Does Every Marriage Have Problems? Yes! But That’s Not The Whole Story

Every couple has difficulties. Think about it. Two people with different and unique needs, wants, and desires living together under one roof. Of course there will be conflict.

But this isn’t the full story. 

Just because there is conflict doesn’t mean the marriage is doomed. In fact, it can signal that a couple will be closer as they work through those issues.

Some problems are worse than others. In this article, we explore which ones are ‘most common’ and which ones lead to destruction.

Do you feel like your marriage is stuck in a cycle of frustration and stress? Each day may seem the same, with no hope of change. But don’t give up on your relationship–it isn’t doomed. If we observe history, it shows that successful marriages can and do exist.

Marriage is hard but it doesn’t have to lead to misery. Every union has its ups and downs, but couples can strive to build a fulfilling bond with understanding and compromise.

It’s easy to idealize marriage; two perfect partners living happily ever after. But that’s not always the case. Even healthy relationships struggle, so the answer is yes: every marriage has issues.

Identifying warning signs of potential struggles is key. Knowing how to address problems head-on through communication and understanding helps strengthen any relationship. Couples need to be active participants in figuring out how to move forward in their difficulties.

In short, every marriage has its own set of problems. But with the right approach, couples can work together to overcome any issues they may face and create a strong and lasting bond.

4 Levels Of Marriage Problems

In order to understand where you are as a couple, let’s break down marriage issues into four categories:

• Minor: Insignificant squabbles emerging from subtler points of conflict.
• Moderate: Ongoing disagreement, where no resolution appears in sight.
• Major: Deeply rooted issues impacting day-to-day life.
• Severe: Divisive and damaging issues potentially causing divorce.

Level 1: Minor Issues

Mild problems manifest as trivial disputes among couples, stemming from forgetfulness, neglect or difference in opinion. Such quarrels often blow over with a bit of patience and understanding.

These are momentary skips in communication leading to increased frustration, irritation and resentment.

Level 2: Moderate Difficulties

Moderate difficulties indicate prolonged issues that haven’t been solved despite attempts at resolution. Relationships can be tested here as they may require extra effort to bridge the gap between the two sides.

Poor communication combined with damages in trust and respect. Power struggles can arise with likelihood of necessary change being low

Level 3: Major Problems

Statistically, these marriages struggle the most; high tensions, intense conflict, crossing personal boundaries and possibly an inability for one partner to forgive another partner for past transgressions (or vice versa). There may even be dangerous behaviors involved such as physical violence or extreme verbal abuse that destabilizes the overall relationship’s safety.

When the problems become major issues, communication breakdowns occur and tend to have adverse effects on daily life rather than just weekends or holidays. Couples need to invest time into talking out their grievances and seeking assistance if needed.

Level 4: Severe Breaches

This level is marked by a lack of functional components within the marriage where normal processes are halted or can’t be initiated. This requires significant effort and investment to rebuild a secure base for the marriage.

The most severe form involves an urgent call for help, as these problems are destructive enough to put entire marriages at risk of dissolution . Here , highly trained intervention is advisable and couples should seek professional counseling immediately .

6 Common Problems Most Couples Face

Now that we have a grip on how we define marital problems, let’s look at the six most common marriage issues couples face.

Remember, these are common challenges in marriage. They would fall into either Level 1 or 2.

1) Communication Breakdown

Communication breakdown is one of the primary causes of relationship strife. Talking openly and honestly is essential for any couple, but often people do not make the effort to really listen, understand and express their feelings properly.

When communication stops flowing freely, assumptions are made, misunderstandings occur and grievances build up leading to arguments and resentment. As a result, couples tend to become distant from each other.

At its core communication issues are due to a lack of trust. Couples stop opening up because they’re afraid of the consequences or don’t feel safe discussing certain topics or expressing certain views or opinions. This prevents important conversations that lead to positive progress in resolving conflicts.

What’s worse is that when breakdowns occur couples often push through it rather than address underlying problems, creating even more intense issues down the line. It can go beyond feelings of awkwardness to feelings of anger and betrayal that cause deep disconnection in relationships over time.

The key is for couples to find the courage to talk about these tough subjects and share their thoughts with each other openly, even if those thoughts may differ from their partner’s beliefs and opinions. Through honest dialogue, understanding starts developing which leads to stronger communication habits that eventually restore connection between both partners thus mending broken relationships.

2) Lack Of Physical Intimacy

Intimacy in a marriage is essential for both spouses to be fulfilled and satisfied. Without it, partners may feel disconnected from each other, leading to tension, mistrust and resentment that can impede the relationship’s ability to thrive.

The lack of sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy and physical touch are all contributing factors that can negatively affect a marriage. When one partner does not get the intimacy they desire from their partner, feelings of distance or loneliness can arise which lead to discord and disagreements between them.

Having honest conversations about how each partner is feeling regarding the lack of physical connection is an important first step in resolving these issues. By showing empathy towards each other and coming up with solutions that work for both parties, couples are more likely to have success rekindling their lost passion.

Rebuilding intimacy doesn’t happen overnight; it takes communication, patience and dedication on the part of both sides but it is possible if efforts to remain close are made on both sides. Taking time out together to do enjoyable activities or just engaging in non-sexual physical contact like cuddling can help couples rediscover the emotionality they once shared.

Remaining intimate with your spouse isn’t impossible – regardless of how long it has been since things felt romantic or passionate between you two – but it does require conscious effort on both partners’ parts.

3) Debt and Money Issues

Money issues are some of the toughest conversations to have, and often couples wait until it’s too late.

Debt is sometimes hard to detect, and behaviors that may indicate a larger problem—such as excessive spending or hidden credit cards—are often overlooked or ignored.

Compounding the issue is the lack of knowledge about navigating financial roles within a partnership. Closing accounts or consolidating debts can feel like giving up individual autonomy.

The resulting fear and resentment can lead to long-term harm in relationships if one partner is restricted due to their financial situation while other carries on luxuriously.

This challenge also requires a level of holistic communication that many couples struggle with; an open discussion of one another’s spending habits, budgeting, debt accumulation, and how these decisions affect each other are key. Unfortunately, finances are not always discussed honestly which can be detrimental when building joint wealth.

Crossing this challenging bridge for improved money management begins with mutual respect and willingness for meaningful dialogue about wealth creation coupled with practical strategies such as reviewing expenses as well as income sources together every two months.

This way both parties will be aware of debt associated with lifestyle choices prior to making them thereby creating a transparent platform for productive discussions about money without getting into arguments over who makes more than who does not.

Suggested: How To Deal With Money Issues

4) Shifting Family Dynamics

In today’s interconnected world, change is inevitable. It can be difficult for couples to adjust to unanticipated family dynamics like job changes, raising children, or caring for aging parents.

Suggested: Read our series on how to navigate transitions in marriage

These challenges cause friction because it leads to a restructuring of responsibilities between the partners – which can create uncertainty and shift the existing power balance.

Communication issues arise, as couples struggle to effectively discuss their feelings and strategize around the changing landscape. This often results in disagreements that put an even greater strain on already strained emotions.

At the same time, it’s important for couples to stay united and come up with creative solutions that not only benefit them individually but also sustain their relationship in the long-term – by generating understanding and developing trust.

This can be done by acknowledging everyone’s point of view and respecting each other’s opinion while striking a compromise on air mutual understandings.

It may also require external help from family members or a therapist who specializes in improving communication strategies.

With effort and understanding, shifting family dynamics don’t have to spell disaster for a couple; they can act as stepping stones towards strengthening relationships through constructive dialogue and collaboration over common goals that can ultimately bring clarity into any situation and inject hope into tumultuous times.

5) Unmet Expectations

Unmet expectations and needs can erode even the closest of relationships. It’s easy to understand why: when one partner feels they aren’t getting their needs met, resentment can build.

Without clear communication and solutions, couples can become locked in a cycle of disappointment. Unfulfilled dreams, contrasting opinions and divergent goals can all contribute to disconnection and unhappiness.

Learning to listen intently with empathy is key to understanding what each person values in the relationship. Identifying worries, fears, hopes, and core needs helps turn vague expectations into tangible ground rules for partnership choices.

Likewise, couples must acknowledge that their shifting definitions of success drive different desires — which can seem unachievable when misaligned. Having a good-faith discussion about how best to utilize practical solutions (like partnerships or support systems) is essential for progress in such cases.

Ultimately, actively trying to regularly meet each other’s expectations is critical for any healthy relationship. By setting shared goals — even if those objectives change over time — partners will be better equipped to address various issues as they arise successfully over time.

To get a clear picture of what this looks like, watch our video on ‘People With No Elbows.’

6) LIfestyle and Interest Disconnect

When partners have different hobbies, social circles, or goals, it can lead to conflict and a feeling of disconnection in the relationship. This is not always a ‘bad’ thing. Sometimes it is healthy to have different interests.

It becomes an issue in marriage when hobbies (especially those you do not share with your spouse) consume too much of your time. This robs you of person time with your spouse and interrupts the bonding process.

Quick example:

My wife and I have two hobbies (interests) we share: Hiking and fishing. This allows us to spend time together and do things we really enjoy. (We also have things we like to do that are not shared so we are not with each other 24/7. This is healthy).

In contrast, we are friends with a couple that often argue because he loves to golf (and does it frequently) which frustrates his wife. She feels he chooses golf over her. He wishes she would just learn to play golf. It causes a disconnect in their relationship.

Lifestyle incompatibilities can also lead to difficulties; from disagreements about finances and leisure activities, to different expectations in parenting. These issues can cause distance between our partners if left unchecked, as communication around challenging topics is key.

Common interests help create shared experiences that strengthen relationships, connecting couples through meaningful dialogue and enhancing their bond with one another. It brings them together in times of need too, offering invaluable insight during difficult conversations or challenging times.

While these six issues present common marriage trouble, they are not ‘deal breakers.’

In the next section, we will look at five things that will potentially destroy your marriage.

Top 5 Major Marriage Issues That Lead To Divorce

Marriage is like a novel. Every couple faces ups and downs along their journey, many of which have little consequence on the overall story. Just like in fiction, these minor issues are best seen as chapters within the greater tale.

But once in a while, major problems arise that can not be simply glossed over. These complications tear at the fabric of relationships from the roots. If ignored, these inaccuracies will only hasten the unraveling and could lead to a very different ending than expected.

These five problems top the list of major issues leading to divorce.

1) Infidelity

Not only is infidelity a breach of trust, it also involves lies and secrets. It destroys trust and ruins the promises that couples promise each other when they get married.

When someone cheats on their partner, it causes deep wounds. People feel scared, sad, angry or betrayed. It’s like one spouse doesn’t care about the other one anymore. One spouse might feel like they have to change themselves to make the other happy again.

Cheating can destroy relationships because it breaks the bond of trust between two people who love each other. When somebody feels that their partner doesn’t respect them enough to be faithful, it can make them feel really alone and worthless. The pain that comes from infidelity can leave scars for a long time after it happens and make people very mistrustful of their partners in future relationships too.

Communication problems arise when couples attempt to repair the hole left by an affair. No communication can be just as damaging since it then creates an environment where resentments grow and can lead to further disconnection within the relationship. Partners have deep feelings of hurt and sometimes shame making it difficult for them to hold conversations about their current needs or desires in life.

IInfidelity has the power to leave irreparable damage in relationships, destroying any trust that once existed between partners and creating an atmosphere of instability.

Overcoming this type of trauma may seem impossible, but with a significant effort from both people, progress can be made towards rebuilding a healthy bond based on mutual trust and strength.

Suggested: How To Deal With Infidelity

2) Substance Addiction

Substance abuse and addiction inflict upon the partner and family a grueling cycle of chaos, conflict, and confusion.

Depression, financial strain and infidelity often accompany exasperated attempts to cope with the addiction’s debilitating effects.

Toxic behavior yields harried responses from loved ones, creating an embattled home environment reducing marital satisfaction. Nonetheless, core difficulties exist due to the disease itself – not solely on the behaviors or consequences thereof.

The source of stress ultimately rests in internalized damages to brain functioning, impairing healthy decision-making skills and self-control mechanisms; crippling impulse management abilities lead to desperate lengths for finding reprieve from persistent mental anguish .

Communication is hindered as trust dissipates furthering isolation within relationships leading to mistrust issues between spouses leaving partners feeling deceitful and resentful while living behind a facade of stability.

Left untreated family dysfunctionality worsen compounding issues depleting relationship joys.

3) Physical or Emotional Abuse

Once harmony turns hostile, the bond of marriage begins to erode. Respect between partners disintegrates in the face of verbal deep cuts and ‘silent treatments’.

When physical abuse enters a marriage, it breeds fear and mistrust, pulling the couple further and further apart. Victims of emotional neglect lose their sense of worth; they put up walls while their partner grows distant.

No relationship can survive these deep emotional wounds over time. Even if there is an outward appearance of stability, emotionally vulnerable people are often too drained to effect meaningful change in the dynamic.

Long-term trauma caused by aggression and detachment brings countless internal issues, such as an inability to openly share feelings or expectations, feelings of resentment towards one another, strained communication that can lead to anger and conflict, and even depression.

Personal Note: If you are in an abusive relationship (physical or emotional), get out. Too often individuals think it will get better. My experience is, it will not. At least until something drastic takes place. So, the only solution is to leave.

4) Money Problems

Obviously, you realize money problems were already listed in the ‘common’ problems category. Yet, when money issues are not dealt with – and continue to escalate – they become major issues that destroy the trust foundation in a relationship.

Just to be clear, serious money issues come about from neglect, selfishness, and irresponsibility.

In other words, we are not talking about ‘accidental’ issues that happen in a relationship. The loss of a job, parents or children moving back in, economic downturn; these are all situations (generally speaking) out of our control. Yet they impact the family financially.

These issues are usually not the ones that drive a couple to divorce. They do force us to work together to solve problems. And many times, these issues actually help us draw closer to each other.

However, if money problems are brought about by irresponsibility, neglect, or selfish behavior, it usually doesn’t get better until the core issues are dealt with.

If they are not dealt with, real problems manifest.

5) Lack Of Respect and Appreciation

Suany A. Canales lists ‘lack of appreciation, jealousy and lack of sexual intimacy as three of the five major reasons couples divorce.

Lack of respect often sows the seeds of divorce. To make a lasting marriage, mutual respect is a cornerstone that must be placed well. Respectful listening, thoughtful communication and an open mind towards differing opinions can keep any relationship thriving.

But without adequate respect in the partnership, one or both partners may feel dismissed, ignored or belittled. This feeling can lead to alienation and increased distance between the two individuals, tearing down their bond over time.

Proper Maintenance

It’s much like a car: if you pay for regular maintenance and check-ups with your mechanic, then it will likely run smoothly for years to come. But without regular care and attention – perhaps from not changing the oil every 3 months or not giving it sufficient fuel – eventually it will break down beyond repair.

Adequate respect within a marriage is similar; lacking it diminishes trust and opens up resentment while its presence works wonders on fortifying relationships over time.

Suggested: What Does It Mean To Honor Your Spouse

How Healthy Couples Deal With Complex Issues In Their Relationship

Healthy couples do things different from relationships in conflict.

Successful couples have these four skills that help them work through trouble and conflict.

1) Address emotions

Healthy couples take the time to address their feelings, individually and collectively. Recognizing and validating one another’s perspective allows for meaningful communication.

2) Establish mutual acceptance

Successful couples realize that conflicts can often be beneficial when approached with respect and a willingness to accept each other’s differences.

3) Seek common ground

Couples must strive to identify what they have in common despite disagreements and focus their energy on finding a positive resolution.

4) Prioritize understanding

Respectful listening is key — taking the time to understand how your partner feels prevents bad assumptions or hurtful words from escalating situations further.

Where To Find Help