Stuff happens in every relationship. It seems the closer you get to someone, the greater the potential to hurt, wound, or disappointment them. It’s one of those sticky things about relationships we wish weren’t true. These 7 best books on forgiveness in marriage will help; you rebuild after you’ve been wounded.
The reality is when you live with someone they see the good, bad, and the ugly. This often presents opportunities for offenses.
If you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time, you know what it’s like to be disappointed. This doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. In fact, it can be the launchpad for a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.
How to take a broken relationship to health? Forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. It’s a skill that can be learned. And needs to be learned.
Here is our list of the best books on forgiveness in marriage.
These are not in any specific order, and each of them will help you navigate your emotions and find the strength to forgive.
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#1 Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve
Author: Louis Smedes
Lewis Smedes’s classic book on forgiveness shows that it is possible to heal our pain and find room in our hearts to forgive.
Breaking down the process of healing into four stages and offering stories of real people’s experience throughout, this wise book provides hope and solace for all who long for the peace that comes with forgiveness.
This classic is now available in an updated paperback PLUS edition with a reader’s guide and other bonus materials.
Forgive and Forget is an inspirational, step-by-step guide to forgiving your spouse for all the hurts they caused you. This book will help you get on the road to living a healthy, happy marriage.
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#2 When The Past Won’t Let You Go: Find the Healing That Helps You Move On
Author: Norman Wright
Whether you’ve experienced a major ordeal or a series of disappointments, it’s impossible to move forward when painful emotions remain unaddressed and broken relationships stay unresolved.
Leave the past behind, experience fullness of life in the present, and look forward to the future. Healing awaits.
Regardless of whether you have endured a big ordeal or a variety of misfortunes, you cannot go any further when painful feelings remain unresolved and relationships break down. Recover hope for the future by putting the past behind you and living in the moment.
#3 The Forgiveness Process: A Little Book On Forgiving and Letting Go
Author: Lee Baucom
The Forgive Process reveals a simple process to forgive the hurts and pains that hold people back.
Life is full-contact. There are hurts and joys at every turn. But those hurts, when they are not released, hold people captive. The way through a hurt is forgiveness. Yet many people do not understand forgiveness. The misunderstandings and myths make it even more difficult—unless you have a simple process to work through.
With Lee Baucom’s principles, forgiving is a simple, six-step process. Anyone can forgive, move forward, and find peace and healing.
Dr. Baucom is a trusted source for couples with marriage issues. We reviewed his Save the Marriage System to help couples understand how his program is a great alternative if counseling is not helping.
In this short book you will discover practical steps to let go of the things that keep you bound. He also exposes some of the common myths about forgiveness that trap people in their past.
#4 Total Forgiveness
Author: R. T. Kendall
Our culture is bound up in bitterness, resentment, and wallowing in wounds inflicted upon us by others, wounds that we all too easily accept and even cling to!
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This revised and updated best seller lovingly challenges believers to look within and root out those hidden and hardened places where subtle resentments and areas of un-forgiveness have been allowed to remain.
We were recently at a dinner party with friends. One of the couples had recently heard Dr. Kendall speak at a local church. He happened to speak on the subject of forgiveness. The wife commented, ‘His message was the most profound teaching I’ve ever heard on the topic of forgiveness. It changed how I look at life.’
Those are powerful words.
R. T. Kendall is former pastor of the Westminister Chapel in London (born in Ashland, Kentucky) He is a gifted communicator with a unique ability to distill difficult principles into practical steps and concepts.
In this book, he discusses how we are forgiven by God and how that impacts the way we should live. The call of this book is: You must forgive them (those who hurt you). ‘Until you totally forgive them you will be in chains. Release them, and you will be released.’
#5: The Bait of Satan
Author: John Bevere
The Bait of Satan exposes one of the most deceptive snares Satan uses to get believers out of the will of God–offense.
This trap restrains countless Christians, severs relationships, and widens the gulfs between us.
Jesus said, “It is impossible that no offenses should come” (Luke 17:1). Although you will encounter offense, you can choose how you will react.
This could be the most important book you read this year. John Bevere is a minister who understands how brokenness and wounds can be a trap for our souls.
In this book, he explains how offenses are the main way the enemy snares us and keeps us in bondage.
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#6 Radical Forgiveness: A Revolutionary Five-Stage Process To Heal Relationships
Author: Colin Tipping
In Radical Forgiveness, readers join Colin for step-by-step instruction in what begins as a healing process, and culminates in a paradigm-shifting path to awakening. With this updated and revised edition, readers will discover:
How to transform difficult emotions like anger, fear, and resentment into unconditional love, gratitude, and peace
The five essential stages of Radical Forgiveness, and how they help us transcend the victim archetype and embrace the inherent perfection of life
“Radical Forgiveness is much more than the mere letting go of the past,” writes Colin. “It is the key to creating the life that we want and the world that we want.” With Radical Forgiveness, he puts that key in our hands.
This is a practical guide to help you transform difficult emotions like anger, fear, and resentment into unconditional love, gratitude, and peace. He walks you step by step through the five stages to help you move from bondage to freedom.
#7 Do Yourself a Favor – Forgive
Author: Joyce Meyer
In her latest book, she delves into the important process of forgiving, explaining its positive impact on the roots, the forms and the results of anger.
Why forgive? Joyce explains that forgiving is the only thing that can free one from the terrible turmoil that anger causes to spill over into every part of life.
Meyer understands that life will never be fair, but that is not a reason to let anger destroy our well-being and health. This is her guide to navigating that thorny territory and finding true peace.
The thing I like about Joyce Meyer is her practical approach to scripture. She is interested in making the Bible applicable to everyday life. In this book she discusses how anger is one of the most insidious emotions; and she presents practical ways to identify and deal with it.
Bonus Book: Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
Author: Lysa TerKeurst
Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain, playing offenses over and over in your mind? You know you can’t go on like this, but you don’t know what to do next.
Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey. But in surprising ways, she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right.
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With deep empathy, therapeutic insight, and rich Bible teaching coming out of more than 1,000 hours of theological study, Lysa will help you.
Lysa writes from experience. We’ve mentioned her books before, but this one is a must-read if you have ever felt rejected and abandoned by those who are supposed to love you the most. She offers insight into the nature of inner wounds, and practical encouragement to let go and recapture your life.
Why Forgiveness is Important
Our series on Forgiveness in Marriage goes in-depth on the subject of why forgiveness is so vital for a healthy marriage.
First, forgiveness is important because we have all done things we regret. We desire absolution from those things; many times we can only feel released when the other party forgives us.
Second, letting go is about being free. Unforgiveness keeps us shackled to the things that have hurt us. Only by letting them go can we truly live free.
It’s really not an option. Forgiveness is about you getting free. Not about them getting off the hook.
When you finally realize the real reason in forgiving your spouse, you will want to know how to finally let it go.
These books are only a sample of the resources available to help you reclaim your life and stop letting the pain of your past control you. But they are great starting points for learning how to forgive.
Final Thoughts On These Top Books About Forgiveness
Forgiveness really isn’t an option. Not if you want to live a fulfilling life. Unforgiveness needs to be seen as a thief – one that steals your joy, peace, and fulfillment in life. When we begin to see it as it is, we are better equipped to deal with it as an enemy to be killed, rather than a baby to be coddled.
These 8 books will help you discover the nature of the wounds that hurt you, how to identify destructive patterns in your life, and how to take steps to reclaim your life by letting go of your past. Here they are again:
To get more help creating the marriage you desire and deserve, check out these resources:
The Healthy Marriage Quiz If you want specific help for your marriage, or you want to know your healthy marriage score, take the marriage quiz. You’ll get immediate access with suggestions on how to improve your relationship.
The Healthy Marriage Toolkit Books, Courses, Programs and Tools designed to help you create the marriage of your dreams.
Is your marriage in a relationship crisis? Need to take action but not sure where to start? Our #1 Recommendation for couples in crisis is Save The Marriage System. >> Click Here To Learn More <<
Five Simple Steps Marriage Course Marriage doesn’t have to be complicated. In this 5 part mini series you’ll discover practical steps to redesign your marriage.
Healthy Marriage Courses Our courses will help you build a strong marriage. Each course is designed to meet a specific relationship need.
If you are having serious marriage struggles, we recommend starting with ‘Save the Marriage System‘ by Lee Baucom.
Joseph is the Editor and Creator of The Healthy Marriage site. A graduate of Samford University in Birmingham, AL with a major in Counseling and Biblical Studies. He is a certified facilitator with Prepare & Enrich.
