Beyond the Surface: Addressing Christian Marriage Without Intimacy and How to Rekindle the Spark

Unlock the secrets to a fuller, more intimate Christian marriage with our must-read tips. Find joy and connection again.

Key Takeaways

• Open Communication is a Lifeline: Keep honest and open lines of communication to express feelings, desires, and concerns—it’s the foundation of rebuilding intimacy.
• Spiritual and Emotional Bonding is Crucial: Deepen your bond through shared faith practices and emotional support, reinforcing your unity and mutual understanding.
• Appreciate and Prioritize Each Other: Show gratitude for the little things, and make your marriage a top priority amidst life’s bustling demands to ensure it thrives.
• Never Stop Learning About Each Other: Embrace curiosity about your partner; people evolve, and there’s always something new to discover about each other to strengthen your bond.

Are you sitting on the couch with your spouse, both lost in your own worlds, your knees barely touching, wondering where the spark in your marriage went?

Maybe you’re thinking back to the days when everything was exciting, including your conversations about anything and everything.

Now, you’re pondering why the idea of Christian marriage without intimacy seems less like a random Google search and more like your daily reality. If that hits close to home, pull up a chair (or skootch closer on that couch), and let’s chat.

First things first, let’s define our terms. When we say intimacy, what pops into your head? Is it just the physical stuff, or is it more?

In a thriving Christian marriage, intimacy is like a delicious layer cake (stay with me here).

Sure, the physical connection is one layer, but there are others like emotional bonding, spiritual unity, and, yes, even sharing those little daily moments. Each layer adds flavor to your marriage. Missing a layer? It’s like forgetting the sugar in your cake—technically edible but not what you were hoping for.

10 Tips To Rekindle The Spark If Your Marriage Lacks Intimacy

So, what do you do if you find your marital cake a bit lacking in the intimacy department? Here are some spoonful’s of advice, seasoned with a dash of humor and heaps of heart.

1. Communication is Key (But Really)

How many times have you heard someone say, “Communication is key in a relationship,” and thought, “Yeah, yeah, easier said than done”? Well, it’s time to turn that cliché into action.

Open, honest discussions about your feelings, hopes, and yes, frustrations, can initiate an incredible transformation in your marriage. It might feel like pulling off a Band-Aid at first, but revealing your true self is liberating.

Start small. Share something about your day or how you felt when you watched the sunset. Listening is just as vital—so when your partner speaks, tune in like they’re revealing the secret to making perfect pancakes.

2. Rediscover Fun Together

Remember fun? That thing you had in spades when you first started dating?

It might seem like a distant memory now, with life’s responsibilities piling up. But finding joy in each other’s company is a powerful way to reconnect.

The key is to rediscover fun. Lighten the mood. Let’s face it, we have to be intentional about the things that matter.

If you leave it to chance, or ‘when the mood hits you,’ you could be waiting a long time. So, be intentional.

It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Dancing in the kitchen, playing a board game, or simply taking a walk together can reignite that spark. Laughter is often the best medicine, especially for mending emotional distance.

3. Spiritual Intimacy: A Deeper Connection

In a Christian marriage, sharing your faith can bring you closer in ways that nothing else can. There are practical ways to do this without seeming ‘churchy’ or trying to be ‘super saint.’

1. Prayer together.

Prayer together is not just about speaking to God; it’s about connecting with your partner on a deeper level. 

2. Sharing your dreams.

Sharing your spiritual dreams, attending church as a couple, or exploring a Bible study together can strengthen your bond. Don’t worry about making it too formal; it’s the sharing part that counts.

3. Read a book (Bible book) together and discuss.

I mentioned doing a Bible study together; this doesn’t have to be overwhelming or pressuring. The goal is to read something together (not necessarily at the same time), then talk about it. 

Ask each other questions about what you get from the passage. Discuss the big takeaways.

Like I said, this doesn’t have to be done as a ‘super saint.’ Just share your thoughts, heart, and ideas with each other.

4. Physical Intimacy: More Than Just the Bedroom

Ah, physical intimacy. If this is the layer of your cake that’s been neglected, it’s time to add it back—but start slow.

Holding hands, a spontaneous hug, a kiss goodbye in the morning.

These small gestures can lead to deeper connections. And here’s a little secret: intimacy is about feeling close, so even a lingering look can be a step in the right direction.

5. Appreciate the Small Things

Ever noticed how a simple “thank you” can light up your partner’s face? It’s the little acknowledgments of each other’s efforts that can weave a tapestry of closeness and respect in your relationship.

Did your spouse take out the trash without being asked? Make your favorite meal after a long day? Express your gratitude—it’s like love language for the soul.

Acknowledging the small acts of love and kindness can create a culture of appreciation in your marriage. It’s like fertilizer for that intimacy garden; it just makes everything grow.

6. Tackle Challenges Together

Let’s face it, life throws curveballs. Instead of letting challenges drive a wedge between you, face them together. Whether it’s financial strain, health issues, or family drama, teamwork can not only solve problems but also bring you closer.

Picture yourselves as two peas in a pod tackling the world—one hurdle at a time. It’s about being each other’s cheerleader, even when the chips are down. This united front creates a bond that’s tough to break and deepens the sense of intimacy between you.

7. Create Traditions Just for Two

Traditions aren’t just for families or the holidays—they can be a magical ingredient in your marriage. Maybe it’s a date night every Thursday, or perhaps it’s an annual trip to the place you first met.

These traditions become your exclusive shared experiences, creating a rich history that only the two of you share. They’re like secret handshakes or inside jokes; they strengthen your connection and give you both something special to look forward to.

8. Keep Learning About Each Other

Think you know everything about your spouse? Think again! People evolve, and their likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears can change too. Make it a point to keep discovering each other. Ask open-ended questions, be genuinely curious, and listen—really listen. It’s like being explorers in the vast land of each other’s hearts. You might be surprised at the new things you learn, and every discovery brings you closer.

9. Prioritize Your Marriage

Life is busy. There are jobs, kids, social obligations—the list goes on. But here’s a nugget of truth: your marriage should be at the top of your priorities list.

It’s easy to slip into a routine where your relationship takes a back seat, but actively choosing to put your marriage first can make all the difference. It’s saying, “Yes, you matter more than all the other stuff.” This commitment to prioritizing your relationship is a clear signal of its importance, nurturing the intimacy between you.

Christian marriages, infused with faith and love, have a strong foundation. But like any robust structure, they need maintenance, care, and the occasional renovation. Lack of intimacy can feel like a gaping hole in your marriage, but it’s not insurmountable. With a heart full of love, a dash of creativity, and a spoonful of effort, you can bridge the gap and rediscover the joy of being together.

Remember, it’s the journey, not the destination, that counts. Every step you take towards each other is a victory, a sweet reminder of why you chose to walk this path together in the first place. So, take a deep breath, reach out, and take that first step. Your marriage cake is waiting to be baked, and trust me, it’s going to be delicious.

10. Seek Guidance When Needed

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you might need a little help from someone who’s been there, done that. Whether it’s a pastor, a marriage counselor, or that couple you’ve always admired, don’t be afraid to reach out. After all, even the best bakers sometimes need a recipe.

Christian marriage without intimacy can feel like a lonely place, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. With a commitment to rediscovering each other and a willingness to put in the work, you can enjoy a relationship that’s more satisfying than the best layer cake you’ve ever tasted.

So, what’s the first step you’ll take today? Remember, the recipe for a fulfilling marriage is always a work in progress, just like the best of us.

Final Thoughts on Marriage Without Intimacy

The path to rekindling intimacy in your Christian marriage is walked by many, each step filled with the promise of rediscovery and renewal. Laugh often, pray together, cherish your moments, seek help when you need it, and always keep the door to communication wide open.

Your marriage is a beautiful, ongoing story—a story that you write together, day by day, with love as your pen and faith as your guide. Here’s to you, to your partner, and to the incredible journey of building a deeply intimate, joyful, and fulfilling life together. Cheers to your next chapter being filled with more connection, understanding, and love than ever before.

Where To Find Help

We have resources to help you create the marriage you desire and deserve:

Connecting and Communicating

1000 Questions For Couples is designed to help you connect on a deeper level to create intimacy and trust in your relationship.

Relationship Rewrite will help you regain and rediscover the magic and love you once shared.

Physical Intimacy

Respark the Romance helps couples capture passion in their marriage.

Why Men Pull Away addresses the issue of why men tend to withdraw and how to effectively get them to reengage.

Secret Survey is based on the research of Michael Fiore after surveying thousands of men. It is enlightening. Designed for women.

Our Courses and Quiz

We have courses available that will help you grow your marriage relationship and create the marriage you desire and deserve. Visit our course library here.

You can also take our Marriage Quiz to get your marriage score and find practical ways to increase communication, intimacy, and trust in your relationship.