There are relationship rituals to help you connect so your marriage doesn’t drift. In this article, we will discuss what these rituals accomplish, how to establish them, and guidelines for implementing them so your marriage will remain strong.

A Day At The Lake

The other day Michelle and I decided we needed a lake day. We live in a lake community, and the lake has become our favorite get-aways. It’s our chance to slow down and enjoy each other.

We packed a lunch, loaded our gear and headed for the boat. We fished a little in the morning, then had lunch.

In the afternoon, we decided to inflate the innertube and float for a while.  The water was calm, the sun was shining (a nice break from weeks of rainy weather), and there were very people on the lake. Just the way we like it.

We picked our favorite beverage, got in the tubes and let the current take us along. The coolness of the water felt refreshing, and it was good to have the time to talk. And connect.

To keep us ‘tied together’ while we floated, I used a bungee strap. I hooked it to each of our floats so we wouldn’t drift apart. 

The wind and current could take us wherever they wanted, but we stayed connected the whole time. It was effortless—no struggle to stay close. No worry about separation.  

Later, as I reflected on the day, I realized how meaningful that bungee strap was. 

It wasn’t just a practical tool; it was a metaphor for something deeper. 

In marriage, we need “bungee straps” to keep us connected, even when life pulls us in different directions. These straps can take many forms. In this article, I’ll give you a few ideas that can help you stay connected.

What Are Marriage Bungee’s?

I call them bungees; and like a bungee strap, they keep us connected. They are simple systems, processes, or ‘things’ we do and use to make sure our relationship connection stays strong. So we don’t drift apart.

Here are a couple ways to see them.

1) Rituals

I grew up hating rituals. They seemed so…traditional.  And I wanted to be cutting edge. New. Innovative. I didn’t value some of the family rituals we had as a child.

Now that I am a father and grandfather, I see the value of family rituals. It’s these rituals that give deeper meaning to the things we celebrate.

Michelle and I have a blended family.  In the beginning it was challenging to navigate the changes. But we decided to put some new rituals into play that would help us create meaningful times together.

Holidays took on a new look. Special occasions were new. We did our best to create rituals that helped us feel close as a family.

The good thing about this is your rituals don’t have to be like ours. They need to be yours. They need to reflect your values, beliefs, and situation. This makes them uniquely yours.

2) Habits

I’m sure you’ve heard it said, ‘Show me a man’s habits and I’ll show you his future.’ It’s true.

Our habits form the building blocks of our life.

If you eat healthy foods, you will create a healthier body.

But…

Habits are not the same as routines. Routines are regular actions we take. We will talk about this next.

How you think is a habit. These internal habits are the beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that drive your decisions.

If you control your habits, you control your life.

Our habit form the building blocks of our life.. If you control your habits, you control your life. Share on X

3) Routines

How you leave for work determines the outcome of your day. Does that sound melodramatic? It’s not. Our routines determine outcomes. 

If you leave each morning in a rush, chances are your entire day will feel like you are jacked up on Mountain Dew (veiled reference to the movie Talladega Nights).

My point is, our routines set the pace of our life. They determine what gets done, what’s eliminated, and how things work.

For example, any time I travel, I always leave the same way. My wife and I hug, I speak a blessing over her, then we kiss. As she walks me to the door, we verbalize our love for each other.

This simple routine not only makes us feel connected, it establishes something about what we value. Which in turn creates an even deeper bond.

If you routinely say ‘I love you’ chances are your spouse feels loved.

If you routinely criticize, argue and demean your partner, chances are they don’t feel loved.

This is why we focus on helping couples create routines that allow them to connect on a regular basis. 

Having things like a set (regular) couple check-in is crucial. If you don’t have one, you can start here.

Want To Create Bullet Proof Rituals? This Free Guide Will Help You Create Simple Rituals So You Feel More Connected. >> Click Here To Get It Now

Why We Need Marriage Rituals and Bungees

Let’s face it, life has a way of pulling us in a thousand different directions. We feel it at work, home-life, and relationships. This is especially noticeable in marriage.

Not to get sciency or too technical, but there is a law in physics called the 2nd law of thermodynamics

The law states:

The second law of thermodynamics is essentially nature’s rule that things always tend to become more disorganized and that heat naturally flows from hot objects to cold objects, never the reverse.

Another way to say it is: things naturally go from organized to messy, and hot things always cool down by giving their heat to colder things.

This is why ice melts and doesn’t refreeze on its own. It’s also why your garden grows weeds and you have to remove them.

This is why we need rituals, systems, and processes to make sure we keep our relationship moving in the right direction. Without them, things deteriorate.

To the degree you invest in your marriage, you will experience growth, enjoyment, and fulfillment.

The reverse is also true. To the degree you neglect it, it will devolve, grow stale, and leave you feeling empty.

To the degree you invest in your marriage, you will experience growth, enjoyment, and fulfillment. Share on X

Marriage bungees are a way to make sure we intentionally stay connected.

3 Types Of Marriage Bungees

There are many versions of bungees that keep us connected. I want to focus on three.

1) Communication Systems

We are made in the image and likeness of God. (This is my belief)  These two characteristics are significant and important. While they have many nuances, one part of this is that we are made to communicate. 

One Jewish scholar said this:

Man was created to be a speaking spirit.

One of the first things we see God do in the Book of Genesis is ‘say’ something. It is the first detail we are given about His creative work.

Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. [Genesis 1:3 ]

I bring this up, because every couple communicates. How they communicate determines the quality of their relationship.

You might be thinking, ‘You are wrong Joseph. My husband (wife) doesn’t communicate at all.’

Not true. Here’s why. 93% of all communication is non-verbal. This means that the majority of your communication is based on body language, facial expressions, and grunts or sighs.

Think about that. While you might THINK you are not communicating, you are. We all have an internal processor that receives these signals and determines what they mean.

This is why a person can say the words ‘I love you’ yet the other party doesn’t feel love at all. The message is skewed by all the non-verbal signals that are passed between the two of them.

This is why having a healthy communication system is so important. When your process of communicating is positive, the results will be positive.

It also means that if your system is broken, your marriage will soon follow. 

One of the most important things we can do to keep our marriage from drifting is work on your communication system.

2) Shared Experiences

Studies show that couples who try new things together are much happier in their relationships than couples who always do the same boring stuff. When couples have new experiences together, they create special memories that make them feel closer and stronger as a team.

New experiences trigger dopamine release, creating positive associations with the people present during these moments.

Researchers at Dartmouth College conducted a detailed study where they watched pairs of people as they viewed TV shows together. What they found was fascinating.

First, smiling and laughing at the same thing made them feel closer.

Second, when they responded to the same events on screen, their nervous systems experienced emotional arousal and excitement. This caused a synchronized emotional state.

Third, the more in sync they were while watching, the more their mind AND body felt a connection.

All  this because they simply shared a viewing experience on television. 

Imagine what happens when we intentionally create experiences that allow us to connect on an emotional level.

3) Time

I almost shrink back from talking about quality time because the phrase is so overused. And misused.

But the fact is, the more time we spend together (if done right), the closer we feel.

The key part of this statement is ‘if done right.’  Quality time is not really about time. It’s about being present. The focus is on the quality of the time and not merely the amount of time (although I think quantity is vital too).

Quality is measured in terms of engagement, presence (fully present), and intention.

Oxytocin (the love hormone) is released during positive interactions.  This makes us feel trust, bonding, and high levels of satisfaction.

Bar-IIan University studied the oxytocin levels in couples in the early stages of their relationship. They found that higher levels could predict the staying power in a relationship.

One reason is that it creates a cycle of reinforcement.

Quality time is not really about time. It’s about being present. Quality is measured in terms of engagement, presence (fully present), and intention. Share on X

Positive interactions trigger oxytocin release, which enhances feelings of connection, which in turn motivates partners to seek more quality time together.

Another aspect of quality time is what psychologist call ‘The Exposure Effect.‘  

In essence, it states that repeated exposure to someone increases your preference for that person (you like them more).

This is why co-workers, teammates, and neighbors often feel a close connection.

Want To Create Bullet Proof Rituals? This Free Guide Will Help You Create Simple Rituals So You Feel More Connected. >> Click Here To Get It Now

4 Keys To Make Marriage Bungees Work For You

How do we make bungee straps for marriage that actually work? I believe there are at least four components you must have in place.

1) Intention

Intention determines the direction of your life.  

Big statement, but allow me to explain.

Imagine for a minute that a magic Genie appears to you and asks, ‘Do you want your marriage to be better?’

You answer ‘Yes!’

Your intention will determine the direction you take.

If your intention is ‘yes’ my husband (or wife) needs to start doing ABC…or stop doing XYZ…that meaning you attach to your intention will determine what happens next.

If your intention is ‘yes’ I need to start doing ABC…or stop doing XYZ…that intent will determine what happens next.

Take the Marriage Quiz and Discover Your Marriage Score

Get Your Results And Discover Keys To Improve Your Relationship

The Healthy Marriage Start Now ...

Do you see my point?  Your progress, direction, and end result is determined by your intention.

For a bungee to work, you need to have a positive, healthy intention.

2) Consistency

Bruce Lee (martial arts phenomenon) once said:

I do not fear the man who practices a thousand moves once. I fear the man who practices one move a thousand times.

Consistency is the key to perfection. It doesn’t matter what you do one time; that will not having a lasting impact on your marriage. But the thing you do over and over (a thousand times) will.

3) Simple and Easy

If things are too complicated, we quit. 

I don’t believe in an ‘easy button’ for life. I do, however, believe that we should work to remove as much friction from our life (and relationship) as possible.

We never get rid of all resistance (friction), but can make things easy for our spouse to love us…easy for us to connect…easy to establish rituals, habits and routines that keep our marriage strong.

The more friction we allow, the harder it is to move in the right direction.

4) Mutual Agreement

Your new marriage bungees have to be something you both agree on. It is not a one-man-show. Agreement is key.

Agreement means we are pulling in the same direction, not separate ones.  No real movement comes when we are working against each other.

This is why agreement is fundamental when creating your bungee strap to keep you connected.

We have tools to help you ‘get on the same page’ so you can create the outcome you desire.

Wrapping It Up

I shared how Michelle and I spent the day on the lake in our innertubes. We used a simple bungee cord to keep us connected so as we drifted around, we stayed close. 

This is a great metaphor for having relationship bungee straps to keep our marriage tied together.

We talked about the idea of a marriage bungee, the types of connections we need, and keys to creating strong cords in our relationship.

Related Posts:

What Every Husband Should Know: 5 Deep Needs Every Wife Has 16 Tips On How To Deal With Marriage Stress From Bad to Worse: When Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work and What To Do Next How to Effectively Communicate About Boundary Violations With Your Spouse