I have a friend who is a “retired pastor” (like myself). We have a lot in common because of our background.
We met at church and live pretty close to each other. So we try to spend time together throughout the month. We will grab coffee or an occasional dinner just to fellowship.
We are both part of a group that mentors young pastors and church leaders.
We were talking one day about the power of questions. Jesus asked a lot of questions. They have a way of pinpointing issues and unveiling our heart.
He said, One of my favorite questions to ask young ministers is:
If you were the devil, how would you take you out?
That’s a very revealing and powerful question…
This question is helpful in a number of ways:
- It reminds us that we are in a spiritual war zone with an enemy that desires to take us out of commission.
- It helps us evaluate our lives and get real about our area’s of weakness.
- It serves as a call to get serious about those areas and fortify them with Biblical truth and godly character.
- It keeps us focused on the end game (what really matters in life)
Let me put this question to YOU in terms of your marriage.
If you were the devil, how would you attack (wreck, sabotage, destroy) your relationship?
Think about this for a moment. Don’t rush past it and give it a nod, or a quick glance. Ponder those words.
I encounter couples on a regular basis who struggle. They face financial setbacks. Communication roadblocks. Intimacy issues. Emotional pain.
The list is too long to mention.
Yet…
Most of the time they address the surface issues without digging deep to find out the underlying, root causes of those problems.
The problem you deal with is usually not the problem that is the issue.
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There is often something deeper that is causing the flareup.
Mom’s Canker Sore
My mom used to get sores on her lip. She would put ointment on them. Wash her mouth with an oral treatment. She did many things to address the flareup.
But the flareup was only the surface problem. She later discovered that something she was eating was causing the flareup. It was the real problem.
My point? It’s not enough to address the surface issue. We have to find out what is causing the surface issue. What’s beneath the surface?
Only then will we successfully deal with the problem.
Asking the question helps us pinpoint the vulnerable areas of our relationship.
Once we do this, we can fortify those areas with proper support.
Knowledge ISN’T power
I don’t want this concept to simply be another idea you file away in your mental cabinet.
It’s been said, ‘Knowledge is power.’ But that’s only a half-truth.
I like what Eric Thomas says:
Knowledge isn’t power; applied knowledge is power.
Knowledge isn’t power. Doing something with the knowledge you have is where the power is.
With that in mind, let me ask again:
If you were the devil, how would you wreck your marriage?
I’ve found this simple questions helps couples identify and then fortify their relationship. Often faster than marriage counseling.
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There is something powerful about giving attention to this question. Countless couples have turned their relationship around simply by identifying their area of greatest weakness, then working on that area.
If you want to learn how to put this into practice, we have a short transformation worksheet (that comes with a video) to help you implement this concept. You can find that worksheet here.
