioritize Mom

I’m the first to admit that the two reasons listed below are merely the tip of the iceberg. They are more categorical reasons than specific psychological ones. 

In other words, they represent broad categories that hundreds of more detailed reasons fall under. In one sense, they can be summed up this way:

Men give priority to their mom’s over their wives because they are either afraid of rejection or their mother’s are manipulating them.

Let’s dig a little deeper. Just remember, I’m lumping things into these two categories.

1. Fear Of Abandonment

No one wants to feel rejected or abandoned. For men, this can manifest as protecting their mothers before their wives.

When a man feels he must make sure his mother is preserved and protected to avoid being judged or rejected by her, he finds himself prioritizing her care over that of his wife. He may not even be aware that he’s doing it as it can happen on an unconscious level. He puts too much emphasis on pleasing her instead of pleasing his partner.

This fear can also cause men to be dysfunctional in life. It can often cause them to become overly invested in their mother’s opinion while forsaking their own voice and needs in order to avoid being rejected or criticized by her.

2. Mom Won’t Let Go 

This is where guilt and manipulation come into play on the part of his mother.

Mothers often have a hard time letting go of their sons, which affects how many husbands prioritize their wives in comparison.

It’s natural for mothers to want to keep their sons close, but it can create resentment in husbands and inhibit them from putting as much value on their spouses’ needs. This can be detrimental to the marriage and cause animosity between a couple – something that could easily be avoided if the mother adjusted her expectations.

Sons need to learn autonomy so they can be healthy adults, which requires some freedom from the mother’s grip. Husbands should remember this and encourage the process with understanding instead of coming into conflicts with both their spouses and mothers.

The key is for everyone involved to support this progression towards independence for their son while still maintaining healthy relationships with each other.

5 Things You Can Do When Your Husband Puts His Mother Before You

It is possible to create a healthy relationship with both your husband and his mother. There are steps that you can take to ensure both your needs and the needs of your husband’s mother are met. This includes communication, compromise, and setting boundaries.

With the right attitude, you can create a mutually beneficial relationship between yourself, your husband, and his mother.

These five steps will put you in control of your own life and help you deal with this family situation in a positive manner.

1. Assess The Depth Of The Problem

Before engaging in a discussion with your husband about his behaviors, carefully examine the situation.

Assess how often he puts his mother before you, and weigh both the pros and cons of this tendency.

It’s likely that something as simple as having to run errands for his mother so you can’t go out is behind this behavior – something which should be able to be easily addressed without too much trouble.

Take an honest look at the habit itself; if it has become a regular presence in your relationship, then it might be indicative of a more substantial problem and require closer attention.

Bottom line: Ask yourself how serious the problem is and give an honest evaluation of how the issue is impacting your marriage.

2. Discuss The Issue With Your Husband

Once you have identified the problem and believe it is worth challenging, communicate your feelings with him in a non-confrontational manner. Express how it adversely affects you when he puts his mother before you in certain situations or talks to her over the entire family.

Saying how you feel in a non-confrontational manner can help build strong communication and common understanding. It’s important to be clear and honest when expressing your feelings in order for change to occur.

When he puts his mother before yourself or engages with her during family time, it feels demeaning and lonely. Communicate these feelings clearly, without being too aggressive or blaming him. Explain that being treated as an equal in the relationship is valid, and will make you both happy.

It’s essential that you explain what having respect in the relationship looks like to you, so he understands why it’s important. Expressing that yours are valid thoughts, even if they differ from his own, will ensure mutual understanding and long-term solutions between the two of you.

3. Set Realistic Boundaries

Having realistic boundaries in relationships is essential to balance expectations. When setting boundaries and expectations between spouses, it can become tricky.

As mentioned earlier, boundaries are like bumper guards that keep the relationship pointed and moving in the right direction.

Without them, it’s easy to get off track and end up in a place where you both feel like the other isn’t meeting your needs or expectations.

When setting boundaries for your husband and his mother, be sure to discuss the issues you;ve identified as the key problems.

These boundaries should be respected by both parties, and can help keep the relationship healthy

4. Take Care Of Yourself

Taking care of yourself allows you to take care of yourself and your emotional well-being. It can help you to process your feelings and regain a sense of control and perspective.

Self care can include activities such as physical exercise, meditation, journaling, talking to a friend or therapist, spending time in nature, and engaging in activities you enjoy. This can help to reduce stress, increase your self-compassion, and improve your overall mood.

Taking the time to focus on yourself can help to restore balance, build resilience, and create positive coping skills to help you navigate difficult emotions.

5. Talk To A Counselor

Counseling can help you deal with issues related to how your husband treats you in a few ways.

It can be hard when someone treats you differently than expected. A counselor can help when feeling disrespected in a marriage. They can show better understanding of your husband’s behavior and thoughts, so you know why he acts the way he does. They can also help identify and explain your feelings, which helps better communicate.

They will then give options to handle difficult situations when your partner puts his mom first instead of you. Both have to honestly talk with each other about their needs and priorities – that way they can respect one another’s differences while trying to reach agreement.

At times, it is best if both people take time away from each other. This break gives them space to think without any arguments or disruption before coming back together for discussion with a clear head.

Dealing with different expectations can be difficult but understanding each other is essential for any healthy relationship. Counseling is an option so couples don’t struggle alone in this situation and achieve productive discussions instead of heated arguments during disagreements .

Being able to cope successfully leads to more peace and fewer problems in the future as both understand where they stand within the marriage.

When your husband prioritizes his mother over you, it can leave you feeling angry, hurt and resentful. It’s important to remember that the dynamic between your husband and his mother is complex and cannot be changed overnight. The best approach to resolve this issue is to start a conversation with your husband and establish boundaries.

Communicate in a calm and honest manner without accusing him of not caring about you. Ensure that he knows you feel neglected in the relationship and make sure he understands what type of behavior makes you feel respected.

It’s helpful to encourage him in finding ways to maintain his relationship with his mother while also fostering intimacy within your own marriage.

By respecting each others feelings, needs, and wants, you can work together towards strengthening your marriage amid the challenges family dynamics often bring.