Can Married Couples Fall Back In Love: A Gardening Guide To Rebuild Intimacy

Can married couples fall back in love? Find out how to reconnect and reignite your relationship with our tips and advice. Take the first step towards a stronger, more passionate bond. Find out how to cultivate your marriage like a gardener so it will flourish and grow.

Yes, married couples can fall back in love. It takes work, dedication, and communication to rebuild a marriage and make it stronger. With a little effort and time, couples can reconnect and reignite the love that brought them together in the first place.

Love can be compared to a beautiful garden. It starts off full of life and color, but over time, the flowers can begin to wilt and the garden can become overgrown with weeds. This is something that many married couples experience. It is possible to nurture the garden back to life and even make it bloom brighter than before.

In this article, we will explore the ways in which married couples can fall back in love.

It’s Possible To Stay In Love

Can married couples fall back in love even when things have grown cold? Is it possible to rekindle the relationship? Does love always grow stale?

Yes. Yes. And No!

According to a study done at Stony Brook University in New York, MRI scans were done on couples who had been together for more than 20 years. They discovered couples still registered intense love after years of marriage.

They found the same intensity of activity in dopamine-rich areas of the brains as found in the brains of couples who were newly in love. The study suggested that the excitement of romance can remain while the apprehension is lost. 

I mention this study at the outset because it is important to realize your marriage can thrive. It takes work, energy and effort. But with the right tools and a strong belief in your marriage, you can rekindle the spark and rediscover the love you once had.

Signs You’ve Lost the Love

It’s no secret that long-term relationships can be challenging. For couples navigating these waters, understanding the five telltale signs of a troubled marriage is essential.

1) Communication deteriorates

Communication is such an integral part of any relationship, but it’s essential in marriage.

When communication deteriorates, it’s like a plant that doesn’t receive enough water. Without the regular “watering” of meaningful conversations, the connection between two people begins to wither and die, leaving a barren landscape of stagnant emotions and lack of intimacy.

If a couple’s communication is deteriorating, it’s a telltale sign that their relationship is in trouble.

2) Physical Affection Fade

When this happens there are less hugs and kisses, until physical intimacy dwindles completely.

Physical passion is like fire. Usually, early in the relationship, that fire burns hot. Some times it’s even out of control. 

Unfortunately, the fire has to be tended. Just like a campfire. If it is left alone, it dies out.

When the fire is not tended to and the fuel is running low, it starts to dim and die out.

When physical affection fades in a marriage, it is a sign that the love is growing cold. Without physical touch, the relationship is no longer being nurtured and is slowly losing its spark.

3) Companionship Wanes

When couples stop sharing interests and quality time together their love tends to grow cold. It is like a garden that is slowly being neglected. Just as a garden must be regularly tended and nurtured in order to stay healthy and vibrant, your marriage must be tended in order to remain strong and full of love.

A garden can be starved of the nutrients and attention it needs to thrive. Without regular water, sunlight, and care, the plants in the garden will start to wither and die, just as a marriage that is no longer nurtured will start to deteriorate.

Couples who are not actively sharing interests and spending time together are not providing the necessary foundation for a healthy relationship. Without actively engaging in activities that are of mutual interest and creating meaningful connections, couples can start to feel disconnected and isolated from each other. This lack of connection can lead to a growing sense of distance and eventually, a lack of love.

When couples stop sharing interests and quality time together, it is a sign that their love is growing cold and it is time to nurture it back to life.

4) Resentments Accumulate

You know resentment is growing when grudges simmer and arguments flair up over little things.

Resentment is like a corrosive substance that seeps into everything and eventually leads to deteriorating relationships. It is the slow accumulation of negative feelings towards your partner that causes anger, irritation, withdrawal and even hatred over time. Just as a car needs maintenance and frequent checkups to keep running smoothly, investing time and attention into a successful marriage is critical in order to prevent resentment from building up.

Just like maintaining a car requires regularly checking oil levels, battery charge, tire pressure, belts and hoses etc., attending to your relationship with respect and kindness helps to avoid letting resentful thoughts fester in a marriage.

Mutual respect between two partners is the most important part of having healthy communication within a marriage. Click To Tweet

Small everyday acts of caring such as smiles, compliments or helping out around the house can show that you care and appreciate each other which will help reduce resentful feelings of neglect.

Mutual respect between two partners is the most important part of having healthy communication within a marriage; understanding each other’s point of view without judgements helps create empathy between individuals. 

5) Trust Erodes

Trust is the foundation of any strong marriage. Without it, any relationship is doomed to fail. It’s like a house built on sand, the slightest bump of a wave will send it crumbling down.

When trust erodes in a marriage, it can create a deep divide between two partners. A lack of trust can lead to feelings of insecurity and doubt. It can be hard to move forward when one partner has been hurt by the other. Just like the foundation of a house, when trust erodes in a marriage it can cause the relationship to collapse.

If trust is not restored, it can be difficult to rebuild the relationship. Without trust, it is hard to have honest conversations and be open with each other. Without trust, it is impossible to have a healthy marriage. It is like a broken bridge – without repair, it will remain broken and useless.

Trust is essential in any marriage and when it erodes it can be difficult to get back to where you once were. Like a house built on sand, when trust erodes, it can bring the entire relationship crumbling down.

Causes of Lost Love

Professor David Schramm from Utah State University lists eight (8) reasons couples feel disconnected. 

His top reasons are:

1. Drifting
2. Darts and Daggers
3. Disruptions to Daily Life
4. Distance
5. Destructive Decisions
6. Disagreements and Defensiveness
7. Daily Hassles
8. Digital Distractions

These are certainly not the only reasons couples feel disconnected, but they are often the first steps toward ‘falling out of love.’

One of these indicators may not be cause for alarm (until it becomes the normal way you interact), but a combination of any of these is a strong sign your marriage is moving in the wrong direction.

Suggested: Can A Love Dare Fix Your Marriage?

Strategies to Rekindle the Spark

Using the analogy of a garden, here are five practical things you can do to tend your marriage.

1. Tend to the Garden

Relationships require effort and dedication in order to stay strong and fruitful. Just like a garden, you need to make sure that marriage is properly watered, fertilized and taken care of in order to make it thrive.

One way to maintain the love between two people is by regularly taking time out of your day to focus on your family. Find ways to be creative together and build new memories that you can both look back on fondly. Prioritize conversations with your spouse and commit to understanding each other’s feelings.

It’s important to reach out when the spark starts to fade, before things get too far gone. Listen more than you talk, initiate physical touch more often, find little ways every day you can show your partner that they are valued and appreciated. Take trips together as a couple or plan dates for special occasions.

The key concept here is your marriage garden needs attention. You can’t just let it go; you need to spend time cultivating it or love will not grow as it should.

The big takeaway is time and attention. Invest in your relationship and love will flourish.

Suggested: How A Series Of Questions Can Help You Fall In Love Again.

2. Weed the Garden

It takes constant care and attention to cultivate beauty and bloom with abundance. Weeds can choke the growth of a powerful love, if left unchecked. Pulling out these weeds isn’t always an easy process, but it is necessary in order to keep a relationship alive and vibrant.

When you neglect the weeds in your marriage garden, such as resentment or lack of communication, it slowly chokes out the spark and connection between two people. To reignite the romance and bring back the love that was there before requires you to pull the weeds and tend again to your marriage garden.

Just like weeds, negative thought patterns can threaten the long-term health of your marriage. To respark romance and fall back in love you need to pull the weeds: let go of blame or resentment and stop harboring unforgiveness. Make sure to acknowledge disagreements and fight fairly when disagreements arise. Talk openly about needs, dreams, and expectations without fear of judgement or criticism.

It’s important to recognize when stagnation sets in so that both partners can work together to bring back the wonder of their relationship. Taking time out from day-to-day life for dates or activities solely catered to each other helps refocus on each other’s well being. This can take different forms such as coffee dates for talking about concerns, nights out for dancing, spa retreats for relaxation or travel trips for exploration.

Big takeaway is to Identify and address any issues that have been damaging the relationship.

3. Water the Garden

Every garden needs to be watered in order to grow. Marriage is no different.

What is the water that makes your relationship flourish? Well, there are many ways to water your marriage, but the most important one is to speak and convey love on a regular basis.

The more something is affirmed with your words, the stronger it becomes in your heart. Click To Tweet

The more something is affirmed with your words, the stronger it becomes in your heart.

I believe many couples drift apart because they stop telling each other how valuable they are. Couples who consistently affirm each other tend to grow stronger and more in love.

Affirming love is not merely saying the words, ‘I love you.’ This is important, but there are other ways as well. Telling your spouse how they mean to you, letting them know you appreciate them, and talking about them (and to them) in a positive way is how you water your marriage.

The more attention you give it, the brighter and fuller its color. With hard work and dedication, you can create something beautiful together.

Big takeaway is make time to reconnect and express your feelings for one another.

Please include attribution to The Healthy Marriage with this graphic.

4. Plant New Flowers

When something works, do more of it.

That is a principle I learned in business. When we would do a marketing campaign and it failed, we stopped doing it. When it succeeded, we doubled-down on it. We did more of what was working.

In business, this is a common sense practice. Do more of what works.

Unfortunately, many couples fail do apply this to marriage. Instead, they double-down on what is not working.

For example, a partner complains to their spouse. It doesn’t work and in fact, pushes them away. Yet, what do they do? They complain more. 

Nagging, complaining, and criticizing your spouse rarely helps your relationship (I would say never but there may be that 1 in a milllion exception to the rule). So, do not double-down on what is not working. Do more of what does work.

In the section above we discussed the importance of affirming our partner. This is part of how you plant new flowers in your garden. When your partner responds in a positive way, do more of what gave you that response.

Here are a few practical ways you can plant new flowers:

• Plan a surprise date night
• Flirt
• Talk about your dreams together
• Tell your spouse about a time you felt close to them
• Tell them something you truly cherish about them

Remember, it’s these small gestures that make a big impact.

Big takeaway is add new activities and experiences to the relationship to keep it feeling fresh.

5. Prune the Garden

Pruning is a big part of keeping your garden growing healthy.

To prune something means you cut it back so it can grow bigger. When plants are not regularly pruned, they can become tangled and wild. Pruning helps to remove dead or damaged branches and encourages growth that is strong and symmetrical.

Pruning also gives you the opportunity to shape your garden as it grows. You can choose what flowers, shrubs, trees and plants to prioritize as they develop – controlling where they should spread across your yard and the overall ‘texture’ of your garden.

Regular pruning helps prevent weeds from spreading and preserves moisture in the soil. Plants need a certain amount of oxygen, light, nutrient supply, water, support and space around them in order for them to thrive – all things that can be achieved through regular pruning!

Big takeaway is take an honest look at yourself and make changes to help improve the relationship.

Rebuilding intimacy within a marriage can be a difficult journey, but it is possible and worth the effort. Treating your marriage like a garden is vital for building and maintaining intimacy as you need to water, nurture and cultivate it to ensure it flourishes.

This will take consistent effort and communication but when done in the right way can bring about rich rewards for both partners. Consider taking a page from gardening lessons when trying to cultivate greater intimacy in your marriage.