15 Ways to Grow Together in a Relationship (According to Science)

When we grow together in a relationship, we learn more about each other and ourselves. We become more patient and understanding, and our bond deepens. Here are 15 ways to grow to deepen your relationship based on the latest scientific research.

Everyone experiences instances where life seems to drag on forever. Then you blink, and it seems five, ten, or fifteen years have gone by in a second.

You’re more experienced, your worldview has changed, and your wants and needs in life have transformed. In other words, you’ve grown. And when you look at the love of your life, you’ll see they have changed, too. 

Growth is something inevitable in life and relationships. You cannot possibly expect one person (including yourself) to remain the same in every way.

Why is it important for couples to grow together?

An African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” 

This means that if you want to achieve anything in life, you have to work, sacrifice, and put in that effort with someone else. Just as it’s normal to strive to become your best self, expansion as a couple is also something you should work towards. 

But what makes growth so important?

Human beings have an intrinsic need to feel that they’re moving forward. We want to feel like we’re progressing in life, improving ourselves, and becoming better people.

And when you’re in a relationship, it’s much more important to feel this way.

It’s the same reason we work hard to get a job promotion. We want to feel like we’re moving forward and advancing. When you don’t feel like you’re moving forward in life, it can lead to feelings of stagnation or discontent. 

When it comes to relationships, growing together should be prioritized. If only one person is committed to growth, you and the love of your life may grow apart because your values, beliefs, and dreams don’t align anymore. 

That may be why the average relationship only lasts 2 years and 9 months. It’s also worth noting that younger people are more attributed to having shorter relationship spans.

According to one study, the majority of couples (55%) cite growing apart as one of the primary reasons for divorce. At the same time, 43% of couples in long-distance relationships believed that growing apart is the biggest challenge in their relationships. The participants reported that the relationship simply fizzled out instead of having a “last straw” that inspired a breakup.

Growth can be attributed to most relationships and marital success. For instance, other reasons for divorce, such as the inability to solve arguments, can also be solved by growth. After all, growing is related to your capacity to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

The good news is that it’s possible to grow AND stay together. If you’re willing to put in the work, you’ll be able to overcome any obstacle, including doubts about your relationship, feelings of insecurity, and fear of change.

Growing together as a couple is about commitment. It’s about feeling like you both have the same goal to move forward, improve, expand, and become better versions of yourselves.

15 Ways to Grow Alongside Your Partner

One of the most important things to remember about growth is that it’s an ongoing process. Expecting overnight growth will only set you up for failure.

If growth isn’t a priority in your relationship and you’re not willing to make a long-term change, you may drift apart with your partner. 

Now that you’ve realized how important growth is, you’re probably curious how you can inspire this in your relationship. I’ve gathered some ways you can grow with your partner below.

1.Schedule time with each other

You can’t expect to grow as a couple if you barely spend time together. If this happens, your growth may even make way for you to become more emotionally distant.

This is easier said than done. Even couples living together have a hard time allocating time for each other due to other responsibilities.

However, studies have proven that having face-to-face interaction with your partner is critical to the quality of your marriage. Unfortunately, it seems to be violated, especially for dual-earner couples.

So how can you change this? 

It may seem daunting to want to change your schedule to include more time with your significant other, especially when your day is overtaken by work and kids, but this is essential. 

You don’t have to make drastic changes. For instance, you can start by adding just 10 minutes of intentional quality time to your schedule each day. Drink your morning coffee, have dinner, or meet each other during your lunchtime.

Not only does this make a difference in your relationship, but it will also give you the chance to talk about what you’re doing outside your home life.

2.Have a life outside your relationship

Are you spending all your time with your partner? Is your relationship the only thing you think about? If you don’t have a life outside your relationship, it can be risky and leads to resentment.

Make time for friends, family, or a hobby to balance your life better. 

Giving yourself and your partner time apart means that you’re okay with being on your own to pursue your own interests.

Being on your own is also crucial to staying independent and happy, which helps to keep your relationship strong.

Growth as an individual should come before growth as a couple. It’s not holistic growth if you’re only growing as a partner and not as an individual.

Instead, focus on becoming the best version of yourself outside of your relationship.

People who experience relational self-expansion report improved passion in their relationships. Share on X

And then allow that growth to translate to your bond.

One study proved that people who experience relational self-expansion report improved passion in their relationships.

3.Don’t be afraid to talk about uncomfortable topics

Some topics are easier to handle than others, and while it can be tempting to sweep awkward topics under the rug, it is important to be open and honest about them.

Research suggests that although people assume asking sensitive questions can make their partner uncomfortable, it improves the relationship and foster a culture that encourages engaging in sensitive conversations constructively.

Asking sensitive questions can actually improve your relationship – Sebastian Klein Share on X

The trick is to start the conversation positively when you’re talking about difficult topics. More than that, listen to your partner. Even if you don’t agree on something, reflect on it. 

If you must, take a break. It’s unavoidable for other discussions to get too heated. By taking a break and waiting until both of you are calm, you can approach the topic with a fresh perspective.

4.Set goals together

One of the best ways to grow with your partner is by setting goals together. But how do you make sure that your goals are aligned?

You can do this by discussing your wants and needs. Ask yourselves: Do you both have the same idea of what success means to you? 

If you’re both serious about growth, set goals that you think are important. When you and your partner want the same thing, it’s easier to reach it.

One way you can do this is by writing down your goals. Be as vivid as possible. Research suggests that people who describe their goals are 1.2 to 1.4 times more likely to achieve them.

It may not seem like much, but it’s powerful, and you can also use this exercise in other parts of your life. Having concrete goals also makes it easier to track your progress. Writing down your goals can make them more real and give you something to follow up on.

Don’t be afraid to come up with wild ideas, as long as it’s something you genuinely want to achieve. This can be moving to the Caribbean for your retirement or going on a half-year trip to Europe. Chances are, you’ll surprise yourself with what you’re capable of achieving. 

5.Celebrate milestones together

There is a reason why many couples like to take big trips together or do big things for their anniversary – it’s hard to remember how much you love each other when you’re stuck in a routine.

Ask yourself, is your partner a big deal to you? If so, show it by putting in the effort to celebrate your relationship.

Celebrating big things like anniversaries or promotions or small things like making up after a fight can help remind you of each other's value. Share on X

Celebrating big things like anniversaries or promotions or small things like making up after a fight can help remind you of each other’s value. Despite this, one survey found that only 86% of people celebrate their anniversary.

6.Embrace vulnerability

Vulnerability sounds like a scary word. It might bring to mind images of being emotionally exposed or a feeling of being weak. Many people are afraid of vulnerability due to fear – fear of being hurt, fear of losing your partner, or fear of being judged. 

But vulnerability is a good thing. 

We’re often afraid to be vulnerable since it comes with many risks.

Being vulnerable is really powerful. It allows us to connect with our partner on a much deeper level. Share on X

However, vulnerability is the most powerful force in relationships and the key to maintaining good connection and intimacy. If you’re afraid to be vulnerable with your partner, you’re less likely to let them know what you’re feeling. This can lead to resentment, and you may find yourself looking for love elsewhere.

7.Know that you don’t always have to be right

While it’s important to stand up for your ideas and opinions, you shouldn’t feel you have to be right all the time.

Sometimes, we don’t realize how stubborn we are. In our defensiveness and desire to be right, we forget that our partner can get hurt.

The relationship will suffer if you’re always trying to be right and ignore your partner’s perspective. No matter how much you love someone, if you keep ignoring what they have to say about something, it will eventually wear them down.

Not only that but insisting that you’re constantly right will make YOU feel bad, too. 

It can be challenging to admit when you’re wrong or acknowledge that your partner is right, but this is a sign of real growth. 

Try to approach all your discussions with an open mind, no matter how hard it may seem. Even if you’re sure you’re right, it’s worth seeing how your partner feels. After all, they’re probably right too.

Coming to a compromise doesn’t mean that you’re wrong, so don’t feel bad if you’re the one who has to give in.

It means you’re both willing to find a way to get through a tough situation.

According to one research, in cases where you feel conflicted, the course of action should not be to calculate all alternatives fully but to achieve compromise.

8.Don’t let social media dictate your life

It’s common for people to want to live their best lives on social media.

But what happens when you try too hard?

Using social media to boost your ego usually backfires since it can make you feel insecure about your relationship.

Constantly doing things “for the gram” instead of genuinely building new experiences can make your relationship shallow. Eventually, you may feel like you are competing with other couples.

In one poignant study aptly entitled “My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone,” researchers found that snubbing others in favor of mobile phones lowers marital satisfaction and affects your partner’s satisfaction with life.

Researchers found that snubbing others in favor of mobile phones lowers marital satisfaction and affects your partner’s satisfaction with life. Share on X

It may even lead to depression.

If you’re one of the many people whose life revolves around likes and comments, consider this: it would make your day better if you got likes from your partner.

It’s worth it to put down your phone and spend time with the person you love.

9.Encourage your partner

The best couples inspire each other to try new things and grow as a person. This doesn’t just mean that you should go on adventures together every week, but that you should also encourage each other to try new hobbies and interests, both together and on your own. Sometimes all it takes is a little push from you to motivate your partner to try new things.

For example, if your partner is scared of heights, and you know they always wanted to ride a rollercoaster, it might be worth convincing them to go. Not only will they be proud of themselves for conquering fear, but you will also become proud of them.

When encouraging your partner, do it with an air of excitement instead of fear. They’ll probably run in the other direction if you make a fuss about it. But if you tell your partner that you’re excited for them to try something, they’ll be more receptive to the suggestion.

Married people who have undergone heart surgery are 3 x's more likely to survive the next three months, compared to single patients. Share on X

Support can do wonders in your relationship. As a testament, people with long-term partners are three times more likely to survive their first three months post-heart surgery than single patients.

10.Try new experiences together

Whether it’s a night out with friends, going to a play, watching a football game, or even something as simple as going to the beach, try to do new things together.

One study found that couples who spend time doing new activities for 90 minutes a week are more satisfied with their relationship.

Couples who spend 90 minutes a week on 'exciting activities' are more satisfied with their relationship. Share on X

Sure, it’s not always fun to be doing something new and different, but it’s still worth hanging out with your partner anyway. New experiences give you something to talk about and help you grow as a couple.

11.Travel together

Traveling with your partner is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. First of all, it gives you a chance to spend time together. Second, you’ll see each other at your best and worst when you’re on vacation.

Additionally, traveling presents new opportunities to learn together. Traveling gives you a chance to see the world outside of your relationship. This can help you better understand each other’s perspectives, and you’ll find out what you have in common and where you differ.

One survey also found that couples who travel can feel an improved sexual relationship since it cuts stress and sparks affection and romance. In the survey, three-quarters of respondents who traveled considered their sex life good. 

12.Say kind words to each other

Kind words are the best way to strengthen your relationship, especially if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation. 

For example, saying “thank you” is one of the easiest ways to make your partner feel loved. Your partner will feel like they’re contributing to the relationship.

They’ll know that their hard work is appreciated when you thank them.

Expressing and receiving gratitude inspires our brain to release dopamine and serotonin, two neurotransmitters responsible for our emotions. These neurotransmitters help make us feel good and enhance our mood.

When we express and receive gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, the two crucial neurotransmitters repsonsible for our emotions, and they make us feel good. Share on X

Compliments also go a long way when it comes to relationships. For instance, say, “You look amazing in that new outfit.”

The right words at the right time can go a long way towards making your partner feel loved. As much as possible, make your compliments more specific.

13.Let go of your fear of change

Partnership means change. If you stay the same throughout your relationship, you won’t grow as a couple. Therefore, try to embrace change and learn to adapt to each new situation.

It’s normal to fear change. After all, people are hard wired to be resistant to uncertainty.

We are hard wried to resist change. Part of the brain interprets change as a threat and releases the hormones for fear, fight, and flight. Share on X

One’s fear of change can be rooted in childhood experiences or personal beliefs. For example, if a person grew up seeing their parents argue all the time, they may think that every change in their relationship is a precursor to a breakup. 

But that’s not true.

Changes are good. If you surround yourself with people who support you, like your partner, you’ll feel a sense of security and confidence that allows you to learn to be open to change.

14.Recognize the things that are important to your partner and honor them

We all have different things we deem important and need in our relationship.

But if you want to make your relationship work, you have to recognize the things that are important to your partner and honor them as much as yours.

Partnerships need communication and compromise. And to compromise, you need to know what your partner values the most.

One way to observe your partner’s values is to pay attention to what they spend most of their time doing. For example, if you notice that your partner spends most of their time playing video games, it might mean that they value leisure time.

When you recognize what your partner values instead of judging them, you’ll make it easier for your partner to trust you. When you lack trust, studies have shown that it can pave the way for problems in your relationship and even affect your mental health.

15.Seek help if you need it

Relationships are hard work. Every relationship has its ups and downs. No couple is perfect, and no relationship is perfect.

It’s not easy to stay committed to one person for the rest of your life. Sometimes, you need help – and there’s no shame in that.

According to experts, a good counselor can help your marriage 70% to 80% of the time.

But why is this the case?

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in our feelings and perspectives that we stop rationally seeing the situation. Therapy can give you the skills and tools you need to improve your relationship and inspire growth as an individual and as a couple. 

A professional can also help you identify your destructive relationship patterns. The sooner you see a professional, the better. Don’t wait until the drama is too deep. 

Final Thoughts

While growth is the natural process of life, it can be challenging in relaitonships. In this article, we covered 15 scientifically backed ways to grow together in your marriage.

Summary

• 15 Ways to Grow Alongside Your Partner
  • 1.Schedule time with each other
  • 2.Have a life outside your relationship
  • 3.Don’t be afraid to talk about uncomfortable topics
  • 4.Set goals together
  • 5.Celebrate milestones together
  • 6.Embrace vulnerability
  • 7.Know that you don’t always have to be right
  • 8.Don’t let social media dictate your life
  • 9.Encourage your partner
  • 10.Try new experiences together
  • 11.Travel together
  • 12.Say kind words to each other
  • 13.Let go of your fear of change
  • 14.Recognize the things that are important to your partner and honor them
  • 15.Seek help if you need it

What’s Next?

Where To Find Help