What Elon Musk Can Teach Us About How To Resolve Marriage Problems

Elon Musk is known for his leadership and entrepreneurial success. He has three principles that guide his decision making. We can learn how to resolve marriage problems by applying these three principles.

The article title is not meant to be clickbait. Well, at least not primarily. 

There are actually things we can learn about resolving relationship conflict by studying Elon Musk’s decision making process. And the principles he uses to lead his companies.

I’m not suggesting we can learn about marriage from his marital relationship. In fact, I do not know anything about his marriage. This is more about how he runs his businesses.

Marriage Is and Isn’t A Business

Let’s start by addressing the concept of marriage as a business.

It would be easy to assume I am attempting to reduce marriage to a set of governing principles and stripping it of it’s relationship value. I am not.

So let’s talk about how marriage is like business

Marriage As A Business

There are certain aspects of marriage that should operate on business principles. Not at the expense of intimacy; but to maintain openness which increases intimacy.

For example, the household budget should be viewed in terms of a business. You should manage your money like your marriage is a business that should make a profit. When you have more money left over at the end of the month, you’ve made a profit. 

If, however, you spend more than you make, you go in the hole. 

It’s basic math. Managing money as a couple works when you operate on sound money principles.

This is one way marriage should be considered a business.

Of course this doesn’t apply to every area of marriage. For example, physical intimacy should not be transactional (if you do this, then I will do that). This never works over the long haul. Intimacy is about connection, not transacting a physical encounter. 

I think you get the point. There are some things (and some ways) marriage should be approached with a business mindset.

As we will see later, resolving conflict and problems falls into this category.

Marriage As Non-Business

This is probably obvious. Marriage is a relationship. Not a transaction. 

A relationship is based on sharing life. Not just ‘getting things done.’ 

Sure, we need to make progress in our relationship. Stagnation hurts a marriage. But we must be careful how we define progress. If we leave out the relational aspect of marriage (and only see it as a business proposition), intimacy and connection suffer.

When we address the issue of resolving conflict below, keep this delicate balance in mind. 

Elon Musk’s 3 C’s Rule Applied To How To Resolve Marriage Problems

In an article onInc Magazine (online), Musk discussed his principles (he calls them the three C’s) of solving problems.

Change is inevitable. Learning how to navigate change in a productive way is necessary for growth in a company. The same applies to marriage.

Knowing how to handle and resolve problems is vital for a healthy marriage.

Let’s dig into Musk’s 3 C’s and apply them to marriage.

It’s as simple as choices based on results, convictions based on confidence, and communication with clarity. 

#1: Choices

We make choices on a daily basis. Life is filled with choices.

We choose what to eat for breakfast. We choose which route to take to work. Where to park. On and on it goes. We literally make thousands of choices every day.

Most of those choices do not have a huge impact on our life.

However, there are some choices that do. Some decisions impact our lives in a permanent way. Especially the ones that center around problems and conflict. 

Our choices in these situations should not be ‘off the cuff.’ They should be results driven. 

Musk puts it this way:

To make good decisions, leaders need to look at the big picture and remove both individual and personal elements from the equation.

Many times our decisions (words and actions) are the result of intense emotions and hurt feelings. This can be detrimental and most often complicates matters worse. They can intensify the problem rather than solve it.

Most people react instead of respond.

Reacting is emotional and chaotic.

Responding is reasoned and calculated. Not calculated in a bad sense. It’s not manipulation. It’s about thinking (calculating) how you should respond to improve the situation instead of adding gasoline to the fire.

This is often where the challenge is. We take things personal. This interferes with our ability to make good decisions.

Musk’s rule is to be clear headed and ask what is best for the company. He determines to lay aside personal preferences and individual passions to focus on the big picture. 

We should do the same in marriage.

My Recent Story

I was recently involved in a project where I was the lead person. At one point, someone on the team criticized me. It hurt. I realize these things happen when people work together, but it stung because of the way it was related to me.

Here’s what I did:

First, I let it sting. I gave myself permission to feel it for a day. I didn’t feed it or nurse it, but I allowed myself to feel the disappointment.

Second, I realized I needed to let it go. Holding on would only hurt me. This is a big part of moving forward. it’s a stage many people never move past. 

Third, I wrote down what I learned from the situation. I journaled about what I discovered about myself (good and bad). And I jotted down a few lessons I could take away from the experience. This is an important part of personal growth.

Finally, I decided on a course of action to take that would allow me to make changes in my own life.

Even as I write, it comes across like it was easy. it was not. I had to work through some issues. 

But I was determined to grow from the experience and become a better person and leader.

Back to Elon Musk

Elon’s decision making is based on what is best for the project and company. He determines to remove the emotion out of the equation by thinking about the results he wants to achieve.

We can approach marital conflict (and any other problems) the same way by asking a few important questions.

• What will dismantle this argument without compromising my integrity?
• What can I do that will move us forward, instead of setting us back?
• What is the bigger picture we (as a family) want to accomplish?
• What are ALL of our options as we deal with this?
• What steps will get us the results we really want?

These questions can help you remove the emotional equation and focus on what is best for your marriage.

Also read: How To Increase Communication In Marriage

#2: Conviction

A conviction is a a firmly held belief or opinion.

Disclaimer: Don’t confuse convictions with personal agendas or stubbornness. They are not the same. Convictions are life values you refuse to compromise. They are not merely preferences you desire, or selfish wants you demand.

Good decisions are always based on convictions that guide our lives.

One way we can apply this is to decide what you are willing to compromise and what is non-negotiable. Knowing this will help you make sound decisions that are positive and healthy for your relationship

Work together to find your common convictions, then move with confidence.

You can only be confident in decisions when they are based on convictions. If you are uncommitted, uncertain, or uncaring you lose. Winning demands commitment to your convictions.

When we build our marriage on strong, common convictions we are empowered to resolve problems without damaging the relationship.

#3: Communication with Clarity

It is said of Elon Musk:

Musk is so direct that he leaves no margin of error when it comes to communication.

Being direct works well in the business world, but needs balance and clarification in relationships.

Being direct in a relationship can be confused with manipulation or control. That’s why you should manage your words and actions. 

it is possible to be clear without being rude. It is possible (especially in marriage) to be too direct. It is not possible to be too clear.

Directness runs the risk of missing the point. If 

The big takeaway is that clarity is key. 

Poor communication is marked by a failure to empathize with your spouse.

Clarity in communication always seeks understanding. If we aren’t understood, the message is lost.

I often tell couples: The goal of communication is to understand. It is not to get your point across.

If you seek to understand, it is easier to get your point across.

I often hear people talk about the perfect marriage. The perfect marriage is one where couples respect, honor, and cherish each other. They work together to know their partner well, and refuse to allow problems to interfere with their intimacy.

You may also want to learn more about our course on Effective Communication in Marriage.

Final Thoughts

These three principles that guide Elon Musk in his business decisions can help married couples resolve problems and marriage issues, plus create a better relationship.

I will close with one sentence from the article that sums it up nicely.

In a world of indecision and anxiety, those who can make decisions confidently and communicate them clearly to others are those who become top leaders and leading entrepreneurs.