How can God help my marriage? There are actually three ideas or concepts wrapped in one. In this article, we will address these and help you discover God’s plan for your relationship.
This post contains some affiliate links to products that I use and love. If you click through and make a purchase, I’ll earn a commission, at no additional cost to you. Read my full disclosure here.
God’s Design For Marriage: Why Having A Spiritual Center Is Key To Restoring Your Marriage
God created us with a desire to love, connect, and experience deep intimacy with our spouses. This is His design for marriage!
But there are times when that intimate connection gets broken or distorted. When it does, it becomes easy to lose sight of what God originally intended for our marriages.
Perhaps the first step in healing a broken relationship is to understand its true nature; marriage is a spiritual connection above all else.
Will God Help My Marriage?
The simple answer to this is Yes! An honest reading of scripture indicates that God is ‘pro-family.’ He desires for married couples to love, respect, honor, and serve one another. And to stay together.
Divorce is not God’s perfect will or best option when dealing with marriage issues.
It’s important to realize this because many couples feel God has abandoned them or is no longer helping them make their marriage work.
Knowing God has not abandoned you in your marriage difficulty is important because it can help you endure your situation.
In 1 Corinthians 11:33, Paul wrote:
“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain.”
Paul was emphasizing that God’s favor rests on him and he is empowered to do God’s will. Paul knew he was not saying God’s favor was in vain. God’s favor was on him and that gave him the strength to fulfill his divinely appointed role.
You can’t make someone do anything they don’t want to do. It’s their path, not yours. Making someone do anything is futile, but it’s important to follow your own journey.
If a person feels like they are forced to do something they will resent the action and hold all kinds of anger in their heart. If someone feels that somebody is forcing them to do something, they will experience a feeling of resentment.
There is a little known secret of connecting with your spouse on a deep, intimate level. This little known formula for bonding and creating a close relationship with your spouse is not complicated or confusing. >> Click here to learn how <<
The person may feel that they are not being given a choice in the matter, and will feel angry and resentful as a result. They may feel that they are being controlled or manipulated, and this can cause a great deal of resentment. It is important to respect the person’s wishes and give them a choice whenever possible, in order to avoid this resentment.
Additionally, it is important to be aware of the potential for resentment when asking someone to do something. If the person feels like they are being forced, they may not be happy with the request, even if they do ultimately agree to it. It is important to be clear about what is being asked of the person and to be understanding if they have any reservations.
One way to avoid this is to give the person a choice in the matter whenever possible. This can help them to feel like they are in control, and that they have a say in what happens. It is important to be respectful of their wishes and to be understanding if they have any reservations.
It is about working together to make your marriage the best it can be.
Relinquish Your Control Trust God with Their Decisions
When we relinquish our control and trust God with their decisions, we are opening up the possibility for Him to work in our lives in ways that are far beyond our understanding. We are also giving Him the opportunity to show us just how much He loves and cares for them.
It may seem like this statement goes against our natural inclination to want to be in control, but when we trust God with their decisions, we are actually putting our trust in Him. We are acknowledging that He knows what is best for them and that we are willing to follow His lead.
When we trust God with their decisions, we are opening up the possibility for Him to work in our lives in ways that are far beyond our understanding.
In order to get God’s purpose and plan active in our life, we have to release ours. We must let go of our control and let Him lead. When we try to do everything on our own, we close off the blessings that come from obeying and trusting Him. When we let go and hand the decision over to Him, we open ourselves up to His guidance, protection, and wisdom. We also show that we believe in His love for them and we are confident that He knows what is best for them.
Often, our expectations for our loved ones don’t match up with what God has for them. When we try to control their lives, we can actually interfere with God’s plan for them. But, when we trust Him with their decisions, we are allowing Him to work in their lives in ways that we could never imagine.
Trust God’s Greater Plan by Making Peace
Conflict is never the answer to finding peace. It only creates more division and hatred. When we are in conflict with each other, we are not listening to each other and trying to understand. We are only focused on our own needs and wants. This does not create a peaceful resolution.
A peaceful resolution can only be found when we are willing to listen to each other, understand each other, and find a common ground. This takes time and patience, which conflict does not allow for.
Here are three things you can do to make peace with your spouse:
Listen without interrupting
Acknowledge their feelings
Don’t criticize or judge
As simple as this sounds, it can be very difficult to do when we are in the middle of a conflict. But if we can make the effort to do these things, it will help to create a more peaceful resolution.
The bottom line is you cannot have conflict and peace at the same time. One will always override the other.
When you make peace a priority in your life, you will find that conflict no longer has a hold on you.
Take the Marriage Quiz and discover your marriage score and get suggestions on how to improve your relationship. You will also be sent the results of your quiz along with suggestions on how to create the marriage of your dreams. >> Take The Quiz Now <<
Understand that You Can’t Fix Someone’s Heart
No one can fix someone else’s heart. It is up to them to fix it and to make the necessary changes. If someone wants to change, they will, and if they don’t, then they won’t. You can offer support and be there for them, but you cannot fix their heart.
You can love them, accept them, and support them, but they have to want to change and fix their own heart. It is up to them to make the decision to do so.
We will discuss how you can partner with God to make your marriage better and help your partner change, but it is important to know that when you force someone to change, they usually don’t. It only leads to alienation, anger, and resentment.
God wants your marriage to be healthy. To help your partner change, you need to be humble and put your own ego aside. You need to pray for your partner and for your marriage. You need to be patient and gentle. You also need to be ready to forgive, because your partner is going to make mistakes.
In order to make your marriage better, you need to follow God’s plan. You need to follow God’s Word and live according to it. You need to submit to your husband and wife, and to obey them.
This leads to the next section: How can we work with God to make our marriage better?
How To Partner With God To Make Your Marriage Better
It may sound strange, but working with God to make your relationship healthy and fulfilling begins with you. In most situations, for things to change, we must change. It’s a fundamental principle of life.
We often want God to change the other person. More often than not, we must change before our marriage does. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule (abuse, infidelity, etc). Yet, even in those situations, we must take action before the behavior stops.
Here are four things you can do to work with God to be a better spouse.
1. Pray for your spouse.
This one is a no-brainer. Prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have. When we pray for our spouse, we are asking God to help us see them the way He sees them. We are also asking Him to help us love them the way He loves them.
Prayer opens our hearts and minds to be more understanding and loving. It also allows us to be more open to change. We can’t change someone else, but we can change how we respond to them. Prayer is a powerful way to change our hearts.
2. Read your spouse’s love language.
Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” is a great read for anyone who wants to better understand their spouse. Chapman identifies five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. (Shop Amazon for ‘The 5 Love Languages)
Everyone has a primary love language and a secondary love language. Chapman says that we need to learn our spouse’s love language and speak it to them. When we do, we are showing them that we understand and care about them.
3. Make time for your spouse.
Quality time is one of the most important things we can give to our spouse. It’s a way of showing them that we value them and want to spend time with them.
There are little known keys and principles for communcating in a way that makes you feel bonded and close to your spouse. We cover them in our Communication Bootcamp. >> Click here to learn more <<
It can be difficult to find time to spend with our spouse, especially if we are busy with work, kids, and other commitments. But it’s important to make time for each other. Even if it’s just 10-15 minutes a day, that’s better than nothing.
When we work with God to make our marriage better, we are opening ourselves up to receive His blessings. Marriage is a covenant relationship and it is worth the effort to make it work.
4. Apply the Colossians 2:2 Principle
In the book of Colossians, the Apostle Paul talks about the people who have never met him. He indicates four things he desires for them.
That their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, and [attaining] to all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the knowledge of the mystery of God, both of the Father and of Christ.
Col 2:2 NKJV
Although Paul puts this in the context of their spiritual life together as a church, I want to apply it to marriage.
1) Their hearts to be encouraged
When we make it our aim to encourage the heart of our spouse, we add value to the relationship.
We all need encouragement. It’s one of the reasons God gave Adam a ‘suitable mate.’ We need each other.
It is easy to focus on what is NOT getting from the relationship. If you want to partner with God to make your marriage better, you must shift the focus from getting to giving. Take the position Paul recommends and add value to your spouse.
Encouragement is a heart issue. It is deeper than motivational or inspirational quotes. It addresses the deepest needs we have in our hearts to belong, be accepted, and be valued.
When you encourage your partner, you are working with God to change your relationship.
2) They are knit together in love
God desires for us to establish strong bonds with our spouses.
A strong bond can provide a sense of security and comfort, and it can also help to foster a sense of intimacy and connection. When our bond is strong, we are more likely to feel supported and understood by our spouses, and we are also more likely to be able to rely on them during difficult times.
A strong bond can also help to keep our marriage healthy and strong. There are many ways to build a strong connection in your marriage; the two most common ways are shared experiences and open communication.
Want To Take Your Marriage To The Next Level With One-On-One Mentoring? We use Prepare/Enrich assessment to help couples create the marriage of their dreams.
Click here to learn more
Assurance means we rest in confidence that our partner has our best interest in heart. This happens when we seek to understand the needs, wants, and desires of our spouse.
When we initiate this, we create a bond (see above), and we strengthen the foundation of our marriage.
By giving our spouse assurance that we love them, accept them for who they are, and understand their uniqueness as a person, we are giving them the things God desires to give them. We become God’s agent of encouragement to them.
4) They know the purpose of God
The fact that you want to know how God can help your marriage indicates God has a purpose for your relationship. Marriage is designed by God. Since He ordained it, He has a purpose and plan for it.
It is beyond the scope of this article to discuss all the details of God’s purpose for marriage. We’ve written about in several articles.
The point I want to drive home is Paul understood the importance of knowing God’s purpose. He called the mystery. Not because it is impossible to know, but because you must discover it.
When you seek to discover what God desires for your relationship, you can partner with Him.
Is your marriage in a relationship crisis? Need to take action but not sure where to start? Our #1 Recommendation for couples in crisis is Save The Marriage System. >> Click Here To Learn More <<
God is the one who designed marriage and He desires for us to experience the joy, love, and peace that He designed for it. However, it doesn’t come automatically and we have to work with Him to achieve it. This means that we have to be willing to put in the time and effort required to make our marriage work. We also have to be willing to listen to God and follow His guidance.
If we are willing to do this, then we can experience the great blessings that come from a strong and healthy marriage.
In this article, we discussed why having a spiritual foundation for your relationship is important. We also looked at why God wants to help you, and finally, how you can partner with Him to make your marriage everything it was meant to be.
Joseph is the Editor and Creator of The Healthy Marriage site. A graduate of Samford University in Birmingham, AL with a major in Counseling and Biblical Studies. He is a certified facilitator with Prepare & Enrich.
36 Questions For Couples
Based on the research of psychologist Arthur Aron who demonstrated how these 36 questions could make total strangers fall in love.
