It is no secret that communication is sorely lacking in many relationships – romantic or not. It seems like you can’t get a sentence in without getting interrupted, and sometimes, an argument goes on for hours with neither person really listening to the other. There are many reasons why couples experience communication problems – the main one being that things often run deep and are not always easy to talk about.
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Half of all married couples admit to having communication problems in their relationship at one time or another. This may seem obvious, but if you’re in a relationship, you might feel like you’re the only couple experiencing these issues. On the contrary, communication problems are very common and most couples can resolve them.
Communication plays a key role in any relationship. It’s especially true when it comes to romantic relationships. If you and your partner are having communication issues, its inportant to learn how to increase communication.
This article will provide you with some insight into the main causes of communication problems in couples and how you can resolve them.
Top 10 Reasons Couples Experience Communication Problems:
Communication issues can be painful. Many couples are caught off guard when poor communication erodes their marriage. Here are ten of the most common reasons couples have marital conflict over communication issues.
1. They Do Not Have Total Honesty With One Another
The main reason that couples experience problems with communication is that they do not share everything, and are forced to hide parts of their lives from each other. This is due to a lack of trust, or the fear that it will cause a rift in the relationship. When people live in constant fear of telling the truth, they begin making up lies to cover up their mistakes and desires for other things – this leads to lots of lying and deceit. It can also lead to worse things like cheating and divorce.
Couples who do not listen well can miss important clues, conversation hints, and responses that would help them get closer together. The result of this is often a bigger misunderstanding or a greater gap between people than there was before they started to talk openly. They cannot work out their issues together if they do not communicate well enough, and this often leads to couples arguing more frequently than they should be arguing.
3. They Constantly Interrupt Each Other
Couples who just cannot help themselves and interrupt each other constantly can make their relationships suffer for it. This is because you cannot get through to someone if they hear you out the first time, and then have to tell them everything all over again the second time. They are often surprised when they get angry with each other and start fighting more than they should be.
Interrupting is a sign of disrespect. If you value someone you are willing to listen to them. Constant interrupting indicates a lack of respect that places little value on the relationship.
4. They Fail To Pay Attention To Each Other’s Needs
When people stop listening to their partner’s needs and complaints, it is a huge problem. If a couple does not communicate effectively enough they could miss important clues that are needed in order to be successful as a team in life or in love.
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This can lead to arguments that are big enough to bring a relationship to an end. When you do not listen to your partner and understand what they need, it is very easy for them to feel like they need more of you than they should, and when this happens the relationship can suffer greatly.
5. Trust Is Lacking In Their Relationship
When people spend their time suspecting that the motives of their partners are bad or that they want something that is not right, it makes it far less likely that the relationship will work well and happily in the long run.
Spouses or partners who do not trust one another can often become suspicious of what their partner is thinking, feeling, and wanting, and this makes communication very difficult. This can also lead to a lot of lying and cheating, and many people who have experienced this tell themselves that it is their partner’s fault for being so untrustworthy.
6. Body Language Sends The Wrong Signals
Over the phone or texting, it can be easy to forget the subtle things that are important when you are talking with someone in person. It is very easy to say something in a conversational manner that others will not understand unless your partner clarifies what you mean by putting the right words in the right context.
When people do not communicate well with each other in person, they will find it hard to understand each other and reach the same level of trust as they would when they are face to face. This can lead to a lot of misunderstandings that can cause huge problems with the relationship.
7. They Do Not Value Their Spouses Opinions or Suggestions
When couples spend their time not listening to each other’s good ideas and thoughts, it will be hard for them to reach a successful ending. People assume that a spouse or partner has no good ideas that will make their life better if they do not listen carefully enough and ask for these things before anyone else does.
When people do not listen to the other person’s good ideas and have a tendency to dismiss their thoughts as irrelevant or stupid, they will often find themselves in arguments that cause more damage and stress than would otherwise be possible.
8. They Misread Each Others Emotions
It is important for people to know what is going on in their partner’s head and how they are feeling when they try to communicate with them. This is especially true for couples who are married or in a long-term relationship.
When spouses or partners do not understand that different emotions mean different things and assume that the same means the same, they will often interpret different expressions in a negative way to justify their own feelings. This can often lead to serious arguments because they have misinterpreted each other’s words and intentions.
9. They Are Not Willing To Adjust To Changes In The Marriage or Their Spouse
Life is about change. It is normal to grow and change. Even in a relationship.
The goal of marriage is to grow together. To move in the same direction at the same pace. It takes work to accomplish this, but it is the mark of a mature and healthy relationship when a couple grows together. Adapting to change is necessary in order to move in the same direction.
If your spouse gets frustrated over change it could be a sign they are stuck.
When people do not understand that they will have to adjust to new and different things that happen in their partners’ lives, it can be very hard for them. Couples that struggle with the inability to adjust well to changes in life are often at risk of ending up in a bad relationship.
10. They Are Clueless About The Emotional Needs Of Their Spouse
People who have a stable relationship with each other should have an understanding of their partners’ emotional needs and desires and should make sure that they are satisfied before they try to make any changes themselves or ask their partner for anything. When people do not fully understand each other’s needs and desires, they often make changes that are not good for the relationship.
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Communication is very important in a relationship, and these factors will often determine how long it will take for things to get back on track when things go wrong. This is often why couples in a relationship have trouble resolving serious issues such as cheating or lying when they are trying to talk about it. However, if you use your emotional needs and wishes as a guide for a happy life with your partner, you will be able to avoid many of these problems in the future.
Other Causes of Communication Problems In A Relationship
The above list addresses the psychological ’cause and effect’ problems in a marriage. These are primary causes. They are the big-picture type issues that must be addressed in order to get your relationship in alignment.
The following is a list of ‘secondary’ causes. I call them secondary not because they are unimportant. In fact, they can have a huge impact on your relationship.
They are secondary because they do not affect everyone the same. Primary causes do.
For example, any couple who lacks trust in their marriage will eventually run into problems. Trust is an essential element in a healthy marriage.
On the flip side, social media doesn’t have a negative impact on all marriages. Hence, it is a secondary issue.
Now that we have that out of the way, here are X secondary issues that can have a negative impact on your communication efforts.
If you are not controling your screen time, it is probably controlling you.
I get a notification each day on how much screen time I have on my devices. I’m not too worried about the hours I spend on my laptop. Since I write for a living it is pretty standard to log quite a bit of time on it.
It’s not the same with my iPad or phone. When my screen time is up on those devices, I realize I am spending too much time on social media.
Confession: Social media is not my thing. I do not troll Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, or Tik Tok. I’m just not into it. I do, however, read forums, attend webinars, and read news articles.
While reading is certainly better than wasting hours scrolling through memes, it can still eat away my time I could spend connecting with Michelle. Not to mention elevating my stress level.
We try to have a device shutdown at a specific time each evening. That way we can focus on each other.
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It elimnates stress and keeps us focused on the things that matter most – relationships.
2. Not Spending Time Together
Yes. This relates to communication. Couples who spend TIME together tend to talk more.
We love to hike. In fact, we have a side-hustle around hiking. Along with fishing we get to spend a lot of time together away from distractions AND with each other.
Because of this, we talk about things. Everything. Because we are away from the office and the demands of home life, we let our guard down and discuss things that matter most.
University of Iowa professor Tamara Afifi studied couples under stress for several years. She devised a theory called resilience and relational load. It basically indicates how much stress a couple can experience before it deteriorates their relationship.
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Her goal was to find ways to increase our ability to handle stress without it destroying our connection with family.
She puts it this way:
Couples in families that tackle stress as a unit, who are a team in their approach to situations in life, are better able to handle stress and are more likely to invest in their relationships to begin with.
When people communicate in ways that validate their relational partners/family members on a daily basis, they accumulate positive emotional reserves, which helps preserve their relationships. Afifi suggests using four techniques every day to help reduce stress and strengthen partner relationship
In the video below Professor Afifi offers smart ways to decrease stress and increase your ability to manage it so you can thrive as a family.
11 Simple Things To Help You Stay Connected
Although it is difficult for couples to maintain a healthy relationship in a busy world, there are many things that can be done to make sure that problems like this don’t happen. A good understanding of how each person communicates with each other can go a long way towards creating harmony and happiness.
If you have trouble communicating with your partner, make sure that they fully understand the following things:
1. Take time to listen to what your partner has to say before you make any decisions about anything.
2. Make sure that you do not let small things ruin a big thing by trying to put them in perspective before you get upset over them and start arguing with your spouse or partner.
3. Take time to make sure that you understand what your partner is feeling before you try to deal with any issues.
4. Make sure that your partner understands how you are feeling before they try to address the issue or talk it over with you.
5. Understand that your partner may not be able to do everything in the way that you want it done, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t care for you or want to make things better for both of you.
7. Surround yourself with positive people who want to help you grow and be a better person.
8. Take time to relax and put your feet up every now and then. Have a hobby that you enjoy.
10. Do not stress over things that you cannot change, such as other people’s opinions of you or other things that may be causing tension in your life at this moment.
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11. Establish boundaries for yourself and your partner so you can have the freedom to express yourself and how you feel without feeling guilty about it later.
Final Thoughts on Why Couples Experience Communication Problems
As we’ve seen communication is one of the big issues that can make or break a relationship. When communication breaks down it’s important to know why. Once you’ve diagnosed the problem, you can find a solution.
In this article, we looked at 10 primary reasons couples experience communication problems. We also covered 3 secondary issues that could be affecting your communication. Then we offered 11 simple things to help you get back on track.
To get more help creating the marriage you desire and deserve, check out these resources:
The Healthy Marriage Quiz If you want specific help for your marriage, or you want to know your healthy marriage score, take the marriage quiz. You’ll get immediate access with suggestions on how to improve your relationship.
The Healthy Marriage Toolkit Books, Courses, Programs and Tools designed to help you create the marriage of your dreams.
Five Simple Steps Marriage Course Marriage doesn’t have to be complicated. In this 5 part mini series you’ll discover practical steps to redesign your marriage.
Healthy Marriage Courses Our courses will help you build a strong marriage. Each course is designed to meet a specific relationship need.
If you are having serious marriage struggles, we recommend starting with ‘Save the Marriage System‘ by Lee Baucom.
