Can the ‘Love Dare’ fix a relationship? Is it still useful if your marriage needs help? We explore the ins-and-outs of this program to find out if it is still helpful for couples.
In This Article
What Happened To Ahsley
Ashley and her boyfriend are planning on getting married. She wanted to make sure they started on the right foot, so she read the Love Dare and decided to put into practice.
She didn’t tell her boyfriend. Just took each day and did the exercises. Slowly she began to notice a difference in their relationship. But the transformation wasn’t what she expected.
She thought HE would be different. What she noticed was her own attitude, perspective and transformation. By serving him, she grew to love him more.
This is one of the ‘secret keys’ that makes marriage successful. The more you give, the more you love.
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Quick Disclaimer and a Heads Up:
Serving your spouse will often cause them to respond in kind. You give and receive. Sow and reap. It’s one of the indisputable laws of life. And it applies to marriage also.
There may be one exception to this rule. If you are married to a narcissist you could possibly find yourself trapped in a never ending cycle of feeding a monster. The more you give them, the more they take. Keep that in mind.
Quick heads up: We have included a few videos below that are recommended if you plan on ‘doing the Love Dare.’ They are short, but will give a sense of what’s ahead. Plus they include testimonies of couples who participated and turned their marriage around.
The Love Dare is one of the resources we recommend in our Healthy Marriage Toolkit.
Maybe you are wondering, ‘If I get this book and follow the guide, will it really help my marriage?’
The simple answer is yes…IF…
This book (and program to help you save your marriage) is built on the assumption you are serious, sincere, and willing to do the work to restore your relationship. It is not a magic wand that will make your problems go away.
Instead, it is a practical guide that will help you know how to extend love to your spouse in a way that is redemptive and liberating.
What You Need To Know About The Love Dare Before You Start
The big question: Does it always work?
Or course not. There are too many factors that determine if a marriage will survive or not. Yet, it offers you a ‘best chance’ if you truly desire to restore your relationship.
Relationships are like bank accounts. You only get out what you put in. Sounds silly, but it’s a great analogy of how all relationships work.
https://thehealthymarriage.org/making-your-marriage-a-priority/
The more you give, the more you can access in the future.
In the financial world, you deposit $1000 in your account. When you need to withdraw $200, it’s there for you to access.
If, however, you only deposit $200, then go to withdraw $1000, you overdraw your account. If you’ve ever done that, you know there are consequences. You can’t take money out that is not yours. That’s robbery.
Same with marriage.
Most couples fail to realize the little things they do FOR their spouse are tiny deposits into their emotional bank account. These add up over time. So when you need to withdraw, it’s there for you.
Marriages get in trouble when they fail to make the small deposits and think one big deposit every once in while will be enough. It isn’t. That may in the finance world, but not in relationships.
How does this apply to The Love Dare?
What Is The Love Dare?
The Love Dare is a systematic way to make deposits into your relationship account.
The video below gives a great highlight of what it is all about.
Authored by Alex and Stephen Kendrick, the Love Dare is a 40-day Christian devotional challenge for wives and husbands to help them understand and practice undying love.
This book contains tips for finding intimacy and creating a lasting and sturdy marriage.
The Love Dare is not about trying to shape your partner to be the person you want them to be. Instead, this book is a journey of demonstrating and exploring true love, especially for a crumbling relationship.
It explains forty unique love aspects and challenges you to ‘dare’ show love or care to your spouse in a way they will appreciate.
Some of these dares are easy, whereas others are challenging.
How Does The Love Dare Work?
After being in a marriage for sometime, it becomes easy for one to take their partner for granted. More often than not, one tends to overlook the great qualities in them, only focusing on their faults or things that annoy you. So, can the love dare fix a relationship?
Yes, this book is an excellent reminder that showing love to your partner should be done daily. It encourages you to look out for your partner’s positives and not sitting there, wondering why things are not working as they used to.
The relatively easy to follow steps will help you start mending your marriage, while not feeling overwhelmed about thinking you have to change everything at once. This journey can be difficult if you set out by yourself. So, the Love Dare comes in, giving you God’s strength so that you stop being self-centered and start showing unconditional love to your spouse.
By following the action steps in this book, you will realize your partner will start responding more lovingly as you work your way towards a happier marriage.
What Are The Steps Of The Love Dare?
Before I outline the steps, watch this quick video of one couples journey through the Love Dare.
You can take the Love Dare Test here.
The Love Dare encourages you to note everything you do, your partner’s reaction, and any change of attitude you realize along the way in a journal. Shake of the ‘false ego’ and step up to work out the relationship you wish for.
The following are action steps highlighted in this book. Just know, if you plan on implementing these steps, you really need to follow the guidelines laid out in the book. It clarifies each step, plus gives practical wisdom on how to follow through.
Love is patient. Decide to demonstrate patience by not saying anything negative. In case you feel tempted, don’t say anything.
Day 2
Love is kind. Perform some act of kindness to your spouse.
Day 3
Love is not self-centered. Show your partner how much they mean to you by presenting them with a gift.
Day 4
Love is thoughtful. Contact your partner any time of the day with no particular agenda aside from asking them how they are doing.
Day 5
Love is not rude. Regardless of how much your spouse annoys you, try to be kind. You can talk through things politely.
Day 6
Love is not irritable. Today, do not react irritably to tough situations in your marriage. You can start by noting the problem areas and how you can address them.
Day 7
Love only believes what’s best. Spend some time and pen down some positive things about your partner on a piece of paper. Later in the day, you can take time to appreciate your partner for having a particular positive trait.
Day 8
Love is not jealous. Decide to become your partner’s number one fan. Share with him/her how glad you’re about their recent achievements.
Day 9
Love creates good impressions. Think of how you’d like to greet your partner today. Do so with some enthusiasm and a smile.
Day 10
Unconditional love. Do something special to your partner that demonstrates your undying love. Make him/her feel know how much they matter.
Day 11
Love cherishes. Pick a gesture that shows you adore your spouse. Do it with some significant level of enthusiasm.
Day 12
Love allows others to win. If you find yourself arguing, let them take it by telling him/her you value their priorities.
Day 13
Love counters fair. Establish healthy engagement rules and resolve to follow them to the latter during arguments.
Day 14
Love takes charm. Put your commitments aside and choose to spend quality time with your partner. You can set out on an adventure, date, etc.
Day 15
Love is honorable. Show some action of respect and honor above your standard routine.
Day 16
Start the day by interceding for your partner in prayer.
Day 17
Resolve to keep your spouse’s secrets. Talk with them and resolve to demonstrate unconditional love. Listen to your partner’s struggle and thoughts, and reassure them of your undying love.
Day 18
Seek to learn more about your partner. You can set out a dinner date, just for two, and talk about those things you rarely do.
Day 19-21
Review all those past dares. What have you realized all this time? Do you realize God’s work in marriage? Continue asking him for guidance every time you feel lost. Dare to trust in God for salvation. Ask for forgiveness and strength. As you seek God’s intervention, immerse yourself in the promises and love God has set for you.
Day 22
Resolve to become more committed than before in your marriage. Regardless of circumstances, be a loving and faithful partner.
Day 23
Decide to put aside everything that is affecting your relationship. It can be an influence, addiction, etc. that’s diverting your heart away from your partner.
Day 24
Choose love, depart from lust! Instead, replace any lust with God’s promise and unconditional love.
Day 25
If there was something you’re yet to forgive your mate about, do it today. By forgiving, you open up your heart once again to show love.
Day 26
Start being responsible. Humble yourself before God and admit your imperfections before your partner’s eyes.
Day 27
Detach yourself from unrealistic expectations. Apologize if perhaps you went too hard on your spouse and seek to be understanding. Also, assure them of your undying love.
Day 28
Pick one of your partner’s greatest needs. Set out to do everything in your position to help him/her meet that need.
Day 29
Start by saying a prayer and thank God for your spouse. Speak out about your feelings for them, and back it with some actions.
Day 30
Pick out one trouble area in your marriage. Take this opportunity to pray about it and ask God for guidance.
Day 31
By committing to your partner and God, make your relationship a priority.
Day 32
Set out to meet your spouse’s sexual desires. Make it special and enjoyable for both you and your partner.
Day 33
Let your partner feel like part of your achievements by including them in your plans. If you’ve ignored their input before, its time you asked for forgiveness.
Day 34
Commend your spouse for some recent situation when they showed a godly character. Love complements each other.
Day 35
Talk to a strong Christian marriage mentor-someone who will be loving and honest with you. In case you need counseling, schedule an appointment.
Day 36-37
Commit to reading God’s word every day. If your partner is willing, start the day together by sharing scriptures. Let God’s word guide you in your daily lives.
Day 38
Seek out to find out some of your partner’s most valued needs. Commit this prayer to God and resolve to help them meet some, if not all, of these desires.
Day 39
Love is enduring. So, pen down a commitment letter to your spouse and spend time in prayer. Purpose loving your partner regardless of the prevailing situation.
Day 40
Marriage is a covenant. Put down the renewal of your vows and place them somewhere in your house. You can also make arrangements to renew your wedding vows formally before family and close friends. Make your marriage a living testament.
Who Should Do The Love Dare?
One misconception is the love dare is only for troubled marriages. We believe any relationship can be enhanced through these steps and principles.
Certainly, relationships on the verge of separation or deep trouble can benefit, but each step (action) you take builds a bridge of genuine love in your relationship.
Do You Tell Your Spouse You’re Doing The Love Dare?
As you know from the video above, it works if you and your spouse go through the 40 days together.
However, if your marriage is in serious trouble and your spouse has asked for a divorce, it is best to go through the steps ‘silently.’ By that I mean, do not announce that you are going to ‘prove your love for your spouse.’ This can seem manipulative and cheesy. The rule of thumb is actions speak louder than words.
It’s up to you, but in our experience, this is something you do for your spouse, not to get approval from them.
If your motive is simply to get credit for trying, it’s probably not the best program. Only you know your real motive; but I encourage you to make sure this is something you truly desire to do in order to serve your spouse.
Authenticity is the key. If you are authentic and genuine, these steps will help your reconnect with your spouse.
Wrapping It Up
The Love Dare has been used by thousands of couples to get their marriage back on track. Many couples say it was ‘the thing’ that saved their relationship.
There are many programs, courses and books to help couples recapture their lost marriage. The Love Dare is one that works because it provides a clear plan of action. Many people desire to save their marriage, but they don’t know where to start. The Love Dare gives you the step by step instructions to help you rebuild your marriage.
From Ashely’s story, you can see that it is something you can do if your marriage is in trouble, or, like her, you just want to get your relationship off to the right start.
The principles work because they are systematic deposits into your relationship bank account.
Summary
A quick recap of what we covered:
- What You Need To Know About The Love Dare Before You Start
- What Is The Love Dare?
- How Does The Love Dare Work?
- Who Should Do The Love Dare?
- Do You Tell Your Spouse You’re Doing The Love Dare?
What’s Next?
The Love Dare book
The Love Dare Daily Devotional
The Respect Dare
The 5 Love Languages
Can the Love Dare Fix a Relationship Pins for Sharing
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