I Can’t Talk To My Husband Without Him Getting Angry: 6 Steps To Diffuse The Situation

Talking to your husband can be difficult when he gets angry. It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is in the moment, but with a few steps you can learn how to communicate without fighting.

I Can’t Talk To My Husband Without Him Getting Angry: Here are six things you can do now to diffuse the situation and open the door for better communication.

Why It’s Difficult To Deal With An Angry Person

When someone is angry, it can make it very difficult for two people to talk without getting into an argument. The person who is feeling angry may start by speaking loudly or using harsh words that make it hard for the other person to keep their cool.

This can lead one or both people in the conversation to become defensive, which leads to more arguments and makes it even harder for them to reach an understanding.

It might seem like there’s nothing you can do in this situation, but there are things you can do that will help make it easier to have a calm conversation with your husband when he gets angry.

Anger is not a communication style. It is an inappropriate response to a problem that can be solved when couples work together.

It is usually representative of someone who doesn’t have healthy priorities.

What’s Causing The Anger Issues?

Before you try any of these techniques, it’s important to understand why your husband is so angry in the first place. There could be many reasons why someone might get angry during a conversation; maybe they feel like they aren’t being heard or respected, or maybe something happened earlier that day that made them upset and now they’re taking it out on you.

The top 7 causes of anger issues in men are:

• Stress and pressure
• Low self-esteem
• Feeling of being disrespected
• Fear or anxiety
• Frustration with circumstances, people, or situations
• Financial worries and insecurity
• Unresolved past issues or trauma

(This is a compliation drawn from various studies on anger in men)

Underlying each of these factors is a greater issue: Control.

According to a paper presented by Sandra Thomas at the University of Tennessee Knoxville, one of the major factors causing anger in men is the sense of not having control over their lives. She calls it: Being Controlled Versus Having and Maintaining Control

A new study by Brandeis University and the University of Rochester indicates that the more we feel in control of our own destiny, the happier we are. 

People who feel in control and believe they can achieve goals despite hardships are more likely to live longer and healthier lives.

The opposite is also true. Those who feel they have little or no control over their lives have greater amounts of stress and frustration. This leads to anger, resentment, and high levels of conflict.

Whatever the cause of his anger might be, understanding why he’s so mad will help you find ways to defuse the situation before it escalates further.

Five Proven Steps To Communicate Without Fighting

Formula’s often fall apart when dealing with intense conflict. However, there are things you can do to move in the right direction. Steps you can take toward resolve and solutions.

Here are five simple, yet powerful steps that will help you address difficult situations in a healthy way.

1) Take A Break

Never under estimate the power of stepping back from the situation to get your bearings.

If things start heating up in a conversation, take a break from talking and give each other time and space so everyone has a chance to calm down before continuing the discussion. 

Taking a break gives you the time and space to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, so that when you do dive in, you are better equipped to handle the situation.

This gives each person time away from each other where they can reflect on what was said and come back together ready to listen and talk calmly again.

2) Listen Empathetically

Listening empathetically means really trying hard to understand what your partner is saying by putting yourself in their shoes instead of getting defensive or making assumptions about their feelings.

Letting them know that you understand what they are saying will show them respect and help de-escalate any tension between you two as well as create an environment where more productive conversations can happen later on down the road.

Suggested: How To Deal With A Lack Of Empathy In Marriage

3) Use “I Statements”

When expressing yourself during arguments, try using “I statements” rather than “you statements.”

An example of an “I statement” would be something like “I feel like I am not being heard,” rather than accusing your partner of not listening by saying something like “You don’t ever listen.”

This may sound trivial and over-stated, but making statements this way keeps us from blaming our spouse (or others). It diffuses already tense situations so you can work toward solutions.

Using these kinds of statements will help ensure both parties stay focused on resolving whatever issue needs discussing instead of pointing fingers at each other which will just create more hostility between both sides and make progress towards resolution nearly impossible.

4) Respect Each Other

Respect goes hand-in-hand with empathy. If both parties respect each other then they are much more likely not only have successful conversations but also build trust over time which strengthens relationships even further down the road too!

Showing respect involves listening carefully without making assumptions as well as refraining from name calling or verbally attacking one another during arguments – everyone deserves basic human decency no matter how heated things may get!

5) Talk About Solutions

Once everyone has had enough time away from each other (if needed) try having conversations about solutions rather than just focusing on problems alone – this way both sides will have an idea of what needs doing going forward so all parties involved feel empowered knowing that progress has been made towards resolution!

Talking about solutions rather than arguing is like constructing a bridge over a river. With the right framework, disagreements can be transformed into productive conversations.

However, this takes effort. It seems the most natural response is to argue. This actually interferes with your ability to make progress and solve problems.

A good place to start is by undertanding the principle of serving our spouse. We take a look at these principles in our story about John and Sheri.

6) Set Good Boundaries

Boundaries are one of the most misunderstood tools in marriage relationship, yet one of the most important. A good boundary means setting limits on what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

Think about it like this: When we buy something at a store, there is an acceptable exchange. We give money in exchange for the thing we desire. It’s not acceptable (at least not in most stores) to offer something other than money for the product.

Imagine walking up to the counter and telling the clerk you want to buy the product you’ve found. You tell them you will work the register for them for two hours (allowing them to go rest) in exchange for the item. Unless you are in a VERY unique store, most people would look at you as if you were crazy.

While marriage is not MERELY an exchange (there are exchanges that take place, but marriage is much more than a transaction), this helps illustrate the idea of boundaries. 

There are certain things – behavior, attitudes, and actions – that are unacceptable in a marriage. Not only do they fail to get the proper result, they hurt one another.

Setting up parimeters so those behaviors do not damage your marriage, is what healthy boundaries are all about. They serve as a fence to protect the relationship (by keeping bad things out), and a bumper guard to make sure we keep moving in the right lane (think about a bowling alley with bumper guards on the lanes).

Boundaries are not mean and uncaring. They are protection devices that keep your marriage safe, secure, and loving.

When it comes to talking to your husband without him getting angry, boundaries can be a helpful tool. By setting up good boundaries, you can both work to make your marriage better.

What To Do If Anger Becomes Threatening

If your husband’s anger becomes threatening then it’s important that you take steps immediately for safety and contact local law enforcement if necessary – no one should ever have fear while communicating with their partner and violence should never be tolerated under any circumstances!

Additionally seeking a marriage counselor (and individual counseling) may be beneficial if domestic violence issues arise since trained professionals can provide helpful insight into resolving conflicts peacefully without resorting back into old patterns involving aggression/abuse – remember safety always comes first above all else!

Where To Find Help