In this article discuss 6 reasons on how to make a woman feel loved and secure. These are two qualities every person looks for in a secure, healthy relationship.
Marriage is a two-way street. While we are not fully responsible for our spouses happiness, we do contribute to their general sense of well-being.
Sure, we are all responsible for our own lives. But marriage is a partnership that takes one another into consideration.
Make love with your words, with your actions, and with your presences. Emotional security is just as important as financial security. Give love in every area.Tony Gaskins
In This Article
How to make Your Wife Feel Secure
Here are six things you can do to make your wife feel secure.
1. Tell her you love her.
I noticed something not long ago about my granddaughters. They love it when I call them to come sit in my lap and I hug them and whisper in their ear how much they mean to me.
Sometimes they’ll squeal and struggle for me to let them go, but I see it in their eyes and they can’t hide it from their smile. They love it.
They crave the affection. It’s normal, natural, and healthy.
Love validates us. It tells us we’re accepted. It proves we’re important. Let us know we are priority.
We all crave this kind of love. Those little giggling girls desire it. They want to know they matter to me. And they do.
I don’t think little girls ever outgrow that knee. In fact young boys need the same thing. That looks different with boys. But at its essence it’s the same. Validation. We matter.
Saying the words I love you validates us. Your wife should hear this frequently. I personally don’t think it ever grows old.
I’ve heard guys jokingly say, “I told her I loved her when we got married and I’ll let her know if anything changes. “
This may sound funny. It makes for a good joke, but a terrible philosophy of marriage. Why? Because we need validation. And we need it regularly. Frequently.
If you are someone who believes you can say “I love you” too much, that it will grow old, you are wrong. There’s certainly no science to back up your opinions. And the field of psychology would challenge your presumptions.
The reality is most men don’t say it enough. Our tendency is not to overdo it, rather to under-do it.The reality is most men don't say "I love you" enough. Our tendency is not to overdo it, rather to under-do it. Click To Tweet
So say the words. Let your wife know you appreciate her. Let her know you validate her. She has worth. She matters to you. In fact let her know that she is the most important person.
2. Show her you love her.
The flip side of that coin is actions matter. I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words.” It’s true.
This doesn’t mean you should stop saying the words and ONLY show them. It means you need to add actions to your words.
If you say the words but never demonstrate those words, they carry little meaning.
In fact, that’s the real disease in saying “I love you” too much. It’s not that you actually say the words too much, it’s that you never demonstrate and put action behind those words.
The husband who says I love you and shows it, is the husband that is building his wife’s self-esteem and creating a great relationship.The husband who says I love you and shows it, is the husband that is building his wife's self-esteem and creating a great relationship. Click To Tweet
How can you demonstrate your love for your wife?
In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear discusses the proper way to measure results. Truth is, it’s almost impossible to measure results. All you could do is measure your actions. Focus on the right actions, the results take care of themselves.Focus on the right actions, the results take care of themselves. This is true even in marriage. Click To Tweet
We can apply this to marriage and helping our spouse feel good about themselves by focusing on doing the little things that add up and produce the right outcome – healthy self-esteem.
Most marriages that fail become stale because one or both parties stop doing the things that make marriage healthy. They lose sight of the little things.
If you wanna make your wife feel better about herself you simply must do the little things that add up over time to produce the results.
How do you know what to do?
First, pay attention. Listen for the signals all the time about what matters to them.
Second, ask. It never hurts to simply say what do you need from me? Just make sure you’re conveying the right message with loving body language. Make sure your intent is to help, otherwise the message is one of frustration.Most marriages that fail become stale because one or both parties stop doing the things that make marriage healthy. They lose sight of the little things. Click To Tweet
3. Spend time with her.
Nothing spells love quite like spending time together.
My wife loves to take personality test. Me? Don’t like them. And best they’re a snapshot in time of where you are emotionally and intellectually.
But I can’t convince her of that. she frequently asked me to take various personality test. I know my enneagram number. Not because I want to know, because she wants to know. We’ve taken Myers-Briggs, 16 personality types, and a host of others.
We’ve read books on love languages, people types, and personalities . She loves that stuff.
Don’t get me wrong, I do find some value in it. For example, love languages. I think understanding your spouse’s primary love language can help you identify ways to serve them.
The danger is assuming that’s the ONLY way to serve them. Sorry to beat a dead horse. I just see so many couples miss the whole point. They focus on “one” tree and miss the forest. Enough said. Let’s move on…
Based on our study of the book five love languages, my wife and I both see quality time as one of our primary love languages.
I personally believe quality time is an essential in any love language. In fact, if your love language was a boat, quality time would be the ocean that it floats on.
Quality time is not a thing. It is not just a love language. it is the air that gives life to the love language.Quality time is more than a love language. If your love language was a boat, quality time would be the ocean that it floats on. Click To Tweet
Here’s my point: spending quality time is essential for a healthy, happy marriage. you cannot get close without spending some kind of time together.
Even in the days of letter writing, before text messaging zoom and Facebook, passionate lovers would spend time crafting letters to express their heart. They connected in a timeless way by taking time to communicate their heart.
Makes sense? I hope so.
This leads me to the next point…
4. Send her messages.
I love it when my wife texts me through the day just to let me know she’s thinking about me. It reminds me that I’m a priority for her.
I’m actually a letter writer. I love to write my wife love letters. It started when we were dating and continues today. I can’t just give her a card on special occasions, I have to include a personal letter. It’s my thing. But it’s something she appreciates.
Messages can come in many forms: Text messages. Love letters. Cards. A note placed on your bathroom mirror.
Not long ago I had an extremely crazy calendar. I was super busy. Late one afternoon I went into my office to finish up some things and there was a note on my computer. It simply read:. I appreciate all you do for us. And I love you.
That little note made my crazy hours and long days worth it.
It’s really the simple things that make big differences. Same with messages. You don’t have to write a book, just convey your heart.
5. Pay Attention and Listen
Maybe a better way to say this is: Validated and heard.
It’s one thing to sit and listen (without really paying attention), it’s another to listen in a way that validates what they say.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who wasn’t really interested in hearing what you were saying because they wanted to talk? It leaves you feeling ‘unheard.’ Even more, it leaves the impression your thoughts and ideas are not important.
Just this morning Michelle and I were having a conversation about a project we are working on. She asked a questions and spend 15 to 20 minutes rambling about my ideas.
The more I talked, the more interested I became in what I was saying.
Finally Michelle waved her hands (like a kid in school) and said, ‘Hang on. I need to talk!’
We both laughed. Obviously I wasn’t thinking about what she really asked or needed. I was enjoying my own commentary.
I was guilty of not paying attention. Hidden deep in her question was a desire to explore something. I missed it. At least initially.
I’m thankful she is confident enough to hit pause with me and ask for a turn.
This leads me to the final point…
6. Encourage Her Dreams
When Michelle ask her question, she was really wanting validation for a dream.
Because I wasn’t paying attention, I didn’t offer that validation. I simply listed what we could do to make it happen.
It’s not the same.
Yes, there are times to build plans. There are also times to explore dreams. This is vital for any healthy relationship.
I’ve heard many women say, ‘I have dreams too!’
The implication is they fail to have those dreams validated or acknowledged.
It’s vital for husbands to discover those secret, inner dreams and encourage her to fulfill them.
This requires ‘getting in her head.’ Many times (men and women) tend to hold our dreams close to our heart. Past disappointments, insecurity, and failure cripples our ability to let our dreams loose.It's vital for husbands to discover those secret, inner dreams and encourage her to fulfill them. Click To Tweet
A wise husband is one who spends time and energy to ‘mine’ those dreams by digging deep into her heart. Uncovering those secrets will help her feel validated.
How to make a woman feel loved and secure? These six things are not the only ‘things’ but they are important.
If there is one word that sums it all up, it would probably be ‘invest.’ Invest in your wife. Invest in the relationship. Prove that it matters.Invest in your marriage. Invest in your wife. You husband. Invest in your relationship. Prove that it matters. This is the best way to enhance your marriage – Invest in it. Click To Tweet
These six things are ways to invest.
To recap, here are the six things we discussed that will help you wife feel secure.
- 1. Tell her you love her.
- 2. Show her you love her.
- 3. Spend time with her.
- 4. Send her messages.
- 5. Pay Attention and Listen
- 6. Encourage Her Dreams
We mentioned the book by James Clear, Atomic Habits. You can find it on Amazon here.
We also have these resources to help you create the marriage you desire:
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If you are having serious marriage struggles, we recommend starting with ‘Save the Marriage System‘ by Lee Baucom.