After a recent make-out session with my wife (she’ll kill me for writing this), I made the comment, “Wow, I feel better now!” She smiled with that “me too!” grin.
It made me start thinking, ‘How important is kissing in a marriage?’
It also made me think about science. What? Before you say I’m weird, hear me out.
I began to wonder, what is it about a kiss that makes us feel so good. Many of you are thinking, ‘It just does…it’s sexual!’ I get it. It’s intimate, and that is probably one of the biggest reasons.
In fact, one study [stats are cited in the research section below] revealed that men are more particular about who they kiss than who they sleep with. I certainly don’t think that is common with every man and I certainly don’t advocate that as a dating philosophy. But it does reveal how we view oral contact with another person, aka. Kissing.
But there is more to it than that.
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Not every make-out session we have turns into sex. But it is always good. Again, I ask ‘why? Why does kissing make us feel so good?’
Turns out there are a few benefits to kissing that are often overlooked in a marriage.
In this article I want to show you how kissing your spouse helps in three areas (plus how to deal with a difficult marriage:
1. Kissing and Your Physical Body
2. Kissing and Your Emotional Health
3. Kissing and Your Spiritual State
4. What To Do If You Are In A Difficult Marriage
Let’s dig in!
Oh. Before we get started, I want to let you know that at the end of each of these points, I will have a summary that will include bullet points of the major thoughts. I do this because it summarizes (duh!) and focuses on the key points and major thoughts I want to make. Hope this helps.
1) Kissing and Your Physical Body
Let’s start with a few statistics…
Kissing helps you burn calories. 26 calories for every one minute of kissing to be exact. Not quite as good as hitting the gym, but I’m not complaining.
Men who kiss their wives before going to work earn more, on average, than men who don’t kiss their wives. It pays (literally) to kiss your wife.
Another advantage of kissing your wife every morning? You’ll live longer. Up to 5 years longer than men who don’t kiss their wife.
Kissing reduces skin problems such as rashes, blemishes, dermatitis and makes your skin glisten; probably because of the rush of blood to your face during that passionate kiss.
Speaking of ‘blood rush’, that kiss increases your pulse to around 100 beats per minute.
Kissing is a great way to eliminate or prevent wrinkles. We use around 29 facial muscles in a passionate kiss, so it keeps skin tight.
Kissing stimulates all the major nerves in your body. Lips are 100 times more sensitive than your fingertips. Your lips actually have more sensitivity than genitals. This is why some women even claim to have orgasm while kissing.Kissing stimulates all the major nerves in your body. Lips are 100 times more sensitive than your fingertips. Click To Tweet
Some say kissing is bad hygiene. Not true. You so swap saliva while kissing but this actually helps build your immune system. Could it be that kissing actually keeps you healthy?
It’s also great for your teeth. Saliva is like giving the teeth cleaning. It helps fight plaque.
Bullet Points Summary
- You can burn calories just by spending time kissing your spouse.
- Men who kiss their wives each morning make more money and live 5 years longer than men who don’t.
- Deep kissing raises your heart rate and clears your skin.
- Kissing eliminates wrinkles and stimulates the nerves in your body.
- Kissing builds your immune system and even helps clean your teeth.
Kissing is not only good for your physical health…there’s more…
2) Kissing and Your Emotional Health
Turns out, kissing is one of the most bonding activities we can experience.
Kissing is not just about a physical experience. Yes, there is a science behind why kissing feels so good. There are emotional effects that go beyond the mere physical.Kissing is not just about a physical experience. There are emotional effects that go beyond the mere physical. Click To Tweet
Ever watch a mother with her baby? What is it about the desire to kiss that infant child that is so compulsive? It’s a natural instinct.
It’s more than biological. It’s emotional.
How Does This Apply To Marriage?
When we kiss we are connecting on an emotional level. We are strengthening the bond. Tightening the connection between us. We FEEL closer when we kiss.
A recent study concludes that kissing after an argument actually helps us forgive and move forward.
According to Sheril Kirshenbaum…
“Pressure and stimulation of the lips releases feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, often called the love or bonding hormone, so we’re primed from infancy to enjoy the sensation, whether it’s from nursing or kissing.”
The British Council confirms:
During a kiss, this lip sensitivity causes our brain to create a chemical cocktail that can give us a natural high. This cocktail is made up of three chemicals, all designed to make us feel good and crave more: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.
When mixed together, these chemicals
put the pleasure center of our brain in overdrive.
Studies have shown that dopamine is released into the brain when animals (including people) expect or receive a reward. This informs the brain that whatever it just experienced was worth it. And it’s worth experiencing it again..
The dopamine alone ignites the same area of the brain as cocaine and heroin. It’s literally addictive. No wonder a good kiss can leave you wanting more.
Oxytocin is often called the love hormone because it promotes affection, fondness, bonding and connection. It is the chemical reason behind how our relationships are solidified.
Oxytocin is also a stress relief chemical. So after that passionate kiss we feel like everything is going to be okay! It’s like the pressure relief valve for our emotions. No wonder it has been connected to sleep and rest in many medical studies.
The National Academy of Sciences demonstrated that oxytocin crystallizes emotional memories and boosts sexual arousal.
Serotonin is the third chemical released when kissing. It is often called the ‘happy juice’ in the brain. It’s the chemical used to transmit messages to nerve cells.
It is believed to help enhance and regulate mood. In fact, low levels of serotonin can lead to depression, social anxiety, bipolar disorder, various phobias, even anorexia and bulimia.
Bottom line: Serotonin is necessary for healthy emotions.
When we kiss, we literally boost our emotional health.
Watch what happens in your body when you engage in a deep emotional kiss.
Courtesy of WebMD
Together these chemicals create the sensation of euphoria. If you want to boost your mood, enhance your expectation, and feel good in general, give your spouse a great big, deep kiss. It’s good for both of you.If you want to boost your mood, enhance your expectation, and feel good in general, give your spouse a great big, deep kiss. Click To Tweet
For years I’ve recommended couples to kiss at least 4 minutes a day. Every day. Sure, you can go longer, but kiss (a good, deep kiss) for at least 4 minutes each day. The results will be amazing.
Bullet Points Summary
- Three ‘feel good’ chemicals are released in our brains when we kiss
- Kissing has a bonding affect on our emotions
- Regular kissing between couples makes for a happier life
- Kissing even has healing abilities because it produces hormones that bring the body into balance
But that’s not all kissing does…there’s more…
3) Kissing and Your Spiritual State
What does kissing have to do with your spiritual life?
Quite a bit actually.
According to a study done by Viktor Müller and Ulman Lindenberge, neural coupling and brain activity sync with others during certain social interactions, namely kissing.
I know that’s a mouthful. But stay with me. This is going to get good.
There study revolved around two major goals:
First, investigating oscillation frequencies in the brain (whatever that means).
Second, to investigate intra- and interbrain coupling during kissing,
The results? Muller puts it this way…
“I would suggest that kissing synchronizes our brains to produce a state or conditions for a better understanding of each other…”
In plain language this means we become one on a deeper level when we kiss.
Our brains, emotions and heart come into alignment with each other. Quite literally, brain activity spikes and harmonizes.
While there are certainly medical and scientific ways of discussing this, it is spiritual in nature.
There are simply some things that go beyond the physical, natural, biological world. Sure, they overlap. It is difficult (even impossible) to measure and dissect; but they are each ‘real’ in their own rite. Some things will never be fully understood on the basis of science alone. They are deeper and more profound than purely physical realities.
The kiss is one of those things.
We’ve seen how a deep, passionate kiss releases chemicals that ignite and fire our passion. I’ve outlined some of the latest research and statistics on what kissing does to your body. But it’s this element of the ‘unseen’ – beyond science stuff – that peaks my interest.
Muller and Lindenberge’s study taps into that unknown realm. It’s fascinating. I believe God created us to experience intimacy. A kiss (not just a peck on the cheek, but a deep kiss) does something to us spiritually because it is intimate. It links us together in an almost supernatural way.
This is another reason I’ve counseled couples to kiss each day.
These studies bear record that something syncs in our brains when we kiss. There is a harmonizing of our hearts through intimate touch and sexual activity. A deep passionate kiss connects us spiritually by linking those undefinable, spirit parts of us together. They call it neural coupling. I call it ‘oneness’ of heart and soul.Something syncs in our brains when we kiss. There is a harmonizing of our hearts through intimate touch and sexual activity. Click To Tweet
I find it interesting that Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Buddhism all teach that sexual relationships should be reserved for marriage. The reason is the fact that sexual intimacy connects us far more than we imagine. We become one in spirit. Kissing is the gateway to this union.
I like how one writer put it…
When we kiss (or make love) we tune it to one another.
In a most literal sense we become one.
I like that.
Whether you agree or not on their views of sex, the underlying belief is that sex connect us.
Bullet Point Summary
- When we kiss we synchronize our hearts and minds with each other.
- Kissing does more than just physically release ‘feel good’ chemicals; it helps us tune in to each other.
- If you want to get in harmony with your spouse, spend some time kissing.
There’s one more issue I want to discuss before concluding this article.
4) What To Do If You Are In A Difficult Marriage
What do you do if kissing is the last thing on your spouse’s mind? How to you handle it if physical touch is missing in your relationship? Is there something you can do to move the relationship forward?
Yes. But you need some help.
Without sounding ‘salesy’ you need to invest in resources that help you pinpoint the real issue in your marriage trouble. There are surface issues. And there are underlying issues. Treating the surface without addressing the real issue will only aggravate the problem.
You need to make sure you do the right thing at the right time so the relationship can move forward.
The first step is to take the Marriage Quiz. Find out your marriage score and get recommendations on how to improve based on your situation.
The second step is to reconnect with your spouse on a less physical level. Begin by having an honest conversation. Tell your spouse what you desire, want and need. AND allow them to respond with their wants and needs. Don’t get defensive. Just listen.
Third step, make sure you understand the seven beliefs or convictions you must have to make your marriage work.
If all else fails, ask your spouse for a kiss. It never hurts to simply ask.
How important is kissing in a marriage? Based on the latest research, I think it is easy to make a case that kissing can be the catalyst to help us connect on a deeper, more profound level. It’s more than sexual. It’s spiritual.
It has benefits that even go beyond our relationship. There are physical benefits that create a healthy life.
I’ll close with this quote from Psychology Today:
Kissing is not just about sex. It is an emotional act that has meaning; it represents an emotional bond.Kissing is not just about sex. It is an emotional act that has meaning; it represents an emotional bond. Click To Tweet
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For more information on building a great marriage and connecting with your spouse, we recommend Conversation Chemistry. Discover how to truly connect and relate to your spouse on a deeper level.
Connecting is the key to a rich marriage. You can find out more here.
I would love to hear what you have to say.