Communication Problems In Marriage: 12 Overlooked Issues Wrecking Your Ability To Connect

Communication problems in marriage can lead to a breakdown in trust and understanding. Learn how to identify and address these issues before they become too difficult to manage.

Communication problems in marriage are like a block in a pipe. Without proper maintenance it will clog up and impede the flow of love.

In this article, we address the source of connection breakdown, and 12 often overlooked issues causing communication problems.

What Is The Real Source Of Communication Problems?

A communication breakdown in a marriage is often caused by both parties not listening to each other, stonewalling, toxic criticism and defensiveness. These are the issues John Gottman mentions most often when discussing marriage problems.

When couples no longer take the time to listen to one another, it can lead to a breakdown in communication which can cause lasting damage to the relationship.

Signs Your Relationship Is In Communication Crisis

Signs that communication has begun to deteriorate in your marriage are when conversations become more argumentative; there’s a lack of interest or enthusiasm when discussing topics; conversations are entirely superficial with neither partner giving deeper insights; one partner feels they don’t receive enough attention from the other; and you feel like you’re avoiding speaking openly about important matters.

Communication problems in marriage are like a block in a pipe. Without proper maintenance it will clog up and impede the flow of love. Click To Tweet

If these things sound familiar, then it’s possible that your marriage has started to suffer due to a breakdown in communication.

Noticing a breakdown in communication can be one of the most difficult yet essential signs to look out for if you want to identify deteriorating relationship in your marriage.

Once communications start to break down it can cause serious problems. At this point, there are several ways you can try and get back on track but first we must address the main issue at hand: how do we identify these issues if they arise?

We covered the 10 biggest reasons couple experience communication breakdown. The most important thing to pay attention to is the inner sense of not connecting when you talk.

This short list will help you evaluate your communication style:

• Conversations start to become more argumentative than meaningful
• A lack of enthusiasm or interest when discussing topics with your partner
• Topics become altogether superficial with no one really delving deeper
• One partner starts feeling like they aren’t receiving enough attention from the other
• Both partners avoid speaking openly about important matters

These indicate that things may have started down a slippery slope where communication is concerned.

12 Overlooked Communication Problems In Marriage

Overlooked communication problems in marriage is like a game of “telephone”, where the message gets distorted more and more as it is passed along the chain. If couples don’t take the time to understand each other, they could easily lose sight of their original objective.

Here are 12 often overlooked issues that cause communiation breakdown in your relationship.

1) Assuming Instead Of Hearing

Assuming what your partner means instead of really listening and hearing what is in their heart causes us to lose connection.

Hearing what’s in the heart can challenge people to suspend judgment and open our minds to new ways of thinking. Listening deeply requires us to move beyond mere words, but rather absorb and reflect on a partner’s innermost thoughts and feelings.

It takes effort to tune-in and understand the underlying message. Learning how to truly listen provides access points into understanding perspectives that differ from our own; we must be patient enough for those with different contexts or backgrounds to adjust the view-frame for their words to process correctly.

Having the humility to resist rushing assumptions broadens understanding of what is actually being said, rather than what we think is being said. Never forget that others may have valuable solutions. Refusing speculation, yet separating what we project from evident truths helps establish trust within relationships.

Learning how to truly listen provides access points into understanding perspectives that differ from our own. Click To Tweet

Realizing that all communication encompasses both verbal and nonverbal clues means growing closer by unlocking feelings underneath what is articulated aloud in spoken phrases. True listening creates harmony through strong bonds of love, peace and togetherness without fear of misinterpreting meanings given between partners.

2) Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most destructive forms of communication in marriage. Not only does it create tension and a brewing atmosphere of mistrust, but it also drives a wedge between partners.

Rather than expressing anger directly through words, people may choose more subtle ways such as not making eye contact, avoiding responsibility or behaving passive-aggressively. This behavior sends mixed signals without explicitly communicating what’s on one’s mind.

Bypassing direct communication can lead to unclear messages, causing confusion and further damaging the relationship.

At its root lies fear; fear of standing up for oneself or expressing emotions in a healthy manner. Therefore it’s critical that couples look beyond their immediate feelings and actively work against these habits.

Acknowledge underlying feelings, listen genuinely to each other’s perspectives and share experiences with empathy– all these help foster a sense of connection and restore trust in relationships.

Ultimately being honest about true motivations is necessary for improving communication– embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth and collaboration instead of shying away from discussion of difficult topics.

3) Yelling And Intimidating

When two people disagree they should be able to express their emotions without fear of consequences. If a partner feels threatened by the other’s angry outbursts, it damages the trust between them. Speaking calmly with respect is the key to maintaining a respectful relationship.

Yelling degrades and infuriates both parties. Long-term partnership requires patience communication and understanding.

Intimidation typically comes from a place of powerlessness. When one partner yells or exhibits power to scare the other, it’s often part of an abusive pattern that can cause lasting damage to a marriage.

Establishing strong boundaries against these kinds of tactics is essential for successful marital conversations and interactions.

Rather than submitting to these behaviors makes clear you don’t accept them as proper behavior in your relationship and seek ways towards resolution that don’t involve intimidation.

Solidify effective communication strategies such as compassionate listening that foster greater understanding between partners and reach mutually beneficial solutions are imperative for thriving couples.

4) Negative Attitudes

Negativity impedes our ability to communicate clearly. It clouds us with doubt, confusion and apprehension towards the task at hand. Negative emotions act as roadblocks hindering one’s problem solving abilities and clarity of thought.

When we feel negative it affects our choices, which in turn can impede communication effectiveness. Unchecked negativity can lead to procrastination, idle bickering and general apathy towards forming solutions.

The antidote is to become more aware of our personal biases and tendencies towards thinking-in-the-moment, rather than by deliberative reasoning and deeper understanding. We must strive for objectivity rooted in inquiry, exploration of perspectives and information gathering approach rather than speculation or conjecture. When negativity creeps in, take the time to step back and regain your focus on the task at hand in light of your objectives and values.

By exercising greater self-awareness, improving our communication skills and existing knowledge base, we will be better equipped to communicate clearly while over coming dissonant attitudes that hinder productive dialogue. Cultivate a spirit of positivity so that it can propel you into focus shift towards useful insights that are unique for any particular situation you are facing.

5) Showing Contempt And Disrespect

Showing contempt and disrespect towards a spouse can have a negative impact on their relationship — causing them to pull away.

A study on ‘demand withdrawal patterns’ by A Christense and C L Heavey has revealed that criticism and complaints can lead to withdrawal by the other party in a marriage. This is an important finding as it highlights how communication problems can quickly escalate into more serious issues if not addressed properly.

This attitude can generate feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment that interfere with communication between the two partners.

The disconnection created by hostile words and behaviors makes it difficult for couples to re-establish trust and closeness which is essential for effective communication (and a happy marriage).

Without safety, respect, and understanding, spouses are unlikely to be willing or able to open up honestly about how they’re feeling and what they need from one another.

When people feel disrespected, they may withdraw in order to protect themselves from more pain or disappointment. This often only serves to create further estrangement since shut down behavior leads couples farther away from addressing and ultimately resolving their issues.

The disconnection created by hostile words and behaviors makes it difficult for couples to re-establish trust and closeness Click To Tweet

By showing contempt and disrespect through actions or words we limit our ability to effectively reach out to our spouse with grace, understanding, and connection– creating a wall between them that stands in the way of productive dialogue or empathy.

To heal tension within the relationship it is imperative that each person take responsibility for his/her attitudes and reactions. Recognizing when we are being disrespectful is half the battle; reversing this effect takes active effort on both sides.

It requires that partners address any ill will they feel with direct, honest conversations instead of passive-aggressive sniping or avoidance tactics. Working together in earnest can dissolve any existing barriers between you both so that you may eventually begin speaking with each other on an equal footing once again.

6) Not Taking Responsibility (Blaming Your Spouse)

It can be tempting to blame your partner for any problem in the relationship. But all too often taking responsibility for our own missteps ends up being the better long-term solution.

Rather than getting stuck in a spiral of finger pointing, try to take an honest look at where you’ve gone wrong and how you could have handled things differently or better. This opens up the door for dialogue and mutual understanding between you and your spouse which leads to healthier communication.

The same principle goes for how you interpret the actions of your partner. Don’t let your emotions jump to conclusions – take a step back, process it thoroughly before responding. That way, you’re able to bring more empathy and objectivity into any conversation and make sure both parties feel heard and respected.

Taking responsibility for yourself helps keep lines of communication open with your spouse so that issues can be resolved quickly and easily. Blaming is never a good thing in any situation – those conversations rarely end well, so make sure not to do it when talking about a disagreement with your significant other.

7) Selfish And Self Centered Talk

Selfishness is the ultimate relationship killer. If all you do is talk about what’s important to you, and refuse to discuss anything that your spouse cares about, you’re quickly going to build a wall between you.

The danger of this sort of thinking goes beyond simply not connecting—it can erode your ability to listen and understand each other. After all, communication is a two-way street—we have to put in as much effort as we get out.

Without that give-and-take, conversations become arguments or one-sided monologues where neither person feels heard or understood. That only leads further into a downward spiral of hurt feelings and resentment that can be hard to climb back out of without professional help.

The best way forward is for both people in the relationship to take an active role in working towards understanding each other’s perspectives. This isn’t just about being fair—it’s about creating a space for honest, open dialogue that allows both partners to really hear what the other is saying.

8) Not Listening

Rather than pausing to hear and understand each other, one partner often speaks while the other waits for their turn to have their say. This can cause a disconnect between them, making it harder to relate and even hurting their ability to form a tight bond.

Often, people may think they are active listening, but in reality they are simply waiting for their opportunity to state their own opinion or thoughts on an issue.

They don’t give their full attention and fail to take into consideration how the other person is feeling or what they’re saying. 

It helps to put ourselves in our partners’ shoes and view the conversation from their perspective. We may be surprised by how differently they perceive things than we do.

9) Dumping Our Emotions On Our Partner

Expressing our emotions can be a tricky thing. What starts with the intention of creating closeness and understanding can quickly turn sour and push the other person away.

It’s important to keep in mind that dumping your emotional baggage on someone else isn’t an effective tactic for creating a closer bond or getting their empathy or understanding.

If we want truly meaningful connections, true intimacy, we have to be willing to focus on developing closeness by really listening to each other and seeking out ways to create mutual understanding and support.

We need to take responsibility for our own feelings and thoughts without expecting another person to carry them for us. That way, working through tough emotions together becomes something that strengthens rather than weakens the relationship.

Rather than bombarding our partner with everything weighing us down emotionally, striving for genuine connection requires us to slow down and practice thoughtful self-reflection before trying to share our feelings openly with someone else.

10) Lack of Empathy

A key to a successful relationship is empathy, which requires us to try and look at the world through someone else’s eyes. Non-empathic communication can quickly shut down dialogue and rob us of valuable connection with our spouse.

Empathy helps us to better understand and relate to each other, creating opportunities for solutions that will benefit both parties. To extend empathy during conflict we must remain curious and stay focused on the conversation despite passionate emotions.

We often miss connections when we rush to action in an effort to “fix” a problem before we fully understand it, or when we focus solely on our own thoughts and feelings instead of making space for another person within the discussion.

This is why practicing empathic listening is vital; only then can we truly begin to enter into another’s experience, allowing us to connect beyond opinions and ideas, getting into the essence of a shared human experience.

Without empathy, we can’t truly understand each other and our communication can become strained. Empathy allows us to build a bridge of understanding between us, creating an environment of mutual respect and trust.

11) Using Harsh Demanding Language

We may not always realize the impact of our words, but when we are harsh with our spouse it can create a wedge.

Too often we lash out when our patience runs thin. We forget that words have power, and that they have consequences.

Harsh words destroy trust by making our spouses feel unloved and unsafe. This can lead to conflict, resentment, and emotional disconnection.

Our marriages will only be successful when we are not just respectful but kind to each other in our words and behavior.

Trust is built over time through sustained effort; work towards creating an environment of safety where your partner can speak openly with honesty and vulnerability. Click To Tweet

We should instead strive for understanding without judgement, acceptance without expectation, and appreciation without obligation.

Trust is built over time through sustained effort; work towards creating an environment of safety where your partner can speak openly with honesty and vulnerability.

Your spouse deserves respect; it is important to remember that you owe them kindness and consideration even in difficult conversations or moments of disagreement.

When we practice gentleness and thoughtfulness, we create emotional security for our marriages to thrive–and for us all to find peace within it.

12) Hiding feelings

Connecting with another is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Intimacy is built off meaningful communication, where each partner in a relationship can express their feelings fully and openly without feeling judged or ashamed.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t feel safe being vulnerable with one another, so we tend to hide our emotions and put up walls instead.

This often leads to broken communication between partners and a disconnection that starts to form between them as well. What may have started out as small miscommunications ends up taking a significant toll on our connections and hinders us from having truly meaningful relationships.

To restore any lost connection, we must make sure there’s an opportunity for open dialogue and honest communication with our partners — something that allows both parties to share their thoughts directly and free of fear or judgement.

When trust exists in this manner then it can cultivate an environment which fosters deeper connection, understanding and love between couples.

What are the Consequences of Poor Communication in Marriage?

Poor communication can be one of the most destructive forces in a marriage. Without good communication, couples can quickly become disconnected, resulting in misunderstandings, hurts, and resentments that build up over time and can lead to divorce.

When couples don’t communicate effectively, they do not have the opportunity to express their feelings and needs, or to ask questions or get information from each other. This lack of communication leads to frustration and confusion as well as lost opportunities for connection and understanding.

It also leads couples to distance themselves from each other physically as well as emotionally which can create an environment where discussion is avoided altogether or limited to small talk. When this happens, couples may feel disconnected as if they are living independent lives instead of being part of a partnership.

Poor communication also leads partners to jump too quickly to conclusions without learning more information first, which worsens disagreements because they have based their views on inaccurate assumptions. Additionally when communication problems persist, couples may start keeping secrets and begin hiding emotions behind a wall that becomes increasingly hard to break down over time.

The longer these poor communication habits continue without improvement, the more damage it does, leading spouses further away from each other with very little hope for repair or healing until real action is taken. It is thus extremely important for married couples to prioritize improving their level of communication if they want a healthy marriage and long-term relationship success.

So how do you build an atmosphere of trust in your relationship where both partners can communicate freely?

The first step is to be aware of what triggers fear or insecurity when either one chooses not to open up about their emotions. Once you understand this then further steps can be taken to address it effectively

Be intentional about limiting distractions like phones, TVs and other electronics while talking in order show the other person your full attention too. And lastly strive for patience when engaging in these conversations, since it takes time learn how best both individuals can communicate with each other without feeling silenced or unheard.

Understand the the power (and necessity) of give and take in your marriage.

Open and transparent communication is key factor when it comes strengthening bonds between us — it is a sign that we trust one another enough as partners values our individual differences..

This ultimately builds greater respect within the relationship which will help keep your bond strong no matter what life throws at you!

Where To Find Help