Sometimes You Need To Be A Clown: How To Create Connection In Marriage

Connection in marriage is key. Learn how to nurture and maintain a strong bond with your partner by removing tension and creating ease in your communication.

Article At A Glance

• Laughter Enhances Marital Satisfaction: Couples who laugh together experience more positive emotions and have longer-lasting, happier relationships.
• Eliminate Criticism: Criticism damages trust and emotional intimacy, leading to feelings of rejection and insecurity.
• Remove Stress: Stress impairs communication, causing irritability and emotional withdrawal.
• Monitor Social Media: Excessive social media use can lead to deceit, disconnection, and jealousy, harming marital trust and satisfaction.

Laughter is a big a part of marriage satisfaction.

Couples who laugh together tend to like each other more, relate better, and experience more positive emotions, which contributes to the longevity and quality of their relationship.

In other words, couples that laugh together are happier.

But…

That’s not what I mean by ‘being a clown.’

Let me explain:

The story of Cracolandia is a good place to start.

Cracolandia (literally, the land of crack) is a region in Sao Paulo that is notorious for drug trafficking and crack use.

It is one of the most dangerous areas in the city.

A Clown Walks In

In this area, there is a man who dresses up in a clown suit and tries to help addicts get clean. He provides shelter, food, and help to those in trouble.

Yet, this is no ordinary guy. He is a licensed psychiatrist.

He dresses in a clown suit because doctors and city officials (dressed in suits) cause the addicts to hide.

So…

By he found a more effective way to reach those in need. He diffuses the situation by dressing as a clown.

His costume allows him to break down barriers and start a conversation.

You see, when we have our guard up, we repel any effort to help us.

When our guard is down, we are more open, honest, and willing to engage.

This skill is vital for marriage as well.

That’s why we devote time in our marriage communication bootcamp to help couples tear down the barriers that keep them from connecting.

When we have our guard up, we repel any effort to help us. When it is down, we are more open, honest, and willing to engage. Share on X

When I say sometimes you need to be a clown, it’s not merely about making your spouse laugh (although that never hurts).

It’s about removing the barriers so you can connect on a deeper level.

It’s about lowering your guard, and helping your spouse lower theirs.

The question is, how do we remove barriers in communication?

5 Ways To Remove Communication Barriers

Here are 5 practical things you can do to take down the walls and be the clown in your relationship to create pathways for connection and communication.

1. Stop Judging

Judging your spouse isn’t the best move for a healthy emotional connection. It breeds negativity, resentment, and distance between you both.

When you start nitpicking and being critical, you’re basically imposing your own values and standards on your partner, making them feel inadequate and defensive. This toxic cycle can push you apart so far that resolving issues becomes a real challenge.

Negative judgments like criticisms and contempt, according to Dr. John Gottman, are what he calls The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they predict relationship troubles.

Plus, being overly judgmental can kill open dialogue, showing a lack of interest and openness to your partner’s side.

This attitude can also lead to emotional withdrawal, leaving one partner feeling suffocated and unable to be themselves, damaging the bond further.

In the end, judgment just breaks down respect and empathy, two crucial elements for a strong and loving partnership.

2. Eliminate Criticism

Getting rid of criticism in marriage is crucial. It seriously damages trust, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Criticizing your partner’s character instead of addressing their behavior can leave them feeling attacked, rejected, and deeply wounded. This lack of respect and appreciation can make your partner feel undervalued and insecure.

The breakdown in communication and emotional intimacy from persistent criticism can lead to a cycle of resentment and more criticism, ultimately destroying the trust that holds the relationship together.

By ditching criticism and focusing on positive communication, couples can create a supportive and trusting environment necessary for a strong and lasting marriage.

3. Remove Stress

When we’re stressed, our ability to communicate takes a hit. Suddenly, we’re more irritable, impatient, and quick to snap. This leads to misunderstandings and conflicts that only worsen the situation.

As the stress builds, we start to withdraw from communication, creating emotional distance and a lack of support in the relationship. It becomes a vicious cycle where stress feeds off itself, making things even tougher.

But here’s the key: If we can remove stress from the equation, we can create a calm, supportive environment where both partners feel heard and understood.

Practicing empathy, active listening, and setting aside dedicated time for stress-reducing talks can work wonders.

By addressing stress head-on, couples can strengthen their bond, build resilience, and keep their interactions positive and constructive.

And remember, it’s all about finding ways to connect, even when life gets crazy.

4. Surveil Social Media

Social media has totally changed the game when it comes to personal relationships, especially in marriages. And not always for the better.

One big problem is how easy it is to be deceitful on social media.

The mask of anonymity lets people create fake identities, cheat online, or hide parts of their online interactions. This just breeds doubt and distrust between partners.

Spending too much time on social media can also lead to disconnection. Instead of face-to-face chats, couples might find themselves glued to their screens, feeling neglected and distant.

This digital detachment replaces real conversations and emotional closeness with superficial likes and comments.

Let’s not forget the drama social media can stir up in marriages.

Misunderstandings, jealousy, and insecurity often spike because of online interactions, fueling arguments and tensions.

Seeing everyone’s highlights reel can make us compare and feel dissatisfied with our own love life, adding strain to our relationships. We need to remind ourselves that 90% of what we see on social media is image, not necessarily reality.

One of the biggest reasons we should monitor our social media intake is social media addiction.

It can seriously mess with relationship happiness and your mental health. Being addicted to scrolling can make you less committed, more likely to lie, and ruin the quality of your love life. It can even lead to fatigue, anxiety, and depression, making the relationship even trickier to navigate.

5. Commit To Listen

Listening to your spouse isn’t just about hearing words. It’s about showing them that you genuinely care and respect what they have to say.

When you actively listen, you’re fully engaged, giving them your undivided attention, and demonstrating empathy and understanding.

This creates a deeper emotional bond and connection between the two of you. By prioritizing your spouse’s thoughts and feelings, you’re creating a safe space where they feel valued and understood, which encourages them to open up and be authentic.

This not only reduces conflicts but also strengthens trust and intimacy, showing your spouse that you’re truly invested in their well-being and the health of your relationship.

Making a commitment to active listening transforms everyday conversations into valuable opportunities for growth and deep connection, enhancing the overall quality of your marriage.

By removing these from your marriage, you will create an open pathway for your spouse to respond when you engage in communication.

In essence, we become the clown. Not in a silly sense; especially not in a negative way. We become the clown like the psychiatrist working in Cracolandia.

We dismantle the need to pull away, and we set the stage for connection to happen.

Here’s what you should do next…

I want to help you develop better communication skills so you can connect on a deeper level with your spouse.

That’s why we created the ‘Marriage Communication Bootcamp‘ where you will learn:

• The 4 types of communication; and why 3 of them will destroy your marriage if you do not practice the 4th.
• Why only 7% of communication is comprised of the words you speak; and how to identify the other 93%
• The 13 Skills (and how to develop them) every couple MUST have to make their marriage thrive.
• The 6 Pillars all effective communication is built on; and how to make sure they are a part of your marriage.
• A step-by-step process of moving a conversation to the point of intimacy and connection.

This course is designed to create connection, not just ‘talking skills.’ If you desire a deeper bond and stronger connection in your marriage, click the button below to go to the next page to get access to over 15 practical exercises that will help you communicate more effectively; AND feel more connected with your spouse.

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