Discover five reasons why people neglect their spouses, and what to do when your partner has left you emotionally abandoned.
In any close relationship, there will be times when one person feels neglected by the other. But in a marriage, when that feeling of neglect is constant, it can lead to emotional abandonment.
An Unfortunately Scenario
Linda was in her early fifties and she felt like her life was falling apart. She had been married for twenty-five years, but her husband had been working long hours and he never seemed to have any time for her. She tried to talk to him about it, but he always brushed her off and told her that she was being ridiculous.
This patterned play out on a regular basis. The more she tried to connect, the more distance she felt. She felt like she was invisible.
One day, Linda came home from running errands. Her husband, Tom, was in the kitchen. She was about to ask him how his day was, but stopped when she saw the look on his face. He was looking at his phone. He had a smile on his face. She knew that he was looking at pictures of other women.
She found out a few months before that he had a dating profile online. She had confront him about it, but he told her he had set it up as a dare. Some of his coworkers had done it as a joke. She wanted to believe him, but had her doubts.
Linda felt her heart sink. She realized he had been lying to her. She was hurt. She wanted to confront him, but she was afraid. She didn’t know what to do. She felt abandoned, lonely, and betrayed.
This story is not actual, but it is literal. It is literal in the sense that it is played out in marriages day in and day out. The details look different, but it all spells emotional neglect and abandonment. It is devastating.
In this article, we will discuss the reasons spouses negelect their partner and discuss practical solutions to help you reconnect with your spouse.
What does it mean to be emotionally abandoned?
Emotional abandonment in marriage is when one spouse consistently withholds love, attention, affection, and sexual intimacy from the other.
Being emotionally abandoned means feeling isolated and alone in your relationship, even when you’re physically together. It’s a feeling of being emotionally disconnected from your partner.
It can be caused by things like neglect, criticism, or a lack of phycial intimacy.
Emotional abandonment can be incredibly damaging to a relationship. If you’re feeling emotionally abandoned, you may feel like your partner doesn’t care about you or your needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment and insecurity, and can make it difficult to trust your partner.
What Are The Symptoms Of Emotional Abandonment?
Emotional neglect is a serious problem that can have a devastating effect on a relationship. If you suspect that your spouse is emotionally abandoning you, it is important to be aware of the signs and symptoms.
According to a study done on divorce, approximately 70.5% of couples reported 4 or more ACE (adverse childhood experiences).
- 32% had at least one neglect-related trauma (physical and emotional neglect)
- 77% had at least one abuse-related trauma (physical, emotional, and sexual abuse)
- 85% had at least one environmental trauma (community, collective, and peer violence)
- 84% had at least one household trauma (mental health issues, alcohol or drug abuse, or incarceration of somebody in the home; divorce or death of a parent; household violence)
The implication is emotional neglect and abandonment has long term effects on individuals and families.
Marriage is designed for connection. When this element is missing, it has an adverse impact on the family unit.
11 Common Symptoms Of Emotional Abandonment
These eleven signs are warning shots that indicate neglect in your marriage.
- Feeling isolated and alone in the relationship
- Feeling that your spouse is not interested in you or your life
- Feeling that your spouse does not care about your feelings or needs
- Feeling that your spouse is not supportive of you or your goals
- Feeling that your spouse is more interested in others than in you
- Feeling that your spouse is constantly criticising you or putting you down
- Feeling that your spouse is withholding love, affection, or intimacy
- Feeling that your spouse is emotionally or physically distant
- Feeling that your spouse is always busy and has no time for you
- Feeling that your spouse is preoccupied with other things and is not present when you are together
- Feeling that your relationship is not what it used to be and that you are no longer close to your spouse.
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it is important to talk to your spouse about your concerns. Emotional abandonment
You may also want to read: 5 Signs Of Emotional Neglect In Marriage
What Are The Top 5 Reasons Spouses Neglect One Another
There are many reasons why a spouse may emotionally abandon their partner. Here are the top five:
1. Unresolved childhood trauma or attachment issues.
If someone experienced neglect or abuse during their childhood, they may have trouble forming healthy attachments as an adult. As a result, they may find it difficult to be emotionally available to their spouse.
2. A history of failed relationships.
If someone has a history of failed relationships, they may be afraid of getting hurt again. This can lead them to emotionally withdraw from their current relationship.
3. A fear of intimacy.
Some people are afraid of getting too close to another person. They may feel like they need to keep their distance in order to protect themselves from being hurt.
4. A busy lifestyle.
A demanding job or other commitments can leave little time or energy for a spouse. If someone is always on the go, they may not be able to give their relationship the attention it needs.
5. A lack of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and regulate one’s emotions. If someone has a low emotional intelligence, they may not be able to understand their spouse’s emotional needs.
These are just some of the reasons why a spouse may emotionally abandon their partner. This doesn’t take into consideration biological, genetic, or chemical reasons someone who become detached. For example, people who autism often lack social skills that allow them to make deep, meaningful relationships.
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Why Connection Is Vital For A Healthy Relationship
When you are in a relationship, you want to feel connected to your partner. This connection is what allows you to feel safe, loved, and secure. A strong emotional connection is vital for a happy marriage. Here are six reasons feeling connected to your spouse makes you feel better:
1. You feel understood.
When you are emotionally connected to your spouse, you feel like they understand you. They know what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. This understanding creates a deeper level of trust and intimacy in the relationship.
2. You feel supported.
When you feel supported by your spouse gives you the strength to face challenges in your life. You know that they are there for you, no matter what. This sense of support can be incredibly comforting.
3. You feel loved.
We feel connected when we know we are loved by your spouse. This is one of the most important aspects of a happy marriage. When you feel loved, you feel valued and appreciated. This love makes you feel good about yourself and the relationship.
4. You feel secure.
Security in your relationship means that you know your spouse will be there for you, no matter what. This security can give you the strength to face difficult times.
5. You feel respected.
Respect from your spouse is essential for a happy marriage. When you feel respected, you feel valued and appreciated. This respect helps you feel good about yourself and the relationship.
6. You feel connected.
Feeling connected to your spouse gives you sense of acceptance and belonging. When you feel connected, you feel safe, loved, and secure. This connection is what allows you to face challenges in your life together.
These six qualities are necessary to have a strong relationship. Without them, bonding becomes difficult and emotional distance happens.
What To Do If You Feel Abandoned Emotionally
It can be difficult to feel emotionally abandoned by your spouse. You may feel neglected, unimportant, and invisible. If your spouse neglects you emotionally, there are five things you can do for yourself to heal:
1. Acknowledge your feelings.
It’s important to acknowledge how you’re feeling instead of pushing those feelings down. Recognizing and accepting your emotions can help you start to process and work through them.
2. Talk to someone you trust.
It can be helpful to talk to someone who will understand and support you. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or counselor. Talking about your experiences and feelings can help you feel less alone and can provide some relief.
One word of warning: When you feel neglected, you are vulnerable emotionally. Because we all desire to feel loved, appreciated, and accepted, it’s easy for our heart to get entangled in an emotional affair. When opening your heart to others, make sure you establish healthy boundaries. Getting emotionally attached to someone else will only cause more problems in your struggling marriage.
3. Write down your thoughts and feelings.
Writing can be a therapeutic way to express yourself and can help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings. You can write in a journal, blog, or even just on a piece of paper.
4. Do something for yourself.
When you’re feeling neglected, it’s important to do something for yourself. This could be something as simple as taking a relaxing bath or going for a walk. Doing something that makes you feel good can help you start to feel better about yourself.
5. Seek counseling.
If you’re struggling to cope with your emotions, you may want to seek counseling. A therapist can help you work through your emotions and can provide guidance and support.
There are many online services that are helpful. We recommend Online-Therapy. The process is easy to get set up. Plus, they have hundreds of counselors to choose from and you can do it all from your home, without having to go to a therapist office.
You may also want to read: Help! I’m Lonely But Married.
What To Do To Reconnect With Your Spouse
It is possible to rebuild a marriage that was once characterized by emotional neglect. Although it may seem daunting, there are things you can do to reconnect with your spouse and create a more fulfilling relationship.
These tips on reconnecting assume you both want to work on the relationship and desire to reconnect. If this is not the case, I recommendstarting here.
1. Talk about your feelings with your spouse.
It’s important to communicate openly about how you’re feeling and what you’re hoping to change in the relationship. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s an important first step.
2. Carve out time for each other.
Once you’ve started talking about your feelings, make time to actually be together. This may mean setting aside time each week to talk, going on dates, or taking a weekend trip together.
The important thing is to make it a priority and get in on the calendar.
3. Be present when you are together.
When you are together, be present. This means putting away your phone, turning off the television, and giving your full attention to your spouse.
4. Listen to each other.
In order to truly connect with your spouse, you need to listen to them. This means really hearing what they’re saying and trying to understand their perspective.
5. Show your love.
Sometimes the simplest things can make the biggest difference. Show your spouse you love them by cooking their favorite meal, giving them a hug, or telling them you appreciate them.
Never underestimate the power of physical touch. It releases ‘feel good’ hormones and chemicals that cause us to bond on a deeper level.
6. Be patient.
Reconnecting with your spouse takes time. There may be setbacks along the way, but don’t give up. If you’re both committed to rebuilding your relationship, you can make it happen.
7. Seek help if needed.
We mentioned this earlier, but if you’re struggling to reconnect with your spouse, don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support as you work to improve your relationship.
The pain of emotional abandonment can be debilitating. When the person we love most betrays us by withdrawing their love and support, we can feel lost, isolated, and confused. We may question our worth and wonder what we did to deserve this treatment.
The first step in healing is to understand that we are not responsible for our partner’s behavior. They may be dealing with their own issues that have nothing to do with us. We can’t change or control them, but we can take steps to take care of ourselves.
In this article, we explored reasons spouses neglect their partner, and what to do if you are in an emotionally distance marriage.
- What Are The Symptoms Of Emotional Abandonment?
- What Are The Top 5 Reasons Spouses Neglect One Another
- Why Connection Is Vital For A Healthy Relationship
- What To Do If You Feel Abandoned Emotionally
- What To Do To Reconnect With Your Spouse
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